January 07, 2008

A Question

Ummm... just curious.

Is anybody else overly anal about their written tests... at the DMV?

Posted by That 1 Guy at 09:59 PM | Comments (11) | TrackBack

November 05, 2007

A Question

Hey. Gotsa question for you. (If you hadn't figured it out from the title.)

Things are a little on the fiscally handicapped side in these parts. I want to give to Valour-IT, but it won't be much. However, I was thinking that I may have a way to raise a few extra bucks...

Were I to put up my blog for auction, would anyone be interested? Now, I'm not talking about getting rid of the damn thing. No. I'm talking about giving over the reins to the highest bidder for a week or so.

Winner would be allowed to do whatever they wanted to my blog.... for the most part. Of course, under the clinical supervision of Dr. Phineas Goldfish. You don't even need to be a coding genius... give your ideas to Phin, and he'll make them a reality. He's here to work with you, not me...

What think you?

Posted by That 1 Guy at 08:59 PM | Comments (10) | TrackBack

October 16, 2007

Why?

Why is it that people always seem to wait until you're killing mad before they ask you the dumbest thing they can think of?

I can't figure it out. Is it a dare? Do they think their stupidity will brighten my day? Or is it just that they enjoy watching the tics and twitches as I try to keep from bitch slapping them?

Posted by That 1 Guy at 07:11 PM | Comments (12) | TrackBack

October 13, 2007

Breaking Fast

Just finished a couple of breakfast burritos. Eggs, peppers, salsa, and mexican cheese. Damn easy, and mighty tasty... but they could have been even better. Real eggs, yo (lk). Real eggs.

Since I've moved out here, I've dropped a pound or two. I was 281 when I got here, and as of de mornin, I am 261. I figure once I get to 240, I'll be a frickin' twig, but that's what I hope to eventually reach. That's probably going to take awhile. The first thirteen pounds fell off... the last seven were slow but sure.

It's not like I'm not eating, or am trying to drop weight like crazy. I've just been drinking more water, painfully less amounts of beer, and I've been watching what I eat... actually trying to eat healthier. I've even gone so far as to purchase egg whites instead of eggs. Never again.

It's not that they taste bad, or anything like that. They don't have any taste, PERIOD! Eggs need yolks, folks. Once these egg whites are gone, or go bad, I'm back to eggs. Real eggs. Tasty eggs.

Good gott. I've gone nowhere near what this post was supposed to be about. I guess I can easily get sidetracked. Like the time I drove right by my own driveway... because the neighbour's friend, who was wearing daisy dukes, was bent over their flower garden. Missed my driveway by two lots...

Anyway, I noticed, on the back of the AllWhites carton, a recipe for a protien drink: Combine 1/3 cup egg whites, 6-8 oz of orange, pineapple, or apple juice and shake or mix in blender. To thicken, add strawberries, bananas, and/or icecubes. Sounded a little familiar... and now it's accepted.

When I was a wee toddy, we lived on a farm. And once we left there, we were on a farmette. It wasn't until two years after I grajimucated that we moved to town.

Every morning, we had chores to do before heading off to school. Animals being animals, you couldn't just set aside, say, fifteen minutes for chores. Sometimes, it took less, and other times it took nearly double. We had some pretty hurried breakfasts, including large coolwhip bowls of cereal that were eaten in the car on the way to school. Out of this rush, my ma came up with an easy fix. Now, I'm not saying that she is the inventor of this breakfast, just that she hooked us up with it. Took only a minute to put together, and you could drink it out of a glass. (Trying to drink the leftover milk out of a bowl as you're going over hills and around curves is a bit of a project.)

In a blender, we'd mix two or three eggs, about 12 oz milk, and four spoonfuls of Nestle's Quik. (Over the years, I've decided Hershey's syrup is more gooder.) Blend and drink. Soon, we were experimenting... sugar and vanilla extract, a capfull of peppermint extract with the chocolate, almond extract, and even orange. Yeah... a couple were not so very good, but hey... it was breakfast, and it worked well for us.

We told friends about it, and the reactions we got were classic. Near vomiting, shudders, looks of concern... not too many of them were willing to give it a try. Salmonella poisoning a concern. Yeah... they'd have shit if they knew that we were using goat's milk, too. Unprocessed goat's milk.

So I'm sitting there looking at the back of this carton, and I'm wondering, "WTF?" Then I saw it... pastuerized. Ah, yes. That makes it good, and good for you.

I'm sorry folks, but the best milk I've ever had came straight from the cooler in the milk house. The best beer, untouched by this vile pastuerization process. Eggs? Straight out of the hen house...

You only live once. And you only die once. Live until you die.

So back to the point of this post, what were some of your quick fixes for breaking fast?

Posted by That 1 Guy at 12:19 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack

September 25, 2007

Footwear

So I'm sitting here finishing a bowl of granola and soy, the delicate fragrance of patchouli in the air, and I read that it's going to get up to 90 tomorrow. *mumblemumblemumblemuble* We have been enjoying days in the low to mid 70's for the past week. With the exception of today. With this warm weather on the way, it sounds like shorts weather.

Not really a shorts kinda guy, but since I ventured to Florida, I've taken to wearing them. Hell... I wore them quite a bit once I got back home, unless I was going out. Then, I'd mostly wear jeans...

Since I'm wearing shorts, dressing for warm weather more often, I'm facing a bit of a dilemma.

Should I wear Jesus sandals, "sport" sandals, or flip flops?

Thanks, but screw you weirdos... I'm sticking with tennis shoes.

Posted by That 1 Guy at 05:12 PM | Comments (21) | TrackBack

August 07, 2007

Rain

Heavy rains have recently pounded this area. Saturday, riding from wedding to reception... on a motorcycle, saw some decent rains in the Beloit area. Later, after the reception closed up at 2 am, I got to ride in torrential downpours to a bar just a couple of blocks from my bro's house. My tux was soaked. One friend, who lives outside of town, reported just under 5 inches of rain, a little bit higher than most reported.

Last night, we got pounded again, this time in Rockford. Stillman saw some nasty weather, but nothing like they got up North. The area saw flooding... again.

Noticed that one of the buildings that was flooded was a church, and it prompted a bit of discussion.

Disasters and calamities are often blamed on Gott's anger... was Gott pissed at Himself? And if so, what did He do? Or fail to do?

Posted by That 1 Guy at 08:53 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

July 26, 2007

A Question

I saw yesterday, a piece about terrorists making dry runs, and I couldn't help but wonder:

Are dry runs anything like dry heaves?

Posted by That 1 Guy at 07:58 AM | Comments (11) | TrackBack

July 23, 2007

A Proposal

The Meet in Helen, featuring a special guest appearance by Zeejus, is coming up in a couple of months, and the Son of Eli admonishes us to plan ahead for The Eclipse of 2017. Planning ahead is what allows for so many of us to hook up...

Well, I'm here to propose a possible meet. Judging by some facial expressions and "unfavorable" reactions, it may not fly, but you never know unless you ask, right? After all, I made my suggestion to three folks, and, while only one seemed to like it, three people does not a blogosphere make.

I know of a group of friends that are planning on hooking up in Central America. This is a good batch of folks, and there are some bloggers in their midst... and they are friends of mine. So I'm hoping that they don't take this proposal in the wrong way... Gott knows I don't wish for personal harm. Their's or mine.

I've read several accounts of bot fly infestations in the past couple of weeks, and Central America seems to be Capital of Human Bot Flies. So here's my proposition: about six to eight weeks after these fine folks return from their trip, we all hook up for a Bot Meet. Or rather, a Bot Meat(thanks, Ktreva)... the gathering of the three B's: Booze, Bloggers, and Bot Flies! We'll all get schnockered and pull bot fly larvae from their hosts! Hell, if someone comes up with a decent Bot Fly recipe, appetizers will be covered...

What say you?

Posted by That 1 Guy at 12:09 PM | Comments (17) | TrackBack

July 16, 2007

A Question

You've got a car, say a not so new '67 model. It's been giving you some problems, but nothing that has you too concerned.

It's not been running smoothly, but there's still plenty of power. However, the engine seems to be working a little too hard to gain that power.

To get it running at top performance, you're going to need to do quite a bit of tuning. That's going to run you some serious ching. Meanwhile, you know that if you take care of one little thing, it's going to be relatively cheap, and the performance of your auto will greatly increase. Sure, throw it on a dyno, and there's a lot of room for improvement, but overall, this little thing is going to play the largest part in fine tuning your engine.

Knowing that funds are limited, do you settle on the small fix, and wait on the other elements of the overhaul?

Or would you plunge yourself into debt to get it all done at once? Even knowing that if you would wait for another three months, you'd probably have a partner to help with expenses?

Posted by That 1 Guy at 08:03 AM | Comments (32) | TrackBack

June 22, 2007

Packrat?

Dimebag displays his pentatonics, Slayer's 10 Deadliest Riffs, Mike Einziger kicks his playing into high gear, and Zakk Wylde dicusses the new Black Label Society album.

Does I really need this shit?

Posted by That 1 Guy at 12:30 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

June 13, 2007

A Question

Opening a delicious can of stew, I was greeted with a delectable aroma that immediately brought back memories. It also provided me with a question... and answer honestly.

What was your favorite dog food as a young pup?

I'd have to say that I preferred Kennel Ration... though Wayne's Feeds dry was pretty decent...

Posted by That 1 Guy at 11:59 AM | Comments (7) | TrackBack

June 07, 2007

Travel

All roads may lead to Rome, but do you always take the same road?

Posted by That 1 Guy at 08:25 AM | Comments (9) | TrackBack

May 16, 2007

A Question Question

Okay... you've probably seen that I fly out to Fresno next Thursday, a chance for the potential employer and myself to get to know each other. I know that I'm going to be interviewed, that's not a real problem.

Interviewing them... that's where I may have a bit of a predicament. I'm trying to come up with questions for them, and I haven't been having much luck.

Any suggestions?

Posted by That 1 Guy at 10:22 AM | Comments (21) | TrackBack

February 21, 2007

More Origins...

Funny how the English language works... we've got many words that sound similar, and have meanings that are nothing alike. It's no wonder foreigners get confused... we confuse ourselves.

True shit, folks. This day that is fast dawning was NOT called Lent when it first came about. And while it did involve the Church, it wasn't as it is now. No.

It was a time where a deep belly button was valued above all else. Folks had only wool for blankets. Wool, coarse and uncomfortable. It was discovered that lint from the navel, in large quantities, could be woven into soft, comfortable (and slightly smelly) blankets. Folks worked all year around to save their lint and make these blankies.

However, when Oktoberfest came around, people would trade their blankets (also called "lints") to the monks for dopplebock. Thus it came to be that the Church owned all of the comfortable blankets.

In the cold stretch of winter that is known as February, people would be freezing their asses off. So they did as they do now... run to the Church for charity.

The priests had their shit together, though. Their own supplies would be dwindling at the mid point of winter, so they used this to supplement their caches. Having ownership of the blankets, they would offer blankets to those who would give them food or drink as a rent payment. After Easter, they would again take possession of the blankets to use for the next years winter.

So there you have it... Lent was actually derived from Renting stinky ass Linten blankets from the Church.

What would you give up for a lint?

Posted by That 1 Guy at 12:05 AM | Comments (13) | TrackBack

February 01, 2007

Another Question

February 10, Saturday.

How would you refer to that day? Would you call it "next Saturday," or do you say, "One week from Saturday?"

There was a bit of discussion yesterday, and everytime I said "next Saturday," I was corrected with "a week from Saturday," and told that next Saturday would be the 3rd. I say that the 3rd would be called "this Saturday."

So I guess the question is actually, is February 3 this Saturday, or next Saturday? And if you chose the latter, how often were you dropped on your head as a little idiotlet?

Posted by That 1 Guy at 08:04 AM | Comments (17) | TrackBack

January 12, 2007

Burgers

Who else, when hearing Van Halen's "Everybody Wants Some," always thinks of this?

Posted by That 1 Guy at 04:15 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

January 04, 2007

Which It Be?

Give this a listen.

Then tell me: Blasphemy? Or a degree of cool?

And let me say... should you not know the original, that, my friends, is blasphemy.

Posted by That 1 Guy at 07:54 AM | Comments (11) | TrackBack

January 03, 2007

A Question

Ribs.

Great eating, or a total waste of time?

Me... I don't usually care for them, but I have had some good ones.

I was given some the other night, and while folks were raving about them, I couldn't see it. Too much fat, too little meat, too much time invested in a small meal.

I think I've officially moved my position back to "No, Thank You."

Posted by That 1 Guy at 06:57 PM | Comments (20) | TrackBack

December 29, 2006

A Question

Skin tags: Snip, rip, clip, or freeze to remove?

Posted by That 1 Guy at 08:03 AM | Comments (9) | TrackBack

December 12, 2006

An Answer

Saw a question on the header of my gmail account: Why does my nose run when I eat spicy food?

I was a little suprised to see that it had nothing to do with trying to get as far away from your ass as possible.

Posted by That 1 Guy at 03:59 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

November 29, 2006

A Question

Say you are asked to meet a certain qualification as a minimum. It could be a written test, or a physical type test. You are given the minimum requirements, and then evaluated. Keep in mind, even if you do better than the prescribed minimum, it will not be to your advantage. It won't hurt you, but it will not help in anyway.

Do you strive to meet the minimum, or do you push for the very best you can do? If 50% gets you in, are you happy with that? Or do you shoot for 100%? If 10 pullups were acceptable, do you still try for the "perfect" 20 or beyond?

This isn't meant to be a judgemental question, it's just to see how folks are. If you don't feel comfortable answering, change your info and answer anyway. Hey, I'll even say, "Please."

Me? Well... there have been a couple of instances when I've been happy with the minumum, but most times, it's a matter of personal pride to do the very best that I can do, even when it really matters not... to me, it does. But I'm kinda anal about that. There's my answer, where's yours?

Posted by That 1 Guy at 07:12 AM | Comments (19) | TrackBack

November 27, 2006

Tracking Santa

Matt gives us the info for NORADís tracking of Santa. Itís a cool thing. Reminded me of when I was a kid, and doing chores on Christmas Eve.

My pa kept a polka station playing in the dairy barn, and they would broadcast Santaís location as darkness fell. I can still remember tossing down bales of straw, or breaking them up, and stopping every time an announcement came on. I used to get so damn excitedÖ especially once he was spotted over the US. I bet Pa was busting up, watching me.

Not totally off topic, how old were you before you realized that Santa was a bit closer than you thought?

Posted by That 1 Guy at 07:52 AM | Comments (14) | TrackBack

November 24, 2006

A Question

If someone is a hard nut to crack, and they like it that way, does it mean that they like getting their nuts busted?

Posted by That 1 Guy at 02:48 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

November 09, 2006

Yet Another Question

QW is going to a Bob Seger concert, and Sissy, who's first concert was Alabama, is lusting after today's new country artists. Get rid of the country lust, and this was a discussion at the shop just the other day.

My aunt and our part time polisher were discussing concerts, and some of the artists that they had seen. My aunt had mentioned that she'd always wanted to see Bob Seger, and our polisher said that he had, and it was the best show he'd ever seen (hope it's just as good for you, QW!). My aunt's favorite show had been seeing Willie Nelson. They also talked about their first shows, but I wasn't listening by then... I was trying to figure out how I'd answer the question if they asked me. Unfortunately/fortunately, they didn't. Wonder why? ;)

So here's a question for ya:

What makes a show, or concert, "good" in your eyes? And who was your favorite?

Is it sound, energy, interaction... something different?

And another:

Who played your very first concert?

My answers below the fold.

My very first concert was The Statler Brothers, at the Winnebago County Fair, in Pecatonica, Illinois. I can't remember a whole lot about the show, as I was pretty young, other than the harmony... that was a very cool thing. At least to me.

I still haven't decided what specifically makes a show great. Sometimes, the artist's interaction with the crowd, and my proximity to them, plays a huge part. One of my best shows where this came into play was a Sepultura, Clutch, Fudge Tunnel, and Fear Factory show at R&R Station (no longer there) in Madison, Wisconsin. I was able to get right up against the fence, where I was handed picks and high fived by the different band members. I took a beating, and up until a few years ago, I still had the faint scars to prove it, but it was a blast.

I fondly remember another show where energy and the crowd reactions made it such a great time. Brown Airfield, San Diego, California: Metallica, Candlebox and Fight. The place was packed, and the crowd was nuts... dust filled the air when Fight started playing, and I don't remember it ever settling down. Kickass show, with a memorably horrible ending. Took us four hours to get out of the place...

When it comes right down to it, I could go on and on... and on, naming concerts and artists. I've had many shows that I've enjoyed, and they aren't all heavy rock. Hell, one of the guys I used to like to catch was Lance Appleton, a Christian artist. That guy could play a mean harmonica... while hammering out tunes on the piano.

Anyway, I'd have to say that my favorite show of all time was seeing SRV, and The Allman Brothers Band at the Wisconsin State Fair. I had to use binos to watch the show, but Stevie was just phenomenal. Never seen anything like that before, or since.

Posted by That 1 Guy at 08:26 AM | Comments (17) | TrackBack

October 17, 2006

A Question

Hey... tattoos.

Like'em?

Color, or Blackwork?

Personally, I can't stand the damn things, but I prefer blackwork with a flash of color here and there. ;)

How 'bout you?

Posted by That 1 Guy at 08:52 PM | Comments (16) | TrackBack

October 12, 2006

A Question

A couple of weeks ago, we had a guy come into the shop, a prossible buyer, to buy a couple kits, and look around at the operation. He'd been in before, when I was home early September, so my aunt was already familiar with him.

Nice enough guy, he asked a few questions about the shop, talked to my aunt a bit, then left. As soon as he took off, my aunt starts telling me about him. Harley rider, Merchant Marine, single, lives not too far away. Then it got weird.

"You know... you and B (the male cousin in law) should ask him to come hang out with you on Thursday nights. I bet he'd like to throw darts... then you could play, too. I'm going to call S (the female cousin), and see if maybe B and him could go riding. B is always looking for someone to ride with."

I just looked at her and shook my head. Too weird.

So then I go over to B and S's place to work out, and S is talking about B getting together with this guy. Insists that he give him a call. B and I both thought it sounds too strange. S said we were being difficult.

Anyway, the guy shows up again, yesterday, and is very interested in the place. Even talked about payment options. My aunt and he talked for awhile, but I didn't get to visit too much as we are falling behind. Again... very nice guy, but everything you say is answered with, "Great. Great... I see." "Hey... that's excellent. Great. Uh huh. Yeah, I see." I was in back laughing... he was doing that while my aunt just kept on talking. You couldn't make out a word being spoken, as they were both at the same volume, and about the same tone. But I digress... he leaves, and she's excited about possibly selling. Normal. I thought.

I got over to my cousin's place tonight, and found out that we are supposed to set up a time to grill out with the guy... at my cousin's (who he hasn't met) place. That way he and B can get to know each other. B and I got scolded for saying some pretty nasty stuff, which I won't say here. We just couldn't get over it.

So, Ladies, do you think this sounds completely normal? Would you do this to your husband?

And Gents, have you ever had a woman in your life try to pull something like this? Doesn't it sound a bit weird to you?

I'll give my take on the whole thing later, only saying right now that it creeps me out.

Posted by That 1 Guy at 05:27 AM | Comments (11) | TrackBack

September 02, 2006

The Interview...

Basil has posted my interview. Head on over to check it out.

Thanks to those of you who asked questions. I only hope that my answers are good enough... it's been a busy week, and I started rushing through them. My apologies.

For those of you bastards who didn't ask any questions, you oughta be ashamed... and "thank you." Anymore questions, and Basil would never have been able to post it.

And huge thanks to Basil for putting it all together. It was a blast!

Posted by That 1 Guy at 08:45 AM | Comments (7) | TrackBack

September 01, 2006

Another TP Question

Absolutely no time for anything better, I'm going to take David Drake's suggestion, and ask:

Do you fold, or crumple, your toilet paper? Why?

Posted by That 1 Guy at 06:13 AM | Comments (19) | TrackBack

August 30, 2006

Toilet Paper: A Question

Positioning of the roll:

Over, or under?

And how much does this affect your sanity?

Posted by That 1 Guy at 06:57 AM | Comments (25) | TrackBack

August 15, 2006

A Question

I've gotta run down to Manatee today and give my fingerprints up for the feebs.

It ain't the first time I've had to get printed... obviously, you're printed when you join the military. But I'm a little curious as to what they're going to find.

Heheheh... no. No criminal records. I've ripped out a chunk of one of my fingers since the last print taking. It looks normal, but you can see the scar. I'm wondering...

Do the whorls, loops, and arches grow back over or on the scar tissue? I realize that there are still nine fingers that will match, but I'm just curious about the one.

Posted by That 1 Guy at 07:36 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

May 21, 2006

Gotta Wonder

Who the hell brings along a little dude to witness two drunken women, and two male social drinkers?

He's been greatly entertained, I'm thinking.

****Backstory...

Ktreva and Contagion stopped by Tammi's, along with Clone. I arrived a little later, in time to see the two drunken women chasing the poor young man.

Posted by That 1 Guy at 03:59 PM | Comments (2)

May 17, 2006

Another Question

Okay... I'm drunk (a little), mildly retarded (again... a little), or just plain clueless (if I knew what that meant, I might agree to it).

Someone mentioned MacArthur Park today, and I can't make it any further in the lyrics than:

Spring was never waiting for us, girl,

it ran one step ahead as we followed in the dance,

Between the parted pages that were pressed,

A love hot fevered like a striped pair of pants,

MacArthur Park is melting in the dark, all the sweet, green
icing flowing down.

Someone left the cake out in the rain,

I don't think I could take it, `cause it took so long to bake
it,

And I'll never have that recipe again, oh no!

Italics added by me

Huh? What the Sam Frickin' Hell is that supposed to mean? "A love hot fevered like a striped pair of pants..."

And who left the birthday party so damn early that they forgot the cake?

I'm all cornfused...

Posted by That 1 Guy at 09:41 PM | Comments (10)

May 09, 2006

Mowing Sidewalks

Anyone seen or heard from Redneck? I saw this today, and I'm just a bit curious...

;)

Posted by That 1 Guy at 04:44 PM | Comments (2)

April 19, 2006

Toast Or Brick?

You order toast, how do expect it? Lightly browned, or a potential adobe brick?

How about garlic bread? Browned, or teeth bustingly baked?

I've been told that I am in the minority with my preferences, lightly browned, and still chewable.

I don't think so, but if so, I'm sorry that you are all wrong.

Posted by That 1 Guy at 07:01 PM | Comments (11)

April 14, 2006

Another Question

I've been out in the woods the past couple of days, walking, and attracting bugs. I keep a constant eye out for one that I particularly dislike... ticks. The little bastards "bug" the hell out me.

They always seem to show up hours after you've been outside, and I don't know how many times I've woke up feeling one of them crawling in my hairline, or on my leg. The little blood suckers creep me out. But they do inspire a question... actually, two.

Where is the strangest place you've discovered a tick? No, not tic.

And, how do you go about removing a tick that's already embedded... in a scrotum?

Posted by That 1 Guy at 02:05 PM | Comments (23)

April 03, 2006

What If God...

Last night, I watched that house makeover show. I don't remember the name of it, but it's host is way too wired, or slightly insane. They go around destroying people's houses, and then remodelling, or rebuilding them. It was alright...

Anyway, during one of the commercial breaks, it looked as if they were going to rebuild a church, which got me thinking. How would they hide their project from Him... do they make some special bus? And, if Gott were to have a house built, what special appliances, or features, would he desire?

While I haven't a clue on the first one, I did come up with something for the second one, and figured that it would be a good question to pass along to you. I'm thinking that in His home gym, J would want a water treadmill, so he could stay in shape and walk on water in the privacy of his own home.

So... if we were going to build a new house for Him, what do you think we should include?

Posted by That 1 Guy at 08:29 AM | Comments (9)

March 31, 2006

Beer Question

Who among you readers, after drinking the nectar called Guinness, would finish off a slacker's mug of Miller Lite?

Posted by That 1 Guy at 04:32 PM | Comments (8)

March 18, 2006

Navy Thrashings

Okay, a couple quick questions for you former or current Swabbies...

Did you get thrashed for having writing on the outside of your envelopes when going through boot camp? Is it even actually considered "boot camp"? (Tentacles and all that, you know...)

Just what is the Navy term for your drill instructors? And what would your "heavy hat" (second in command, or the mean one) be called?

A friend of mine is at Great Lakes, and has found it boring... I want to liven things up for him a bit.

Heheheheh... I'll appreciate your answers, even if he doesn't.

LET ME AMEND THIS: He will appreciate your silence, but I sure as hell won't!!! ;)

Posted by That 1 Guy at 12:14 PM | Comments (3)

Health Help

Where does one find a jaundiced Hebrew or two? Apparently, I should get ahold of them, ASAP.

I've been feeling a little worn down, and tired the past few days, though I'm pretty sure that could have something to do with the long drive. I've also not felt the best... something that prompted a friend to recommend that I get ahold of some orange Jews. Not sure, exactly, how that's supposed to work out, but it does sound interesting...

I'm just a bit worried about the ones with extra pulp, or fortified with calcium...

Posted by That 1 Guy at 05:59 AM | Comments (6)

March 02, 2006

Games

Watched Waiting last night. Now that was a pretty damn funny movie. I don't care what the critics said, it was good. But getting away from the movie itself, I wanna focus on "The Game."

If you've seen it, you are probably grinning to yourself wondering where I'm going to go with this. For those of you who haven't seen the movie, first, shame on you, and second, the goal of "The Game" is to flash your 'nads at a co-worker, and get them to look. When they do, you call them "fags," and depending on what method was used, you get to kick them in the ass a certain number of times. That's the Game...

One of the actors, Dane Cook, was being interviewed in the extra features, and he said that guys play games like that all the time. It's what guys do... I thought about it, and I can't really disagree, though nut flashing was never one on the games I'd play. As a matter of fact, I didn't play many of them, instead threatening a slow painful death to anyone trying to include me...

When I was going to school... BIBLE frickin' SCHOOL... as in Christian College... the Nerf football was very popular. We could play catch in the halls of the dorm, and never had to worry about breaking anything other than bones when someone took a tumble down the stairwells. One afternoon, some poor unfortunate soul walked out of his room, right between two guys playing catch, and received a blow to the boys. A new game was born...

For the next few weeks... hell, months... guys would be walking in the halls when someone would scream, "Lob Wars!" and suddenly Nerf footballs became instruments of would be castrations. Sometimes there were over a dozen footballs flying. It was very popular, and yes, I have to admit, after hitting the class president square in the lads and hearing him scream, I played almost everytime "War" was declared.

When I was in the Marines, the guys in our platoon, and soon the company, would play, "Piss Blood." They would walk up behind someone who was playing, and punch them in the kidneys as they screamed, "Piss Blood!!!" After watching a buddy writhing on the ground, holding his back and laughing while crying, I made it very clear that the first time someone included me in this game, was the last time that person would ever play. Something about being beaten and tossed over the third deck balcony.

Out of the fleet, and back in civilian life, I met a friend who would "dick" the food of his friends. And they'd get him, too. When he first mentioned it, I swore he said "dip." While kinda nasty, it was almost acceptable. Then one day, his friend brought out a tray of food, and left it while he took a phonecall. Spence looked at me, started laughing, and then dimpled the guy's sandwich with his thumb. When he got back, he noticed the dimple, started yelling about his food getting "dicked." That's when it clicked. Spence looked at him, and told him that it was clean... he had just showered. The guy wouldn't touch it, so Spence sat down and started chowing... his buddy looked sick.

Hell, Spence is also the guy who would walk up if your hand was on the edge of a table or bench, and as he set his satchel on your hand, would make a scene about you grabbing his meat. After I punched him in his "meat," he didn't target me anymore.

Then there were the welders at the Corp. I hung out with quite a few of them, possibly because none of them were right in the head. They were a blast to be around, though they would beat the shit out of each other. There was no warning, no call, just a quick crippling strike of knuckle on bone (usually arm, but also ribs and shoulder blade). I kid you not, one of my buddies thought his arm had been broken after one guy hit him. He had a knot that stuck up over a half an inch, and he couldn't move his fingers or hand for almost half an hour. I took one glancing blow, then armed myself with a large pinbar, and let them know that I would be more than happy to break their bones. Thankfully, no one put me to the test.

So how about you? Did you play any stupid games like that, or are you still doing it? And you ladies... do you have any games that you play with each other? *wink, wink, nudge, nudge*

Wait... that'd be considered art (see #7).

Posted by That 1 Guy at 08:17 PM | Comments (14)

March 01, 2006

What If???

Just a thought, as we all start gearing up for Easter. This is, after all, the first day of Lent, for those that celebrate it.

Now before I provide the question and pic, let me tell you right now, this may offend some folks. It might be a bit irreverant. It's probably safe to say that it's not safe for work.... blah, blah, blah. Just a heads up, is all.

What if, instead of me being like Jesus, Jesus had been like me?

sinsjesussaves.jpg

Yeah... hate to say it, cuz I like you folks, but you'd all be screwed.


Posted by That 1 Guy at 04:50 AM | Comments (10)

February 01, 2006

A Question

What on earth is assfilm? Long story as to where that came from...

Posted by That 1 Guy at 12:30 PM | Comments (7)

January 31, 2006

Doll Swap

Last night was Taco Night at Fritz's. It's also Crappy TV night. I know Bou, Caltechgirl, Denny, Teresa... hell, probably most everyone... all watch "24". Looks like a cool show, but I think I'll wait until someone lends me the whole season to watch it.

What little bit of television I do watch, is all caught at Fritz's. Around suppertime, we all watch and play along to "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire". Mmmmeredith.... Then it's usually just bouncing around until we find a good movie or something.

Taco Night used to bring "Fear Factor"... a stupid show, but great TV for the bar. Between the folks chomping on offal, and the running commentary from those sitting at the bar, it was a blast. Unfortunately, the show is no longer on Monday. Now we've been stuck with "Wife Swap". Now there's a show for ya... *rolling eyes*

It's such a bunch of crap, I can't really understand why it's made it so frickin' big. Two totally different families swap wives/mothers and then deal with the baggage each brings to their new home. For one week, the woman has to go by the rules set forth by the woman of the house. After that, she's free to unleash her ideas and rules. People end up pissing each other off, but in the end, everything turns up roses. Maybe not everytime, but when I've seen it, it always works out...

Last night we proposed some ideas that might make for some interesting shows. Made for plenty o laughs. Rich woman/homeless woman swap, and such. Then I wondered if they've ever had someone swap their wife for a blow up doll (hey... some weirdo may actually "marry" one someday). That led to a very entertaining discussion. But rather than discuss what all we came up with, I'll leave it to you...

What do you think would be the benefits/setbacks in such a swap?

Posted by That 1 Guy at 11:49 AM | Comments (4)

January 24, 2006

Crushed

Ever woke up with a feeling of being totally overwhelmed? Head pounding (not from a hangover), eyes burning, body ill... and it's because you've been thinking too much, not actually being sick. You don't know exactly what's going on, or what needs to happen...

My head's a jumbled up mess...

Posted by That 1 Guy at 12:28 PM | Comments (13)

January 21, 2006

Should I Make Myself Sick?

Awww crap... I just found my mom's dark chocolate stash. Dark chocolate M&M's, Hershey's Special Dark... lots of it. I'm in hell.

Oh no, it's not that I don't like dark chocolate. I love the stuff. My hell comes from trying to decide if I should rid her of the chocolate, potentially saving her life, or leave it alone and possibly endanger her. See, she's diabetic. Mildly. And she doesn't hardly ever touch the stuff. But then again, she shouldn't be subject to the temptation... it just wouldn't be right.

I think I'll mull it over while chomping on another handful of M&M's...

Posted by That 1 Guy at 01:21 PM | Comments (12)

January 16, 2006

Book Question

What do you think this excerpt is from?

Mary took him in hand, and when she was done with him, he was a man and a brother...

No, you pervs! It's not from an aydolt novel... it's a kid's book.

The Adventures of Tom Sawyer.

Posted by That 1 Guy at 01:00 PM | Comments (5)

January 03, 2006

Music Question

Just a quick question, and then I'll get back to my mad world, which includes providing directions to Fritz Fest. I'm running late, sorry, but there's been a few things happening.

Anyway, suppose I were to mention the name "Ted Templeton" to you. Would you know who he was? Only asking because I've been told I'm full of useless info, especially when it comes to music.

If you've no clue as to who he is, look below the fold.

Doobie Brothers? Montrose? Van Frickin' Halen? Aerosmith's "Done With Mirrors?" Van Morrison?

All produced by Ted Templeman.

Posted by That 1 Guy at 11:57 AM | Comments (5)

What A Ride

Sometimes, life just sucks.

Have you ever been driving along on a country backroad, minding your own business and cruising at a comfortable pace of about 75, when some inattentive, inbred, numbnut, cereal box driver's license carrying, brain dead potlicker comes rocketing off of a side road, and into your path, forcing you into the ditch? You fight to get your vehicle back onto the road, and have almost succeeded, when you hit the culvert of some farmer's driveway, causing your car to roll countless times, the "sky" visible through the windshield alternating between blue and brown. When you emerge from the darkness, you find that the ground is now your sky, as you take in the unique aroma... the mixture of scents of gasoline, earth, and the coppery smell of blood?

No, I haven't either, though I'm sure some may have. I'm just betting that it would definitely be one of the times that life sucked.

Posted by That 1 Guy at 05:35 AM | Comments (2)

December 05, 2005

Needing A Sales Job

Below is a rough copy of my resume. Please read it, and then answer my question at the end. Thanks.

That 1 Guy
That 1 PO Box
Stillman Valley, IL 61084
Phone: 555-555-5555
Email: that1guy67ATgmail.com

Purpose: A secure position that will utilize my problem solving strengths as well as my mechanical attributes.

WORK EXPERIENCE
The Big Blue Weenie. - Rockford, IL 04/00 - 09/05
(Deleted Because of friends still in employ)

Hand grind tooling
Set coiling machines for runs
Inspection
Blue print reading
Member of the Advisory Committee.

USMC 12/91 - 01/94
Mortar Man
Vehicle Commander
FDC Chief

Mechanical
Utilized a transit (optical instrument for sighting mortar gun line)
Leadership qualities furthered developed
Honorably discharged at an E3 rank. (Lance Corporal)

Beloit Corporation -Beloit, WI 01/88 - 12/91; 01/94-07/99
Assembly Mechanic

Blue Print reading
Cleaning, deburring and assembly of paper manufacturing machinery
Set tolerances for reinstallation
Extensive travel to meet job deadlines
Set bearings
Built/rebuilt gear cases and differential cases
Worked according to specs to insure proper manufacturing
Rebuild and reinstall of existing machines, with new installation when necessary


EDUCATION
A Small Christian School
- Beloit Wisconsin - graduated 1985
Continuing Education:
Blackhawk Technical Institute
: Shop Math, Blue Print Reading
Rock Valley Community College: Basic Welding, Set up and Operation of Manual Mills, Set up and Operation of CNC Mills, Set up and Operation of both Manual Lathes, Set up and Operation of CNC Lathes, Maint & Troubleshooting, CNC Programming


Skills and Traits
Good computer skills, print reading, strong self motivation, loyal, highly organized. Take pride in quality product. Strong attention to detail. Good work ethic.


References available upon request.

So you've read it...

Please tell me, where does it say anything about sales or marketing?

So far, most of the interest generated from my resume has been for sales and/or marketing postions. I've even had a few offers to be a public speaker... WTF???

I'm not the guy you want up in front of people, unless you're planning on laughing alot... and it ain't because of any comedic values. I'm just not good in front of folks.

I'll never figure out how this crap works...

Posted by That 1 Guy at 04:24 AM | Comments (10)

December 03, 2005

'Cane Poaching

Just a question for those Flouride people... you know, the one's with all of the hurricanes.

Hurricane season is over.

Hurricane Epsilon is out there... the fourteenth of the season. The season that's over.

Isn't that poaching of some sort? How do they assess fines for 'canes out of season? Who do they fine, and who doles out the fines? I'm very confused.

Posted by That 1 Guy at 09:48 PM | Comments (6)

November 25, 2005

Learning To Fly

Though I haven't been out now for a few years, I love to sit out in the woods with my rifle, watching the wildlife and just relaxing. Hunting isn't about killing... it's about enjoying life. I never feel quite so alive as when I'm sitting in my treestand, or a blind, or even still hunting. I feel like I belong. I totally relax. The only thing that can rival that feeling is riding.

When I say that I relax, I mean, I really relax. I've been know to nod off in my blind, or to lean back against a tree, and grab a little shut eye. I've even been know to drift off in my treestand... both permanent stands, and portable. Hell, to tell the absolute truth, I've even rested the eyes a bit while I've been riding, though that's not something I've gotten perfected, yet.

Yesterday, I learned that I had something else to be thankful for, other than what I had been thinking earlier in the day. And yes, it's got to do with hunting and relaxing.

See, I've been out hunting only Gott knows how many years... that equals up to a hell of a lot of naps, many of them in a portable treestand. I am a very light sleeper... I usually awaken at the slightest sound, or even when I sense "something" else nearby. (My cousin used to think it funny to creep into the room where I was sleeping soundly, and then just stand there... I'd usually stop snoring and say, "What?" within seconds.) I will admit to having fallen from the stand on one occasion. Luckily, I was able to flip myself about, so that I landed on my back... keeping my rifle safe from harm. Safety harness? Who needs 'em?

Who needs 'em? Well, obviously my brother does. Yes, the Perfect One did his best impression of a baby bird falling from the nest. Right on his face. Face. From 25 feet in the air, nothing breaking his fall, but his face and upper chest. Face. His rifle, a fine Browning BAR .30-06 that he's had for countless moons now, smashed from the impact. Did I mention that he landed on his face? We are all lucky he didn't bust his neck.

Oh, he's fine. He's not walking around very fast, he's got a decent shiner going on, and he hurts everywhere, but all x-rays have shown he's still intact. And that's where some of the joking around starts... he's okay, it's now safe to pick on him. Hey, humor is a good way to deal. Hell, if I had been at the base of that tree, I'd have probably freaked... until I saw him move. Then the laughing would start...

He wasn't there to enjoy the comments that were coming from hearing the story... in the cycle of family visits, it was his significant other's family's turn to enjoy his presence. One that came immediately to mind, but I'm saving it for when I see him, was "pride cometh before a fall." But he's definitely going to get a load of them at Christmas, not to mention a couple of ass chewings for no safety harness.

I know a few of you who read here go out to the woods, and while 25 ft seems a stretch, with the Perfect One, it isn't. He likes to see forever, and he's one hell of a shot. (He's made some phenomenal shots. On a trip to Canada, he got two caribou within seconds of each other. When the guide arrived, he looked to the One's shooting position from the caribou, did a double take, and then smiled in admiration. "Sniper!") He just likes to get as high up as possible, without the tree moving too much.

For you hunters, and it's definitely not something I'm trying to give anyone shit about, I'm just curious to know:

Do you wear a safety harness while on stand? If not, why?

No, I don't. I own one, but I hate the feeling of that thing around me. However, after my bro's dive, I think I may start wearing one, even if it breaks a couple of ribs smacking into the tree when you stop.

Posted by That 1 Guy at 04:23 PM | Comments (9)

November 19, 2005

A Question

Just curious, no specific reason I'm asking this.

You know how it is when your ingested liquids and solids are forcefully ejected through the same opening that they arrived? Wretching, spasming... sweats and chills... The sense of ridding yourself of a poison, and the enamel on your teeth. Drool or mucus hanging in long lines to the now muddied waters of Lake Shittah.

Does anyone wonder about the possible invasion of germs and bacteria marching up these stringers of slobber?

Posted by That 1 Guy at 01:15 PM | Comments (15)

November 03, 2005

A Favor

Do you know of any Marines, or former Marines, that are blogging?

I know of quite a few, but this is an easy way of finding out. Please leave their, or your, url in the comments...

Posted by That 1 Guy at 09:14 AM | Comments (4)

October 18, 2005

Return

Suppose that we really were able to be reincarnated...

If given the chance to choose your new bad self, who or what would you be?

Why?

I'll probably answer later... still hung up on that dream.

Posted by That 1 Guy at 12:11 PM | Comments (3)

October 12, 2005

Knockin'

You move into a new house. All is fine except for a music box that sometimes starts playing, and a curious beating on the back door. You figure that the music box is somewhere in a few of the things that the owner of the house has stored in the attic. It's no big deal. But that knockin'....

The first time you hear it, you've just gotten everything situated, and have gone to bed. Just as you are drifting off to sleep, someone starts knocking... no, HAMMERING... on the door. You make your way downstairs, check the doors, and find no one there. At either door. Puzzled, you head back to bed.

As soon as you find yourself about ready to drift off again, the hammering starts anew. Without turning on the lights, you fly down the stairs, and go directly to the back door... you know that's where it's coming from. Why? Because it's metal, and the knocking has a metallic quality to it. Checking once again, you find nothing.

By now, you are convinced that it is just a neighbourhood kid jacking with you. You make your way up the stairs, and right as you start to get into bed, the hammering occurs again. Immediately, you are down the stairs (in the dark) and out the back door... no matter that you're in your bungies only. But the punk is nowhere to be seen.

Again upstairs, the knocking comes back. You decide not to humor the little asshole... he'll go away. And sure enough, after you don't get up the next couple of times, each time louder and louder, the knocking stops.

Over time, the knocking comes back, but when you ignore it, it stops.Definitely a brat about beatin' on doors. Safe assumption, right?

You arrive home late one winter evening... it's just starting to snow. You hit the hay, but can only sleep for a couple of restless hours, so you decide to devote some time to your blogging. Working in only the light from the computer monitor, the knockin' begins again. The first time, you ignore it. Then as it starts again, hard enough to be felt in the floor, you realize that there is fresh snow on the ground... you'll be able to track the little bastard! You grab your shoes, and fly out the door.

Once outside, you notice that there are no tracks. So you run around the house, hoping to catch him/her at another door. But the only tracks there, after your tour, are YOURS...

What's your assumption now?

Posted by That 1 Guy at 09:00 PM | Comments (9)

Lazy

To get out there and mow, or stay in here and write... possibly sleep?

What would Brian Boitano do?

Posted by That 1 Guy at 08:29 AM | Comments (5)

October 05, 2005

Blogging Question

Just curious: Who were some of the first blogs that you ever read? And I only mean for starters, not once you began blogging. Unless, of course, you one day decided that you would start something called a "web log" and people could read about your personal observations, and you are the One responsible for the blogosphere.

Me? Well, the very first blogs that I read regularly were, Frizzensparks, Blackfive, Bad Example, Bloodletting, and Misha. Very soon after, I had added A Sailor in The Desert, Mostly Cajun, and USS Neverdock, with Boudicca coming right on their heels. Shortly after, Grau (a co-worker) and Harvey (an irritating nag) suckered me into starting my own blog. Since then, I've added a ton of regular reads. Many I'd like to meet... and I've already met a few. Since late last June, I've had the privilege to meet nearly a dozen bloggers, and talk to a couple more by phone. All I've met and talked to have been great people. I'm looking forward to meeting many more in the future... hopefully very soon.

But to add a second part to the question: Do you still read the one's who were there at the beginning?

Unfortunately, no. Not regularly. I've got them all blogrolled, and I put in occasional visits, but only a few of these folks are still daily reads. I don't really know why the others have fallen out of my attention. I won't beat myself up for it, but I do feel kinda bad.

Anyway, how about you?

Oh, and just so you know; Harvey really is an irritating nag, but he's still a pretty decent guy. Who now owes me a C-note... :)

Posted by That 1 Guy at 01:39 PM | Comments (12)

September 21, 2005

An Interview?

Basil is conducting blog interviews, as has been pointed out by countless others. So far, there are a few Bad Example Family members, and one of the folks who worked on this blog waiting in line. Plus, many more. Make sure you send your questions.

Anyway, I had been thinking about putting up an "About Me" link, and instead of the usual blather, or common questions, I had it in mind to ask you to provide me with questions, and I'd try to provide you with answers. But, with Basil doing his interviews, it throws a wrench into the mix.

Should I stick with my plan, or should I sign up with Basil?

Sticking with my plan would probably bring about some pretty good, and strange, questions... mostly from those I know and read. Signing on with Basil will probably bring about the same questions, with a few from strangers, and expose my blog to more people. Which could be very bad. The more people who read me, the more readers who'll never return.

Ah, decisions, decisions...

Posted by That 1 Guy at 08:35 AM | Comments (8) | TrackBack

September 12, 2005

Tarred

I don't know how I managed it, but I pulled a good one today... I fell asleep on the forktruck. While I was driving it.

Methinks this job deal is affecting me more than I realize... sleep is a dream... that I can't dream, because I can't sleep.

Before I hit the hay with hopes of sleeping in, I'd like to ask:

"Where is the strangest place, or what is the strangest way, you've fallen asleep?"

Posted by That 1 Guy at 11:43 PM | Comments (11) | TrackBack

August 30, 2005

Question Time

I was asked this question the other night: If some one were to offer to buy you any car, or truck, with no strings attached, and no limits as far as spending, what would you ask for?

I'll post my answer when I get back from work.

Posted by That 1 Guy at 04:16 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

June 22, 2005

Promoting Thought

Not normally known as being exceptionally deep, I've decided that I really should be able to get you all to think deeply at least once. So I'm going to ask you an incredibly esoteric question. One that is so thought provoking, it will leave you mentally drained. I will provide my answer later... I'm spent just thinking of the question, which is:

If ever you were afforded the opportunity to watch cartoons in the company of a real, live, cartoon character, who would you choose, and why?

Posted by That 1 Guy at 04:30 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

January 05, 2005

Apple Bologna

Now, I know I'm running a fever. Just woke up from a strange dream. Can't remember the whole thing, but the last bit is still there.

I'm sitting in my two room house (yes, room), but from the outside, this house is huge. On three sides anyways. Okay, sitting there, and in walks Dean Martin. This is a younger Dean, but he's wearing some horrible looking forest green leisure suit. He starts jabbering away, but not to me. I turn and look, and there's a priest and a nurse, also in the room. He's saying to the priest, "I'm telling you, you just can't find any good apple bologna anymore! And the liquor these days, Father, I think it's poisoned!" And then he starts bitching about how if you drink too much liquor, now days, it'll give you the shits. And starts to describe exactly how bad you get them. "Never used to happen!!!" I start to ask a question about apple bologna, and find myself outside of the house. On the short side. There I find a dude in a Slipknot mask acting like he's "wrestling the bald headed champ." I take off to chase him down (suddenly I have a bat in my hand), but as I round the corner of the house, I smash into the side of it. I wake up.

Now I'm trying to figure out what apple bologna is. I think that's weird.

Posted by That 1 Guy at 07:08 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 26, 2004

Yet Another Question

A benefit of taking cough medicine. "Promotes more productive coughs." Why the hell do you put that on the packaging? I thought the object of taking medicine is to get rid of your cough. Not to improve it's employability.

Posted by That 1 Guy at 01:34 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 14, 2004

Yet Another Strange Question, Crap Alert

Very strange evening tonight at work. I kept singing "Roland The Headless Thompson Gunner," only to find myself singing "You can't throw me to the lions .... I'm Charlton Heston!" A line from Mate, Spawn, and Die, by Lard. Next I'd be singing "Lonely ships, upon the water, better save the women and children first, sail away with someone's daughter, better save the women and children first." Could This Be Magic, by Van Halen. Strange looks did abound.

My question is going to fit right in, but it's serious. I'll explain in a bit. Anyways, here it is: What is the word or term used to describe literally shitting one's guts out? I know that I know it, but I can't remember it for the life of me. I haven't lived on an actual farm in a long while. I do know that this happened to some of the cattle. I don't know if the term is different for animals than human. If so, I'd like the animal variation.

Here's why. I am on our company's advisory committee. If you have a request, a need, a problem, or whatever, you bring it to one of us on the committee. We take it to the plant manager, discuss it, and then he takes it to the owner/president of the company. The whole thing is anonymous.

I like to ask strange questions. Some are serious, but I love to word them differently than they were asked. Some are just total nonsense, but they've led into serious discussion, while I just sit dumbfounded. For instance, I brought up the fact that the water in the toilets is frequently dirty. (Someone asked me to do this, thinking I wouldn't.) Next thing you know, the committee is discussing how the city water sometimes just appears dirty. They spent five minutes on this stupid question.

Anyway, we've got a problem right now. Rather disgusting, but kinda funny. Well, funny if you don't have to use the throne in the men's bathroom. Someone is blowing them up. I kid you not, it looks like someone took a potato gun, and fired a chunk of feces at the back of the toilet. A rather large loaf. It's all over. Above the waterline. Even on the underside of the seat. Just plain old fashioned butt nasty!

The deal is that there is no way of cleaning this up, unless you feel like dealing with someone else's byproducts. So I've been asked to bring this up. Of course, no one has given me a solution, but I've figured that I'll ask for toilet brushes to be put into each bathroom. That way if someone is sick, or blows the bathroom up, they can take care of their personal mess, rather than wait for the cleaning people to show. I swear that they would need a hammer and chisel to clean out the toilets that have been bombed.

Okay, I've drifted again. My plan is to use the term or word asked for above when explaining the situation. Meeting is at 2:30 CT. I leave for work at 2. If you can help, it would be appreciated. Besides, I want to get a good laugh out of this meeting! Thanks for your input ...

Posted by That 1 Guy at 03:16 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 10, 2004

Why Call It That?

I love Chinese food. I won't say I'm an expert in it; I can't tell you what dishes contain which veggies or anything. I just know that if it's some type of "kow," or most anything with beef, it's going to be to my liking. Tonight we ordered Chinese for lunch.

Wanting something different, I pick Mongolian Beef. Next to it, there is a red pepper that serves as a warning. Hot and Spicy. That's no warning, that's bait. And I'm hooked! I LOVE hot! The pepper was their only warning. Some of you who've read me and are familiar with Chinese food, may already be smiling.

Our food arrives, and, damn, that smells good! You can smell the heat. I'm already drooling! I pop the container open, and am immediately posed with a question: What sort of lifeform does Mongolia consider BEEF? I tell you right now, it can't be anything bovine. Oh, sure, there are a few strips of T1G type beef in there, but unless you can call fungus "cattle," the name of the dish doesn't fit.

SHROOBIES!! Yeah. My favorite. Right. We aren't talking small pieces of vile. We are talking chunks that deserve their own parking space! I swear they were crawling around, but being the big, brave boy that I am, I attempted to eat the dish anyway. I only made it through seven shrooms. By then, the earthy taste was too much. I started to pick them out. Out of a quart container, I threw away a five gallon bucket of shroobies. I knew the damn things were alive!

Other than the delightful bits of funk, this stuff was awesome! Not quite hot enough, but hey, it works.

Posted by That 1 Guy at 02:57 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 18, 2004

Another Question

After talking with a few co-workers, and more than a few blank stares, I once again feel like I remember things from my own planet.

Could anybody tell me: Do you remember this guy? Dapper Dan? Or his partner, Dressy Bessy? Anyone?

I'm just curious to know how many people remember these learning dolls. HELP!!!

Posted by That 1 Guy at 01:33 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 06, 2004

What's your guess?

Tonight at work, we grilled out. Steak, brats, sauerkraut, beans, potatoe wedges, potatoe salad, and seafood salad. Man, that was good! But of course, it made me wonder about something.

On the label of the seafood salad, it says,"made with artificial crab meat." *running out door to car, because I just realized the salad is still in there .... back, and this stuff tastes great!* Okay, back to the story. I had to ask one of my co-workers what "artificial crab meat" was. I just had to; I wouldn't be me if I didn't ask important questions like this! Anyway, he couldn't tell me. So I start guessing. I'll tell you what I think, and then you let me know what you think it is.

Far, far, away, in the middle of the Spurious Sea, there is a chain of islands known as the Mereticious Islands. An affectedly beautiful place, indeed! On the largest island, Ersatz, there is a rather large cove. This is known as "Counterfeit Cove," although this isn't the official name. (But it will serve the purpose for this explanation.) Heading out to sea from here, you would pass over an artificial reef that is known as Artificial Reef. (Very original, yes?) This reef is home to the one of a kind Artificial Crabs.

These unique creatures resemble other crabs and taste like other crabs, but yet, are not true crabs. For they are fabricated from .... well, stuff. And here, we lose the explanation, as our space is running out. Sorry. Gotta go.

Posted by That 1 Guy at 02:23 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

October 16, 2004

One of those drunk guy questions

Quick, pretend that I'm drunk and so are you. What veggies do ya hate, and why? The fate of the universe may depend on your answer, Luke fellow drunks(of course, I'm not really drunk, I just are pretending). I can't believe all of you are drunk. Lushes!!!

My most hated? Well, I don't really consider it a veggie, but some do.

Mushrooms.

Mushrooms=fungus
Athlete's foot=fungus
Jock itch=fungus
No more need be said.

No wonder I feel itchy inside whenever I try to eat them.

Posted by That 1 Guy at 03:22 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

October 03, 2004

Because I Have To Know

Stopped into the pub last night, and had some very intellectual conversation. Somehow, we got onto the subject of vomiting(hurling, yakking, evicting lunch, stomachus eruptus, vomitosis....) and wretching. I don't know how this subject comes up (hahaha), but it's always one of my favorites.

Someone mentioned something about coughing up a bad hairball. So of course, this gets me to wondering: what exactly is a "bad" hairball? So I ask. Blank looks. And a couple smirks (they know my mind kicked over a gear).

Do the bad hairballs lose their distinctive "ball" shape on contact with the floor? Is there a defect in the manufacturing of said hairball? (There were some other observations, but I've lost them)

Usually, important questions like these will spark some lively discussion, but not last night. At least not until I asked if "bad" hairballs run around with little knives, threatening all of the good hairballs, and stealing their hairball possessions. Bad hairballs are the ones who sell tiny little baggies of "stuff" to young hairballs. Believe it or not, I got a record amount of eyerolls. But nobody could tell me:

What is a bad hairball?

Posted by That 1 Guy at 10:57 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 22, 2004

A Question

A question, as posed by a three year old:

Mom, do lawyers burp? I don't think they do, do they?

My nephew may be just like me. bwahahahahahahaha!

My sister passed this along, because it sounded like a question one of Boudicca's boys asked.

Posted by That 1 Guy at 01:59 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack