December 31, 2004

Sally's Comment Party

Hey! Get your bloody arses over to Sally's New Year's comment party! Do it now!


Don't forget, time difference from EST is 5 hours. As of this post, it's now under three hours 'til midnight there!

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Finger Food

It's the time of year for parties, and that means drinking and lots of finger food. Seems one man has taken it a "bit" far.

The guy is only accused. No evidence of the "chow" was found. I'd guess that they've got someone on what Sally would call "pony watch".

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December 30, 2004

Snot Breathers

You ever been standing in a line, whether it's at the grocery store or some retail shop, and the person behind you has that nasal breathing going? Nasty, wet sounding, as in slurping something through a straw, gurgling, snot poppin' breathing? The person you just want to turn around and pummel? Well, that person is me. Swing away! Can't hurt to get the snot knocked out of me. And who knows? I may enjoy it! I won't even ask for a "safe word."

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December 26, 2004

Yet Another Question

A benefit of taking cough medicine. "Promotes more productive coughs." Why the hell do you put that on the packaging? I thought the object of taking medicine is to get rid of your cough. Not to improve it's employability.

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December 25, 2004

It's Christmas, Time to Kill

Well, today has ended up being better than I thought, but not what I had hoped for. This coughing and wheezing and just plain ole sickliness has me at home. I figured just to stay at home in bed, so last night I ran up to my mother's place hoping to visit a bit, and to drop off presents for today. Saw quite a few deer on the way, and some very large does. Mom wasn't around, so I waited for a bit, then headed back home.

This morning, I get a call from my aunt asking me to join them for breakfast. You don't tell this woman "no." Just doesn't work. Anyway, I went and ended up having a great meal and visit. On my way out of town, I watched a coyote working the brush, trying to kick something out.

Had to make a quick trip back up to my mom's to drop off a camera, and saw a couple of small flocks of turkeys. Coming back, I saw one flock that had to have had over thirty birds! And, as I'm travelling along, I see a rubline along the trees edging a creek. Some of the trees were about 4 - 5 inches in diameter. Not a bad sized buck!

Not many people get to see this stuff. I'm one of those guys that always takes the backroads, even if it is further in miles. So much more to see, at least nature-wise. Seeing this stuff today and last night has thrown a serious jones on me. I've got to get back out into the woods. I've got to do some hunting.

I used to go all the time when I lived in Wisconsin. Now here in Illinois, it's a matter of finding a place to hunt. So I haven't been out in about 6 years. It's really bugging me. It's not so much about killing. It's about being out in the woods the way it used to be. Hell, there were a few years where I let animals go, and of course, earned the nickname "Joe Lettem-Go." Just being out is a great feeling to me. Of course, downing an animal is a great feeling, too! But just to have the thrill of sitting in your treestand while a herd of deer bed down beneath you, or to make yourself a makeshift blind, and within a half hour have a flock of turkeys come through, things like that are impossible to describe. Watching a coyote running along the edge of the swamp, playing like a puppy, totally oblivious to you. That's one you'd like to get the shot at, but just the same, it's fun to watch.

Stillhunting through the woods, and having grouse explode seemingly from underfoot. Watching a badger go after a woodchuck. Being screamed at as you make your way out of the woods at night, by God knows what. Things that will get your heart pumping.

Hearing what sounds like a miniature jack hammer going, sneaking your way to the sound, and spotting the largest by-gawd woodpecker you've ever seen! I've gotten to see two Pileated woodpeckers, one by Trego, Wisconsin, and the other in the state forest by Black River Falls, WI.

Starting to lose my point. I guess all I wanted to say is that "I've gotta get into the woods, if it's the last thing I ever do!"

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December 24, 2004

Happy Holidays!

Since I probably won't be posting much other than the promised update below until Sunday, I thought I would wish all of you a great holiday.

Merry Christmas and a Great New Year to all of you!

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I'm Off

Of course, most people that know me already knew that. But I meant, I'm off of work until the third of January. Thought it would never get here! And some of my co-workers thought so, too. They were praying for the night to end... and not for the holiday. I think it had something to do with getting away from me.

Most of the night, I was singing part of this,
"Would you like an apple pie with that?
Would you like an apple pie with that?

Ding - Fries are done
Ding - Fries are done
Ding - Fries are done
Ding - Friiieeess aarrrrre dooooooonnnne"

And when not singing that, I was singing myself breatheless repeating,

"There's so many of us, there's so many of us, there's so many,
there's so many of us, there's so many of us, there's so many, "

Not that the last is a holiday song, but I kept thinking about this band's "Christmas" song. I love Christmas right up until I have to shop. After that, it's all downhill fast. Sometimes their Christmas song is exactly what I'm thinking. That's why I like to delay as long as possible!

So just out of curiousity, does anyone recognize the second song (it's the intro) without a search? And if you, do, do you know the Christmas song that I refer to? Just wondering. I'll post an update with the answer later.

UPDATE (as promised):

The second song is "Let's Have A War," by Fear. Also covered by Sacred Reich. It is off of this album. The "Christmas"song that I referred to is the last track on the CD version only. It's called "F#%@ Christmas." Heheheheh

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December 23, 2004

Save A Life

What is the best way to stop a bloody nose? Just had a nice gusher that I couldn't get to stop. It was so bad, I had to hop in the shower and just let it go. Took a nice long time to wait it out. Haven't figured out if it actually stopped, or if I've bled out and died.

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It's Time

Today. Dec. 23rd.

Time to start shopping. Gah!

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A Christmas Tune

Something to check out. Chris of "A Large Regular" has a link to a BK Christmas tune. Song had me cracking up! Also, there is a remix of the song at the bottom of the page. Can someone tell me if the music is Savatage? Sure sounds like them.

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Blog Novella

Another link post. If you've got the time to read these, I guarantee you'll enjoy them. You may have heard about this already. Christina, ofFeisty Repartee started a blog novella and other bloggers have been adding to it, a chapter at a time. Here's what it's like to me, so far.

We're standing on the edge of a pond. The water is a little murky, but still inviting as Christina starts us off. Next up is Eric with part two. The water is a little agitated but still inviting as Eric makes a smooth transition. Along comes Acidman, and now the water is filled with menacing whorls. Something big is down there. No longer interested in swimming, but I've got to see what the hell that thing is! Now Jack from Random Fate is up. He does a good job clearing everything up. Hell, you can almost see bottom! Maybe a swim ain't out of the question. That is until Velociman takes his at bat. Either he dropped a grenade in the pond, or he conjured some type of demon of the deep! What was clear is now incredibly muddied. Can't wait to see what Mr. Helpful adds to the mix.

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December 21, 2004

How Touching

The other night, I saw a sight, that very deeply touched me.... Ah, screw the rhyming crap. I was driving home from work, when I topped a rise, and saw a set of eyes running from a blob on the road to a garbage can. Back and forth. At first I thought it was a 'coon, but as I neared, I saw that it was a cat. And so was the blob on the road. Someone smucked that thing badly. It was a hell of a smear.

Cats are known to be independent, and sometimes solitary animals. I never expected to see a cat looking so lost, and confused over the loss of another cat. As I approached, and observed, I felt a wave of emotion wash over me. I wanted so bad to be able to do something.

But I missed.

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December 20, 2004

Piano Man (SWG remix)

Something for you to check out. Eric of Straight White Guy, posts a link-fest to "Piano Man", by Billy Joel.

He did a damn fine job!

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December 19, 2004


Cold. Possible snow. BEARS GAME! Gonna be there! Bwahahahahahahaha!!!!

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December 18, 2004


Paul of Yorkshire Snowman and Debbie of Buttercup are tying the knot today! Give them your best wishes!

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December 17, 2004

Carnival of Recipes V.18.0

Yep, that time again. This week's carnival is hosted by the Harry Potter inspired sarahk. She's done an excellent job setting this up! Go check it out! And tell her that I sent you!

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December 16, 2004

Grumpy Santa

This post started with a chuckle, and now I'm the one that's grumpy. For some reason I can't link you directly to this musical number about Santa. From Jib Jab.

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Tell me now, is this kid related to me, or what?!

I'd suggest that you don't click on the thumbnails. Thought I had both resized, but I guess not!

Little guy's cute, huh? He didn't even know until after he did this, that his uncle does the same thing!

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TV? No Thanks

Personal relationships, stressful situations, financial woes. Sometimes it's good just to step back, and try to view your situation from an outsider's point of view. Other times, it's good to go to an outsider. You will realize that even though things may currently suck, they aren't as bad as you are making them out to be. Or maybe they are, in which case, you're screwed.

Don't watch much television, says I. Except for football, and some baseball (ok, and cartoons if they're on), nothing is worth watching. Being the ill individual that I've been lately, I wrapped up in a blanket, and tried to watch so TV this afternoon, before heading off to work. So much for relaxing.

A show was on that just had me pissed off, and mocking the TV. I would like to see video of that! Anyway, the guy in this show moves in with people who have relationship problems, and tries to help fix them. S T U P I D! Not that helping people is stupid, but this way of helping people is stupid. Apparently, all you have to do is repeat a phrase that this guy tells you, and you are back on the road to happiness. Say it, believe it, and life is good. I never knew it was so easy! Maybe I'm being a little negative. Could be. I do know that all I could think as I'm watching this show was, "Probably the only thing that keeps people from wiping that stupid smile off of his face is the fact that there are cameras all around."

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Beer Beef Stew

Ok, peoples. It's that time of the week. Yes, the Carnival of Recipes. The wuvwy sarahk is hosting the 18th Carnival ... on Friday. the. 17th. What the ...? That isn't good planning there.

Anyway, since she shook her fist at me asked me so nicely, I decided that I would enter. Just cause I'm a nice guy and all. This is a recipe from my sis, sometimes referred to as "Poop." She made it a couple of weeks ago. Wow. Good stuff people. Now that I've got the recipe, I'll be making it for my own personal self!


1 lb boneless chuckroast (or round steak), cut in 1 in. cubes

1 can (10 3/4 oz.) cream of mushroom soup (yes, I know .... fungus, but hey, it still came out ok)

1 pkg. dry onion soup mix

1 12 oz. can of beer (Don't just use any old cheap ass beer. You'll be able to slightly taste it. Use a good healthy beer. Doesn't have to be some expensive brew, but c'mon, you shouldn't be buying cheap beer in the first place. Unlessssssss...... nevermind)

1 cup canned tomatoes, peeled and quartered

6 small whole onions or 1 small can pearl onions, drained

4 - 6 medium potatoes, peeled and quartered

2 - 3 ribs celery, sliced into 2 in. chunks (I once looked for celery ribs... there wasn't a backbone, so I had a hard time.)

2 - 3 carrots, sliced into 2 in. chunks

1 tsp worchestershire sauce

Combine meat, soup, onion soup mix and beer into oven-proof cassarole or Dutch oven with a tight fitting lid. Cover; bake at 300 degrees for 3 hrs. add tomatoes, onions, potatoes, celery, carrots, and worchestershire sauce, return to oven for 1 hr or longer. Yield: 6-8 servings

A note from the Beloved Poop: ( I used round steak, and cut up a plain old small onion, and also omitted the 'maters. Then I just threw it all in the crock pot, and turned it on high for 2 hrs, and then low for 4, or until you are ready to chow down. If you do it this way, I would brown the meat for a few minutes before you toss it in the pot... ) :)


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December 15, 2004

Of Bombs And Basketball

Wow. I feel like the porcelain in the post below. Sick and getting sicker. Damn.

Advisory meeting went well. Early on someone mentioned "sanitary items" in the womens bathroom. They wanted to know who handled them. As soon as I heard "sanitary items," I plugged my ears, and started "LaLaLaLaLaLa-ing." Why did they need to know who restocked them? No reason. None. Why the hell bring it up? I don't know, but it was a great way to get started.

My turn. I listed off about five suggestions, then grinned and told them about "el caca kablooie." I couldn't find a decent way to start, so I just told them that someone was blowing some major mud in the men's room. *Puzzled looks all around.* I went into the same description as below. I did get to use the word prolapse, and at that, the plant manager (a farmer) had such a look of disgust on his face, that I lost it. Hell, they all were disgusted with me! Loved it. He says, "This from the guy who gets queasy hearing about sanitary items." That got everyone laughing. The guy doesn't have much of a sense of humor, but he was in fine form today. Cool.

This evening, played some basketball for the company. Our team isn't the best, but we (they) can play some pretty good ball. We won by about 20 points. Felt damn good. I played for about half the game. I had 2 steals, 6 or 7 rebounds, and shot an outstanding 0-5 from the field.

You ask, "You play ball? Why wait until now to tell us?"

Because I don't. I take up space under the basket on defense, and pick people on offense. That's all. Our strategy for playing me is this: run me back and forth until I'm gasping for breath, then leave me in to weaken the other team by inhaling all the air surrounding the court. Simple. If I can't breathe, they can't breathe, and my team (who are used to the large fish floundering on the court) dominates. Worked to perfection tonight!

Was a stupid move on my part. I've been sick all week, and the game set off constant coughing fits. I hurt all over now. Dumb. Just dumb.

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December 14, 2004

Yet Another Strange Question, Crap Alert

Very strange evening tonight at work. I kept singing "Roland The Headless Thompson Gunner," only to find myself singing "You can't throw me to the lions .... I'm Charlton Heston!" A line from Mate, Spawn, and Die, by Lard. Next I'd be singing "Lonely ships, upon the water, better save the women and children first, sail away with someone's daughter, better save the women and children first." Could This Be Magic, by Van Halen. Strange looks did abound.

My question is going to fit right in, but it's serious. I'll explain in a bit. Anyways, here it is: What is the word or term used to describe literally shitting one's guts out? I know that I know it, but I can't remember it for the life of me. I haven't lived on an actual farm in a long while. I do know that this happened to some of the cattle. I don't know if the term is different for animals than human. If so, I'd like the animal variation.

Here's why. I am on our company's advisory committee. If you have a request, a need, a problem, or whatever, you bring it to one of us on the committee. We take it to the plant manager, discuss it, and then he takes it to the owner/president of the company. The whole thing is anonymous.

I like to ask strange questions. Some are serious, but I love to word them differently than they were asked. Some are just total nonsense, but they've led into serious discussion, while I just sit dumbfounded. For instance, I brought up the fact that the water in the toilets is frequently dirty. (Someone asked me to do this, thinking I wouldn't.) Next thing you know, the committee is discussing how the city water sometimes just appears dirty. They spent five minutes on this stupid question.

Anyway, we've got a problem right now. Rather disgusting, but kinda funny. Well, funny if you don't have to use the throne in the men's bathroom. Someone is blowing them up. I kid you not, it looks like someone took a potato gun, and fired a chunk of feces at the back of the toilet. A rather large loaf. It's all over. Above the waterline. Even on the underside of the seat. Just plain old fashioned butt nasty!

The deal is that there is no way of cleaning this up, unless you feel like dealing with someone else's byproducts. So I've been asked to bring this up. Of course, no one has given me a solution, but I've figured that I'll ask for toilet brushes to be put into each bathroom. That way if someone is sick, or blows the bathroom up, they can take care of their personal mess, rather than wait for the cleaning people to show. I swear that they would need a hammer and chisel to clean out the toilets that have been bombed.

Okay, I've drifted again. My plan is to use the term or word asked for above when explaining the situation. Meeting is at 2:30 CT. I leave for work at 2. If you can help, it would be appreciated. Besides, I want to get a good laugh out of this meeting! Thanks for your input ...

Posted by That 1 Guy at 03:16 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

A Visit

Sunday, I had a nice visit with one of my blog-siblings; Tammi and I talked on the phone for a while. It was very cool. Speaking to her is just like reading her blog, and the conversation was just like we had known each other for a long time. Now, I really wish that I had been able to hook up with her, Teresa, and _Jon over Thanksgiving. Word of warning to you: a Bad Example Family get together is in the wind.

Thanks, Tammi! You really cheered me up!

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December 13, 2004

My Weekend As A Zookeeper

My cousin and his family went to Chi-town for the weekend, and asked me to watch the house and their pets. No problem. I've done it before. But this time was a little different!

They've got a zoo going on. Two Shih Tzus, two cats, a bird, and some fish. Most of these animals just aren't right. The dogs are always looking for contact, and one always has to be right next to you. The cats are worse. They're phsyco. Really. Ok, one isn't so bad, but he's still not right. And the bird, let's just say I hate that thing. One day it's all nice, and the next it will attack you! Thank God it's a small parrot, else I would be missing fingers!

I got there early in the day, played with the dogs, let them out a few times, then when back into town for supper. I didn't stay too long, and went back to my cousins house to stay the night. One of the dogs has to be locked up when no one is around, and I thought I'd be a nice guy and keep him out of the cage. This ended up being a mistake.

I made up a bed on the living room floor, and hit the hay. I went right out, but only for a few minutes. Sam (one of the dogs) is barking and growling at something at one of the windows. I look outside, and there is nothing. I go back to bed for another five minutes, until scenario is repeated. As a matter of fact, this is repeated all night long. Not every five minutes, but the longest I slept was a half hour.

In between barking fits, the other animals had to torment me. One cat crawled onto my side and bedded down. It took a couple of times pushing him off, and finally balling up a blanket for him to crash on, but he finally got the hint, and slept elsewhere. He's the one that isn't so bad. The other kept sticking its face in mine. I kept getting awakened by a cold nose on mine! (I had seafood for supper.) When I eventually moved onto the couch, this cat kept attacking me! I awoke to a galloping sound, and then suddenly there's a kitten slamming into my face!

At one point, I awaken to a pressure on my head. At first, I thought it was the good cat. He's tried to bed down on my head before. Then I realize that this isn't a steady pressure, it's moving. Not thinking (remember, I JUST WOKE UP), I turned my head, right into a dogs ass! Molly is the dog that always has to be touching you. Always rubbing her head on you, or her side (like a cat), or like I so rudely discovered, her ass. About this time, Sam is going into a major league barking fit, and now the bird has to join in with it's racket. I don't think I made it another hour before I gave up. It was starting to get light when I left to come back to my place and get some sleep.

And I get to do this again, for a whole week, in March. Yippeeee!

Do you know what Sam was barking at? His reflection. Idiot dog.

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December 11, 2004

Evil Glenn?!

Thanks to Sally, I think I figured out where Evil Glenn may blog under another name: Sir Peter Maxwell. I laughed my beauttocks off when I first read him, but then I saw this post, and my blood ran cold. It's got to be the hobo murderer himself.

Even though it is funny, in an entirely wrong way!

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Pajama Time is Over ... Get Used to It!

Well, Harvey is hosting his final Carnival of the Pajamas this weekend. Thought I'd be a sport and enter the last one.

No PJ's though. Nope. Thought I'd let you check out my "anti-pajama wearing" utes. Not a good picture, because most pics I have contain me on the best side of the camera. Behind the viewfinder. This one was snapped by one of my platoon. I was guide, I'd just been thrashed* (probably for the third or fourth time of the day ... still early by the light), and I wasn't very happy. This would be my "What the hell are you doing with my camera?!" look. I definitely remember wishing that some kind of enemy would walk into the squadbay at that moment.

*Thrashing is a form of punishment excercise, enjoyed after someone screws up.

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December 10, 2004

Why Call It That?

I love Chinese food. I won't say I'm an expert in it; I can't tell you what dishes contain which veggies or anything. I just know that if it's some type of "kow," or most anything with beef, it's going to be to my liking. Tonight we ordered Chinese for lunch.

Wanting something different, I pick Mongolian Beef. Next to it, there is a red pepper that serves as a warning. Hot and Spicy. That's no warning, that's bait. And I'm hooked! I LOVE hot! The pepper was their only warning. Some of you who've read me and are familiar with Chinese food, may already be smiling.

Our food arrives, and, damn, that smells good! You can smell the heat. I'm already drooling! I pop the container open, and am immediately posed with a question: What sort of lifeform does Mongolia consider BEEF? I tell you right now, it can't be anything bovine. Oh, sure, there are a few strips of T1G type beef in there, but unless you can call fungus "cattle," the name of the dish doesn't fit.

SHROOBIES!! Yeah. My favorite. Right. We aren't talking small pieces of vile. We are talking chunks that deserve their own parking space! I swear they were crawling around, but being the big, brave boy that I am, I attempted to eat the dish anyway. I only made it through seven shrooms. By then, the earthy taste was too much. I started to pick them out. Out of a quart container, I threw away a five gallon bucket of shroobies. I knew the damn things were alive!

Other than the delightful bits of funk, this stuff was awesome! Not quite hot enough, but hey, it works.

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Just to be a pain

Poor Bloodspite. Seems people are skewing the title of his groups blog.

In the spirit of Christmas, I'm going to link them as Egg Nography. :)

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December 09, 2004


Kind of in shock. I was big into a band called Pantera. They broke up, and two members (who are brothers) formed another band called Damageplan. That's probably over now, too. via Newsday

I don't get it. I'm waiting to see what exactly this crap is about. I have a sickening feeling it's about some Pantera fan pissed about the band breaking up. Taking peoples lives over some breakup? I don't get it.

Thanks for the heads up, Lance.

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The Stock to Which I Belong

While communicating with a friend, it was pointed out that I need a talking to when it comes to honesty, specifically, when to/not to be brutally honest.

Honesty is one of those things that define me, at least I like to think so. However, it has screwed me over a couple of times. The thing is, while I may gripe about being screwed over, I am at the same time proud that I said what I thought needed to be said. But I'm starting to drigt from my original thoughts.

This talk about brutal honesty reminded me of my youngest brother. R. is the definition of brutal honesty. The man is BLUNT, and to the point. No time for niceties. And he wouldn't be my brother if he were any other way. See, my whole family is this way, with the exception of me. Of course! I like to think of myself as very tempered and tactful. My sister may say otherwise, but don't believe her: she's just jealous of the fact that I'm so nice! :)

Okay, to the story. R. and I go to visit a friend who is playing softball. Friends team is on the field, so we start visiting with those in the stands. Friends girlfriend is in the stands. R. is talking to her a bit, and then stops.

"You've got freckles!"
She gets embarassed, but he quickly adds, "You look great with your freckles."
She starts to smile, and then R. adds, "I've never seen them before! Most of the time you've got them hidden. It usually looks like you've got 'makeup by Mautz' goin' on. You look alot better without it!"

I heard she cried. The worst is that R. thought he was complimenting her.

Now that, my friends, is brutally honest!

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Assault with a Deadly Burger

Found this little morsel and laughed.

the clerk at a Cumberland Farms would not allow him to pay for a hamburger while it was heating in the store microwave....

"That time of night, you tend to get people who are belligerent. They want things they can't have and we just try and do our job," said Bill Rollo, another clerk at the store.

Why the hell can't you pay for your burger as it get it's radiation OD?

"Sir, the cost of your burger will vary according to the power level, and length of time it is cooked. We are monitoring your microwave usage, and you will be charged accordingly."

I really enjoyed the fact that a news article used the word "smooshed."

Posted by That 1 Guy at 04:22 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Short cakes,er ... takes

Okay, first, forHarvey, here's a peek-a-chur of the new toy at work. Sorry, dude, but it's the best I've found.... so far. What I've been impressed with is the fact that the elevator/conveyor (barely seen at the bottom of the glass panel) looks cheap, but is in fact sturdy as ... some type of really sturdy thing. It's mounted on a rail or linear bearing (the long black bar on the left side of the machine, seen in the bottom photo) that doesn't seem capable of holding it. I've bought product from the extreme right of the machine to see if it shakes the piss out of it, but it's freakin' sturdy. Impressive. I bumped my head on the glass tonight, trying to discover if it is a rail, or a bearing. I did discover that it is, in fact, EMBARASSING.

I've been going through some crappy times lately. You all know this. Not all of you know exactly what is going down, and sometime I'll tell you, I promise, but I've got to say this. You blog-siblings that have been in contact with me through this are the best. And to another Joe, you rock, dude. Thanks a million! E-mail is on the way, sibs!

Also, not a great night at work. BUT, coming home made the evening great. First, the bar was open. Not that I was intent on getting blotto. It's just the bartender is a friend that I rarely get to see. Had a couple-o-brews, and a great visit. Second, I get home, and discover that I missed a call. I was grinning listening to the message. Too cool! We'll get in touch sooon.

Finally, the "cold medicine" of the evening is Knob Creek bourbon. A twelve ounce glass, and I believe it's working. I feel no cold symptoms. As a matter of fact, I feel much of nothing. No crazy ass dreams tonight!

Oh, wait! One more finally. My site averages around 25 hits a day. Sometimes it's a bit higher, and other times much lower. I don't really check that much. Ocne a week, and occasionally after I notice that someone has linked me. My highest number: 70 something, after I enter the 14th Carnival of Recipes. Then, after I submitted a picture of a drunken guy who looks like me, I received about 50 fpr a couple of days straight. Today, thanks to Eric posting this, I hit 62! Oh, I realize that it isn't much, and that 5/8 of those hits spent no actual reading time on my blog (I've gotta come up with something that grabs attention), I just thought it cool. My blog. Viewed numerous times. Hehehe. Thanks, bro!

Posted by That 1 Guy at 03:45 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 08, 2004

A Public Service Announcement: Not For You Sca-weemish Types

It was a different time. A different place. Looked like some sort of desert.

I couldn't remember all that had happened to me, other than intense pain. I knew it wasn't good. Pain raked through my entire body, both inside and out. Hundreds of cuts and abrasions roared in agony as sweat trickled uninhibited into the wounds. There was no way of wiping the sweat away: my arms were bound tightly behind me. I think one was broken.

I had stopped fighting long ago. At first, I felt the shame. Now, I only feel the craving for death. I just want this to be over. I keep telling myself that this is only a dream, a nightmare. But everything seems to prove me wrong. I can feel the pain. I can taste the blood from my stove in face. I can smell the stench of something rotten.

One of "them" makes his way over to me. I feel at least one rib break under the hard kick to my side. He's saying something, but I can't make it out. I'm pretty sure it's English, I just can't hear much over the ringing in my skull. He grabs my hair, and twists my face to the side. (Now I know I'm dreaming... I haven't had long hair in years. I start trying to wake up.) Another man is just a few feet away, and "they" are reducing him to rags. There is something very familiar about the poor soul, but I can't see his face.

As I watch, his hand is forced open, and fingers are cut off. He just moans. No screams, just a growling moan. I'm losing it. I try to turn my head away, but once again my head is forced to the side. I try to close my eyes, only to have fingers jammed against my eyes. I open them.

One of "them" is holding a burning log. I think that "they" are going to start burning the other, touching all over with the burning stick. I'm wrong. A quick flash, a sharp gasp from the other, and his arm below the elbow is gone. Now the log is applied. "They" don't want him to bleed out. I try once again to turn away, but my face is shoved into the sand. Unable to breathe, I turn my head back to the scene. (I'm starting to cry... I can't wake up no matter how I try.) Still, the other hasn't screamed. (More goes on, but I've almost managed to escape by waking up. I'm not really aware, nor do I care about what's happening next to me.)

A warm spray, and the smell of insides brings me back to the nightmare. Now the other is screaming. I open my eyes, and find myself covered in fresh blood. The other has his guts opened up, and the entrails are laying all around the ground next to him. "They" shove something inside his abdominal cavity, and he grows quiet. I think he's passed, when he turns his face towards me. Now I'm the one screaming. Screaming and sobbing.

The other was me.

(I awoke covered in sweat, throat hurting, tears streaming ... and swore the coppery smell of blood was still filling the room.)

"Hi, everyone. My name is That 1 Guy, and that was an actual nightmare. One of my very own. (Turns for side angle) What would cause a person to dream something like this? Good question. The answer is cheap drugs. (Front angle ... big smile) No, no, you silly people! I'm not talking about any illegal substances. What I'm talking about is generic versions of your regular cold medicines. In this case, a generic version of NyQuil.

What could be the harm in taking an off brand?
(Close up on angry face) Didn't you read the above story, moron? This stuff will mess a person up!
(Smiles once again) After this nightmare, I swore the stuff off. However, due to my current fondness for feeling ill, I resorted to taking some again. The first night wasn't too bad. I had goofy dreams, but nothing serious. Last night however, I had the same nightmare as the one above. Only this time I was able to wake up earlier. Of course, not until after one of my eyelids was cut off. Don't ask me. It just happened.

Anyway, in this glorious cold and flu season, may I recommend that you use the real deal. Settle for no cheap substitutes. Curl up with a bottle of hard liquor, and drink yourself to health. Or to your health. Whatever works for you. Cheers!"

Posted by That 1 Guy at 04:38 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 07, 2004

Moronic Ironic

A quote made by a woman seated next to me. She's talking with a guy, and they are an obvious couple, although she about bit the bar owner's head off when he said something about the pair. (They're married, but not to each other. wink, wink, nudge, nudge)

"I've done some bad things before. And I've had a really good time. *Laughs* Really good times. He knows, but he just won't let it go. He always brings it up! He's such a jackass!" (referring, obviously, to her hubbie)

I started laughing, and pissed her off.

No, I'm not judging. I just found the situation and conversation very amusing.

Posted by That 1 Guy at 03:59 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Simple Amusement

I'm now up to $4.50 spent in the new pop machine at work. Simply because I'm watching the way it operates. A platform that raises or lowers to the desired selection, where the pop is dropped onto a conveyor belt and thus dispensed. I realize it's probably quite common, but it's the first one I've seen. A new toy!!!

Some people's kids.

Posted by That 1 Guy at 03:53 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 06, 2004

So Close

Sometimes I think to myself, "You know, there really is no justice." Saturday night was a prime example.

In July, when I was packing for my trip, I pulled my rain gear out of the garage to pack it up. I start to roll it up, when I get a whiff of nastiness. Cat pee! I mean alot of it! It was dark when I pulled it from the garage, otherwise I may have noticed the unpleasant sheen. Pardon the pun, but I was pissed!

Sometimes when I get home, the whole garage reeks of this "fragrance." And every now and then, I get the living crap scared out of me. The culprit behind this won't bolt once the garage door opens. No, it hides behind something (usually a garbage can) and waits until I'm right next to where it's hiding before it takes off. Oh, how I love that! Makes me feel so alive! Right.

Saturday, as I'm pulling out of my drive, I almost got to witness Raingear Pisser's demise. As I watched, it steps out onto the highway ... right in front of a car! I'm simultaneously thinking, "poor thing," and "YES! There really is a God, and he LOVES me!!!" No worries though. As the car skidded to a stop (coward), Raingear trots nonchalantly across the road. It was mere inches that saved this nasty creature! Thoughts quickly changed to "damn cat!" and "I surely have pissed off the Big Guy!"

Of course, maybe it did get hit, and is now on it's next to last life. I can only hope.

Posted by That 1 Guy at 09:23 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 04, 2004

Weblog Awards

Okay, I realize that many people are posting about the 2004 Weblog Awards. You can go vote for your favorites once every 24 hours until the 12th. Lots of familiar faces in there.

Harvey is there under "The Best of the Top 100 - 250 Blogs."

Boudicca is in The Top 1000 - 1750 Blogs.

Ogre is in The top 500 - 1000 Blogs, even though they give him a bad link.

Kim du Toit is found here.

Goldie is found here, and she's taking a hidin' right now ... help.

Velociman is found here along with FrankJ and Right Wing Duck. I like'em all, but Velociman is getting my vote. The guy is warped, and that's not a bad thing.

There are many categories, and you'll find those familiar faces as you search through them. Go to the site's main page, check them out, and vote!

Good luck to you all!

BTW; Where's sarahk? 'tis a sad day when the t-shirt babe gets no mention.

My apologies to those that I failed to mention. It's not that I don't like you ... well, maybe that is it! :)

Posted by That 1 Guy at 01:24 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 03, 2004

A Strange Tale

Hey, there all you boys and girls! Just thought I'd tell you about a visit I had just a few minutes ago.

I'm sitting here reading my blogroll, and thinking that I really need to add a few more (some of these have just cracked me up lately, and I need it), when I hear a rattle at the back door. I know I locked the damn thing, but suddenly I hear a snap, and a cold breezed blows in. Felt just like icy fingers. There's a bit of silence, and of course the damn breeze, and then the door slams shut. By now, I'm freaking out, and I realize that that I'm standing there in my shorts holding an empty beer bottle by the neck. The picture of brave. I cautiously approach the kitchen, when a black shape flies out of the darkness, making the most god-awful noise I've ever heard! I about filled my drawers, but then I realized it was just Evil Glenn. And he was wretching.

EG: What is that smell?
T1G: As if you didn't know.
EG: No, seriously! Did you start a cheese shop, featuring only Limburger?
T1G: First post (now second) on my blog ring a bell?
EG: Wha?? Do you mind if I use your computer for a second?
T1G: Go ahead.

The evil one brings up my blog, reads, slowly grinning at first, and then just busting up by the time he hits the end.

EG: I wish that I were here to see that!
T1G: Me discovering the rancid milk?
EG: What are you ..... I'm talking about how drunk you were! I bet you looked like a crosseyed chimp, banging away on that keyboard! I should change my "quote" at the top of your sidebar! Heh. Drunken Chimpsdumb!
T1G: I want to know about the freakin stinky ass milk! Are you the one responsible for that?
EG: Oh, drunken idjut... heheheh. I am not familiar with the offensive cow squeezings. I wish I were, but I'm not. However, if you don't discover who did it, feel free to offer up credit to me.

By now, I'm starting to return to my normal, lately cranky, self.

T1G: What the hell are you doing here, if not to check on the effects of the nasty milk bomb?
EG: Ah, miserable sot, I'm here to see what's the matter with you. You haven't posted much in a while. No lies, nothing. What seems to be the problem, Chimpy? (snicker)
T1G: Actually, it's a great collection of little things going wrong all at the s .....
EG: OH, YES! I forgot to mention the other reason I'm in the area. Check it, yo; A HOBO DINNER! I saw this, and there was no way that I was going to miss this! Oh, sorry to interrupt. Carry on, I'll stop monkeying around! HEHEHEH!
T1G: (not finding humor in this visit) Anyway, it seems that I can .....
EG: (starting to do a strange moonwalking robot dance, and mumbling to himself in a singsong voice) Hobos! 'Tis my lucky day. Hobos! Take their souls suffering away! Errrrr.... sorry about that, Cheetah. snk.snk. snk.BAHAHAHAHA!!!!
T1G: (fully pissed now) Ok, Reynolds, that's about enough of that! If you won't ....
EG: Hobos au gratin, hobo hams, hobo ...... Gah, sorry, oh sauced simian! HahaHAAAACCK! Let me go you big ape! (Even in the face of death, and he looks pissed, I slay myself!)
T1G: I told you that was enough! But no, you refuse to lay off. If you can't tell, I'm not my normal cheery self, so I'm not going to act that way. You, my penguin poking friend, are leaving.
EG: Ok, no prob. I'll just ape my way to the .... SMAAAAAAAASH! (now sprawled out in the snow beneath the window) What?! You broke your window!?
T1G: To be rid of you, it's worth it!
EG: Very well, then, I'll be off. But if you thought I was annoying on this visit, I'm here to tell you: YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHIN', .... YETI!!!

As he ran away, you could hear him giggling like an idiot. Sure, it's cold in here now without the window, but it's not much else to worry about. Things should start looking up.

Posted by That 1 Guy at 02:18 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack