Movie Meme

Finally, a response to Tammi tagging me with the latest meme. Let's watch...

1) Total number of films I own on DVD/video:

I'm not too sure... between the two, probably about two hundred. Tops.

2) The last film I bought:

Either "Snatch," or "Fear Factory: Digital Connectivity." I'll go with "Snatch." (snicker)

3) The last film I watched:

"Without A Paddle"

4) Five films that I watch a lot or that mean a lot to me (in no
particular order):

This should have been "Five films other than 'Monty Python's Holy Grail' and 'Army of Darkness' that I watch alot, or that mean alot to me." Who hasn't had their lives affected by these timeless masterpieces?

Okay, other than the two obvious ones:

Any Danny Kaye film, especially "The Inspector General."

Almost any Bob Hope film.

Ditto Fred Astaire.

"Jeremiah Johnson"

"Dirty Rotten Scoundrels" Some of my favorite quotes: "This is the happiest day of my life! My testicles are dropping!" and,
Freddy: "Excuse me. May I go to the bathroom first?"
Lawrence:" Of course you may."
Freddy: [Slowly smiling and looking like he's just relieved himself] "Thank you."

We watched alot of Kaye, Hope, and Astaire when I was growing up. Funny stuff, and it makes me think of how tight we were as a family. You'll still hear us quoting movies from this time.

5) Tag 5 people See if you get any volunteers, and have them put this in their journal:

Any takers?

UPDATE: How could I forget "Eric the Viking?" I'm slipping.

Kids

Spent most of the weekend away from home. I was up at my sister's place helping my brother in law build a playset for the boys. My brother, The Perfect One, was there helping on Saturday, and he brought his little one.

I've come to this conclusion: while I'm not sure what happens to us later, our family starts out as damn cute kids. Seriously. My nephews and my cousin's kids (who may as well be nephews and niece) are some of the cutest kids that I personally know. And that is only mildly biased.

And, to help further their cuteness, they say/do some of the funniest things. I was smiling an awful lot this weekend, between the tunes, and my little cartoons. The Perfect One's little guy has just started motoring around. It's funny as hell watching him trying to keep his balance... looks like he's dancing, with his little index fingers pointing all over.

The little guys know that their uncles are full of it, too. My sister's youngest started whining about a sliver (he must get that from his dad), and he wouldn't let anyone touch it, because "it hurt." I told him that what I do when I get a sliver, is to cut my finger off. Then I can dig the sliver out of my finger and it won't hurt. Of course, it hurts later when I have to sew the finger back on, but you're going to have pain one way or the other! I got an excellent eyeroll for that one!

Once we finished with the playset, the boys wanted to play on it. Play? I told them that now that we're finished, we burn it down and start over. I kept a straight enough face that the eldest looked at my with some concern, before deciding that I lied. Heheh. Man, kids are fun!

Memorial Day Greeting

Hope that you all have a great Memorial Day! Enjoy your cookouts, time with family and friends. Whatever you do today, may you have a great one!

Most importantly, don't forget those who are honored on this day. If you have time, read some of the blogs on my blogroll... there are some great posts about Memorial Day that can be found there.

Remember.

I Wish...

I could have seen my face today. I must have been grinning from ear to ear anytime I was driving. I was smiling so much, that my face hurts. (Yeah, yeah, I know... it's killing you.)

My brother in law gave me a disc that he burned, and it triggered so many good memories. I thought that this band was long gone, but they put out an album last year. They haven't changed a bit, and I'm glad of it.

I grew up in a very religious household. I wasn't a saint, but I sure wasn't a rotten kid. One thing that used to give my mom fits was my taste in music. She knew what I listened to, but would rather I didn't play it in the house, or around her. So most of my listening was done in my car.

Exodus has been around for as long as I've been driving. While listening to the newest disc, I had memories of my '73 LeSabre, '78 Gran Prix, and my '87 Olds 442. Times spent with my brothers and friends. Trouble gotten into and away from. Trips up to Northern Wisconsin. Hot summer days, with the sunroof open on the Olds.

I'm sitting here thinking about younger days, again. Daydreaming. Not the best of times, but good times. May there be many more.

So what are some of the things that smash open the gates of memory for you?

Fowl Play

Something to make you think "WTF?" until I can post something with thought.

Johannesburg, California police have taken to ticketing chickens.

They still haven't determined why the damn thing crossed the road in the first place.

Tinnitus

"eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...." -Joe's ears, May 28, 2005

Holy cow, people! Sorry if my typing seems a little hoarse, but I caught a show last night. Damn good show!

Went to Elixur in Rockford (I'd provide a link, but there's some god-awful dance music there) to see Local H, along with SOiL and American Motherload. My apologies to the fourth band. We came in during the last song of their set, and I never did hear who they were.

I'd never been to Elixur before, but it is a great place for a show. The place isn't overly huge (I think I heard it holds 900), and it's one of those places where the crowd is right at the edge of the stage. They had "security" in place, bouncers, to help keep idiots in check. No problems for them. Hell, these guys were starting a mosh pit by the end of the night!

I'll not go on for too long.

American Motherload- First time I'd ever heard of these guys, but it won't be the last. Their music could maybe fit the "metal" tag, but they are more of a hard rock band. And rock hard, they do! The band themselves are pretty cool guys. I was wearing my Corrosion of Conformity shirt, and some guy came up and started talking about COC. Found out later, he was the guitarist. The singer also was complimenting my shirt... they were big fans, and you can hear some of the influence in their music.

SOiL- Always good to see these guys. I was a little worried about the band having a new singer, but he did an excellent job. Kinda made the songs his own! He added a little bit of aggression to the songs. Heh, I even got into the pit for a song... thought I was going to puke after getting clocked, but it was still a good time! I'm glad to see these guys back out, and I'm looking forward to the new album.

Local H- The reason I have no voice. One of my favorite bands to see live, their songs are not complex or full of bull. The songs are written for you to scream along with them! I'm not sure how many times I've seen them, but I recommend that you check them out. It's two guys putting out a wall of noise! Scott, the guitarist, has his guitar set up so that he goes into two amps... one bass, and one guitar. If you'd never seen them, you'd swear that there was a full band playing. As a matter of fact, that's how I was introduced to them. I swore that it was some big band, because the music sounded so thick, and as I walked around the stage, there's just two guys. Incredible.

So that's my beginning to this weekend. What are your plans?

Update: The fourth band was called One Little Sin. I couldn't find a link. Sorry.

Happy Birthday, Machelle

Okay, there's supposed to be some work boots, shorts, and skin here. Machelle requested that for her b-day. I spent almost an hour on something last night, and I can't get the damn thing to show. Maybe after work I'll be able to figure it out.

Anyway, go over and wish her a "Happy Birthday!" Sounds like she's going to need it, with the "great" start she's got for the day!

45 minutes in Hell

"My cat is so cute...." "Yeah, mine is, too!" "They just make you smile..." "People say they're stupid animals, but they are very smart!" "My cat brings me 'gifts.'" "My cat brought food to a litter of kittens that wasn't even hers." "My cat found a mouse."

Duh. Too bad all of my silverware has been removed. "My cat.... my cat... my cat...."

Jeebus, make it stop! "My cat has formulated a cure for cancer." "Wow, mine has a plan for world peace!"

Kill me now.

Craving...

Damn, I've got a couple of weird cravings. Well, maybe they ain't so weird, but the trigger and the craving have nothing in common that I can tell. I'm puzzled.

Trigger: A co-worker eating lasagna for lunch. (I love lasagna... alot. I mean way. too. much.)

The cravings: A ham and cheese loaf, and Lays potato chip sandwich, and a Frito boat. (Just in case you don't know, a Frito boat is this: take a small bag of fritos, smash the bejeezus out of them, and open the bag lengthwise. Add taco meat, lettuce, tomatoes, Tabasco, sour cream, cheese, and peppers. Stir and chow.)

I have absolutely no idea what they have in common, but the craving is strong enough that I'm thinking of running to the store.

Can you think of any tie? Or, better yet, what are some of your food cravings?

My Day

Once I clicked out of "zombie mode" this morn, it seemed that I was heading into a good day. The sun was shining, nice cool breeze blowing, birds were singing... wait, those were starlings cackling. Still, not a bad way to start the morning.

Heading out to the garage, that changed in a hurry. As I rounded the corner, I was greeted with the bracing fragrance of feline urine. Any guilty feelings that I may have had about the post below disappeared in an instant. Since I had left the windows of the car open a crack, I was able to enjoy cat stench for most of the drive into work.

Pulling away from the garage, I noticed my neighbor's cats watching me through the newly installed window (they've just stared at me since it was put in... creeps me out), and I swear the bastards were smirking. They probably were the lookouts during the whole territory marking incident last night. Just as I was about to sneer back, I noticed my neighbor (a rather large man) sitting at his table in his bungies. A pretty sight indeed! My eyes were now watering from cat stench and "fat guy in bungies" shock.

By the time that I reached work, both the smell and the shock had worn away. Just in time for the crew of monkeys that power my brain to clock in. However, instead of the usual chittering and flinging of poo that I've come to know and love, they came armed with 32 oz ballpeen hammers. My head was killing me, and I hadn't drank much at all last night!

Looked like I was in for a long day, until one of the ladies gave me some tylenol. After poisoning the monkeys, the day flew by fairly well. I had a few problems, but nothing serious to deal with. Went by so well, that I'm at a loss for things to blog about. Well, except for my day.

Oh, yes! I almost forgot! One more commercial starring a cat. Again, "Here be things ye may not care to see, ye scurvy lovers of cats!"

Christine, By Ford

No much time to post anything, but I've gotta leave you with this. Look away, ye lovers of cats.

If I can't get a truck, I have to get this car.

Hat tip to Chris at A Large Regular.

Quick Sports Notes

I may not get to post anything else today, so I figured to drop off some quick sports notes.

Brandon McCarthy will make his White Sox debut today, pitching against Mark Prior. I'm not trying to diss McCarthy, but I think this game goes to the Cubs. Prior should win this unless he gets a high pitch count and the Cubs have to go to their blowpen bullpen. Tammi should be happy to avoid the sweep. Still, go Brandon!

While I'm far from a NASCAR fan, it was pretty cool to walk into the bar last night, just in time to see Mark Martin win the Nextell All-Star Challenge. He's one of the few drivers that I kind of keep track of, and probably my favorite. Why? Just seems like a class act, and when I was in the Marines, my roomate was a huge fan of his. Mark Martin stuff everywhere. I think that may be where my interest came from.

Tomorrow is the first day of the French Open. Once again, I'm not a huge tennis fan, but I do like watching the French Open and Wimbledon. Some of you may remember why. Anyway, because of the event, the French terror alert level has risen from "Run," to "Hide," with a great chance of seeing the next levels of "Surrender," and "Collaborate." I'll try to keep you posted.

Have a good day!

Windy City Classic: Day Two

My aploogies, but I've got an earworm that I just have to share:

Oops!...They did it again,
The Cubes played the Sox, and lost once again.
Poor Tammi, Tammi
Zambrano, he pitched a gem
Then they went to their 'pen
They're not much good this year!

I'm thinking that perhaps Tammi's glad that a wager wasn't made! :)

Seriously, Zambrano was looking awesome... I hope that the Cubs don't stress his arm out by keeping him in. But then again, without an effective bullpen, you would want to keep your starter in until just before his arm fell off.

Score for those who care:

Sox 5
Cubbies 3

Windy City Classic: Day One

Just a really short note here. An update for Tammi, just in case she hadn't heard. She's been kind enough to call me before and update me while the Tampa Bay D-Rays were playing the Sox (White, one each), I figure the least I can do is to return the favor.

White Sox 5
Cubes 1

That would mean that the White Sox won the game. Indeed, the headline reads something like this: White Sox show Cubs who's boss of Chicago now!

Just trying to help out.

(Of course, I realize that I probably jinxed the rest of the weekend, but oh well, gotta strike while the iron's hot!)

Thursday, It's Origins

Scholars may tell you that yesterday, Thursday, is named after some Roman god. Jove, or Jupiter. The Latin name for the day was supposedly "dies jovis." Apparently, we are to believe that the name by which it known to us is derived from the Norse counterpart for Jove: Thor. In old English, the day was called Thursdaye, or Thoresday. I'm telling you, that is bull.

Thursday is actually derived from "Tardsday." This is the day in which all of the idiots come out to celebrate by doing as many stupid things as possible. How else does one explain leaving for work 5 minutes earlier than usual, but arriving at work 10 minutes later than normal?

Run into a convenience store to grab some quick breakfast, and a tard will be behind the counter telling a fellow tard all about some animal (I bet it was a rabid cat) getting into their vehicle overnight, and destroying the interior... for five minutes. This could be done quicker, but usually that's saved for Mondays.

On Tardsday, long lines of angry people are an essential part of the celebration. This goes for traffic as well. Tards will line themselves up so that no one may pass, while waving their arms and carrying on as if they are pissed at the gravel truck doing 35 mph. through the country. Yet, they cannot pass, because they are trammelled by the celebratory rules which forbid intelligent activities.

A dead stop in the middle of nowhere is one of the favored rituals. This will usually occur near a curve, just out of view to a non-celebrant. Of course, the long line of traffic will serve as cushion, so that the tard doing the stopping will be able to proceed unmarred. It almost worked on me yesterday, but I'm a little too quick.

However, I did indeed join in the festivities: I was the idiot who pulled directly into the path of an oncoming vehicle without looking. Oh, I thought I looked, but once I realized how close this came to an accident, I knew that I couldn't have. I felt like I fit right in with everyone else! I've never been happier to be a tard.

How did you celebrate the day?

See Ya Tomorrow

Visitation will be tonight, so I'll be getting home a little later. Unless I can get rid of this inability to think, I probably won't post until tomorrow. Thanks for checkin' in, and I'll see ya then.

Joe

Dwellings

Holy crap! I didn't think that you guys were going to be that anxious to see where my thoughts were dwelling the other night. I have to apologize for taking so long to post.

I'm not actually posting on what all I was thinking about... I don't think that there was a truly original thought in any of the versions that I wrote up. Maybe original in the way that they were slopped together, but... Anyway, this is the Reader's Digest condensed form.

A friend of mine was killed in an accident the other night. Now, I'm definitely not happy that she's gone, but I am happy that she went out doing something that she loved dearly, while being with someone whose company she really enjoyed. Not counting the fact that she's gone, I wish the end hadn't had been so damn violent. Of course, then she may have suffered. Sounds as if she were dead instantly.

I spent Monday thinking about life, in general, and mine specifically. At the time that I posted "Time Out," I wasn't dwelling on the sadness anymore. But it did hit in waves. I was up 'til too late trying to write about it, and realizing that it wasn't going to work. Mostly, I was thinking about changes that I need to make in my life. Nothing drastic, but little things can turn out to be drastic.

Many of us get complacent in our lives. "I can always take care of that later," we say. I start thinking, and I realize that I am one of the most complacent SOBs that I know. I put off little things that I don't think will matter, and, if I would take care of them eventually, they don't. But if you always push them back, things tend to pile up, and before you know it, you're buried as they all come down. An easy fix, I just have to make myself aware of my dodging or putting off the small things.

As I was thinking about all of this, I came up with a long list. But as I was writing it all down, it began to sound like a friggin' sermon. I'm not going to preach to anyone. First of all, I have no room to talk. Secondly, and probably most important, you are all big kids. You can make your own decisions without some drunk guy slobberin' his views all over your shoulder. If you can't... well, that's just sad!

I guess the point of all the rambling was simply this: Death may be the end of a life, but if you view it properly, it can be the beginning of yours. It just depends on what you take from it.

R.I.P. Tamara, and thank you.

Time Out

It's kind of a quiet evening of reflection tonight. I'll be checking on folks, but not sayin' much. I'll explain later... maybe even later tonight. Don't worry, it's not a doom and gloom thing. It just is... life.

Muddin' and Mentoring

This weekend, I got to make a run up to Little Green Lake, near Markesan, Wisconsin. A friend of mine owns a cottage on the lake, and he needed a hand putting in the pier. Me being the guy that I am, I offered to assist. Riding up with me, was my cousin's oldest son. He's a good kid, but I'm working on fixing that.

While the thought is a little scary, I am kind of a mentor to N. He hasn't felt that he can always talk to his parents about some things without getting his head ripped off, so he will call me. I'll try to help him as much as I can, but I often end up telling him how he can talk to his parents about whatever may be his concern. Really scary is the fact that he looks up to me. I can't wait to see what comes about after this weekend.

The ride up is always a beautiful trip, filled with sightings of deer, turkeys, and sometimes cranes. We got to see a huge HUGE turkey that I'm guessing would have been near thirty pounds. Now, I base that estimate on the tom that my brother harvested a few years ago. That bird was near twenty pounds, and this bird was much, much, much larger. We also got to see three cranes, at two different locations. What kind? Hell, I don't know. Big. How's that? I just know that it's cool as hell to watch them flying.

No other sightings to report as we made our way up Hwy. 73. However, once we neared Randolph, we discovered that the road was detoured. "Road Closed To Thru Traffic." I took a look, and thought, "What the hell. Let's try it!"

What a blast! N looked at me with concern as I weaved past the roadblocks, and started making my way down through the construction zone. (Of course, there were no workers there) It didn't take long, and we were totally without pavement of any type... it looked like we were in for a big drop! As I neared the dropoff, I noticed that there was indeed a small incline, so at least it wouldn't be a violent drop.

Some of you have seen my car. It's a Malibu. Not really the best thing for off-roading. But it can suprise ya! It didn't take long, and we were in mud... rained earlier. Some of the muddy ruts were at least six inches deep, and we were scraping the bottom of the car for a stretch of about twenty feet. I didn't think we were going to make it once she started dragging, but the Muddin Malibu made it! We were almost sideways at times, but we did it.

I was laughing my ass off... at least until we started dragging. But N went from being nervous, to laughing so hard that he had tears running! And after some of the looks we got when we emerged from that stretch, he would bust out laughing again. Once we got to the lake, we found out why we garnered so many looks... the sides of the car were covered in mud!

Putting in the pier went rather smoothly, with the exception of the waders. I wear size twelve tennis shoes, and got stuck wearing size eight waders, and one of the other guys wears thirteens, and was crammed into nines. My friggin' toes were killing me. But I didn't have it as bad as the other guy... his waders also leaked! It was a slow leak, so what water made it in was heated by his body heat, but a leak is a leak.

You should have heard when he climbed out of the water onto the pier. It wasnt' exactly a scream, but it was so much more than a yell. He had to lay down on the pier and pull himself up because of the weight of the water. When he did, the water that he thought was warm flowed up and made contact with "the boys!" It turned out, the water wasn't all that warm!!

On the way back, I discovered that I may have created a monster... N spent about half of the ride talking about going muddin' (through construction areas) with his truck. I sure as hell couldn't tell him not to do it! The best I could do was to tell him to stick to rippin' up the back forty at his friends farm. Although if he were to go through a construction zone, he should wait until the weekend when no one would be working. (Obviously) And, if it were a fun ride, he should come back and get me!!!

Heheh.

Arms of God

Hey, all you Corrosion of Conformity fans! Have you bought, burned, or stolen their latest effort, In the arms of god? If you said no, please lean forward, and click here... did it hurt? I've been trying to perfect a virtual bitchslap, but not making much progress. So if you really did feel that, let me know what meds you are taking, and I'll stay away from them.

Back to this most excellent of discs. I've got to say that I am a bit biased. To me, they haven't put out a bad album. Some not as good as others, but still, none suck. (Unlike Blow, and Reblow by Metallica.) But this is one kick ass album! Pepper Keenan and Woody Weatherman play some mean guitar, and Mike Dean on bass is steady as usual.Some of the riffs just make you want to bang your head... hell, I wish I still had my long hair so I could do it justice!

My personal hotspots on this disc are In The Arms of God, Dirty Hands, Empty Pockets, and Paranoid Opioid. If you're short on time, the best stretch to listen to is the last track,In The Arms of God, and then the first two tracks, Stonebreaker, and Paranoid Opioid. There really isn't a bad spot on here, but there are a couple of tracks that don't quite fit with the rest of the album.

One of the things that really stuck out to me was the drummer that they used in the studio. Stanton Moore adds alot. Before I read his bio, I could easily tell that this guy is a jazz drummer. While Corrosion is a gritty, bluesy metal/rock band, his style fits right in. He's not touring with them. Jason Paterson is taking his spot on the tour, and he seems to do pretty good... not a slam on Jason. But I enjoyed Moore's playing so much, that I will be checking out his solo works, along with his band Galactic.

Oddly, the only complaint that I have about this album has to do with the drums. But it's the mix, and not the drummer. Through most of the tracks, the bass drum is too loud, with the volume of the drums overall occasionally trying to overide the rest of the music.

Definitely an album to check out!

Uhhh...

This isn't something that I would normally post about. As a matter of fact, I don't really want to. But I feel I have to... I've been so amused and amazed by this, that I have need to post it. And while I know you're not going to want to read it, you will...

I finished ... making a deposit... earlier, and I was just dumbfounded. Blue poo! I've never been so impressed! Now I know how my brother felt after eating that red cake, and how excited he was when he made his own designer fudge!

I tried to figure out where this lovely shade came from... besides my ass. The only thing I can think of is a sports drink that I had earlier today. That's the only thing. Now I want to sample the other flavors just to see what hues I can come up with.

Powerade- Used by fecal painters everywhere!

Congrats To Eric

Eric, of Straight White Guy, just hit 200,000 hits tonight/this morning. (Depending on where you are.)

Know something kinda sad? I can't sleep, so I've been checking his site off and on, waiting for it to happen. I don't think I was "the one," but I was close!

Anyways, Congratulations, Eric!

Feelin' Crappy

I feel as if...

I jumped out of bed (from the wrong side, of course), and sprained my ankle.

When I went to take my shower, the only temperature that worked well was "frigid."

As I went to rinse off for the last time, the sewers backed up, leaving me standing in raw sewage.

I went to eat my cereal, and discovered that someone had indeed pissed in my Wheaties.

Running late, I get stuck in a long line of traffic, my own parade... a lunatic parade, if you will.

Of course, it rains on my parade.

When I finally arrive to work, my job is threatened.

At breaktime, I can't get any of the vending machines to work for me.

The day drags by as if the clock were moving backwards... and it really is.

This isn't the after effects of last night's intoxication... no hangover at all. It's just been a really crappy day. I think I'll catch up on my e-mails, which are about a week behind, and make a couple of visits, then hit the hay for the evening.

How was your day?

More Accounts

If you haven't seen them, go there now... Contagion and Little Joe give their accounts of the meet on Saturday. Love Little Joe's description of Harvey.

Evenin'

You could catch the faint scent of freshly cut grass, overpowered by blooming lilacs. And every now and again, you might smell the scent of topsoil, as someone nearby worked the earth for their garden.

The killdeer were playing on a driveway, as the first mosquitos started to show.

The distant sound of a lawnmower grew rapidly louder, accompanied by loud mewling, and maniacal laughter. A man, no longer sane, ran through your yard, 6 horses provided by Briggs and Stratton, running in front of him... cursed tabby fleeing.

"Oh, yes, my feline friend. I promise to you that I shall end the chasing of the hounds... the scrounging of the food... the yowling in the night. Do not run from me, and the end, while messy, will be swift. And I promise to gift you with eternal sleep."

Math for Morons

Okay, this is like a step back to school for ya!

You have a machine. There are two "feed rollers" that feed stock into your machine, where it is automatically cut off. Stock is fed between these rollers, which are 8" in diameter. The amount of stock needed to be fed is 9", but the gearing being used varies from 1" to 30". You have a limited amount of stock, so you want to set this up as close as possible to the proper length before actually feeding stock into the machine. There are no indicators available.

How can you determine (roughly) how far the rollers have to turn? If you said 9", let me personally bitch slap you. What I'm talkin' is position of the rollers.

I usually can figure this out in seconds... but today it took me a half an hour. I have no set formula for figuring this out, I just do it. Today though, I was blank. No wonder why I dropped out of geometry... I always came up with the correct answers, but not the proper route needed to achieve said answer. Damn those axioms and theorems!

I did eventually figure it out, but it didn't seem like the usual way I do it. Let's see what you come up with.

Oops

Probably shouldna driven home. Threw the car into reverse at a stop sign.

I've got an automatic.

Blog Western

While I was computerless, I really missed the communication with some of my favorite bloggers, and the Bad Example Family. Something else that I missed, were the projects that the lovely Christina likes to put together.

She had organized a blog novella that turned out in awesome fashion, and a blog noir that turned out in a similar way. Both were incredibly smooth with their transitions from blogger to blogger, and the stories great.

Well, unless you've been computerless, or just crawled out from under a rock, you know that she's at it again. This time it's a western, and each chapter is one of the seven deadly sins. And once again, it's moving fluidly.

Dax Montana starts us out with chapter one.

Moogie takes chapter two.

WitNit has chapter three.

Kelley has chapter four up already.

Next up is the ever silent Eric.

Enjoy, folks!

A Riding Question

To a cyclist, each lane of the highway or street is divided into three smaller lanes: Left, center (oil strip), and, obviously, right. I personally prefer to ride to the left, except when turning right. It's also the lane recommended in the handbooks that I've read, but that's a poor excuse for doing it. I ride there simply because it gives me more room to maneuver should a situation develop.

I've always seen a rider or two that seem to hug the right. But this year, there has been an unusually large number that I've noticed. To me, it doesn't make any sense. Unless of course, your group is riding in staggered formation. But I'm talking about individual riders.

So my question to you who ride, or have ridden, is this: Which "lane" do you ride in, and why? I'm especially interested in those that ride the oil strip and right.

A Late Mother's Day Wish

Sorry that this is a little late, but I just wanted to wish all of you mothers out there a Happy Mother's Day! Especially my blog siblings, although Sally's Mothering Sunday was March 6. I'm really late for hers. Happy Mum's Day.

Mothers are very special people. It can't be an easy job... not many kids are the angel that I was growing up.

Fleeing Fritz's

As a sometime blogger, I feel it is my duty to keep you informed of your fellow bloggers' conduct. Therefore, I submit to you yet another true and accurate report of a blogmeet. This one in my hometown.

Let me start by saying this: I'm not sure that I'm ever going to do another blogmeet. Ever. I'm kinda sick of carrying the conversation all evening. Dries out the vocal chords. I'm not saying that these aren't good people, but holy crap, they are quiet.

Once again, I was one of the first there, this time at Fritz's Wooden Nickel. Of course, this could possibly be because I live only a few blocks away, but I prefer to say that it's because I really care about meeting people. Really. A more outgoing son of a motherless goat you will not meet. Anyway, not long after I walked in, Tammi arrived. I introduced her to some of the locals, and then in walked the man, the myth, the guy who looks just like his baby picture: Harvey. And by his side, stood his enforcer lovely wife, TNT. This time, there was no "ring incident." I had talked with TNT earlier and explained that if he were to have me beaten again, the locals would make short work of them. I also pointed out that Harvey does have kind of a pretty mouth, and it wouldn't go unnoticed. For the most part, it was an uneventful meeting. Although, I did knock over a couple of bar stools trying to cover myself when he jokingly flashed his ring at me. What a kidder!

Teresa showed up a little late, and once again, she was more than a little grouchy. Seems that some bonehead had forgotten that there are actually two Hwy. 20 exits between here and Chicago. She was not one to be messed with, at least not at first. She actually did smile a couple of times, but as soon as she was aware of it, well, whoever happened to be talking to her at the time bore the brunt of her wrath. She just does not seem to want to be happy!

We were all a little disappointed that Grau wasn't going to make it. He came up with some really dumbass excuse as to why he couldn't show. I mean, it's Mother's DAY, not weekend, right? And his wife isn't actually his mother, so why the hell not spend Saturday evening with us, instead of staying in the Frizzen Cave? Piss poor excuse, blog sperm donor! Piss poor blogdad, period. I hope you've been paying Harvey child support, you troglodyte bastard!

About the time that we had given up hope that anyone else was coming (perhaps I should say I had given up hope... I was running out of things to talk about), in walked Contagion and Little Joe. I had met Contagion before, but this was the first time meeting Little Joe. His name is apt... if he received his moniker from Robert Wadlow. And, he looked like a guy who might enjoy visiting... boy, was I wrong.

Contagion seemed content to take Eric's role from the last meet. Couldn't get him to make a sound if you lit him on fire. (Which Harvey the sadist did try) Little Joe took a bit, but he finally started to feel comfortable and opened up some. We just had to take care not to move too quickly... he would try to dive under the table at sudden motion. And, as I pointed out, he's not the smallest guy... we ended up picking up dishes a couple of times.

Oh, and speaking of dishes, guess what my new job is going to be for a few weeks: If you said "Dishwasher," you are absolutely correct! Any guesses as to how that came about? Well, I'll just tell you. I made the mistake of getting up to hit the restroom, and when I came back, not one blogger was left in the bar! Dine and dash... and leave me to get tackled as I tried to run out the door! Thank God Fritz likes me, so he only hit me with the bar stool twice. I worked out a schedule, and I'll be getting rid of the large bill that these guys left.

Nope, I don't think I'm going to do this again. Too much talking, and too much work... both setting it up, and paying for it.

Update:

Teresa gives a slightly different version of the evening's events.

Aaaarrrrrrr....

Been over to Ogre's lately? Heard the crickets? I don't know about you, but everytime I hear that, I think of that story of the pirate who walked into the bar with a steering wheel coming from his pants.

When asked what the hell that was all about, he replied, "Aaarrrrrr, 'tis driving me nuts."

Today

1:00

Stillman Valley, Illinois

Fritz's Wooden Nickel

People meeting

Drinking

Yabbering (courtesy of me... of course)

UPDATE:
Dining and dashing

Heh.

Mexican Manicotti: It's What's For Breakfast

So I got to go over to Tammi's new digs last night. I'm talking place of residence, not bloghold. Very cool! I enjoy the hell out visiting with her, and now she's only about thirty miles away... how cool is that?

I really do feel for those of you that she's had to leave behind in Florida. It's not fair, but we've got your girl up here now. Heheh. And I understand why you all are so upset... it's not just because she's such a caring person. It's not because she's a great friend to you. And it's not because (for those who would like to, but are hesitant to set foot in a holy sanctuary lest you be struck down) you feel like you've entered a Catholic church will all of the candles blazing. (I've got to wonder about you "men" of the Bad Example Family who were so concerned with keeping the candles lit during the Family Reunion.)

Nope, you folks are going to miss her cooking. I know that's what it is! Sure, everything else comes into play, but when it comes right down to it, food is where it's at!

She made a kick ass Mexican manicotti... loaded with jalepenos. Mmmmmmmmm. And then she had cherry cobbler (and not a virgin shoemaker) for dessert. Damn. Good. And leftovers got sent with me. Bwahahahahahah!

So I now return to my breakfast of manicotti, cobbler, and beer. Life rocks today!

Did It Work?

Just curious. I'm using AOHell right now, and I can't refresh my page to see if the attempt at extended entry below worked or not (don't ask me why... I'm clueless). If so, I offer up a virtual six pack to the great and powerful Ogre, for offering his assistance in this post.

If it didn't work, blame him. And shave one of his llamas.

My White Sox

The Chicago White Sox are off to one of the best starts in team history. They lead all of baseball with a .750 winning percentage. Pitching is very solid... the team has an ERA of 2.94, second only to the Marlins. Jon Garland has been on fire. People are starting to get very excited around here. While I am extremely happy, I am far from excited.

Lemme tell ya why...

When I was a young lad (much like now, but younger), I got my first "stereo system" at the age of 14, 1981. My aunt gave me her old one. This thing got me hooked on White Sox baseball.

Every night, I listened to the games that were broadcast. I got to know all of the players, who was hot/not. Carlton Fisk became my hero. I rarely missed any games.

In '83, after the All Star break, the Sox were hot. The Series seemed like a very good possibility. I listened in awe as their new rookie, Ron Kittle, smacked 35 homers... towering shots! (BTW, if you didn't click that link, check it out... he's a hell of a man) They ended up winning the American League West by 20 games. LaMarr Hoyt won the AL Cy Young Award with his 24 wins. They cruised into the ALCS where they were dispatched by the Baltimore Orioles, who later went on to win the World Series. I was crushed.

In '93, the Sox win another division title, but lose to Toronto in the ALCS. I had followed these guys as much as I could, which wasn't all that much considering I was in the Marines at the time. What little bit of time I had for television was spent on cartoons and baseball. Again, crushed.

The following year, '94 (unless your calendar is different from mine), I seriously thought that the Sox had a chance to go all the way. And it wasn't just me... they were the talk of baseball until the strike shortened the season. If you see a Sox game on television, check out the stands... not totally empty, but far from filled... a by product of the strike. Sox fans don't forgive. I was pissed.

Our next chance was in 2000. The Sox took the Central Division, and were then swept by the Seattle Mariners in the AL Division Series. It was a great season, but by now, I'd gotten to realize that the Series isn't an easy thing to come by just because you have a great year.

Here we are in this year. They've got a great start, but I can't get overly excited... their hitting hasn't been what's winning games. As I said before, the pitching has been great so far. When it comes to hitting, they are almost in the bottom third of the league. ( I'm pretty sure that they were ranked at 19, but it's getting late, and I don't want to check anymore stats.) Things need to pick up if they are going to be a serious threat, at least to my mind.

One thing that I am a little excited about is the possibility of an '83 rematch. The Orioles are hot right now, also. If the Sox can make it all the way through this season in first place, I would like to see the O's right there with them... only to get crushed under the Sox's heels. God, that'd be great!

But I've got to be a realist, and while I hope for the best for my team, I've got to know that it's not likely that it's going to come about. I hope I haven't jinxed them by writing this! (Speaking of being a realist!)

Flight of the Cousin

I was reading this post over at Harvey's, where Harvey takes a jab at _Jon. _Jon came back with this:

"When you were a kid, did you smack hornet nests with a short stick?"

I noticed that it sounds as if he thinks this were a bad thing... but it did bring back some thoughts of days of old. My brother, The Perfect One, and I used to do that all the time. Don't know for sure how it got started, but we used to go armed with sticks, or small boards, and beat the bejeezus out whatever hornets we could find.

I've mentioned that we lived on a farm growing up. There were plenty o' places for hornets to make their nests. One of the preferred spots was the framework of feed wagons. We used to beat on the framework until they started swarming out, and then knock them out of the air with the sticks. As soon as they hit the ground, we stomped on them. Sometimes, the stomp was unneccesary... if you hit them right, they would make a snapping pop, and, Voila, guts of hornet!

Perhaps my fondest memory of this is the time that my cousin from town came out to visit us. Now, it's not like they hardly ever came out... we grew up with them. And it's not as if he didn't know that we liked to do things a little differently... he had been at the table the time that one of us asked for someone to pass the milk, and one of us (my siblings will tell you it was me, but they lie) fired off a beautiful pass with the brand new gallon of milk. It ended up shooting through outstretched hands and splattering on the floor. Not smart. Funny, but definitely not smart. Someone got their ass beat up over their ears for that one. But I'm wandering.

Anyway, my cousin went out to the barnyard with my brother and me. He had heard that we were in the hornet beating proffession, but he hadn't a clue that he was along on one of our "jobs." And of course, it slipped our minds to tell him.

He was right behind us as we picked up our favorite boards and wandered over to a green chop wagon. (Green chop is just corn chopped up while it's still green. You cut just enough to feed the cattle for the day. The stuff is kinda sweet, so these wagons seemed to really draw the hornets.) While he watched in horror, we started beating on the framework. Didn't take long, and we were being swarmed.

One thing that I forgot to mention; his mother is deathly afraid of bees or hornets. She has passed this along. Heheh.

At first, he just stood there not moving. Smart, I guess. The hornets only seemed to be going after The Perfect One and myself. Then he let out a strangled shriek, and started swinging at them... bare handed. Now, he did manage to knock a few down, but the boy was in a panic and therefore forgot to stomp on them. So now the little bastards were really getting pissed!

I don't believe that he got stung, and I can't remember that The Perfect One got nailed, but I know I got it once. As soon as I yelled and started my nervous laughing, Cuz was gone. I mean, teleportation type gone! There one second screaming, nowhere to be seen the next. Very quick kid, my cousin.

We were aged 9-10 at the time. I think he's still a little scarred by growing up with us... whenever we mention that we should try something because it looks like fun, or we think up stupid things to do, he will have no part of it. Hell, it's not like we would really do it. We're older and wiser... kinda.

Anyway _Jon, you really missed out if you never smacked hornet nests with a short stick. Good times...good times.

Hahaha! It's All Mine!

What a feeling of relief! I am now the sole owner of my car, "The Whipping Post." (Yes, I know I called it something else in Chicago.) Lately, I've taken a serious beating financially and mentally from my beloved POS. Of course, it's usually after I make certain types of jokes or comments that I end up paying. So no more pope or God jokes from me... at least not for a while. My personal sylphs or gnomes are not friendly.

Bad News Monday

Yesterday started out ok. Sun shining as I drove to work, tunes blaring (Clutch: Elephant Riders), filled with happy thoughts about the White Sox, and their excellent April. (I'll post on that later.) I picked up breakfast, and arrived ten minutes early. Plenty of time to chow. I'm thinking this is going to be a great Monday.

Within a half hour, the sun is gone, but, hey, things are going well. No worries. And things were still going fine when I was finally able to peruse the morning paper. That's when my day totally turned to crap.

I ran across an article that just made me sick to my stomach. Eventually, I was pissed as hell. But for the first couple of hours, I was seriously fighting stomachus-eruptus.

What could affect me like that, you ask? To be truthful, there's probably many things. But the offending news of the day was this: Tina Fey has caught the preggers. What's so bad about that? IT. AIN'T. MINE!

And to top it off, she's married! Again, I realize that's still not a bad thing. BUT, she never told me... that's what's irked me. The whole time, I hadn't a clue.

I feel so used.