February 26, 2007

Lady Luck

You know that guy or gal who always seems to have things work out their way? They can walk into a gas station and buy a couple of scratch off tickets, and win twenty or fifty bucks... many times in a day. Sure, bad things can happen to them, but they manage to walk away relatively unscathed. Well, that person isn't me. I've seen the scratch off ticket streak happen (a couple of times, to the same friend), but the winner wasn't me.

I may have written it before, but I'm not known for having good things happen to me. I'm not going to complain, because, overall, life is pretty damn good for me. However, when Lady Luck decides to throw down a beatin' on me, she does it in large fashion. And it happens enough that I no longer flinch. One thing about luck like that... when I do hit a good run, it's pretty damn memorable. Savorable.

It's been awhile since my last lucky run... and that lasted all of one day. But it was a great day, one for the books. I ended up getting stuck soaking up the benefits of first class seating without an upgrade, and had my day just keep getting better from there. I remember my travelling partner watching in amazement, and him saying, "If ever there were a day to buy a lottery ticket, this is it for you." I didn't do it, and woke up to the end of that lucky run. That was a little over eleven years ago.... December 28, 1995, to be exact. My last memorable lucky streak... until this one.

And this time, I did buy a ticket...

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February 24, 2007


It came out a while ago, and I thought that I had finally escaped being tagged with a meme. The worst thing is, I had seen it making the rounds, and had even tried to do it, in the event that someone should stick me with it. I had no luck then, and I've had no luck now that Cathy has seen fit to shove it off on me. Seriously, I've tried to do this right, and do it honest, and it ain't working. I just can't come up with six weird habits. For real.

I'm probably the most normal person that I know. Hell... the most normalest person that you know. But I did my best to come up with something for you folks. I spent hours lying in wait, trying to catch myself in the act of some strange habit. Eventually, I decided that I'd try the old Spanish Inquisition techniques to extract a confession. I had the fish hooks and weights all lined up for my satchel, the vise ready for my fingers, and the branding irons heated and ready to go, but I somehow managed to avoid myself each and every time. A whole week wasted. I came to the conclusion that someone as prepared as I am cannot be anything but normal.

That said, I did manage to find two things that could be considered weird. First, is my normalaciousness. It is so over the top, that one might be inclined to think it weird. And it's always active, so it could be considered a habit. Thus, one weird habit. Weak, yes, I know. Deal.

The second weird habit is that I'm more than willing to hang out with a bunch of weird bloggers. And think nothing of it. And do it as often as I can. Frickin' weird, I'd say.

Sorry if this is a bit lame, but I tried. Now, I've got to get back to weaving navel lint...

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February 21, 2007

More Origins...

Funny how the English language works... we've got many words that sound similar, and have meanings that are nothing alike. It's no wonder foreigners get confused... we confuse ourselves.

True shit, folks. This day that is fast dawning was NOT called Lent when it first came about. And while it did involve the Church, it wasn't as it is now. No.

It was a time where a deep belly button was valued above all else. Folks had only wool for blankets. Wool, coarse and uncomfortable. It was discovered that lint from the navel, in large quantities, could be woven into soft, comfortable (and slightly smelly) blankets. Folks worked all year around to save their lint and make these blankies.

However, when Oktoberfest came around, people would trade their blankets (also called "lints") to the monks for dopplebock. Thus it came to be that the Church owned all of the comfortable blankets.

In the cold stretch of winter that is known as February, people would be freezing their asses off. So they did as they do now... run to the Church for charity.

The priests had their shit together, though. Their own supplies would be dwindling at the mid point of winter, so they used this to supplement their caches. Having ownership of the blankets, they would offer blankets to those who would give them food or drink as a rent payment. After Easter, they would again take possession of the blankets to use for the next years winter.

So there you have it... Lent was actually derived from Renting stinky ass Linten blankets from the Church.

What would you give up for a lint?

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February 20, 2007

Metal Church

So I'm at the shop... again. Anyway, I should be writing a recap of a very cool race, or finishing a poem, or finishing my educational piece that I feel you all need to know. Instead, I'm working. But, I'm jamming out, and that's a monster help.

I don't know how many of you know of Helloween, or Metal Church, but if you don't know them, you've missed out. Some of my favorite metal bands. Tonight, while digging around radio.blog.club, I came across a twofer... Helloween covering Metal Church's "Metal Church."

Check it out, yo, whilst I bounce offa de walls.

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February 18, 2007


He saw the quick flash of movement, but had no time to react before he was rocked with a horrific impact. As lights exploded inside his head, his mouth was filled with tooth fragments and the taste of smoke.

He blindly turned to run, but turned directly into his attacker. A second explosion rocked him, this time the smokey taste replaced by the salty flow of blood... and lots of it. His tongue could feel the stumps of teeth as he ran it over them, and the exposed nerves screamed as he did so. "If I can just make it to the door," he thought, but as he stumbled towards it, a paw swipe connected with the back of his head, and he dropped to the ground.

Rolling into a ball for protection, he looked up in horror as the beast charged him. He felt himself lifted into the air and slammed repeatedly into the ground and walls . "Play dead!!!" his mind screamed. He let himself go limp, and the attack stopped.

He lay there for several minutes before slowly lifting his head. He stopped as he saw the animal sitting in his chair, legs crossed and feet up, grinning at him. "Did you learn something, boy?"

"Wha? Why'ths you beaths me?"

The grin slid from my face...

Lesson... do not ask for metric bolts in such ways: "I need a 10mm bolt, an inch and a half long" or "I need a metric bolt, about 1/4 inch by 2 1/2 inches." These are not metric measurements, and are primer for a major explosion.

Nobody was actually hurt in the writing of this lesson. Had these events really happened, I would not have be moronic enough to write of it.

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February 14, 2007


Some advice, just for this special day. There's one or two sweary bits, but it's wisdom that needs to be shared.

I really am a sentimental bastard...

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Valentine's Lottery

Valentine's Day. Also known as Single's Awareness Day. Many folks believe that this is just a Hallmark holiday, pushed by the greeting card companies. But they are wrong. It's been around for much longer than any card company. Well, except for Habbukuk's Greeting Tablets...

The origins of Valentino's Day can be traced to three or four hundred years before The Dude walked the earth. Ancient Rome celebrated Purification Festivals at this time of year. It is said that willing young women put their names in an urn, and were drawn by lottery by single guys. The resulting couplings were paired for the next year. It was not uncommon for these pairings to lead to marriage.

Christianity absorbed the holiday, and replaced the women's names with the names of Saints. Of course, this didn't last long because folks just weren't getting any. And those that did were locked away... necrophilia wasn't as accepted as it is today. Eventually, the names of women replaced those of the Saints. In England, it was a favorite of Henry the VIII (gee... imagine that), and he decreed in 15mumblemumble that February 14 would be celebrated by England as St. Valentine's Day. And here we are.

However, I believe that this holiday's origins lay before Christianity, before The Dude, and even before the Roman Empire. A sinister holiday it was, and it's traditions are being brought back, ever so slowly. If you look, they nearly scream at you.

The original "lottery" had nothing to do with love or mating. It was about survival. The lucky "winners" were the recipients of many gifts of food and sweets. This lasted for a two week period, and then the winners were gutted and butchered. Hey... folks gotsta eat. Someone had to help them through the long winters. A sign of true love, that...

Anyway, look around and take warning. Does your lover bring you candy? Did they take you out to a restaurant? See? It's coming back...

Happy Valentine's Day, you cannibalistic freaks.

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February 13, 2007

Outta The Blue

I'm at the shop, so I should be working, but check this shit out.

Just got a phone call. Cousin's lawyer friend can't go to the event he was hoping to go to, so he's giving away his tickets. Giving. Guess where...

Nope, not the Daytona 500, but it is at that raceway!!! We're going to see the Chevy Silverado HD 250 (NASCAR Truck Series), Friday night.

Should be pretty cool.

Oh, and we supposedly get to hang with Dale Jr.

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This past weekend was one of the very few times that I had a break from our routine. Yeah, I've gone to the beach a few times, and we've hit the bar a couple of times, but it's always sandwiched by working at the shop. Sometime quite literally. Work at the shop, go home get changed, go out, stop at the shop on the way home. It was nice to be away for a bit.

Ran down to St. Pete and hooked up with some friends, then went to Tierra Verde to eat at their family's restaurant... The Good Times Contintental Restaurant. Gott, I love that place! If you're in the St. Pete area and you want some kickass Old World style food, this is the place to go. The first time I was there, I had Steak Au Poivre Vert, a filet in green peppercorn sauce. I can't even begin to describe how excellent that was... but my mouth is watering just thinking about it. This weekend I was tempted to have the same, but I know that you've got to try new things... especially when they all sound so damn good.

This weekend I went with something that may suprise those of you who know me. I ordered Veal Scallops Orloff... veal scallops and shroobies served with a cream sauce over noodles. You want to know how good it was? I ate the mushrooms!!! Yeah. Normally, fungus equals bad, but the flavor was so awesome, I just had to eat everything on the plate. And it's not like they skimp... they serve very generous portions of their dishes. It's just so good that you can't stop eating...

Wash it all down with a few Czech beers, and finish it with apple strudel and ice cream... In a word: Heaven.

Seriously, if you ever get the chance to check out The Good Times Continental Restaurant, do it. I guarantee you'll love it...

Anyway, after eating, we headed back to their place where we played Monopoly until after 1 am. 'Twas a blast. I stayed there for the night, and they served monstrous breakfast burritos in the morning. I didn't want to leave.

All good things come to an end, so I headed back home, stopping by the shop on the way. I got caught up with some chores, fixed a couple of ballasts, and headed on home with a huge grin on my face. It was a much needed break, and I hope to do it again, soon.

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February 12, 2007


Bitterroot wants to see exactly how geeky I am, so he asked me to take the geek test. I thought for sure I'd finish in the single digits... but I've been infected by all of you geeks out there.

I got a 13.41223% - Geekish Tendencies

That sounds worse that being a flat out geek...

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February 09, 2007

Last Chance

Hey, gals and guys! Next Wednesday is Valentine's day... have you gotten your "friend" a gift, yet? If so, well, good for you, Asskisser. If not, you've still got a chance, my friends. This is the last weekend to break up with your girlfriend or boyfriend. Stage a fight, start an argument... whatever. Save some ching.

Just helping out...

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You may already know about this (I'm so far behind on the news and blog reading that it's not funny), but if not, and you've got a problem with split ends, then you are so in luck. Hari's, in London, has got the treatment for you: bull semen. Now don't get disgusted... it's Angus semen. As if that matters.

I would have expected Eric to come up with this one (no pun intended), but he's obviously dropped the ball sack...

UPDATE: I shoulda oughta known that one of my friends had this covered a couple of days ago...

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February 08, 2007



Before I heard heard her speak, or watched her show... before the octogenarian bond... she was hot. Since she's dead, that's about all I'll say.

Other than "it's a pity."

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February 07, 2007


Can't we all just get along?

I was merely trying to help, but I'm thinking that I pissed off someone. Sure, they responded to my suggestions with "smileys" and "LOL's," but deep down, they were plotting. Cruelty on the way.

Yesterday, I get an email that says, "Whoever did this is VERY good..." Included in the message were photos that had been "slightly altered." There were a bunch of them, all nasty, but this one shook me up the worst:


No, not that pic... the bastardization of it. You can see that by clicking on the real pic.

VERY good? Yeah... whoever did this owes me some new shoes. Vomit stains...

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Okay, some of you folks were wondering when I'd change the blog back to it's normal look. Well, here you be. I had to leave it up for three days of mourning, after the whoopin' on Sunday.

Three days and the old look has risen. Sounds a bit familiar...

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February 05, 2007


Well, obviously the Fatman knew about the bad things... Bitterroot said exactly what I was feeling: "Dude... Santa cut a switch and took you out behind the barn." And the worst thing is, the obese bastard lured me out of hiding with a big old smile, and the promise that my present was too big to fit in the house...

After Devin Hester's return of the opening kick off, and Thomas Jones' long run that set up a TD, the Bears had me feeling pretty confident that they were in this game to win. By halftime, however, I was reminded of this year's college championship game.

The Colts were definitely the better team, and they deserved to win. Tony Dungy has been deserving of that ring for a long time, and it's good to see him get it. Peyton? A great QB who also deserved a ring... just not against the Bears. I used to enjoy watching him in college, and now as a pro. But he's finally moved onto my "I hate that fucker" list. Nothing personal, mind you. It's just that there was an open slot.

Why not use that on Grossman? Believe me... I've been thinking about that all year. But the kid, despite being "the worst QB ever to play in the Super Bowl," actually has talent. It's there... he just keeps hiding it. The thing is, he makes mistakes, and doesn't learn from them. Maybe this shellacking will knock some learning into his skull.

Congrats to Indy, and I look forward to free agency dismantling your team.

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February 04, 2007




Do you think they can do it? Will Rex flop or flourish? Will Jones and Benson run over the Colts D, or will Indy manage to stuff the run as they have so far in the playoffs?

Damn... I feel like this is Christmas morning, and I'm on my way down the stairs. Only thing is, I don't know if Santa knows about all of the bad shit I pulled...

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February 03, 2007


Can't help but keep chuckling over the photo over at Matt's. Most of you have seen it, but for those who haven't, go check it out.

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I dream all of the time, and in past weeks it's gotten ridiculous, but the last couple of nights have been horrid. Especially, last night. Codes, templates, and Fred and Ginger singing "tornaydo, tornahdo, tornaydo, tornahdo, let's call the whole thing off....", I got much not sleep. One thing about these dreams... I'm not getting gutted or killed. I guess that's a plus, but I'm still looking forward to them ending.

You folks that work behind a desk all day, staring into the square sun, have earned my respect. And proved that you are nuts, at the same time.

The past three days have seen me sitting in front of the computer at the shop, trying to get things updated and working properly. We installed a newer version of a program that we already had, and couldn't get it to function. At all. My cousin, who knows a bit about computers, came down on Wednesday to help out.

By some fluke, we managed to get an item posted onto an auction site (we do quite a bit of business through the big E), but when we tried others, no luck. We shot emails back and forth with a tech support guy who now thinks knows that we are the biggest technotards alive. At day's end, the only progress we had made was the single posting.

Thursday, I started all over again. Turns out, the templates that we were using are becoming obsolete, and we had to convert them all. Of course, I find this out in a rather timely fashion... at the end of the day. My eyes are now bloodshot and burning from staring at the frickin' screen, and my head is pounding from trying to do all of the computer crap and working up a kit and quote for a customer. The calls to my brother for info about the bikes were a very welcome, and much needed, break.

Yesterday, we began day three of the pounding headache, but this time, I made some serious progress. The tech guy gave me a bit of help that finally worked, and I took off from there. I had to ask a couple of questions, but I was able to answer them for myself before he replied. It was with a great sense of accomplishment that I watched the changes we had made come into play. What used to take over an hour to run now takes less than five minutes. I've still got a few changes to make, but I know exactly where and what they are. *knock on wood* Shouldn't be much of a problem at all. Maybe I'll be able to stop dreaming about templates and code.

One thing is certain: I will not be taking a job where I have to deal with computers in any way other than looking up information. I'd end up being a madman...

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February 02, 2007



Seems like we had a bit of weather last night. Storms ripped through the area, especially NNE of here. Lives were lost, and property damaged... more like, DESTROYED. Some pretty serious stuff...

I got a few emails asking me if all was well. Yes, all is well in Apollo Beach. We got pounded with rain, but that was about it. All of the serious stuff held off until the storms were further inland. If you look at the Weather Channel's maps, though, you can see it went right over us.

Funny thing is, you could tell something was on the way, last night before racking out. I look out over the bay every night, and it just felt different. Ominous. And it wasn't just me... my aunt said the same thing. At about four this morning, the heavy rains hit. It had been raining off and on for a little while before, but that was nothing compared to what hit. Lightning was a strobe light, and thunder never stopped. And the thunder sounded... wrong. Again, it's not just me saying that... the locals here were saying they'd never heard it thunder like that. Rolling explosions is the closest that I can come to describing it. I listened and watched until the storm put me to sleep. I had no idea how serious it was until I got home from work and looked at the news.

Anyway, for those of you who were wondering, Yes, I am okay.

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February 01, 2007

Another Question

February 10, Saturday.

How would you refer to that day? Would you call it "next Saturday," or do you say, "One week from Saturday?"

There was a bit of discussion yesterday, and everytime I said "next Saturday," I was corrected with "a week from Saturday," and told that next Saturday would be the 3rd. I say that the 3rd would be called "this Saturday."

So I guess the question is actually, is February 3 this Saturday, or next Saturday? And if you chose the latter, how often were you dropped on your head as a little idiotlet?

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