Things I Learned While I Was on Liberty in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil and Really, Really Drunk - Part 9

(A Guest Post by Harvey of Bad Example)

In America, we don't let our children view such filth, so it's in the extended entry...

LESSON 9:

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Forget all those "it saves gas" and "it's better for the environment" arguments... THIS is how to get me to use public transportation.

PT

"Your next Marine Corps exercise will be 12 oz curls. 12 oz curls is a four count exercise... I will count the cadence, and you will count the repitition. We will do many of them.

Ready? BEGIN!!!

Uh-one, two, three..."

"CHUG!!!"

"One, two, three..."

"CHUG!!!"

(Quite possibly heard this evening.)

Things I Learned While I Was on Liberty in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil and Really, Really Drunk - Part 8

(A Guest Post by Harvey of Bad Example)

LESSON 8:

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So THAT'S what Santa does during the off-season...

Things I Learned While I Was on Liberty in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil and Really, Really Drunk - Part 7

(A Guest Post by Harvey of Bad Example)

LESSON 7:

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It's morning, you're sober, you note with mild interest that the sidewalks have an interesting design on them.

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It's afternoon, you're hopelessly drunk, you note with mild surprise that you seem unable to pick yourself up off the interestingly-designed sidewalk.

You also notice that people coming from the beach just step over you instead of offering assistance.

Movie Night

Last night, my cousin had me over for a movie night. Got over there to discover that they had Chinese food, and pizza, ready to be devoured and washed down with ice cold beeah. Hey, it may be rough, but I figured I could help out by getting rid of some of that stuff for them. After chow, we sat down to watch a couple movies, one of which came highly recommended. Hah.

Here's a tip... do not ever watch "Syriana." Seriously. That has got to be one of the worst movies ever. And I'm not saying that because of the leftist lean of the movie. Hell... I don't care about that. The story itself sucked dog balls. The scenes jumped back and forth at an insane pace, and it took almost the whole movie to tie everything completely together. It was a waste of time, talent, and energy. The fact that Amanda Peet was in the movie didn't even help... and that's bad.

Supposedly, there is a message to the movie, but about all I could get out of it is that our government plays Gott with the Middle Eastern nations, even to the extent of taking out innocent leaders. And because of our interference, good people are driven to turn to terrorism. They aren't bad folks, they just have nowhere else to go.

If you got something else out of it, cool. I won't be watching it again to try and interpet anything else.

After shaking off that crap, we salvaged the evening watching Kate Beckinsale in Underworld: Evolution." Ah... now there was a story I could follow! Not to mention that Beckinsale's character looked pretty good:

Tonight, I'll be going back over there... we're going to watch a documentary about The Flora-Bama, a roadhouse that used to sit on the Florida-Alabama state line. Sounds pretty interesting.

This may be my last post until I get home on July 4th, but I'll do my best to keep up with everyone. Keep stopping by... I'm sure there will be some new content in the meantime, thanks to the baby sitters: Eric, Harvey, RSM, and Zonker.

Just 'Cuz

Mmmmm... Jen.

Okay, while I didn't censor the rude comments, I did edit the picture. Poor Jen...

Next thing you know, my slanderous commentors will be victimizing Salma Hayek.

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Oh, BTW, if you don't know what the fuss is about, here's the original pic. Heheheh... no wonder why it wasn't a popular pic!

Making A Lemur Horny

Since I asked Zonker and RSM to stop by and post when they've got a chance, I've received some strange Google hits. Which really should be no suprise, after the way they frolicked through here, spreading their seed. (For google bait, you pervs.) So, I thought that maybe I would try to help out those folks who were led here, thinking that they would find one thing, and finding another. It's only polite.

Take, for instance, the "horny female lemurs" that Zonker left as bait. Believe it or not, I did have a hit for a "horny lemur." Granted, it was probably one of the four or five regular readers looking to see how well Z-man's prank was working. But, while it's not the worst of the hit's I've gotten from his posts, I figured that I should do something for those freaks that truly are looking for a horny female lemur. Innocently , I might add. (Yeah... an "innocent" looking for horny animals. Right.)

Lemurs, in nature, are not horny. I discovered this, as I looked at various types of the animals. You won't find them horny... you have to make them horny. So I found a female that looked pretty easy to work on, and got busy on her.

Never having done this before, it took awhile. I'm not very good, I'll admit. About the time that I thought I was making headway, I'd make a wrong move and screw it all up. I tried over, and over, and over again. I about ruined her. But all at once, I figured it out. And once I did, I had her horny in no time.

Check it out...

It was easiest to make her horny this way... trying the obvious cross between a longhorn and a ruffed lemur resulted in a pile of dead lemurs.

Breeding for RSM's lesbian cat sisters is working just about as well, but there are less crushed animals...

A Nice Little Song

It's been said before that I don't post enough things for the ladies... sorry.

I'll try to help out, starting with the "do-it-yourselfers." For you, a song.

H/T to AZIndiandoll

Deficiency

Yesterday was my aunt's birthday, so my cousin and her hubby took us all out to eat at a local restaurant. The place was excellent... Circles at Lands End is what it's called. Great food, great atmosphere, and a great view. Beautiful place.

We got our drinks and ordered appetizers. I couldn't hear what was ordered, but I just knew it would be tasty... the plates going by all looked so damn good. After a short wait, the appetizers arrived, and I had an epiphany... complete with a heavenly chorus. I figured out what is wrong with a large percentage of you folks.

It was only a few years ago that I learned about geophagy, or the eating of dirt or clay. A good friend of my cousin swore by the soil where she came from in Alabama. I was speechless... but after checking it out, I found out that it's not uncommon. Hell, it's even a traditional practice in some places.

Not to be confused with pica, which is the consumption of nonfood substances, with no nutritional value (paint chips, chalk, plaster...), there is a benefit to dining on dirt. Folks who feast upon earth have a deficiency... a mineral deficiency. Their bodies are craving these minerals, which makes the dirt taste even better to them.

It was this thought that was stuck in my head as I watched the ingestion of fungus by my family. And they were raving about it as they ate! Yeah... the appetizers were eggrolls with rather large chunks of jock itch, and then a plate of stuffed athelete's foot, covered with mozzarella. And, just because I'm a big boy, I did partake, earthy taste and all. Fortunately Unfortunately, the waitress ended up taking away my plate before I could finish it. Awww... damn.

"WHAAAT??? You don't like mushrooms, T1G??? Say it ain't so!"

'Tis so. It is well known that I have a problem with them. Very well known.

"You haven't had PORTABELLAS... you'd love them. Just like steak, they are!"

Yep... steak that's been rolled in the finest topsoil available. And yes, as of last night, I have had them. Certainly not gott awful, but definitely not deserving of the description of "good."

See, I have no deficiency, therefore, I haven't a need to consume strange things to get my vital nutrients. You mushroom lovers are the one's with a deficiency... and I'm thinking it's not all a mineral problem. Methinks that there is a teeny tiny short circuit somewhere in your parietal lobes. I'm not saying you're crazy... just that your brain is broken.

I wish that someday you all could be the epitome of health, like me and other eschewers of shroobies. But until then, enjoy your fungus.

*raises glass* "To your health..."

Things I Learned While I Was on Liberty in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil and Really, Really Drunk - Part 6

(A Guest Post by Harvey of Bad Example)

A bit spicy... see extended entry.

LESSON 6:

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Sometimes you find that moment of perfect happiness while lying on the beach in Paradise, and you realize that life just doesn't get any better than this...

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...when suddenly you discover that... yes, it does.

Things I Learned While I Was on Liberty in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil and Really, Really Drunk - Part 5

(A Guest Post by Harvey of Bad Example)

LESSON 5:

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Like the guards at Buckingham Palace, Marines are not allowed to laugh or smile while on security duty. However, they DO have a hard time keeping a straight face while watching drunken sailors stumble up those steep-ass stairs you see on the left side of the picture.

Fog...

… yesterday afternoon it finally rained… just a misting at first, but it helped…. when the shower was over, I walked out and watered the cracked ground a little more with the hose… an hour or so, it took, but it needed it…..

… after settling myself back inside to watch television, a peal of thunder grumbled off in the distance…soon after, lightning streaked across the sky to the southwest.. and an hour later a slow, steady rain was falling…. I probably shouldn’t have watered the garden after all, but I had..

… it rained on and off all night… and now the morning air is choked with fog… steam rising up from the wet ground as the sunshine heats the grass….

… the dust has been washed off of the leaves and the plants look lush after their gentle soaking… a night of rain has buoyed them for another long-haul of Summer….

… I’m off to sit on the patio without my shirt or shoes and watch the morning… today is going to be a very good day… the coffee just finished perking..

Things I Learned While I Was on Liberty in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil and Really, Really Drunk - Part 4

(A Guest Post by Harvey of Bad Example)

LESSON 4:

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Worried that someone might have poisoned your food?

Relax!

Use Street Urchin™ Brand Food-Tasters!

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"Nope! Nothing wrong here!"

Father's Day

Wasn't too sure how things would be today... I don't have the chance to do my usual. Yeah, I'll still take some time to reflect, but I won't have the long bike ride, or the trip to the cemetery. Ah well... I'm pretty sure Pa would understand. Hell, he might even be proud of me for being down here. Maybe.

For all of you dads out there, Happy Father's Day, and I hope you guys get all you wanted. (That link goes to the GPS, Marcus... potentially questionable content. Heheheh...)

Cups For The Ugly Mugs

As some of you may know, I've got two blog fathers... Grau, of Frizzen Sparks, and Harvey, of Bad Example. I don't usually do anything for them, as far as Father's Day is concerned... I'd be more likely to do something for Mother's Day, but I don't even do that. But this year, I've decided to fix that... and it's not because Harv the Beggar wants a coffee cup. No, it's because he's been a nice guy, and agreed to guest post for me. Grau, his active partner in a number of couplings, benefits from his mate's charity.

Check it out...

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Not wanting to stick them with a common cliche, they can decorate their own cups.

Hey, it's the least I could do... really.

Things I Learned While I Was on Liberty in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil and Really, Really Drunk - Part 3

(A Guest Post by Harvey of Bad Example)

A little spicy - see extended entry...

(click to enlarge)

NOTE TO SATAN: There ARE moments in a man's life when he'd trade his soul for a telephoto lens.

UPDATE FOR THE VISUALLY IMPAIRED: *This* is why I wanted the zoom lens:

What Did We Learn Today #17

I'm taking a tutorial in Anatomy & Physiology. The head of a local medical program and friend found out about it. He offered to bring me into the school and let me do my lab work not with computer simulations and cats or pigs but working alongside his students on human cadavers.

Talk about focusing your studies, not only is it fascinating to be working on the real thing, there is also the realization that these people gave their remains up to help you study. Out of respect for them, every moment in study is centered in concentration... and fascination. And I am not one for squeamishness after years in an ER and on an ambulance.

HOWEVER

Lunch at the Barbecue place was NOT a good idea.

---
Cross posted here

Another day, another woman fucking with my head

I got a haircut this afternoon. Actually, it'd be more accurate to say that I got sheared this afternoon. I found a good barber/stylist over a year ago and I've been going to them every since. It's always the same two people - a guy and a girl - and they both do an excellent job. The only real problem that I have is their accents. They're Asian and the first time the woman cut my hair, I could have sworn that she asked me, "You you use yell?" After repeating herself a half-dozen times, she finally got me to understand that she was asking me if I used (hair) gel. Oh. Ooops. So the accent can be a bit of a problem for me sometimes. That and the fact that they seem excessively interested in my life...

Where do you live? Across the street.

How long have you lived there? About a year and a half.

What do you do for a living? Software developer.

Do you like it? Yes, provided they let me do it without excessive meetings and corporate bullshit.

Are you hung like a horse? Yes.¹

So the constant questions are kinda weird. I mean, I'm only in there for a 15 minute period so I can get my hair cut and that's it. No styling, highlights or anything like that. My mullet is stylish enough. Unfortunately, summers in Georgia are simply too hot for mullets, at least for a Damn Yankee like me. So today I decided to get a trim. Nothing major, just a trim. Less of a cut than usual, in fact. My usual routine is "short on the sides and cut the top as short as possible without it getting all spikey and shit."

Today was a disaster, though. First of all, the guy is wearing an arm brace and the usual woman is nowhere in sight. Instead, a new face strolls out of the back and begins making preparations. The dude tries to be helpful and explains to the new lady that they usually use the #3 clippers on my hair. I, however, have decided that #4 clippers are in order as I just want enough of a trim so that it looks a bit tidier. So the lady says, "Numba foe crippah arr over, right?" I nod. Sounds good to me. Because I know that the dude knows how my hair is usually cut and it never occurs to me to take this chick literally. So it's with some surprise that I watch in the mirror as she drags the Numba Foe crippahs across the top of my head. Time slows down as I watch a hefty clump of hair bounce off my shoulder and onto my lap. Some portion of my mind notes that my face has gone pale as I contemplate the first 10 seconds of her handiwork. I've got a reverse mohawk, for cryin' out loud. As she moves the clippers in for another attack, I duck away and explain what I really wanted. My fault, of course. The dude knows how I like my hair cut. The other chick knows how I like my hair cut. This chick just took my words at face value. Haha. Not a mistake anyone here makes, eh? Ahhh, well. I'm not totally bald and she did pull a decent haircut out of the initial wreckage.

As for me, I've learned my lesson: communication is the key to a healthy relationship. Oh, yes. It is.

¹ - Okay, a seahorse.

(cross-posted at my regular hangout: Thunder And Roses)

Things I Learned While I Was on Liberty in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil and Really, Really Drunk - Part 2

(A Guest Post by Harvey of Bad Example)

(Introduction)
LESSON 2:

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Hitchcock's "The Birds" was a documentary.

(see that pigeon almost directly over the woman's head?)

Peeking...

... heh heh... remember back when I found T1G's private journal?.... I wonder if I should crack it open while he's away and read a few more pages... hmmmm....

Just so you know...

I hereby declare myself to be The Laziest Blogger In The 'Sphere. For obvious reasons I will not be live-blogging the coronation. That is all.

(languidly cross-posted at my regular home-away-from-home)

Things I Learned While I Was on Liberty in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil and Really, Really Drunk - Part 1

(A Guest Post by Harvey of Bad Example)

Since T1G is concerned that he's not posting enough to keep his site traffic up, he asked me if I could toss up a few little somethings to keep the readers coming back.

Blogfathering is a LOT more responsibility than I thought it was gonna be.

Last time he asked me to do this, I told a bunch of sea stories about the wonders of Pattaya Beach, Thailand.

So I thought I'd stay with that theme.

I figure since T1G was a Marine, he shoulda hopped on a Carrier like me to see these exotic sights himself, but since he missed out, I owe it to him as a fellow veteran to bring him up to speed.

After this, he'll be able to lie his way through a good sea story as straight-faced as a natural-born Navy man.

Now, some of these are pictures are a bit... spicy... in which case I'll slap a warning on it and put it in the extended entry. If anyone is truly offended, I'll hide it behind a link to protect the innocent.

Nothing dirty, it's just that Brazillians were 15 years ahead of the curve on skimpy beachwear.

Anyway, I'll start you out gentle...

LESSON 1:

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If you forget your beach towel, don't worry, because within 10 minutes of sitting down at a cafe, some street vendor will wander by with an armload, and you can talk him down to $10 American.

Yes, I still have it.

Hook Ups

Woke up this morning to a tornado warning, as well as the expected tropical storm warning. Cool. The tornado warning isn’t a first, but the TS warning sure as hell is. Wait one… it’s now changed to a hurricane warning. A definite first. Another first encountered this weekend: my first snake. Not ever, but here in Florida. I was coming across King’s Highway, and there in the other lane, was a snake flying across the road. The damn thing was long… I’d guess it was about five – five and a half feet long. And the funny thing was, I had my window down when I saw it. Well, I felt myself jumping to the side. And I thought my fear was waning. Heheheh…

Well, as I mentioned earlier, it's been a pretty good week. Got to hook up with some bloggers, got the inventory finished (now we've got to get all the prices), and for the next couple of days, we'll be able to work out of the house. Gravy... we'll be busy as hell, but it'll be decent. I hope.

Last Sunday I was able to hook up with Carmen and Tammi at Tammi's Cuz's house. Had a great SUPPER, and a great visit... it was good seeing them all again, and good seeing someone from home. If I end up staying down here for an extended time, I'll be there to bug them often. Guaranteed...

Monday night, I made my way up to Orlando to hook up with RSM, who, along with Zonker and Eric, has been sowing to seeds for some interesting google searches here on my site. I met him at the Animal Kingdom Lodge of Disney... very cool place. Unfortunately, while they did have some wildlife, there were no predators, so we did not get to observe any kills... a real bummer. We grabbed SUPPER at Jiko's, where I also checked out a Moroccan beer... Casa Lager, and RSM had a South African cider...Savanna Dry Cider.

The beer wasn't too bad, but it's not something that I would go out of my way to get. The first sip was kinda crisp, but it had a taste that reminded me of a rind... however, once you get further into to the bottle, that taste dissipates. Reading the reviews, it could probably be attributed to the head. It's worth trying, but not if you expect a kick ass brew. RSM did let me try some of his cider, and that was great... I ended up getting a bottle for dessert. Dry, as it says in the title, and not too sweet, it was very crisp and just plain old fashioned good. A person could do some serious damage to themselves, drinking this stuff!

We grabbed some Yuenglings, and headed up to an outside balcony, where we caught up, and watched the lightshow from an approaching storm. Unfortunately, our visit was cut short because I had to head back here to Apollo Beach. It's always good to hang out with RSM, and I wish I could have been there a bit longer...

Thursday, I ran down to Bradenton, where I met up with Tammi. Against my better judgement, I let her drive over to Bradenton Beach, where we arrived safely, and almost soundly. There, I got to meet Lee Ann and her husband. What a great couple... we had a great time visiting and laughing. And laughing. What a frickin' blast. Lee Ann is a total sweetheart who loves to laugh, and that's a good thing... 'cuz her husband is frickin' hilarious.

After an excellent SUPPER, we ran over to their place so that Tammi and I could see their dog, Boo Hahn. Heheheh... that's a cool dog. She hardly left my side once we got there. I think Tammi got a little jealous... We stayed for a short time (much too short), and then had to bolt.

These two are great peeps, and I'm glad as hell to have finally met them. Again, if down here for an extended period of time, they can count on me getting ahold of them. Seriously... they're awesome folks. They don't make'em much better...

Friday saw me heading south after work… on my way to the house of Bou.

Saturday saw me as the guinea pig for another new Bou recipe… applesauce muffins. Last time, it was blueberry muffins. I think she does this because she knows that, good or bad, they will be eaten. The rate of consumption may vary between the two, but I’ll eat them. BTW, they were both excellent. I’m thinking that bad chow isn’t to be found in her house.

We went out to Lion Country Safari with the boys, where “poop� (and that’s not “People Order Our Patties�) was the most sought after thing. Son #2 was taking pictures, and a shot of a pooping animal was golden. The boys were also keeping an eye peeled for bloody sand in the lion’s area… that could have been due to Bou’s husband and I stretching truths just a bit. Heheheh… if she doesn’t tell it, I will, but you’ll probably have to wait awhile.

When we got back, VW and her husband were there. We had a great SUPPER, and I was finally able to visit with her. Last time, I think we spoke maybe three sentences.

Sunday, I hung out for a bit before heading home. Hell, it felt like I was leaving home to go home. Weird. But all good things come to an end, and I’m back here, now, watching the rain pouring down on the canal out back. And watching the water level rise…

Thanks to all of you who hooked up with me… it was greatly appreciated, and I had a blast. And again, for those of you who haven’t ever met a fellow blogger, if you get the chance, do it.

Until next time,

T1G

Update 2

Things are going pretty good down here... inventory is damn near done. Next week, we may be running. Then it'll really be nuts. Well, at least until I go home. Hopefully we can get some help before then.

I finally have been able to hook up with some bloggers, and will meet with more in the next couple of days. That may be it until I head home.

Anyway, I've gotten to hook up with Tammi and Carmen, RSM, and soon, Lee Ann, with Boudicca and VW this weekend. I'm looking forward to it. All. I'll tell you guys more when I've got more time.

On to important stuff...

Just saw a commercial for a paper towel, where some little bastard finds a rubberband ball and bounces it in the kitchen, and it proceeds to take off like a superball, knocking over glasses, and other containers, spilling their contents everywhere. Mom just walks in, shrugs, smiles, and heads for the paper towels.

Does anybody really do that? Moms?

Maybe I grew up different than most, but there never was a smile on mi madre's face when I made a big mess. And I was usually the one who was made to clean it up.

Paper towel kids have it so easy these days...

Far be it from me to say it...

but after a fine dinner that included African beers and ciders with T1G, I can honestly say that I had no intention of adding to his strange Google-search hits with phrases such as "lesbian cat sisters" or anything even mentioning lesbian cats in general. Apparently, if one keeps putting in phrases such as "lesbian cats" or "cats" in general, google will index a site and add it into the search parameters. Heck, after more than 6 months my own site is still #3 for Pogie Bait Workshop, though I don't think I've ever mentioned lesbian cats.

Knowing how much T1G dislikes cats, let alone lesbian cats or lesbian cat sisters, it is probably best to just not write "lesbian cats" anymore on his particular webpage.

Instead, I shall regale you with another mention of the fine evening we had. I'm in Orlando on business and was forced to stay at Disney's Animal Kingdom Lodge. I figured this would be the best place to meet up and eat anyway, so T1G mercifully hopped in his auto and made the trip for a few hours of conversation. I'm a Disney buff, have been for a very long time and have stayed at several of the resorts on the property. I have to say the AK Lodge has set a new standard. It has no rivals.

From the detail of the lobby with its high grass and open beam textured ceilings, wood railings carved with leaping gazelles, cozy nooks with fireplaces (in Florida? yes), high backed, hand carved rocking chairs, and beautiful vistas looking out onto the grasslands, one can determine that this little hotel is a complete experience to itself.

But add to it the live giraffes, wildebeest, zebras, etc wandering about those grasslands and you have a theme park all its own, only in this one, you can find a comfortable bed for sleeping.

Within the dark, quiet lodge we managed to chow on some exceptionally fine food and try some new beverages. The African beer was okay though nothing to crave but the cider was dry and wonderful. Even better was wandering to a patio, sitting in one of those hand-carved rocking chairs and getting the chance to catch up with T1G. I'll allow the blogmaster to give a better review of the libations at his own pace.

Naturally, he wanted a little more excitement on the grasslands, perhaps a cheetah to mix it up with the gazelles, thinning the herd. The man does love his bloodsports. Let me just say I noted that they did not have any big cats prowling about, or big lesbian cats. Or big lesbian cat sisters.

Quote of the Day..

… you know, sometimes you just have to agree with Skippy… there is no arguing at all… you just read what he has written and nod your head…. like this, for instance…

Immediately upon seeing her, I suffer a blistering headache and tunnel vision. Suddenly, she becomes all that I can see. Jesus himself and all of his disciples could be playing nude volleyball in my living room, and I wouldn't notice until the next day when I would begin to wonder where all the sand came from.

… and on top of everything else, Jessica Alba wants brown boobies…. and the poor dear is being denied… oh, the humanity of it all…

... I'm sure T1G would agree....

... your humble servant, Eric..

Sing For Your Supper...

I'us going through the comments from the previous posts, and Rave tol' T1G that his use of the word "supper" labeled him as a Northerner. That could be true, but I'm thinking that the lad is a bit ol' fashioned. I think if you look back far enough, you see that the use of "supper" for the evening meal was pretty much a national thing... now, it's use is limited, even up North, to old farmers and their get.

Dinner was the midday meal, back in the time. The "dinner bell" was used to call the farmers and the help in from the fields, or barns... wherever they were working. They'd come in, wash up, and get themselves a hot meal, before heading back out to finish up the day's work. Sometimes they'd take their meal with them... some meat, a chunk of bread, and maybe some cheese and an apple. This was lunch... or as they call it in the Old World, a plowman's lunch.

The final meal of the day was supper. After all the work was done, the evening meal was et, and cocktails or beer drank. Where do you think the idea for "supper clubs" came from? They gave folks a chance to get out and relax a bit... get away from home and work for awhile. Ah, but I'm drifting a bit, as I'm apt to do.

My point is, it's not a matter of North or South as to which should be used. It's a matter of bein' proper.

Dinner = midday.
Supper = last meal of the day. Or possibly, ever.

Just ask that Jesus feller...

Howdy

How y'all doin'? T1G asked me to drop in once in a while too. I'm RSM of other places. Surely T1G is having fun down in Florida roasting in the sun and playing with the kitties, you know how he loves cats.

Meanwhile it's a lazy Sunday and I am kicked back on a friend's couch. I'm being adopted by cats myself. Normally skittish, these two little lesbian sister cats have come up close to lay up against me. I'd prefer a dog, but this is what my friends have at their house. We go with it.

I think the main reason we like animals is that they provide us with validation that we are good people. After all, small pets have inside their heads the knowledge that these big humans could potentially kill them at any point. When they get to the level that they trust you enough not to kill them and allow you to pet them, it makes it seem like you actually have a connection to the natural world. Even birds like me, so long as they are birds of prey.

But if this sweet little darling flexes her claws into my testicles one more time, we'll see just how much that trust in my benevolence was misplaced.

Ow, Verily, Ow

First day off since I got here, and the cousin and her hubbie took me out to an island in the middle of Tampa Bay...

Ate well, swam kinda, swallowed sea water much, drank many brewskis, and the Sun reached down, and touched me... no, slapped the hell out of me. "Red," it's my new nickname, along with "Screamy Bastard." Touch me on the shoulders, and you may die. Just sayin'.

I've got Janis screaming in my ear right now, and I can't figure out if it's cool, or it sucks... kinda in between if you ask me.

Gotta throw another gallon of aloe on right now.... I may be an irritable sunnofabitch if not....

Peace out...

Just wiping my feet on the welcome mat

Poor T1G, eh? Sweating his 'nads off down in Florida. I feel for the guy, I truly do. So when he asked me if I'd mind stopping in here occasionally to post something, I said "Why, sure!" What the hell, right? I mean, yeah...it's true...I did get the "special treatment" from Big Hand Bertha the TSA agent after T1G suggested that I might be a certain "person of interest". But, hey...I'm not one to hold a grudge. "Let bygones be bygones" is my motto. 'Sides, my sphincter is gradually returning to its normal state, so it's all good.

Anyway, in the spirit of bloggish camaraderie, let me just take the opportunity to assure both T1G and his readership that I will be making every effort to ensure that my contributions here will be of the same high quality that everyone has come to expect from Mister Beer Brains himself.

And, T1G? No worries about getting listed in freakish Google searches, okay? I mean, I'm certainly not going to try seeding your site with phrases like "horny female lemurs" and "Doogie Howser naked". That'd be wrong. So very, very wrong. Rest easy, dude. Your site is in good hands. As I told you, I've stocked my fridge with beer and in the event of an emergency I have a bottle each of vodka and rum. This weekend should be a lot of fun and I look forward to keeping the Beer Brains readers entertained.

Sincerely,
     - Zonker