The Best Laid Plans

Since Friend got fired the other day, it's been a humorous thing to walk up to me, and ask if I want to go for a ride. Some people, it's almost funny. Most, I just tell them that it's messed up. I get to listen to "Why'd you let him go?" or, "What kept you from talkin' him out of it?," many times each day. I let it roll off for the most part.

With one, short, fat, exception. This guy just doesn't know when to shut the hell up. All day, yesterday, he kept coming up and asking if I wanted to take his bike for a ride, asking when my lunch time was, etc. Finally, I told him that if I had my bike there, I would go in a heartbeat. He said his bike wasn't there, but if I rode in tomorrow (today), we should head out during his lunch, at 11:30.

Normally, my first break isn't until 1:30. But, I was going to leave after four hours to go to Chuck's funeral. That would have put me out the door at 12. I asked my foreman if I could come in at 7:30 instead of 8, so that I could leave when first shift went on lunch. "Sure, no problem."

Then I explained why I wanted to leave at that time, and he started laughing his ass off, telling me that if it worked, it would be one of the funniest things he'd seen there in a long while.

My plan? When the fat man came around asking if I wanted to go for a ride, I was going to think for a second, look around, and say that it sounded like a good idea to me. But we would have to wait until after 11:30 so that any bosses going to lunch would be gone.

It was my plan to lead him down to Oregon (about 25 minutes away... lunch is 30 minutes), and then tell him that I forgot to mention that I was done for the day, and he better get his ass back to the shop or he'd get fired, too!

I rode in... he didn't. As a matter of fact, he didn't come near me the whole four hours I was there. Damnit!

However, I got some concerned stares as I hopped on the bike and took off "early."

Heheh.... not what I hoped for, but it will do.

Feeling

Funny how some things just make you smile with the way that they feel. A towel fresh from the dryer, a new pair of underwear...

'Course, once your "junk" starts falling out of said bungies, the smile is gone, and irritation sets in, in ways than one. Never again will I buy a brand that reminds me of a religious movement that led to the formation of the Presbyterian Church.

Perhaps this is some cruel trick to get you to invoke the name of God. I know I have, but I wouldn't call it prayer.

Deep Thinking

I've been sitting here, watching insects drawn towards a street light, thinkin'.

What is it that pulls the little bastards there? It can't be about the light... or can it? Do they spend all day flying as Icarus, only to return each night to seek easier "suns?"

Moths ain't the only bugs drawn to the flame, but they are the most noticable. They're large and slow. Even pulsating lights seem to draw them. So why is it that lighting bugs don't have a trail of insects swarming behind them?

Just very tired, curious, and confused.

June 26, 1898

"I want to go where the guns are."

"All right, they're on our left, they're on our right, they're in front of us, they're behind us...they can't get away this time."

"We're surrounded...That simplifies our problems."

At Koto-Ri in Korea, when an Army captain asked him for the direction of the line of retreat, this man called his tank commander, gave them the Army position, and ordered: "If they start to pull back from that line, even one foot, I want you to open fire on them." Turning to the captain, he replied, "Does that answer your question? We're here to fight."

These are quotes from a Marine hero. Today is the birthdate of Lewis Burwell "Chesty" Puller, the most decorated Marine in history. A man so hardcore, he tried to get himself reinstated in the Corps to fight in Viet Nam... he was sixty-eight.

Happy Birthday, Chesty, wherever you are.

Drink you bastards... drink.

Yoikin' Folks

My cousin's father in law bought it today. Dude was a cool guy to talk with, and very knowledgable about many things. He was ornery, and din't like too many people. But damnit, he liked me, and I felt honored.

I'd be pissed at the Big Guy for yoikin' him, but I think it was for the best. Suffering is not a fitting way to go.

Later Chuck. Peace be with you.

Steadfast

Being a regular customer, and a friend, pays off. Fritz closes down annuallly, for two weeks. Let me tell you... I'm loaded with chow.

Also gots me a new shirt from Alaska. They're too cool!

Broken Chains

Bear with me... drunken rant.

Yesterday, a friend of mine lost his job. A bullshit deal. Oh, I'm not saying he was innocent of wrong. But I don't feel he deserved to lose the job. And the reason he got into trouble in the first place bugs me. Kinda sets me off.

Friend and I went for a bike ride on my lunch. A certain white shirt was in the parking lot when we left. No sneaking, we left. Nice ride, he got to ride my brother's bike, and I got to ride a brand new Fat Boy. White shirt runs to plant manager the following morning.

Well, this particular shirt has a problem with me. I don't know what started it, but I do know that I've helped to sustain it. After he started running to the plant manager about petty things, instead of coming straight to me, I've started jacking with him. Maybe not a smart move, but I don't like being tattled on... for things that aren't even wrong, no less. My boss has chewed his ass about this, but it stops him not at all.

Morning comes and I'm asked about going on the ride. Not gonna lie, "Yes, I did. I was on lunch." Okay, that makes everything cool for me. Friend is a second shifter... they take lunches when they can. Sometimes early, sometimes late. Friend used his lunch for the ride. Unfortunately, he took another lunch, later. Of course, we are on the security cameras, and they see him leave twice.

My boss is now in an awkward situation. Had he known about it, he could have given a warning, or time off. The plant manager is the one who approached him. Little Miss White Shirt ran straight to him. Now this decision is an upper management thing. The manner in which this pisses me off... ineffable. I'll try to express some of it, if only as a stress relief.

There is a chain of command in the military, and some fragments in civilian life. It's my personal belief that all organizations and companies be run with one. "But they are," you say. Bull. They may have one on paper, but how many times have you seen it strictly followed? Ass kissers and snitches run wild, ignoring their immediate superiors and running to upper management. And too many times, THEY ARE REWARDED FOR IT!

A chain of command is not just an effective management strategy. It's also a show of respect. By talking with a superior, or in this case a peer, you are allowing him to take control of the situation. If he isn't able to contribute, control, help... whatever is asked of him, he is able to go to his superior, and so on. His employee, Marine, whatever... his problem. Allow him the chance to fix the situation.

As a Marine, I never was an NCO, but I did have positions of authority. I was a Vehicle Commander for a stretch, and the Fire Direction Center Chief for about a year and a half. I was a lance corporal, E-3, and most VCs were E4, E5s. FDC Chief is an E5 billet, or so I've been told. Shit, I'm rambling.

Anyway, if I had a problem with someone in my charge, I was responsible for taking care of things. If I knew that I couldn't get it done, I went to my section leader, who took care of things, or went further up to the platoon sgt. It' s not just for problems... requests also work in this way. You went up the chain, and did it proper. Skip a link or two, you may get results, but some of those are not going to be favorable to you. You can get your ass in serious trouble pulling that crap.

If you saw a Marine screwing up, you talked to him first, then went to his immediate and explained. It's his problem now. How far things go depends on what happens with his Marine when he talks to him. What matters is that you showed him respect by allowing him to police his own.

In this case at work, my boss had no chance, no warning. He was put into a bad situation by both Friend, and the ass-licking white shirt. He may have been able to save Friend's job if not for the harvester of dingleberries, but that was not to be.

What really torques me off is that "The Tongue" has gotten this position by being a superb rat. When he was just a lowly worker, he ran to the plant manager, before his boss, to rat out co-workers. His boss, didn't like it, but "The Tongue" is a good worker, so nothing happens. When his boss died from cancer last year, turd muncher and a foreman with over 20 years put in for the job. Muncher got it... and it wasn't because his new found peers wanted him. The owner wanted him!

I know, I know... it's life, adn life ain't fair. True. But fair or not, I'm still pissed. How I wish for a chance to use the frickin' "Way Back Machine" so that I could beat the everlovin' piss out of Blow Boy as a wee little lad. And I mean that as me being the wee lad. Assault and battery doesn't appeal to me, but you want to play grade school games, you should expect grade school reactions... and beatings. Nah, don't worry. I haven't smacked anyone in anger in almost twelve years. Ain't gonna do it... venting. And venting helps, or so I've heard.

Sounds like I'm blaming this all on L'il Tommy Tattletale. Maybe. But I do realize that if Friend hadn't gone riding with me, all would be cool for him. I feel bad because the shirt is always gunning for me, and I feel as if Friend took the round intended for me.

If you've read this much, you're tired of seeing no point to it... so I'll let you know: there really isn't a point to this except for the one on top of my head. I'm tired of trying to proofread this crap too, so I'll stop now. Thanks for letting me go off, and listning... or reading. I just can't figure out how the chain works at my place of employment.

Sharing

Bang bang bang, on the door baby! {Knock a little louder sugar!}
Bang bang bang,on the door baby! {I can't hear you!}
Bang bang bang, on the door baby! {Knock a little louder sugar!}
Bang bang bang, on the door baby! {I can't hear you!}

Because I shouldn't be the only one suffering.

And Another Meme

Tammi tagged me with another meme. It's a little late, but I got it done. Finally.

Five Thing Society At Large Enjoys, But That I, For The Most Part, Just Don't Get..."

1. Cell phones- Though I can sometimes understand why others want them, they're not for me. I hate talking on the phone (though a couple of you may think otherwise. It's just 'cause I like you... feel honored, or cursed). I also hate listening to some of the incredibly intelligent conversations that you hear from cell phone holders. And it's not eavesdropping when they are practically yelling into the phone, "Hey! What's up? Where you at? What you doing? Not much here... just eating a burrito. Oh, hang on... another call.... Hello? Hey! Nothin'. Just eatin' a burrito. And talkin' to so and so. Yep, on the other line. 'Kay. Hey, so and so, other dumb ass said to say Hi! Not much. Eating a burrito I guess." I'm drifting a bit.

If I hate talking on the phone, why would I want to make a constant companion out of something I hate? My ventures out should be time away from phone calls.

2. "The Lean"- You know, the "in" thing among male drivers. Lean way over on the console so your head is dead center of the car, while draping your left arm over the twelve o'clock postition. This way, when you hit a bump, your car will lurch all over the road in a "cool" manner. Couple "the Lean" with talking on a cell phone, and you've arrived! The Ultimate in "Cool!"

These cool people are the inspiration behind a bill that I'm trying to draft, that makes it legal to drag them from their vehicles and kick them in the head, whenever they swerve onto the shoulder, and give those behind them a "gravel bath." No sponsors, yet, but I'm trying.

3. Disposable Marriages- "Wow... we've been married for a whole year, and we need to call it quits. Too many irreconcilable differences." These are the people who will say next year, "Oh, we're great friends, we just couldn't be married!" while hanging out with their exes. Marriage can take work, while divorce is too easy. While I'm not against divorce, I don't believe it should be an early, or easy, consideration. Of course, this comes from a never married single guy. Take it for what it's worth.

4. Reality Shows- Especially celebrity shows. "Looky! This is our life... cool ain't it?!" They just keep getting worse, too. By next year, I'm looking for "A Deeper Look: Celebrity Colonoscopy." We all know who they are. We don't need to know every detail of their lives, or every word that they say. Unless of course, someone would happen to see that Jennifer Anniston (or maybe Selma Hayek) told People magazine, in answer to a question about love interests, "Well, there's this guy, That 1 Guy, whose blog I've been reading. He's very talented, and he's a stud, too! I saw some pictures, and just fell in love!" You see that, PLEASE call, write, e-mail... whatever!

5. Death as a scare tactic- "If you don't stop smoking, you'll die! If you don't stop drinking, you'll die!" Raise your hands and scream with me: "We're all gonna die!" Everyone dies. Dead. Even Jesus got wacked. 'Course, he was resurrected, but you've got to be dead in order for that to happen. If you read the Bible, only Elijah never died, and that was because he was yoiked from this earth. Yeah, I know, I've griped about it before, but everytime I see that billboard, it sets me off.

Stop because you want to improve your health, or the quality of your life. You stop doing something simply because the fear of death persuades you, and Death's bony hand will reach out and bitchslap you, regardlessly.

* Guy S from Snugg Harbor has weighed in. (In case you don't follow trackbacks.)

Smilin'

Forty in a fifty five zone. Incident one at work. Incident two at work. Forty in a fifty five zone. More such excitement. 'Tis a fine example of Tardsday, indeed. Grrrr.

However, factor in about nine hours of sleep between the last three days, and the unusually high levels of tardaciousness, and the fact that all tards involved are still breathing is a definite positive. For them.

A Meal For Any Time of the Day

The incredibly lovely sarahk is hosting the Carnival of Recipes this week. The first time, she shook her fist at me to get me to submit an entry. I think she did another, and I didn't enter. Trying to avoid a whoopin' (although....), I had my sister give me the recipe for some jambalaya that she made for me. Easy to make, and good to eat. My apologies to my Cajun friends, but, "mais oui, mes amis, das some good stuff!" (Thanks, Chrissy, for the phrase!)

New Orleans Style Jambalaya

1/4 c. vegetable oil
3 c. chopped onions
8 links "Emeril's kicked up smoked sausage", cut into 1/4 in. rounds
2 lbs. boneless white and dark meat chicken, cut into 1 in. cubes (or you
can just use chicken breasts....breasts are good)
1/2 tsp. cayenne pepper
2 Tbsp Emeril's Original Essence
1 c. chopped green bell peppers
2 Tbsp. garlic
3 c. long grain white rice
5 c. low-sodium chicken stock
1 bay leaf
1 c. chopped green onions

Heat oil in large saucepan over med. heat. Cook sausage 5 min. and remove from pan. Add chicken, cayenne pepper, and 1 Tbsp Essence to pan and cook 5 min. Remove from pan. Add onions, bell peppers, remaining Essence and garlic to pan and cook 8-10 min. until veggies are softened. Add rice and cook, stirring 3-5 min. Return sausage and chicken to pan. Add stock and bay leaf. Increase heat to med-high and bring to a boil. Cover and reduce heat to low. Cook 25 min, remove from heat. Let stand, covered 10 min.
Remove bay leaf, and stir in green onions to serve.

I'm not sure how many this is supposed to serve. Let's just say that it serves a couple of people, a couple of kids, and one really hungry T1G. You do the math! Enjoy!

Correction! Dana from Note-It Posts is hosting the Carnival this week! But she does have breasts! ;) Sorry, Dana!

Promoting Thought

Not normally known as being exceptionally deep, I've decided that I really should be able to get you all to think deeply at least once. So I'm going to ask you an incredibly esoteric question. One that is so thought provoking, it will leave you mentally drained. I will provide my answer later... I'm spent just thinking of the question, which is:

If ever you were afforded the opportunity to watch cartoons in the company of a real, live, cartoon character, who would you choose, and why?

Note To Self

To myself, and those who would learn from others' idiocies, a tip:

Never stash something down the front of your pants while riding. NEVER! Holy crap, does that hurt!

I was okay until I had to shift... then everything shifted down yonder, and the discomfort began. Sharp edges stabbing into places where they just shouldn't be. I kept trying to lean back to ease the pain, but I'm riding my brother's bike, and he's got ape hangers... I was stuck in a locked and upright position, while fearing that a certain friend may never be upright again.

What the hell was stashed in the hold? Ironically, a floppy disc! I didn't have anywhere on the bike to stash it, and I wasn't about to set my big ol' ass on it, so I figured that'd be safe enough. Once the gouging of the groin started, I realized... not so smart. I started thinking, "What if I wreck while trying to adjust myself? Someone's going to get a kick out of that... 'Yeah, a floppy cut his floppy off!'"

If I ever even think of doing that again, remind me to open a pocket knife, stick it down the front of my pants, and bend over. That should change my mind.

Harvey's Blogiversery

If you couldn't tell by the title, it's Harvey's 2^nd blogiversary. At least that's what he says anyway. Probably just another ploy to get crap!

Well, since I didn't get him anything for Father's day (he is my blog pop, you know), and his blogiversary is near enough that one present covers all... here's to you, Harvey.

Yeah, I know... it's not what you requested, but deal with it. At least you're thought of! :-P

Happy Blogiversary, Harvey! Many more to you!

Sunburn

(Think Temptations: My Girl)

booom *snap* do do do *snap* do

booom *snap* do do do *snap* do

booom *snap* do do do *snap* do

booom *snap* do do do *snap* do

I've got sunshine
Beating down on me.
My skin reddens,
You can feel it's heat.

I can't take pain,
I just need more Solarcaine
Sunburn (sunburn, sunburn)
Talkin' 'bout sunburn (sunburn)

Epidermis
UV rays permeate.
Blisters bubble,
Used the sunscreen too late.

Scabs form while I sleep,
As my skin sticks to the sheets.
Sunburn (sunburn, sunburn)
Talkin' 'bout sunburn (sunburn)

Aaaaahhh, Ooowwwww

Ouch, ouch, ouch,
Ouch, ouch, ouch,

Now I'm careful,
SPF 45.
Enjoy the shade much more,
No more boiling alive.

Longsleeves, straw hat.
What makes me cautious like that?
Sunburn (sunburn, sunburn)
Talkin' 'bout sunburn (sunburn)

The Horror

I saw this the other day, and it actually brought tears to my eyes. Let me warn you now, some of you will cry when you see this. A few, like myself, will be physically ill. If you're not affected at all... you're just a sick bastard.

"Life is too short... grab all you can, while you can" is the message to be learned from this tragedy.

Look and learn my friends. Look, and learn.

Thanks to Image Shack.

Where's Everyone?

Bad Example Family members, members, and others... get your asses over to Sissy's RIGHT DAMNED NOW!

She's hosting The 25 Word Challenge, and I'm getting tired of the story not progressing.

Please go now, or I swear that I'll keep on posting drivel!

An aside: She's got a list of bloggers she's met, and marks those that drank a shot with her. She doesn't have me as drinking a shot with her. Apparently, taking a slug from the bottle isn't a shot... I think it is. Go give her hell for me!

Farther to the side: Don't bother... she fixed it. Heh!

;)

Father's Day Post

Happy Father's Day to all you pappys out there! I hope it's a good one, and that you are able to do whatever it is you like; fishing, cooking out, lovingly disposing of beer in the proper way, burning ants with a magnifying glass, moshing to death metal... anything you like. It's your day man, celebrate! Just remember the fathers across the water.

I'm suffering a severe case of writer's block right now, so there'll be no mushy or sentimental post from me... though I really wanted to do one. I also had started working on something for my blog faddahs, Grau and Harvey, but that's gone to hell also. Damn. I am going to save what I have, and work on it when I'm in a better mood. I originally was going to try to find some pics of boobs, as they both desire that sort of thing, but I realized that they both are boobs... they can just visit each other's sites.

Probably the only post from me today, unless I get inspired while riding. It's my day to make a visit, and think about my father. After that stop, I usually go for a long ride, or drive.

Merry Father's Day!

Bou's Poll

Wow, the title just sounds wrong! Where was I? Oh, yes.

If you haven't been there, or for some stupid reason you don't read Bou, head over there now. She's taking a poll from us menfolk. 'Course, you ladies can answer, too.

She's asking about a statement Katie Holmes made, and what we think of it. Don't answer here... you go there now!

Random Crap

Funny how certain things can set off earworms. Yesterday, after reading a certain post, I spent the rest of the day singin' "Monkey Man" by the Stones and laughing to myself.

This morning, I have "Drug Raid at 4 AM" by Lard running through my head after reading this article. The last lines of the song? Not in the lyrics, but after the music ends... "Oops... sorry. Wrong house."

It's not really funny... what if, instead of picking up a vacuum hose, he had grabbed a gun to defend himself? Ventilated over a "mistake." Still, the song persists.

Speaking of mistakes, I love this woman's response to a mistake regarding her pay. Maybe she responded a little harshly, but who likes gettin' money yoiked from them?

Another that made me grin: Mrs.Satan's photo of Dick Turban Durbin.

That's my Saturday thoughts... until I think of more.

Book Meme

Yet another meme! I was asked by Guy from Snugg Harbor to do a meme about books. I think he just wants to see if we Stillmanites can read! For those that don't know, and that's probably about ninety percent of you, and those that don't care (ninety eight), Guy is from a town about four miles away. There is a little bit of rivalry between the two towns, but it's all in good fun!

Anyway, here's the damn meme:

1.Total number books I own:

I'm not all that sure, but I'd say it's a greater number than 1 and less than 1000. Unless you count my coloring books... then it jumps up dramatically. Actually, it's probably somewhere around 600-700. Lot's of fiction, comedy, and a few biographies.

2. Last book I bought:

I bought two. "The Taking," by Dean Koontz, and a book that's supposed to be about a dinosaur, but I'm having a hard time getting a story line from it. It's "Thesaurus," by Roget.

3. Last book I read:

"Broken Prey," by John Sandford. Sandford and his main character, Lucas Davenport, are definite favorites... I own almost all of the "Prey" series.

4.Five Books Of Notable Influence On Me:

This is a toughie... I'd say that the Bible is one that's had a huge impact on me. Not saying good or bad, but growing up as we did, there was plenty-o-Bible readin' done.

After that it's too tough. Let me list some of the authors who have influenced me.

Edgar Allan Poe- "The Masque of the Red Death," and "The Fall of the House of Usher" were the first stories I ever read by him. They reminded me of some of the weird dreams that I used to have.

Stephen King- It took me until almost the mid- nineties to start reading him, but after reading "It," "The Dark Half," and "The Shining," I've been hooked. I've got most of his books.

Louis L'Amour- Laugh if you will, but I love his stories. If you've read him, you know that he wrote not just to entertain, but to educate as well. Another one of whom I own most of his books.

Douglas Adams- While I love his "Hitchhiker's Trilogy," I would have to say that Dirk Gently and his holistic detecting are my faves. I love the style and wit of Adams.

And then, of course, there were my early reads.

5.Five Poor Bastards "Lucky Winners" © To Tag With This:

Type me if you're interested... I'm not passing this torch, as it seems everyone is doing a version of it lately.

Hopefully, this is proof that I don't need picture books to "read!" :)

Take Two, Pt. Two

The newest installment of Take Two from Christina is up. Go over and check the stories out.

This week's scenario:

A person gets on a subway then nods off only to waken just before the appointed stop. When this person exits the station, the surroundings are completely unrecognizable. Individual then realizes he/she had not seen another human since getting on the train.

Again, some excellent stories from her crew! Heh... the Take Two Crew.

Huh... No Shit?

For those moving to the country in Lebanon, PA, there will be an interesting brochure available for you: Scratch-n-sniff manure.

I can just imagine the rush to learn more.

How Ironic

I read this, and couldn't help but smirk.

Not that I find the incident funny, but the asses involved...

Ethical treatment, indeed.

Thinking Of You

In the past week, there have been a couple of posts that I really wanted to comment on, but I couldn't think of how to say it. I'm not the best when it comes to having clever things to say.

Usually, if I leave a comment that isn't meant to be joking around, I'm dead serious, though my comment may sound like I've just tossed something out to show that I've something to contribute. If I say, "you're in my thoughts," I really mean it. But it does sound a little weak.

Blake's pain, and Harvey's employment status do have me concerned... I just can't think of any comments that won't sound trite.

I guess this post is just an extended, "Thinking of you." My silence is not uncaring, and I'm sure they know... I just felt the need to say it.

I Don't Get It

Something I just can't fathom. Sure, I don't care for cats all that much, but even if I did, I can't see wrestling a stupid cat away from a coyote... a wild coyote, not Wiley. Best of all, to do it in hysterics, and without a plan.

I, personally, don't think it's right to be teasing the coyotes this way. You let a snack run around outside, and then, when they attack it, you pull it away. I was always told not to tease animals... they will get even. If you see Kitty being mistaken for an hors' devoure, say "Bye," and let the dining continue. While cats don't grow on trees, they do just magically (or demonically) appear. There's always plenty more.

Then, of course, there's the cost. Over two grand for the feline, and around ten grand for the champion of cats. Yep... worth it to me. You wonder what leaves goes through people's minds.

Yes, I Really Am Human

I was talking with a "biker" the other night, and we got to talking about how far we ride in a day, and our strategies for making the trip as painless as possible. I'm not going into all of that discussion, though it may make for a post to fill time later on. Anyway, when we hit the topic of when to eat, I started grinning... and I think I may have irritated him a bit. I wasn't laughing at him, but at a memory of one of the most embarrassing incidents I've had on the road. 'Course, I didn't tell him that.

A couple of years back, I stopped at a Hardees or a Booger Fling in Iowa City. It had been a long trip, and I was on it's last leg. I ordered, got my chow, and made my way to one of the booths by the window so that I could keep an eye on the bike, and watch the fine scenery. (College town) I was about finished eatin', when in walked a couple of hotties, and they were trying to match the bike outside to the customers. They finally saw me, and though I doubt they were impressed, they smiled and waved.

By the time they got to the counter, I had already finished my grub, so I headed back to the can to wash the ketchup and grease from my hands. I walked in, and it looked like someone had either let a puppy or a three year old loose in there... toilet paper was everywhere! I picked up some of it, then washed my hands and made to leave.

As I'm heading out the door, I notice the hotties looking at me and grinning, so I waved. Big smiles were my reward! I held the door for a couple and noticed that they, too, were smiling. Huh? It wasn't until the door was closing, and I caught my reflection in the glass that I knew why they were all grinning at me. I had a nice streamer of toilet paper stuck to my boot heel! All I could do was laugh! Here for a second, I thought I actually had a bit of sex appeal!!!

I think that may be the only embarrassing incident I've ever had (right), but how about you? How have you embarrassed yourself?

Why Me?

"Remember when..."
"I swear to God...."
"HaHAW, HaHAW, HaHAW!"
"Remember when..."
"I swear to God...."
"HaHAW, HaHAW, HaHAW!"
"Remember when..."
"I swear to God...."
"HaHAW, HaHAW, HaHAW!"

Why is it that the tards are only out in full force when I'm in a pissy mood? My cheer for the evening was imagining the conversation sounding like this:

"Remember when that one guy got pissed at you, grabbed you by your ankles, and started beating you against the walls and bar? HaHAW!"

"Shyeah, I swear to God that he almost killed me!"

"And remember when he ripped your arm off, and beat the everloving piss out of us? HaHaw!"

"Shyeah... but I swear to God it wasn't funny."

Asking A Favor

Okay, I think most of you have seen the gibberish that is "Have yoe Ever?" I think that was me... but I was having problems.

See, I haven't been practicing my shots, and no food + shots + lotsa beer seems to destroy me. I was fine when I left the bar that night. I got home and read Konstantin's story, and seriously, I forgot to breathe. Very good. Well, I knew I was having problems when it took me forever to type a comment. I was trying to be serious, and let him know what a great job he did. I may have failed.

I next visited a few more favorites, and by then, I could barely read... buzz was growing. I think I left some more idiotic comments, but I only found one. Thank God. I was made aware of that, by an email that said, "inebriated again, eh?.. oh, the humanity!" I was almost embarrassed. Almost.

So here's the favor, next time some drunk guy comes knocking on your blog door, late or early, chase him the hell off. Don't let him make a total ass of himself. The last little bit of pride he has may be what he leaves in your comments.

I'll try my best to keep him from posting.

You know what I think that post was supposed to say? "Have you ever been so jacked up that you can't focus on anything?" It took too many attempts... I he nodded off with his finger on the "c" key. I shortened it for laughter's sake, but there were many, many "c's."

Childhood Meme

Damnit! Meme'd again! At least this is one that I'm probably going to enjoy! And I will attempt to pass this one on. Could be very interesting.

Five Things That I Miss From My Childhood

1. Indestructability. I don't know how many rocks to the head, nails tearing through feet and knees, and falls from roofs and farm equipment that I've suffered. They didn't hurt me too bad. And blood builds character. Now, blood isn't a good thing. Then, blood was a guarantee that you'd have a scar, and scars were in.

1. Indestructability. I don't know how many rocks ... wait. Maybe they did mess me up.

2. Eating contests with my cousin. It's still brought up every time we all get together. We used to see who could eat the most BBQ sandwiches, plates of turkey and gravy... you name it. I think we ate more in an hour, than some villages in Ethopia could eat in a day. Well, maybe not quite that much, but damn close. Our prize? Bragging rights, and a gut fit to explode. We jokingly tried it again last year. I thought I would hurl after two plates. Cousin didn't fair much better. Those days are long gone.

3. After we moved from the farm, we were about a mile from a forest preserve. We could be found running through those woods day and night, any season. Building dams, stalking deer, swimming, pushing people in the creek (pronounced "crick" when I type it) so that we had an excuse to go swimming. After all, you can't let them drown. Imaginations ran wild out there... we were hunters, indians, Marines and soldiers, explorers who could shame Lewis and Clark. I've been meaning to make a trip back there, and run through the areas we used to haunt.

4. Speaking of imagination, while mine is still fairly active, it ain't what it used to be. I miss the days when any object could become a treasure, a weapon, a transport from this world. A piece of field tile could become an anaconda, or black mamba, and tranport us to the jungles. Anything was possible if you thought about it. Now days, I battle with realism. Oh, sure... I usually win, but it does affect what you are capable of. It's one reason I enjoy watching kids at play... you have no clue what exactly is going through their little heads, but it's fun to guess.

5. I miss the days when my worst fears and worries were that I would not get my chores done in time to catch the White Sox games on WMAQ. I used to grab a book, and listen to hours worth of those games. To be so stress free now...

The rules: Remove the #1 item from the following list, bump everyone up one place and add your blog’s name in the #5 spot. You have to link to all the blogs. (Or WHAT???)

The Gun Line
Righty in a Lefty State
Frizzen Sparks
Little Joe's Soapbox
Drunken Wisdom

I've got four that I would like to pass this on to, but I'm going to contact them first.

*Acidman weighs in.

Have yoe Ever?

You efver beem sp kacled i[ tjat upi cccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc

Fear

The lovely Christina has once again started another project. She calls this "Take Two," and here's the concept: A brief scenario or sketch is presented, then interpreted by each of the writers who, in turn, write a short story based on the sketch that is not to exceed 1,000 words.

This week's fellow participants and their stories:

Dash from The Boiling Point offers "Surviving In The Projects."
Guy S from Snugg Harbor submits "Tadpole."
Joe from Cadillac Tight gives us "Alex's story."
Konstantin from Dystropia presents "Broken Glass."

Some great versions of the starting sketch, with a few twists!

The scenario: A group of kids are playing a pick up game. The ball flies over the fence into the forbidden lands. The smallest child is "elected" to squeeze through a couple of loose boards in the fence. With apprehension, the child goes to retrieve the ball.

Simple, right? Uh, no. For being as reserved with words as I am, I sure as hell put alot on the paper! Took forever to shorten it up, and a suggestion from Christina, but ....
here it goes...

Fear. It culls the weak from the strong. Exposes the cowards and the brave. Fear can destroy, and it doesn't just affect the one who fears; it can have an effect on those surrounding them. As I've found recently, my family is an example of the last.

I'm named after an uncle that I've never met. He died in a fiery accident when he was eighteen. I've never heard ill spoken of him as he was a local hero.

Marc seemed to have the world in the palm of his hand at the time of his death. While a great running back, he was known as the fiercest linebacker in the conference, and several large schools had offerred him a full ride. Folks say that he played like a man possessed. Perhaps they were more correct than they could realize.

After my mother's funeral last week, I was going through her belongings when I found a letter stashed inside an old family Bible. My grandmother's. The letter was worn and tear stained, and when I carefully opened it, I read the words of my former uncle.

Dear Mom,

I'm sorry, and I owe you an explanation. John's been telling me that I need to talk to you for a long time now, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

Do you remember that guy who got beat to death at the Dover house? Just a few months before John's accident? I'm the one who did it.

We had been playing ball with the Denoto twins, Bodway, Ski, and Brayton. Bout the time for us to go home, Paluski smacked the ball a good one, and over the fence it went. Right by the Dover house. Us kids were scared to death of the place because we thought it was haunted. And when you told us to keep away from there, we knew. We had all seen the lights and the shape that stood by the windows.

Well, the other guys took off. I made John go get it. He fit the easiest through the fence. He didn't want to go, but it was our ball, and we didn't want a whippin, so I finally got him to go. When he couldn't find it right away, I went to help. I started to look around on the backside of the house when John yelled that he found the ball, but he was stuck under the porch. Then he started screaming.

I ran around the corner, and saw a huge guy holding John. I had my bat, and I ran at him and hit him. I think it was in the side. He made a weird squealing hiss, and I really got scared. I started to swing like crazy. Next thing I knew, I was in the house, and he was on the floor. He had finally stopped that hissing noise. He didn't make any noise at all. John and I ran, and hid the bat in the cupola on top of the barn.

John later told me that he thought the guy was trying to help him, but just scared him when he picked him up. And then we found out who he was, and that he was dead. We wanted to tell someone, but we were too scared. John almost did. That's how he had the accident. We started fighting about it and I knocked him out of the haymow. I didn't mean to do it.

John has been bugging me every night to tell you. I can't stand it anymore. He looks deader and sadder each night. Now you know. I'm sorry, Mom. Really sorry.

Please forgive me.

Marc

I thought of the stories that the old timers told. The man he had beaten to death was a nephew of the Dovers, a mute, and may have been a little slow. Some of the townspeople looked after him, and tried to keep him from the public eye. Fear of those that are different often leads to hatred, and they had hoped to protect him.

I thought of Marc's onus of fear and guilt. It had continued to grow. John's accident? He broke his neck when he was knocked out of the barn by Marc. 10 years old, he was. Imagine Marc's mind; 13 years old and dealing with two murders, one of them your little brother.

My grandmother, and later my mother, had known. Why had they kept silent? They were afraid. But fear takes it's toll. My grandmother died only five years after Marc passed. I was only two at the time, my grandma unknown. She was 44, but she looked well into her sixties. It must have been hard to keep that secret.

In some ways, I hold Marc responsible for her death, too, but she's the one who chose to carry the load in his stead. I can understand her silence. Our family didn't have much, but we were well known and respected in our community. She was afraid to lose everything.

As for me, I've been indecisive. I feel as if I should get this out in the open, but I, too, have a reputation at stake. I am now the mayor of this town. Another one of the family giving in to fear.

Since my discovery, John visits me in the darkness of night, and all those other moments when I am alone with my thoughts. He says nothing, but in his eyes I see his silent reproach.

Listening

Ran to Fritz's last night for a burger and beer. Ended up having a few.

The local Shriners were having a meeting there. I visited with a couple, but most of the time, I listened to them talking about the town as it used to be. Not that they're all old... but those are the guys to whom I like to listen or talk. History.

I've got to make sure I'm there when they hold their next meeting.

Kinda Busy...

If you don't hear from me, or see that I visited much in the next couple of days, please accept my apology in advance. I've been working on something that I'm trying to turn in by Friday, and it's not coming along nearly as fast I thought it would.

I was worried about writer's block. Hah! Silly me. I should have been worried about editor's block. I can't find many ways to edit, without ruining the story! May be a rewrite in the works.

Anyway, feel free to keep stopping by... I may have a bit of brilliance posted! Or not. :)

Play Time

Well, this is dandy. My damn shower is broke... meaning I have to take baths until it's fixed. I hate baths.

The damn pipe that comes out from the interior plumbing to the shower head has snapped off. Plastic... cheap, and brittle with age. So much for "fixing" the small leak that was originally there.

I guess about the only good thing about taking baths, that makes up for sitting in your own filth, is that you get to play with kitchen ware.

Time...

From Jim Croce:

If I could save Time in a bottle
The first thing that I'd like to do
Is to save every day
Til Eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you
If I could make days last forever
If words could make wishes come true
I'd save every day like a treasure and then,
Again, I would spend them with you

Played on the jukebox tonight.

I don't always hang with Croce's lyrics. I'm a music guy. But when I hear this song, I think of two things. First, the guitar is excellent. I'd love to play like that. And second, I think of how haunting it is... he died the following year, '73, in a plane crash.

Should I?

Taco Monday at Fritz's tonight. So I'm sitting there minding my own business, and a woman comes up, runs her fingers through my hair for a bit, then says, "It's getting long, Joseph."

I looked down to check, but wasn't sure if that's what she meant. This is a married woman. I visit with her husband all of the time. But when she asked me if I'd like to come over Sunday, I had to think very seriously about it.

I mean, sure, I'll let her cut my hair, I just don't know if I'm supposed to be elsewhere!

*BTW, while she missed the joke about me looking down, her hubby just cracked up.

Taxing Your Health

Wow... what a great help. I don't even smoke, and reading crap like this pisses me off. "Higher taxes are good for your health!!!" Right.

Again, I don't smoke, but I do drink a teeny bit, and state liquor taxes are being raised. I'll be a healthy and pissed off bastard soon, if they have their way. And idiots will write about how great it is.

Won't be long and there will be a health tax.

*grumble*

Music Meme Reloaded

Blog-sister Barb (of the Grau line), from Righty in a Lefty State, has tagged me with a music meme. I've found that I did this one before, but the reason you have others do these is to get to know them, so I'm going to repost it in the extended entry. Then she, her readers, and those that have started reading me since January can get to know me a bit!
Check it out, yo...

"If they all jumped off a bridge, would you?"
"Well, if there were a good reason to, yes. Definitely."

Tammi (and now, Barb!) has tagged me with the latest musical meme. So I'm jumping.

Random Ten Albums (I just picked some of those lying around my computer... they've got to be some of my favorites!):

Elmore James: The Sky Is Crying The History of Elmore James
James Gang: Rides Again
Jimi Hendrix: Blues
Machine Head: Burn My Eyes
Primus: Tales From The Punchbowl
Jane's Addiction: Nothing's Shocking
Johnny Cash: The Essential Johnny Cash
Stevie Ray Vaughan: In The Beginning
Clarence Gatemouth Brown: The Original Peacock Recordings
Clutch: The Elephant Riders

1. What is the total amount of music files on your computer?
I didn't really think it was that much, but when I checked, almost 4 gigs. Mostly, I just pop in a CD and jam while fiddling around on the computer.

2. The last CD you bought is:?
Slipknot's Subliminal Verses

Recently, Colonel Claypool's Buckets of Bernie Brains' "The Big Eyeball In The Sky," and Entombed's "Unreal Estate."

3. What is the song you last listened to before this message??
(Classified) by "Man or Astro-Man?"

Currently, "Vote With A Bullet" by Corrosion of Conformity

4. Five songs you often listen to or that mean a lot to you.

Johnny Cash's Tennessee Flat-Top Box and/or The Ballad of Ira Hayes
Faith No More, The Gentle Art of Making Enemies
SRV, Shake For Me
Slayer, Raining Blood
Hendrix, Manic Depression

I know that none of these songs are really touching or anything, they just bring back good memories. Of course, you could always check out the soundtrack of my life.

5. Who are you gonna pass this stick to (other persons and why)?
No tap backs!

That is all.

Your Duality

Each and every one of us has both a good side, and a dark side. You can be the most holy of holies, and you've still got both sides to deal with, Mr. Happy Face Jesus Loves Us All. Or any of you religious types. Good, bad... they're there. Your choices make you who you are.

Every now and again, you need to step over the line and examine what be goin down on the other side. Seriously. It's called balance. I'm not saying you need to become evil, just make yourself aware of your darker side, or lighter side for you evil SOBs.

Why bring this up? I don't know... drunkenesss, maybe. But also a project I've been working on. I've kind of stepped on to the darker side, and found a drop off. I must say, I've freaked myself out. Never knew that my hollow skull was capable of dreaming up some of the stuff that has visited me. Cool and frightening.

Ever creeped yourself out? Just curious.

Evil T1G

5

Wow... five posts in one day! Make that six. Gotsta be a new record for me! Should be doing something other than posting drivel.

Troubled Pets And Substance Abuse

I've noticed an alarming trend beginning to develop over the past few days. More pets are starting to gravitate toward chemical happiness.

Tammi's dog, Cody, allowed us to see that he won't hesitate to try a get a nip of rotgut when he thinks no one's looking.

And it looks like Big Stupid Tommy's dog was busted, too!

Early Reads

Last week, Dash had a post up about Fred Gipson. Dash wrote about Gipson and his story of "Old Yeller." Got me thinking about some of the books that I read as a kid, and how some of them have shaped what I am today. I thought about making up my own meme, but there's too much of that going around lately! I remember reading "Old Yeller," and the follow up story, "Savage Sam." Great, life-like stories.

Others that we read (and still make allusions to) were Sterling North's "Rascal," and "The Wolfling," Ralph Moody's "Little Britches," and "The Little House Series," by Laura Ingalls Wilder. Yeah, yeah, I know... Little House books were considered girls' books, but they were damn good stories. I proudly proclaim that I will have the whole damn series one day.

Who were some of the authors you enjoyed as a youngster, and what were some of your favorite stories?

Chocolate Fix

Young's Double Chocolate Stout, and leftover chocolate chip and caramel brownies or cake.

It's what's for brunch.

Truth

I've seen UFOs and pink elephants, talked to ghosts or hallucinations, even thought I saw a Sasquatch, but it turned out to be a co-worker under bad lighting. Once, I even thought I may have seen a leprechaun, but I thought it couldn't possibly be. Yabu from Bad Bad Juju explains why I truly could have seen one. They exist, and he explains their origins.

Fire

Fire is a strange thing. It cleanses, as in nature. It destroys. It strengthens and weakens. It hardens and softens metals. It provides warmth, but can also leave you out in the cold.

It also does very strange things to bloggers. Last night, I watched in amazement, as seemingly normal people, bloggers, held some bizarre voodoo ritual, and proceded to burn anything not nailed down, while doing some awful whiteboy dance. I watched as they discussed burning another blogger's possessions... to help. Luckily for Teresa, she fled before the ritual began.

What a way for Sissy to meet everyone. Her first blogmeet. I hope she isn't too scarred. As I am.

Carnival of Recipes v42.0

The forty twoth Carnival of Recipes is up over at Conservative Friends. You... go there. Now.

Someday...

Someday, when I grow up and get big, I will get some sleep. And then I'll be able to think of things to write, and the cartoons and Ramones songs will stop playing non-stop in my head, and I will feel much saner.

Non-pet Owner's Rules

I was sent these by co-worker and chief insulter, Lance. I was the first person he thought of when he saw these, he says.

Rules For Non-Pet Owners Who Visit And Complain About Our Pets

1. They live here - you do not.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
3. I like my pet better than I like most people.
4. To you it's an animal. To me, it's an adopted child who is short, hairy, walks on all fours, and is speech-challenged.
5. Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, are easier to train, usually come when called, don't ask for money, never drive my car, don't hang out with losers, don't drink or smoke, don't worry about the latest fashions, don't wear my clothes (although they've been known to sleep on them from time to time) and don't need a gazillion dollars for college. And, if they get pregnant, I can sell the results.

Wonder why he thought of me? :)

Breaking Fast With T1G

It's been a long while since I posted a recipe, so I guess it's about time. Personally, I mix this up the evening before, cover and refrigerate it overnight, then bake it in the morn. Who the hell wants to actually have to prepare food in the morning, when you can just pop this in the oven! Anyway, here it is:

That 1 Breakfast Casserole

24 oz hot bulk sausage (or if you are feeling a bit on the wimpy side, mix hot and mild, or even just use mild... just don't invite me if you do!) ;)*
10 eggs, lightly beaten
1 cup sour cream
1 large onion, chopped
3 or 4 jalapeno peppers, chopped (or 1 green pepper)
1 red pepper, chopped
1 zucchini, chopped
2 cups cubed cheese (any favorite)
and for those with a hankerin' for close relations to athlete's foot, and jock itch, 16 oz (1 lb) mushrooms, sliced

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Cook sausage, drain grease, and set aside to cool slightly. In a large, deep baking dish, add all ingredients and stir to mix. Bake uncovered for 30 minutes, or until golden color. Again, I would rather make it up the night before, and bake it in the morning. This is good shit, Maynard. Enjoy.

*If you would make this in the wimpy fashion, I would still eat it if you invited me. The casserole, that is. Something to keep in mind.

Confusing English

Not an English major, am I. If the plural of mouse is mice, why isn't the plural of house hice? Grouse, grice?

My thought for the day.

The Communication King

I am a horrible person to have as a friend or relative. Oh, you have a problem, or need a hand, I'll be there... like yesterday. You can count on me to be there. You just can't count on communicating with me.

I'm not sure wht the hell my problem is when it comes to communication. Calling, writing, e-mail, visits... I just don't do them well. It wasn't always like this. Actually, until the past few years, it was hardly ever like this.

Growing up, most of my "close" friends were scattered throughout Wisconsin. At least every other week or so, a letter was mailed. In a few cases, phone calls might be made a couple of times a month. Either way, we were always in touch, and able to work out get togethers.

Now days? Uh... yeah. My mother hardly hears from me on a regular basis. Until this weekend, she hadn't seen or heard from me since Mother's Day. And before that, I think... Easter. I'm not sure. My abilities to keep in touch with the rest of my family aren't much better. I love them all more than you could guess, I just...

Well, I went to a party at one of my old friend's house over the weekend. Growing up, her family lived about 5 hours away from us, but we kept in touch. She and her husband are now only 30-35 minutes away from me. So I visit them any chance I get, right? Nope. It's been a year. I knew I was pushing it, but holy cow! Anyway, as soon as she figured out who I was, I got a great big hug... and then the scolding began in earnest. For the rest of the evening, any time that she or her family had an opportunity to get a dig in on me, they hopped on it. And I would expect nothing less.

So much can happen over the course of the year. Well, yeah, I guess that's obvious. She had a baby boy back in January. Other family news. Her middle son was walking very tentatively, now he's everywhere. I missed alot.

I did get a birth announcement, so I wrote a little something to ease the ass-chewing that I knew was coming my way. But I lost it when my computer croaked. I've found part of what I had scribbled on a shop order, so I posted it anyway. You won't find it in my recent posts. Brayden was born on January 21, so I dated the post for then. Check it out, if you like. I'm going to send her the link, and see if that keeps me from being crucified!

The whole family is a group of great people and I enjoy visiting with them all (when I'm around), but I really enjoy visiting with her father. He said to me, "You know, Joe, friendship doesn't always depend on seeing each other all of the time. Friends can meet after a long time, and pick up their conversation right where they left off. That is a sign of true friendship." It almost could sound hokey, but if you know him, it's not in the least. As a matter of fact, it's been two years since I had seen him, and we picked up right where we were last.

Now, I'm not trying to justify my communication deficiency. I know that I'm horrible at it, and I'm aware that I should work on it, and I'll try. Honest, I will. But it is kinda nice to know that at least one person isn't expecting much from me other than to pick up where we left off.