July 31, 2006
You ever notice how some folks just wait until someone says, or does something wrong, and then they jump on it and have to show everyone how "wrong" it is? We all do it to some degree, some of us less than others, but some folks just live for that shit. It's their livelihood... they are film critics. And then there are the wannabes...
I went back to IMDB to read some of the reviews and quotes from The World's Fastest Indian... the film I watched Saturday night. (Actually, Redneck, it was the DVD.) I came across an instance of someone in too much of a hurry to critique... so naturally, I'm going to be a jackass, and critique their critique.
Anachronisms: In the scene in the bar in the desert Bert is telling them that, "Back in New Zealand we breed those things [deer] on farms."While it's true that deer farming didn't start until the 1970's, this guy, or gal, is totally off. What they're referring to is a scene where the locals of that bar try to jack with Burt. One of them asks something along the lines of, "You seen anything like that back home," and then points overhead to a jackalope. A JACKALOPE... not a frickin' deer. Burt, seeing the smirks on the other locals faces, plays along, and starts in with his tale, telling how they take the horns, grind'em up, and send them to the Orient as an aphrodisiac. It lightened the mood of the bar.
In New Zealand, deer farming didn't start until the late-1970s and most Kiwis would have laughed at the idea in 1967.
I think most Kiwis would have laughed at an idiot who can't tell a jackalope from a deer. But then again... I may be wrong. Maybe it was a deer, and I'm an idiot. Those of you that have seen the movie, am I wrong? Or am I right, as usual?
BTW, if you start looking at dates, jackalopes have been around since the thirties... at least. So ya can't ding me or the movie on that one.
Things I Learned While I Was on Liberty in San Francisco, California, and Really, Really Drunk - Part 12
(A Guest Post by Harvey of Bad Example)
After a while, you realize that it's easier just to point out the NON-gays in San Francisco.
For example, that tree in front of the fence? - Not gay.
July 30, 2006
I watched The World's Fastest Indian last night. Wow...
I won't go into great details, because some folks just won't get into it. But if you're into speed, bikes, or feel good movies, you're probably going to love this flick. I did.
It's the story of Burt Munro, and his quest for a landspeed record on his 1920 Indian Scout... in 1962. The movie condenses several year visits to the Bonneville Salt Flats into one, but it still kicks ass. I couldn't help but grin throughout the movie, and I found myself tensing up, often. I was definitely into it.
Now, I've got to go get his biography... 'cuz Burt was a badass.
July 29, 2006
With a blogwar developing between the lovely Shoe, and Al Zonkarr, with the threat of og being drawn in, things are getting ugly. Folks choosing sides, others stirring the pot. Children shouldn't see this. As a matter of fact, in the comments at Shoe's, Bob says, "Hammer him hard, Shoe ... for the sake of the children."
In an "And now for something completely different" moment, this quote got me laughing about something not even related to the blogwar. A video clip that I caught a couple of days ago, showing Jodi Applegate going off on two brothers in her morning show. She freaked because of the "children watching" the show. (Because everyone knows that kids will choose the morning news over those stupid Power Rangers in a heart beat.)
(see extended entry)
Not cool? I don't know... probably not. But it would be cool having her smack me around like that!
Go. Check it out!
I got stuck watching America's Funniest Home Videos last night. I won't say that I hated it, because I did laugh out loud a couple of times, but it seems to be the same as the last time I watched it... gott knows how many years ago. Brutal shots to the 'nads, cute babies, old people with their clothes falling off... still the same as when BOB SAGET!!! was on the show.
Now it's Tom Bergeron. Just not funny. I don't think it's his fault, but the writers. BOB SAGET!!!, do his lines suck! His best lines are improv...
I was watching for a bit when it hit me... the show was missing something. DAISY!!! She wasn't on there! Well, hell... she hasn't been on there since 2000. Heheheh... I told you it was a while.
The show was never spectacular, even in the BOB SAGET!!! era, but it sure was nice to
look at watch when Daisy was on the show.
July 28, 2006
An Itch That Won't Be Scratched
You get an itch, you want to scratch it. But sometimes, it just isn't the thing to do. And other times, you just can't because... well, you can't. And the cops won't help out, either.
Things I Learned While I Was on Liberty in San Francisco, California, and Really, Really Drunk - Part 11
(A Guest Post by Harvey of Bad Example)
You might be a physics geek if...
...you calculate how fast you'd have to be going when you hit that cross street in order to launch yourself all the way to Alcatraz Island (near top of picture).
...if you calculate it as a percentage of the speed of light, forget the "might" part.
Need For Shopping
Like it or not, and I don’t, I’ve got to go shopping soon. I’m in dire need of some new bungies, and, it appears, some new jeans. I blew out one pair in major league fashion, and I’ve got a second pair that would like to do the same. Since I’ve only got three pair, or had three pair, with me, I’m running low.
When my jeans wear out, they usually wear through just above the knees. The crotch gets thin, and sometimes will develop holes, but the knee does them in. Once they wear through, and a hole shows, it’s all over. While I’m working, my jeans will drag on my legs, and if I’ve got to do any bending, squatting, or stretching, that drag rips the crotch out.
A while back, a fellow blogger posted a picture of his jeans… they were on their last leg (no pun intended). Not trying to outdo the lad, but this pretty much spells the end of your jeans… (see extended entry)
Rub to enlarge
Notice, I took care, as did Eric, to keep the boy hidden from view.
This is a pair of pants that can only be worn in a few places, now. They do provide great air flow, so that’s a plus, but not too many folks like seeing them. Especially when worn with the bungies posted below. Not the best ensemble…
My second pair of jeans has been going for a while now, but the hole above the knee just grew the other day. A good sweaty day, and that’s all she wrote. They’ll be in just the same shape as my church pants… check them out.
Click to enlarge
Again, modesty came into play, as you can see. I probably would have been alright, but you never know what’s going to happen. I don’t like my picture being taken, but Sluggo might.
Anyways, I’ve got to go shopping.
It’s Tammi’s birthday! Head on over and give her your birthday wishes…
Knowing her love for candles, shoes, and donuts, I figured I’d try to get her a little of everything. Time’s run short, so I’ve gotta settle. I’ll just combine things…
How’s this? A donut candle…
I was going to be a smart ass (imagine that), and try to come up with a donut shoe, there really is one. You can’t eat them; though, folks with a foot or shoe fetish may be more than happy to lick them.
Anyway, Happy Birthday, Tammi!
July 27, 2006
Hah!!! It's not just me, no matter what you say. Oh sure, I may have a bit of a crush on her. I'll give you that.
But even science is saying that Jennifer Aniston tops the "perfect legs" list.
Science, people. It's gotta be true.
Sitting out here on the back porch, watching the rain start to come down.
Just a quick post, for Eric, who happens to love cover tunes.
If Ozzy were from the hills, he may have written a song that sounded like this. Actually, I do have this album... it ain't that bad. You should hear them do Metallica.
And then, just because, here's another cover, swing style. This dude is awesome...
Gotta run... all hell is breaking loose. I might get struck by lightning. Well, I run that risk everyday, but no sense in tempting fate.
If you think I'm Mormon,
I am not,
I'm just cheap...
You can't defeat me!!!
I don't believe it!!!
How did you...???
The questions and the following me around the shop, I can take that. The Power Rangers of any version are driving me nuts....
Where are the Loony Tunes?
July 26, 2006
Things I Learned While I Was on Liberty in San Francisco, California, and Really, Really Drunk - Part 10
(A Guest Post by Harvey of Bad Example)
Sitting on my bicycle at the top of this hill, I distinctly recall two thoughts:
"Wonder how far I can make it without touching my brakes?"
July 25, 2006
T1G: "Are there many 'gators in this area?"
Old Guy: "Nah... they ain't around here."
Other Old Guy: "Ain't true... I seen one ta other day. It was in that pond over by them new condos."
Old Guy: "You're on them goofy pills."
Other Old Guy: "I swear it..."
Old Guy (turning to me): "There might be some, but they don't generally hang in this area... too close to salt water. It's pretty damn rare."
Yeah. Right. Saw my first Florida 'gator coming back from Sun City. I don't know how big "big" is, but I'd say this was big. Damn near 10'. Big enough to make my skin crawl... and, of course, I thought of Jimbo. He loves'em.
"Rare" my ass.
Headutting. Or Zidaning... it's the in thing.
Word has it that the horse took a page from Materazzi (Zidane's butting bag), insulting the jockey, Paul O'Neill, and his family. More specifically, he'd implied that O'Neill's mother had worked a show in Tijuana with a cousin of his.
July 24, 2006
Hope things are going well for you, and that the Big Guy has you set up right. I'm sure you know all about it, but I'm down here in Florida, helping out Aunt D., trying to get Uncle Russ' business rolling again, so that we can sell.
As I often do, I was thinking of you today. Alot. I was remembering how I used to follow you around in the machine shops and the garage, asking about tools and why certain things needed certain care and others didn't. All of us kids would ask if we could help saw, or drill things for you. You'd patiently explain everything to us, and sometimes allow us to help. And help for real, not just to entertain ourselves. I remember the first tool box you got for me... full of real tools. I think I was seven or eight at the time. You'd show us how to use some tools, and explain why we couldn't run others until we were older. I love ya for that...
Today, I had the chance to watch over S's boy (he's ten already!). He followed me around the shop asking questions, wanting to help, and playing with some of the tools I thought it safe for him. I got to spend most of the day with him. Kind of a learning experience, and a realization of what you did for us.
I just wanted to thank you, Pa, for not killing me.
Love and miss you,
Things I Learned While I Was on Liberty in San Francisco, California, and Really, Really Drunk - Part 9
(A Guest Post by Harvey of Bad Example)
I probably didn't REALLY hear someone mumbling the word "braaaaainssss", so I'm only running like hell because it's good exercise.
July 23, 2006
I know that it's not new news, but it's really starting to chaff me. Ehren Watada refuses to fight illegal war. Blah, blah, blah.... most stories make him out to be a hero, and it's seeing comments like this one from a KHNL 8 viewer feedback forum that have just gotten me steamed.
"I'm behind Lt. Ehren Watada 100%!I think it's wonderful that he's standing up for his rights!!" - Nicole
Were he a civilian, maybe. But he is an officer in the US Army. I'm pretty goddamned sure that he gave an oath similar to this:
"I, Ehren Watada, having been appointed an officer in the Army of the United States, as indicated above in the grade of _____ do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign or domestic, that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservations or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office upon which I am about to enter; So help me God." (DA Form 71, 1 August 1959, for officers.)Something close to this, if not this exactly.
Emphasis added by me.
Watada, having "educated" himself about the current war, has deemed it illegal, and thus, he will not serve. He is making a stand by staying home. Some may see that as manly. I see it as being a bit selfish. He's hurting the unit and the men with whom he's trained. While it would seem that any officer can step into a position of leadership, and run that unit just as well, it doesn't happen like that. Especially when you've got an officer who shows as much promise as Watada did.
Hey, he does have a right to make a stand. But he's a member of the military... you've got to play differently. He was insubordinate to his superior officers. Now he's got the right to a dishonorable discharge, forfeiture of pay and seven years in prison.
Damn... I've got a powerful craving for some 911 buffalo shrimp, curly fries, and a tall, ice cold Guinness.
I sat down and watched a bit of television, last night. I'm a fan of the Discovery Channel, so I went there to watch a few shows. Then came their show, "Global Warming: What you need to know..." While some of it was kinda interesting, most of it bored me to death.
"Never have CO2 levels been this high in the past 600,000 years..." was one of their quotes. And then they speculate that the reason that is, is because the rainforest, the Earth's lung, is being killed off by loggers, and lack of rain. The trees there can no longer process the CO2 into oxygen. This could be very true. Could be.
I noticed though, not once did they mention the real culprits behind this over abundance of carbon dioxide. They blamed fuel guzzling vehicles, our lifestyles and the energy expended maintaining them, and some other crap. But never were those fitness freaks mentioned. No aerobics instructors tossed under the bus.. it's not right.
I mean, think about it. Fitness buffs in general release more CO2 into the atmosphere than the average person. Respiration is increased, thus the rate of CO2 being released into the air is increased. Aerobics practicioners, in particular, are responsible for many times over what a sloth like myself would release into the atmosphere. Selfish bastards... killing the earth so that they might live. I'd like to see this added to the Kyoto Protocol.
One solution offered was for storage of CO2 in under-sea caverns. CO2 would be pumped into caverns under the sea bed, instead of being released into the atmosphere. It's a pretty cool idea, but you've gotta wonder what happens when the planet finally farts... No, seriously, it was pretty damn interesting.
Not a part of the show, but something that I had caught just a few minutes before it began, is Stephen Colbert's (of the Colbert Report) take on global warming, and Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Truth," with his own documentary, "The Convenientest Truth." Check it out...
July 22, 2006
Christina has resurrected her novellas. Yes, she's had them up and running for awhile now... I just suck at keeping you up to date. You can check them all out at Fiesty Repartee... look down on the right sidebar, under "Fabulous Fiction."
Why remind you of this now? Chrissy has started a new one, one of which I'm part. Man, I can't wait to see how this one goes, as Chrissy's kicked it off with a bang! I only hope that I'll be able to keep up with the other writers...
Went out with the aunt and cousin last night. We saw a local band called Three Floors Up, obviously a cover band. But I've got to say, those guys rocked... they were very good. Anything from Otis Redding to REO Speedwagon, from SRV to Deep Purple, the Cars to Cheap Trick, they played it and played it well. They did a kickass version of "Spooky," and, while I don't usually get excited about anyone (including Deep Purple) doing "Smoke on the Water," they rocked it. They kept people on the dance floor all evening... It was cool to hear them do the hometown boys' "I Want You To Want Me"... the floor was instantly packed. There's a lot of Midwesterners down here.
I did not dance, but I got a kick out of watching those that did. One old man asked a younger woman for a slow dance, after he had been dancing around her for a bit. She told him, "Maybe if you'd bathe!" When he asked her if it was that bad, she very loudly told him that he reeked! Heheheh... I almost felt sorry for him. Almost.
One couple, in their seventies, was out there grinding... I was in shock... at first I thought it disgusting. But then I thought about it, and just figured "Go, man! Go! Just don't have a heart attack!" Hey, at least they were having fun, though I about had a heart attack myself when she bent down and ground her ass into him. You should have seen his face...
Overall, it was a pretty damn good time.
Only strange part of the night was when the band played "Free Bird," a tune I almost hate, now that I've heard it 14,238 times. My aunt got up and walked out, looking pissed. Shortly, my cousin followed. I asked my cousin's hubby what that was all about.
She wasn't pissed. Turns out "Free Bird" was one of the songs played when they distributed my uncle's ashes. As a matter of fact, it was playing when they were heading back, followed by a single gull. That bird followed them until the song stopped. Obviously, that's what she was thinking of when they played it. She's still having a hard time. Seems possible that my uncle may be feeling the same...
There's a magic microwave that turns on by itself in the middle of the night, and doors that open by themselves.
July 21, 2006
Back and Forth
For the few minutes MuNu is up, I just want to say "Hi" and let you know that if MuNu is down, check at the old blogsnot site.
Peace out, homies.
Things I Learned While I Was on Liberty in San Francisco, California, and Really, Really Drunk - Part 8
(A Guest Post by Harvey of Bad Example)
Some people look at the Golden Gate Bridge and think "What a fantastic marvel of engineering prowess!".
I look at it and think, "I wanna go climb up on one of those ladders up there".
Trying to sleep, but I'm still awake. Now I really won't be able to crash...
July 20, 2006
Criminy... I've got a ton of frickin' emails to which I need to respond. The past couple of weeks have piled it up. I'm trying to whittle it down a bit, but I plan on checking in with folks, too.
All I've got for you at present is a couple of signs that had me laughing on my trip down here. The first appealed to my very strict religious upbringing...
"REVIVAL: (then it gives the dates)
BROTHER DONNIE BURNS"
Combining revival meetin's with Brother Donnie being burnt at the stake... The Witch Trial Revival Meetin's. That'll boost membership for sure... hell, I'd go. (Well, only for Brother Donnie's burning...)
"Every hour, 96 teens become pregnant...
Seems to me that their aim is pretty damn good. I hope the "project" is to disrupt accuracy...
July 19, 2006
Safe and sound in Apollo Beach. It's nice and cool here, believe it or not. Well, cool compared to back home.
Regular posting should resume. Sometime. Hopefully, soon. I think.
I guess it just depends on what you consider "regular."
Things I Learned While I Was on Liberty in San Francisco, California, and Really, Really Drunk - Part 7
(A Guest Post by Harvey of Bad Example)
Yeah, it sucks to live on a ship, but not as much as it sucked to be living as a soldier assigned to that drafty-ass Fort Point.
July 18, 2006
I'm in Montgomery, Alabama. I'm too tired and lazy to post anything here, but I did over at RSM's place.
Car be healthy. Me be on the road.
Catch ya in a couple of days.
July 17, 2006
Holy Mother Mary... that was a rough one.
I met Contagion, Ktreva (drop by and wish her a belated birthday… but I didn’t send you), and Clone at a fine dining establishment, earlier this evening. When I got there, it was hotter than hell. No frickin' lie... Satan himself walked past with one of those misting fans, trying to cool himself.
After an extraordinary supper, Ktreva and Clone left, while Contagion and I, being the public servants that we are, worked on the beer overstock. We stayed there for quite awhile, then noticed that the heat wave had given way to storms… and my windows were down. Ah, frickin’ well. So the ride home would be a little damp. That would prove to be the least of my concerns.
I took off, and the skies seemed to open up. Within a few miles, you could not see past the front of the vehicle, unless there were tail lights in front of you. And even then, it was iffy.
Thankfully, being part god and all, my brethren kept my way well illuminated. Lightning was everywhere, as I passed the mortals and fools who had pulled off the side of the road. I had to laugh… some of them had dropped deep into the ditch trying to find the edge of the road. Most that were moving would barely get over twenty mph. Being part god, and knowing the road, I was able to cruise along at a moderate speed of 50. (Thank the gods for lightning)
My brethren did a fairly decent job of keeping the path lit, as I missed the first tree that lay across my path. But I must have pissed one of them off, because I caught the second tree solidly. I’m waiting until dawn to survey the damage. If something is really beaten up, you can bet that there will be some serious storms here, and on my way down south… I don’t take their (my god brothers) crap very lightly. Especially when it comes to my piece of shiite car….
Until then, I guess I sleep. Evening, peeps.
The Effects of The President's "Off Air" Comments
Guess what, America?!?!? We have a potty mouth for a President! That's just fucking great... who knew? And who the hell really cares? Obviously, it's a pretty big deal to some folks. Heheheh...
I've been going around reading some sites, and different news articles, and the President is about as evil as the head chopping fuck we just liberated from life. Some folks are calling for impeachment: though, I will say that most of them are tongue in cheek. Some folks aren't happy that he was talking while eating, and that he chews with his mouth open. The man is an embarassment to our country, some are saying, but those are the folks who always say that... no matter what he does. I won't provide links... all you have to do is check out this google search: Bush shit. You can read some brilliance there...
This is one reason that I don't do the political blogging. The battle between Right and Left can reach some ridiculous lows. Either side latching on to the smallest things, and riding them into the ground. Many of them don't matter, but it gives folks a chance to spew their crap and "change the world". Hey, if it feels good...
Perhaps the scariest thing to me is not the fact that our President actually swears. Or swore. No. In their eagerness to latch on to the foul barnyard curse, also known as "shit," the concerned folks missed the fact that Condi is going to be eliminated. Seriously. It's right there in their transcript:
"I think Condi is going to go pretty soon," Bush said.Fired? Assassinated? They both seem eager to get rid of her...
Blair replied: "Right, that's all that matters, it will take some time to get that together."
I also thought that some of these folks would be showing concern for the President's health problems. He's suffering from some severe constipation, and even discussed it with PM Blair:
"I just want some movement. Yesterday I didn't see much movement, " said Bush .What the hell did they serve for chow?
"It may be that it's impossible," Blair replied.
Instead, we'll concentrate on the swearing, and the impact that will have on our dealings with the rest of the world. Nevermind that our President may be assassinating our Secretary of State, or may possibly die from his bowels backing up, leaving an even more extreme potty mouth to take over as President...
Scary, people. Scary.
Hey, they do it, I can, too. And it's really quite fun!
And one more thing... This was a joke, and only a joke.
Well, it's been sweet being at home, but it's time to hop in the car, and head back to Florida. I'll be there until September. Most likely.
I've had a few folks ask me why I bother to drive, when I could fly for as much money. In case you're one who's wondering this, here's why:
1. No car when I get to my destination. I need a ride, otherwise I'm of no benefit to anyone.
2. If I fly, I knock down my chances of meeting bloggers... something I'm loving.
3. Click on the extended entry...
When you fly, you can only SEE this scenery... you can't BE a part of it...
These are some pics from trips out west. (You can click to enlarge) I was on the bike at the time… the way I’d prefer to travel. The mountain pic is from Glacier in Montana, and the pond is from a backroad in Wyoming. The picture below is from a spot on I-75, not far from the Tennessee/Kentucky border. Funny thing... I took this pic, and a couple of others, and two days later, Tuck from Thought Drizzle posted an excellent pic that he had taken from the very same area, but earlier in the morning. This was the view that I was describing when I wrote Heaven.
Well, trying to describe. As nice as these pics may seem, they just can't come near to showing you how it actually is. You have to be there to be it... feel it.
You just can't get that when you're riding the metal birds through the heavens...
Things I Learned While I Was on Liberty in San Francisco, California, and Really, Really Drunk - Part 6
(A Guest Post by Harvey of Bad Example)
Thanks to a strong union, California Highway Patrol officers are allowed to take donut breaks while writing tickets.
July 16, 2006
Well, I got back from Ogmeet 2006 in fairly decent working order. My liver is a little angry, but I've been good to it for awhile now... I say unto mine liver, "Waaa, verily, waaa." What a baby...
Click the extended entry to read about it.
Got down to Chicago early Friday, and met up with a couple of friends in downtown. We hit a few pubs, had some great chow, and many brewskis. A very great way to start the weekend, hanging with friends. I'm glad it worked out that we could all meet up.
Original plans had been to hook up with Leslie and some other bloggers after we finished up down there. Good intentions, best laid plans... didn't quite work out that way. Zonker, Tammi, Leslie, and I did manage to meet, but I missed some of the other bloggers... some of whom would not be there the following evening. My loss, I know, but it was still a great time.
Saturday was another exhibition of "good intentions, best laid plains," in that I was hoping to run back downtown and hit a couple of museums... I wasn't too clear on the laws and regs, so I had passed up the shoot that Og had planned. When I finally rousted my personal self, I had pretty much shot my chances of making it downtown and back before chow, so Zonker and I ran out to get an early start on the beer drinking. At least the afternoon wasn't wasted.
That night, Zonker, Tammi, and I ran down to Klas Restaurant to meet up with the rest of the bloggers. Leslie was there, as was jimmyb, of The Conservative UAW Guy, and Mark, of Windypundit... two gents that I didn't get to visit with as much as I'd have liked. I'd been hoping to hook up with jimmyb and help him to dispose of some Sam Adams and scotch, but he had to leave early, and we left way too late. Another time, jimmy. It wasn't long before the Great and Powerful Og walked in, with his poofta commentor, "Dude." After a short time, Biloxi, of The Republic of Biloxi, joined us, thus completing the blogroll of diners. After the ritual sacrifice, we settled down for a kick ass meal.
If you're in the Chicago area, and want a good Czech meal, Klas Restaurant will deliver. Great service, and great chow. No... that's EXCELLENT chow. And plenty of it. The place has a history to it, as they've been around since 1922. They'll give you a tour around the place, if you wish it. Very Old World.
I'm not sure how long we were at the table, but we were there for a long time, visiting, laughing, and spreading the usual bullshit. Lights were being turned off, and Leslie had to leave (as she wasn't feeling too well), so we started making our way to Klas' bar. By the time we got there, Mark and Jimmy also had to leave, so the remaining six of us settled in at the bar. Many stories were told, and we were all laughing our asses off, and those of us that drink, did. A lot.
I ended up being the liquor disposal... Dude had a large snifter of cognac that I had to finish, and since Zonker was driving, I had to assist him in the riddance of his beers, too. It's a very tough job, but it's all part of being a nice guy. Thank me for me.
The bar was promoting a future art and music show, so Dude gave us a sample of some of his artwork. Very impressive, to say the least. The colors really stood out from each other, yet seemed to mesh seemlessly. Some folks thought it stunk, but I was wishing that I had taken a picture of it. I think Zonker may have managed to get a shot...
Shortly, Biloxi and Dude (who is a direct descendant of the great Barfolomew Hurley... no, not related to Elizabeth) had to leave. Tammi, Zonker, Og, and I closed the bar down. A very good time.
I will say that it wasn't so nice later in the day. My drive home sucked. Bad. Heat and hangovers do not mix. But I've said that before. You'd think that I'd learn...
Anyway, the whole weekend rocked. It was great seeing Leslie, Og, and Zonker again, and getting to meet jimmyb, Mark, Dude, and Biloxi. Again, I wish I'd gotten to meet some of the others that had been there on Friday night, but that's the way it worked out. Hopefully, we'll be doing this again, and I'll be able to meet them then.
Thanks go out to Leslie and Og for putting in their time and efforts to make this thing work. And Leslie was sick, and still meeting people. Good woman, she be.
Again, if you ever get the chance to meet up with bloggers, DO IT!!! You'll be glad you did.
is going on with Launchcast? My station just played Natalie (?) after Slayer, then after Darkest Hour, I got stuck with NSTINK. Seriously. After COC, Pro-Pain, Testament, The Misfits, Melvins, and Green River, I get Monaco. ??? Hey, it wasn't horrible, but I'm not in the mood for that crap... I clicked skip and got Tad, which is very cool. But it was followed by Elton John. Which reminded me of a post I need to do...
I guess it all works out, but damn!!!
Things I Learned While Stumbling Through Nova Scotia
Some restaurants are NOT all they claim to be...
July 14, 2006
Heading out to Chi-town on this day.
Catch ya all on Sunday!
Quite a few years ago, I bought a Bucktool, a very handy multi-tool, obviously made by Buck Knives... who also made the knife we used to play catch as young bright guys. Anyway, that multi-tool was sweet... until it disappeared, a few months back.
I was bummed... I used that thing for all kinds of jobs. As long as it didn't require alot of torque, it could do almost anything you needed. I'd used it to put in air conditioners, repair things around the house, cut rope, and used it to clean up some. The pliers were sweet, with a .001 feeler gauge having a tough time sliding through.
That's why the heavens are singing today, as I've found the bastard! Now I can finally pull those nose hairs...
Things I Learned While I Was on Liberty in San Francisco, California, and Really, Really Drunk - Part 5
(A Guest Post by Harvey of Bad Example)
Juggling flaming sticks?
Man... it just doesn't get any crazier than that.
Uh... I stand corrected.
July 13, 2006
How Do You View Zidane's Headbutt?
Coalition of the Swilling has a post up that shows how different countries are seeing the "Zidane headbutt" in different ways. Check it out if you haven't seen it. I guarantee you'll see something.
And if you didn't bother to click the link at the beginning of that post, this is Cuba's current view...
Take a guess at the age of this towel. Here's a hint: I got it for my golden birthday. Yeah. 30 freakin' years old. Looks pretty good, doesn't it? I was, and still am, a big Snoopy fan. Mostly because of Joe Cool.
Why'd I post it? I don't know. I had a very good reason when I started. I guess now I'm just hoping that you'll have some kind of clue.
Grooming For Drunken Women
"If you fall over or pass out, remember your skirt or dress may ride up... You could show off more than you intended -- for all our sakes, please make sure you're wearing nice pants and that you've recently had a wax."
Jerry, of Back Home Again, stopped in last eve to visit the infamous Fritz's Wooden Nickel. Oh sure, he'll tell you that it was to visit with Tammi and/or me, but it was clear that Fritz's was the destination. "I so need to get away from home... even if it's just a few hours," says Jerry. We met up with Tammi at Fritz's, where Jerry attempted to drown his sorrows. I didn't have the heart to tell him that O'doul's wasn't going to help much... it's N/A beer. Ah well... if it makes you happy...
After a fine meal, we headed on over to Tammi's place, where we all visited until too late in the night, then after arguing about who was going to be responsible for his carcass, it was decided that he was going to stay at my place. I was a little worried... I mean, this is the first blogger ever to come over to my place. Hell, it's the first visitor I've had in a few years! Not to worry, though; Jerry was cool. Heh... he didn't flinch much when I showed him my jar of fingers, or my collection of mummified goats' heads.
The lad is on his way home, now, and he left with threats of returning. He was even promising to show up on the doorsteps of other bloggers, so you might want to keep mum on your whereabouts...
July 12, 2006
Today was made for alkeehawl, I'm thinking. Broke fast with a glass of scotch. At least now I can move... almost.
Worked for hours yesterday moving crap. Heheh... I moved, therefore, I can't.
Peace out. Or pass out.
Things I Learned While Hanging Out In the Yukon and Really, Really Drunk - Party On
If you intend to have any dignity, avoid their "party games" that involve putting rolls of toilet paper onto various object without using your hands.
Things I Learned While I Was on Liberty in San Francisco, California, and Really, Really Drunk - Part 4
(A Guest Post by Harvey of Bad Example)
When telling people that you "rode a ferry in San Francisco", sometimes your listeners will require clarification.
July 11, 2006
I'm not sure, but I'd lay money that last week was a meeting of the Southeastern US Pork Producers. There were pigs everywhere! You couldn’t go more than 5 miles without catching a whiff of bacon. As I was driving along, I kept having quotes from a certain duo running through my head.
Stoner: Hey, your honor, man!It wasn't really the best week to be putting some serious miles on the car, but, fortunately, I made out much better than some folks did. Heheheh... the Party Boys' "The Case of the Red Arrow" provided me with another couple of quotes to add. Thank Gott that I didn't get my chance to visit with an Officer Friendly ... I'd have been grinning as I imagined Yabu Party saying, "The Fuzz? Fuck a bunch of Fuzz..," and Denny Party showing his support; "You are a monumental dumbass..." Ah, good times...
Lawyer whispers: No, no... the judge is over there.
Stoner: Hmphk... oh yeah. Hey, your honor, man. Now dig, man. Like I know a lot of cats, man, call you a pig, man. You know what I mean, man? Nah, really man. But I ain't like that man, dig man? Cuz I dig pigs, man.
from "Trippin' in Court," by Cheech and Chong
Pedro: Hey, hey, man! Lookit... there's the cops man... hey, ask them if they'll give us a push.
Man: Alright... hey! HEY!!! Can you pigs give us a push?!?!?
Pedro: Hey, man... don't say that!
Man: Oh far out, man, they're turning around...
Pedro: I know… (starts crying)
from "The Continuing Adventures Of Pedro De Pacas And Man," by Cheech and Chong
After a quick trip up to Savannah, I headed over to Pensacola. There, I was to meet up with Tree Hugging Sister from Coalition of the Swilling. I had some extra time, so I got a chance to hook up with Bou, and to meet the rest of her family. I'd already met her hubby and the three boys, as well as her sister Morrigan, but I'd never gotten to meet The Great Omnipotent One (her father), Hubba (a very appropriate nickname for her mother), or her brother Toluca Nole. Great people, all of them, and I wish that I had a bit longer to visit with them... seemed like I had just gotten there, and I was leaving. I hope that I can get the chance to visit with them again.
Racing back to the hotel, I called THS and let her know that I was on my way... we were thinking that we'd be stuck waiting for a table at McGuire's Pub. I hadn't been back to my room for very long when the phone rang, and there they were, THS and her hubby, Major Dad. After a couple of quick handshakes, and a big hug from THS, we were on our way to McGuire's, where their son, Ebola, had already secured a table. After a short sermon from the kindly kooks across the street, we made our way in to some kickass food and beer.
McGuire's itself was a blast. A little different, but a lot of fun. If I lived anywhere near there, that would be one of my hangouts. But the pub wasn't all that I enjoyed that night. It was great to be able to visit with some fellow bloggers and Marines. Hell... Marines, bloggers... that right there is almost a guarantee of a good time! ;) We visited for awhile, had plenty of McGuire's stout (oh yeah, we drank a toast to numbing minds with two years of Drunken Wisdom), and swapped stories... some of my favorites being THS's great a-driving abilities. That's "assistant driver," if you missed that. Heheheh... poor Major Dad. Seriously, it was great to meet them. I wish like hell that I could have gotten up early enough the next morning to head over to their place for breakfast. (Major Dad is reported to make an EXCELLENT breakfast.) Alas, I needed to hit the road again...
That day, I met up with Zonker, RSM, and Denny in a Greek restaurant near Atlanta. Topics of conversation bounced all over the place; from Acidman's funeral, to lesbian cat sisters. Softball, to horny lemurs. Crazy womens, to uncommonly beautiful women. Speaking of beautiful women, we even made a call to another blogger who had asked me to drunk dial her and let her speak to everyone.
Unfortunately, Denny and RSM had to leave, so that left Zonker and myself to drink beer; a fate that we bravely accepted. We headed into the Mellow Mushroom and tore up their Boddington's supply while attempting to play darts. Heheh... ugly. That's all I can say about our dart throwing prowess. Okay... one more thing... non-existent. One of the locals challenged us, and I think he was truly whelmed.
I'm not sure who's idea it was, but we decided that it would be best for everyone if we just stayed out 'til the bar closed... 3 am. It was four or a little after by the time I hit the rack. I was up by eight so that I could head out to Eric Party's straight white abode in the hills of Tennessee. Holy crap. Holy crap. Holy crap. I was hurting for sleep. Thank gott that a stop at Ronnie Mac's took away the little bit of the hangover I was feeling. That drive would have sucked, and it was only a couple of hours!
I got to Eric's place around noon thirty or so, where I was once again able to view the rare SWG in its natural habitat. Beers were had, scotch was sipped... or swilled... and we set about living the unbearably torturous life that is Eric's. Truly, a weaker man than he would perish in the wilds at his place... thank Gott I'm not a weaker man. Heh...
We did hunt for spiders, to no avail, and then I sat on the patio contemplating the hammock on the back edges of the wilderness. I would have climbed in, but it is a serious trek across the county to make it to the back of his yard. Who knows what critters lurk in the yard between the patio and the hammock? I wasn't willing to make another trip to the Etowah emergency room.
I may have helped to create a monster while there. While kicking back on the patio, it was discovered that the wireless reaches with minimal signal loss. All he needs is a laptop, and Eric will be able to live blog the wilds from the patio. "... that seven legged mutant spider has returned, children... jumping from the table to my knee, and back again... just as long as he stays away from my plate, all is cool... I have just returned from building myself another bacon sammidge... you can never have too much bacon... well shit, rubberneckers... it appears I'm going to be running into town... pulling a knife may work on V-man, but it's not the best idea when dealing with a spider... especially when he's hopped onto your leg... word... there is alot of blood... heheheh .... reminds me of a story ... "
After a breakfast of bacon sandwiches, and fortified with a bag of beef jerky, a nanner, a coke, and a chewy granola bar (which I’m supposed to write a review on), I left Eric's, and headed straight on home. It took eleven hours even... great time. The traffic moved along very well. I probably could have cut out a half hour if I didn't stop to view the mountains. I had debated stopping by Jerry's place, but I didn't think he'd be back from Oklahoma, yet. Heheh... within just a couple of minutes of going past the exit to his place, he called. He had just gotten into the airport there in Indie. Ah, well... we should be hooking up this week.
If you look over to the "We've Shared A Flask" column, you'll see some new names. Bad Bad Juju, Catfish, Coalition of the Swilling, Dizzy Girl, Lee Ann's View, Mom Is Nutz, Shadowscope, and Velociman are all folks I've met on this last road trip. Some were met under less than desirable circumstances, and some were meetings set up far in advance. I got drunk with some of them, and I didn't get to visit with others nearly as much as I'd have liked… a couple were just a quick meeting. All are good peeps, and I'm looking forward to getting to know them all a little bit better.
I know I say it every time I write about meeting fellow bloggers, but if you ever get the chance to meet with them, DO IT! A lot of these folks are family... the family you like.
That doesn’t necessarily mean that they are sane… just that you’ll like them.
July 10, 2006
State of Emergency
I pulled up to the Taco John's drive thru, placed my order, and drove around to the window. The kid in the window growled, "$5.87." I started chuckling. I couldn't help it... he sounded just. like. Danny. I shit you not. But that's not the best part.
I paid my money, he took it, and closed the window. Through the glass I hear a muffled "Aw, crap... I've gotta... aw, crap! The tape needs replacing! Ah, shit!" He fumbles with the window, about drops my change, and looks over his shoulder, I think in panic. Meanwhile, he's doing what can only be a "I've gotta go right now" dance. He's near tears. He practically tosses me my drink, and yells "AH SHIT" again. He hands me my chow, and as the window's closing, he's running away, and I hear, "AH, CRAP! I'VE GOTTA CRAP!!! SOMEONE TAKE THE WINDOW! SHIT!!!"
To steal a phrase from Elisson, I about shit a blood clot, I was laughing so hard.
Real or just goofing around... that made my day.
Things I Learned While I Was on Liberty in San Francisco, California, and Really, Really Drunk - Part 3
(A Guest Post by Harvey of Bad Example)
No matter how creative you try to be, all pictures of the Transamerica Building end up looking exactly alike.
July 09, 2006
July 9, 1967
July 9, 1967... Northern Illinois' modern day equivalent of the stable in Bethlehem. A young farmer's wife has just given birth to her first child... a long haired little boy. No kidding, his hair is over his ears, and down on his shoulders. Years before his horrible accident requires a face transplant, he is a stunning figure right out of the chute. Literally, and figuratively.
The young woman watches nervously as the little one is being checked out. He seems to have been born with a smirk on his face, but that changes as soon as the doctor smacks his little ass.
Suddenly, the room is an explosion of tiny fists and obscenities. The doc catches a right to his left temple, and a left to his shnoz. The infant is screaming, but it's not the usual cries. "Son of a cross eyed monkey raping goat!!! Who the hell do you think you are, you heavy handed son of a bitch?!?!? You get your kicks from paddling the backsides of innocents? I'll kick your ass so high they've got to shoot you to keep ya from starving to death, ya friggin pervert!"
As the doc slumps to the floor, the infant walks over and kicks him in the groin, and then takes his wallet. Peeling out a Benjamin, he hands the C-note to his mother. "Thanks for the ride, lady." He then walks over to his father who is standing in dumbfounded silence. He grabs the White Owl from his father's pocket, and lights it up with a match struck on the doctor's face.
"I'm off to get a beer, folks... feel free to join me." With that, he strides off, bare ass naked, into the night.
And that, my friends, is the story of my first beer. It's true, too. Mostly.
Okay, let me just say this: "JEEBUS EFFIN' CARISTY!!!" Thank you, all of you, for your birthday wishes and gifts. Holy mother of gott... it's too damn cool. I will be stopping by and thanking each and every one of you folks later. Right now, I'm up visiting my mother, so I'm not going to have much computer time.
Until then, a toast to some of the coolest folks out there in the blogosphere. (yeah... that's you.) CHEERS, YOU BASTARDS!!!
July 08, 2006
What's So Special About July 9th?
Kind of a big day throughout history.
1) July 9, 1810 - Napoleon officially makes Holland part of his empire. Greedy French bastard. But, you do gotta admit, he was probably the last Frenchman with balls.
2) July 9, 1850 - Millard Fillmore becomes the 13th President of the United States. And we have HIM to thank for California. Surfs Up, Dude.
3) July 9, 1967 - Chicago White Sox lose a double header to Minnesota. Hmmm - maybe THAT'S why T1G's such a big Sox fan. You know, that whole underdog thing... and it did take forever for them to actually WIN a World Series.
* July 9, 1819 - Elias Howe, inventor of the sewing machine.
* July 9, 1932 - Donald Rumsfeld, inventor of Kung Fu.
* July 9, 1952 - John Tesh inventor of the factoid, and one of T1G's favorite musicians.
AND... drum roll please...
* July 9, 1967 - That 1 Guy, inventor of Drunken Wisdom!
In honor of this very special day in history - all bloggers should get together to offer suggestions on how T1G can celebrate his 39th birthday. If you have your own blog, feel free to post your suggestions there, then send a trackback to this post and/or leave a permalink in the comments.
Check out the trackbacks & links, but be aware that they're probably not all "safe for work".
Happy Birthday T1G! Enjoy!!!!
Things I Learned While Hanging Out With Newly Commissioned Lieutenants on Liberty and Really, Really Drunk - Part 1
(a Guest Post In the Style of Harvey of Bad Example)
Keep your cuff keys on you or keep former MPs away from their old equipment boxes if you don't want to be stuck with your "buddy" for hours.
July 07, 2006
Things I Learned While I Was on Liberty in San Francisco, California, and Really, Really Drunk - Part 2
(A Guest Post by Harvey of Bad Example)
Who makes the best CatBurgers in San Fran? Just follow the crowd in Chinatown.
July 06, 2006
This isn't a new thing, but I stumbled across it again, and I figured to have some fun with it. Army Wife and Jerry have both sent me the link to this, BTW. If you're offended, blame them, too. Heheheh...
Jesus Inspirational Sports Statues... or are they idols? I'm pretty sure that the Bible said something along the lines of: "Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth." I'm thinking that this is a graven image, so I can legally make fun of it without Gott tossing a beatin' down on me. I'll toss one of the pics up every now and then, along with a caption. Feel free to toss your own in... or duck and cover.
"Oh, shit... the coppers! I'll show you how to beat the stuffin' out of a stoolie later!"
Yeah, lame. So you do better...
July 05, 2006
Home Again, Home Again...
No jigging, and no piggin'.
I made it back, safe and sound, only to have to turn around and go back in a couple of weeks. Things are already getting frantic around here, but I do promise to give you a full report on the trip back. And soon.
I will say that I got to meet many great folks (in one case, literally), as well as getting to see other friends again. I've gotten to the point, now, that travel totally sucks unless I can hook up with bloggers along the way! Strange, but true.
I did learn that I am going to hell... along with a couple of other Marines. It was being screamed at us as we were walking into an outpost of Heaven, aka, McGuire's Pub in Pensacola. Irony...
Well, jiggetty jig.
Gramps' Little Helper
If you don't like this little yarn, blame Raging Mom. I read this tale over at her place, and I had a story just bursting to be written. (For those of you who think I should have been writing a recap of my trip, you're right. But this story was written in just a matter of minutes. Yeah, yeah, yeah... it shows, I know.)
Check out my heart wrenching tale...
"Hey, now! You've gotta be gentle, or you may hurt them," Gramps told his grandson. The seven year old stopped chasing the dancing lights on the yard, and looked at his grandfather with a puzzled frown.
Gramps smiled and said, "Those lights are very delicate… they’re said to be the wandering souls of men and women, waiting to get into heaven. They drift around, trying to find their way, or until an angel comes to get them. If you hurt them, you may keep them from getting there." Gramps' smile disappeared as he began to cough wretchedly. After his bout of hacking and wheezing subsided, he continued.
"Ever' now and then, you may see a light start blinking like crazy. It'll usually flicker three or four times, very close together, and then the next time you see it, it'll be a few feet away. I do believe that's one of them angels, signaling to... Hey! There's one, now! Do you see it?! Lookie there," Gramps said, as he pointed between the two box elder trees in the corner of the yard.
The boy looked at his grandfather with skepticism. Gramps was always teasing him and telling him stories. About half of them were tall tales... his mom had said so. But looking at the excitement on his elder's face, he couldn't help but believe him. He looked carefully, and sure enough, there it was. A quick flicker, and then it was gone, only to reappear a short distance away. It was definitely different than the rest. He watched for a few minutes, and then it was gone. He was so fascinated, he forgot to watch the other lights to see if they left with it. It did seem like there were fewer lights left...
The boy thought for awhile, and then asked, “How many souls do they take, Gramps?”
“I don’t know, boy. Could be many, could be one.”
The old man chuckled. "If them lights could sing, I bet ya they'd be singing 'Swing Low Sweet Chariot.'" Again, his laughter gave way to the coughing. The wheezing stayed longer this time. "Boy, this heavy night air ain't no good for me. I'm going inside to the air conditioner... gonna lay down and rest. You can stay out here a bit longer, but don't go running off. Your ma would have my hide!"
The boy worriedly watched his grandfather go into the house. Last night, he had started coughing as he was going up the stairs, and he ended up falling down a couple of them. Luckily for Gramps, he just suffered some minor bruising. It could have been much worse. His mom had said so.
Once Gramps was in the house, the boy went back to watching the lights.
Suddenly, he saw a quick flicker of light. Before he could get a fix on it, it was gone. He peered intensely at the area where he thought it had been, and off to his right it blinked again. "That's close," he thought to himself. Again, the quick succession of lights, and even closer!
Looking around, he saw the glass jar that he had been using to keep the beetles he found, nearby. He hurriedly unscrewed the lid and dumped the bugs from their prison, then resumed his search for the flickering angel. Nothing. He watched, motionless. Finally, just as he was beginning to lose hope, he saw the flicker. It was coming from the grass, right next to his foot! As gently as he could, he trapped the light in the jar.
"Hmmm... Angel? Looks like a bug." As if in protest, the tiny angel started to flicker its light at him. “I’ve gotta show Gramps,” he said aloud as he ran for the house, his captive in a death grip.
As he entered the house, he knew that Gramps wouldn’t be seeing the angel… he was snoring in the other room, out for the night. He wouldn’t even wake up from his coughing fits during the night. The boy knew it was just a matter of time before Gramps stayed asleep for good. His mom had said so.
When he went back outside, he was surprised at what he was seeing. Thousands of the lights had come closer to the house, and moved in slow circles around the jar that held his captive angel. The boy was incredulous. “You really are an angel!”
He watched the swirling lights for a few minutes, and then realization came to him. He softly chuckled to himself, a boyish echo of the elder man’s laugh. The jar was placed on the patio, and he stood back as the lights came closer. Suddenly, he swatted at the nearest light… it fell to the ground, a soft glow lighting its descent. He swatted again, and another light dropped from the evening sky. “This is kinda fun,” he thought to himself. He ran back into the house, grabbed a badminton racket, and returned to laying waste to the lights.
It only seemed like a couple of minutes, but he knew it must have been hours. There were dead and dying lights all over the patio, and no more lights danced over the yard. He smiled excitedly as he told his captive to “wait just a minute” while he made his way into Gramps’ tool shed. After a few minutes of digging around, he found what he was looking for. He retrieved his jar, and then made his way back to the house.
“I’ve got someone for you to meet, little angel,” he said as he brandished the ball peen hammer he had brought from the garage. “I’m going to set his light free, and then you can take him to heaven. Okay?”
A few minutes later, he released his angel, and watched as it made its way across the yard, a single light dancing behind it. He beamed with pride.
”It would be a blessing for Gramps just to never wake up,” his mother had said.
Things I Learned While I Was on Liberty in San Francisco, California, and Really, Really Drunk - Part 1
(A Guest Post by Harvey of Bad Example)
Sorry for the light posting. I really thought T1G was gonna be back by now.
Anyway, from 1987 to 1989, I was stationed in Alameda, California, attached to the USS Enterprise (CVN 65) [which had a Marine contingent on board... T1G is a Marine... therefore this is tangentially appropriate material for this blog]. For those who know your geography, (or at least watched Star Trek 4) this is right across the Bay from San Francisco.
Consequently, I spent a lot of my free time over there, seeing the sights, sampling adult beverages, and basically wondering how a fun little town like this ever got a reputation for being a hippy-haven.
I also took a camera on occasion...
Remember that "truth" that was "out there... somewhere..." on the X-Files? Turned out it was at a bus stop in San Francisco.