February 09, 2008
Never go grocery shopping when you're hungry.. Sage avdice. That's cool, but who giveth the advice? A wise man, or the herb? Or was this bit of wisdom the result of ingestion of an herb?
Let me further suggest to you: Never go grocery shopping when you're hungry OR THIRSTY.
Just a handy bit of counsel as I sit here drinking large glasses of gin and grapefruit jice, and chowing down on this, and also this. Yeah, you read that second one right... Cherrry and Chili. Lemme tell you that this shit rocks.
I don't believe I will inteniotnally buy anymore tanqueray. Not that it's bad, but I've experienced something I never did with Sapphire or Stellar. Too much gin in your glass is not a bad thing, with those two beverages. Well, I don't really think it's too bad when you accidentally poir too much tanqueray, either...
I've just never drank a doctor's office before...
January 24, 2008
Reviews like the one for this Absinthe bring a smile to my face...
And a bit of daring, to my heart. Now, to get it here... (not to mention, have someone pay for it.)
January 21, 2008
It's been awhile since I've posted a review on beer or an alcoholic nectar. Well, I've got a couple of minutes, so I thought I'd hook you up. A beer drinker's wine review.
Tonight's beverage of choice is Blackstone Pinot Noir, and it comes in a bottle that seems to empty rather quickly. 'Course, most folks don't drink wine by the pint glass.
I'll skip the stupid aroma and taste shit, and just tell you this: This is good shit, Maynard.
Buy it, or die...
January 06, 2008
Spent the day moving junk around, trying to reorganize things. Yeah... I'm laughing, too.
Anyway, I was just finishing up for the evening, and I poured myself a beer. As I watched the cheering cascade of nitrogen bubbles, my attention was drawn to the logo on the glass... and I had an epiphany of sorts.
See, I've always been a little stronger than average. Not smelling, you assholes. Mooscle-wise. It is a gift; though, with as many times as I've helped to move folks, it can be a curse, too.
I've worked out some, but most of it comes naturally. I want to move something, damnit, it moves.
Looking at the glass, it became clear why...
December 01, 2007
Just so you know, I had nothing to do with it.
November 24, 2007
Now this is a music machine!
September 10, 2007
You know it's got to be good for you! Tastes like it, anyway...
June 26, 2007
For me, that's an easy one:
By Ira Sot
First read by me when I was a ripe old three years old. An easy favorite.
It's also rumoured to be the first book that Matty O'Blackfive read... when he was twelve. (I kinda doubt the authenticity of this story, as Matt was Army, and we know that most doggies still can't read. Right, Bloodspite?)
January 27, 2007
This brewer has gone to the dogs...
November 13, 2006
Jack's Pumpkin Spice Ale
Well, it's been a little while since I've done a beer review. If you remember, I don't do nearly as thorough a job as Contagion does. Ah well... suffer through it.
I don't normally care for Anheuser-Busch products, with the exception of Amber Bock, but I picked up a six pack of Jack's Pumpkin Spice Ale on the way home.
Now I'm sitting out here by the canal, enjoying the cool 60% temps... some consider it cold, but it's pretty damn nice, if you ask me. Granted, it ain't like being home, but it'll work. ;) Anyway, I'm sitting here, enjoying the annihilation of said six pack.
Upon opening the bottle, you get an immediate whiff of cinnamon, and some sort of spice... reminds you a bit of pumpkin pie. (Imagine that!) Can't really see any lacing or any such thing, The color of the beer is dark, but if I were inside, it would be a dark, orange-ish, amber, but I'm not inside, so it's pretty damn dark. I can see through it, as I can watch the light reflecting off of the water through the bottle.
A medium body, it's got a bit of a zing to the finish. This is a pretty damn good beer, and after a work out, it's exceptional.
Go get ya some.
In the meantime, I'm going to get back to work on getting the Chinese to change their zodiac to be something more PC. As it is right now, poor Sissy's a cock.
Pretty damn rude, if you ask me.
Bartles & Jaymes Wild Berry
One sip, and then...
Mountain's Mississippi Queen, The Rock Aqua Jays, my old LeSabre, Club 708, the faint smell of pot, Rumpleminz peppermint schnaaps, a calendar of Calvin Klien Award winners, Tom's Triumph Bonneville chopper, playing basketball while drunk and talking to my pastor, Jane's ass, stale cigarette smoke, Stevie Ray Vaughan, The Blarney Stone and the pickles splattered all along the back wall, Peavey amps, real Metallica, Emo Phillips, drinking contests... during lunch hour, Candy's ass, Reign in Blood, Geri's burgers, Mr. Bumblebee ...
I haven't drank a wine cooler in about twenty one years, though I used to drink many. In getting rid of one that sat in my aunt's fridge (for Gott knows how long), I was hit with a flood of memories.
I savored that cooler.
September 30, 2006
It was pointed out, on my last trip home, that this stay in Florida seems to have done me some good. This was told to me by numerous folks, and I can't really argue with that.
I now drink well over a gallon of water a day (you have to, or you'll die), flushing out the ol' system. From what I understand, this is good for you.
I am a Coke fiend (not the powder, but the soft drink... and the specific brand, not all soft drinks), and I used to guzzle 6 to 18 cans in a day, when the mood struck. Down here, I haven't had a Coke in... well, a long time. I can't remember having one. I'm told this is good for you, as well. The "no coke," not the fact that I can't remember. That could be both good and bad.
My blood pressure seems to have dropped, though that's kinda hard to tell. But the old "bloody nose" indicator hasn't been going off lately. And I feel a bit better, too. Kinda suprising with the frenzy that always seems to be going on.
Finally, my beer intake has dropped drastically. I usually only drink on Thursday nights, when I head out to the local watering hole with my cousin in law. That's not exactly every week, either. This has been said to be a good thing, but I'm thinking that it's closer to a sin.
So, I'm down here feeling good, getting healthier, working out regularly with the CIL. (Hell, once it cools down a little more, I'll be rulking... already laid out a three mile route.) This should be a good thing. In the big picture, I'm sure that it is. But in the "I'd like to go out Friday and get stupid drunk" picture, this is bad. Gott im Himmel, is this bad. Actually, Throbbing Headache in the Morning, is this bad.
All this good health is bad for one trying to stay in drinking shape...
August 08, 2006
August 15 - 29, 2006
Kunshan International Beer Festival: "Come and enjoy an evening in the German Tent, with an authentic Bavarian atmosphere!"
Bavaria... In Shanghai!
This sounds like a must see, so if you guys pay my way, and give me a couple grand for beer money, I promise to mix the finest of live blogging, and drunk blogging, followed by sleep blogging. Two weeks worth.
Please, queue up in an orderly fashion and no pushing. I'll take your donations, but only if you're well behaved.
July 13, 2006
Grooming For Drunken Women
"If you fall over or pass out, remember your skirt or dress may ride up... You could show off more than you intended -- for all our sakes, please make sure you're wearing nice pants and that you've recently had a wax."
July 12, 2006
Things I Learned While Hanging Out In the Yukon and Really, Really Drunk - Party On
If you intend to have any dignity, avoid their "party games" that involve putting rolls of toilet paper onto various object without using your hands.
June 20, 2006
… yesterday afternoon it finally rained… just a misting at first, but it helped…. when the shower was over, I walked out and watered the cracked ground a little more with the hose… an hour or so, it took, but it needed it…..
… after settling myself back inside to watch television, a peal of thunder grumbled off in the distance…soon after, lightning streaked across the sky to the southwest.. and an hour later a slow, steady rain was falling…. I probably shouldn’t have watered the garden after all, but I had..
… it rained on and off all night… and now the morning air is choked with fog… steam rising up from the wet ground as the sunshine heats the grass….
… the dust has been washed off of the leaves and the plants look lush after their gentle soaking… a night of rain has buoyed them for another long-haul of Summer….
… I’m off to sit on the patio without my shirt or shoes and watch the morning… today is going to be a very good day… the coffee just finished perking..
May 19, 2006
A Fine Example
Heheheheh... I just got asked to help herd a group of sixth graders tomorrow at Six Flags Great America. Hey, I'm just a big kid at heart... how was I supposed to pass it up? No repeat of last night's events, I'm going to have to behave tonight. I've gotta get up too early to really get stupid.
What happened last night? Uh... the usual weekend's worth of drinking. That would be FOR THE WHOLE WEEKEND. Yeah, I've done it before, but not so much while unemployed. It's just not practical. But every now and then...
See, there is an evil bastard that lives here in Stillman. No, not me. The man is a hustler and a drunk. Okay, not really. But it's true that when he and I are in the bar together, Quarters will be played, as well as video golf and hunting. There is also a very good chance that we will either run the bar out of Amber Bock, or put a serious dent in the Miller Lite supply, if not both.
He's former Army (late Vietnam era), and so there are a lot of verbal jabs at each other's service. Personal lives are shredded, and we call each other some pretty interesting names. The guy loves to goad me into swearing, and when done at the proper times, I tend to cuss rather loudly. As in almost being tossed from MY bar, loudly.
We are fiercely competitive with each other, but it's all in good fun... we try to oudo each other's scores on the hunting game, and then leave names for the other in there. Heheheh... the machine is set up so that instead of just leaving initials, you can leave a long first and last name. If you are boring enough to do that...
I'd like to say that he started it. I walked past the machine one day, and I saw the Most Perfect Sites had been won by "Gay Joe The Marine." Since then, I've been called "Potty Mouth Joe," and some other prize winning monikers. My favorite for him was "------ Huffs Choad." Heheheheh... it was hysterical until he called his wife, a very church going type, over to see it. She asked what that was supposed to mean, and he said he didn't know, but she should ask me... I put it in. Yeah. And she used to like me.
Anyway, last night we did it up big. And loud. I think we drove some of the euchre club's members from the bar with my swearing. Well, they might have thought it was swearing. Really, what I was saying, too frequently, was "foowaaahk." That's not a swear word, is it? Choad looked over at me at one point, and he said, "Man, you're getting some nasty looks from that guy." I told him rather loudly that we were the one's who were earning the bar money... those "foowaaahkers" only buy a pop every now and then. Wasn't too long, and they were all gone. Oops.
The true extent of the damage was discovered later. Much later.
Your money will go a long way at Fritz's, as those who attended the Fritz Fest can attest to. Usually, a serious night of drinking (beer drinking) puts you about thirty to forty bucks in the hole. Not including the cash that I had spent earlier in the day, my tab ended up being almost a hundred bucks after tip. I won't tell you the total for the day...
Choad is currently in the last month of his employment, and he's looking forward to his free time over the summer. He's already told me that he can't wait to hook up with me when he's unemployed. Golfing, drinking. Uh. Fun, but not good.
I really, really need to get a job, and quick. If something remotely decent comes along, I'll be all over it like a streaming horde of chipmunks descending upon a stack of pancakes.
May 17, 2006
Okay... I'm drunk (a little), mildly retarded (again... a little), or just plain clueless (if I knew what that meant, I might agree to it).
Someone mentioned MacArthur Park today, and I can't make it any further in the lyrics than:
Spring was never waiting for us, girl,
it ran one step ahead as we followed in the dance,
Between the parted pages that were pressed,
A love hot fevered like a striped pair of pants,
MacArthur Park is melting in the dark, all the sweet, green
icing flowing down.
Someone left the cake out in the rain,
I don't think I could take it, `cause it took so long to bake
And I'll never have that recipe again, oh no!
Huh? What the Sam Frickin' Hell is that supposed to mean? "A love hot fevered like a striped pair of pants..."
And who left the birthday party so damn early that they forgot the cake?
I'm all cornfused...
May 03, 2006
Stopped for lunch at Fritz's... see the time stamp?
Cool day. I'm home, amongst some of my cool peeps, but getting a bit agitated... some bastard is pushing my eyeblrows down over my eyes. Turnin' cirlcels don't do shit... they must be running away, but I'll catch the losers later or sooner.
In the mean time, gaze into the logo... 'tis a pretty logo, very war m and welcoming... enticing, some do say. Look.. look.. lookk....
April 16, 2006
Well, I've risen, but I've got to be honest, and say, "I wish I was dead." Damn, I'm hurting.
The past few days haven't been an excercise in wisdom. Thursday and Friday, I walked the steps of Lowden... Friday was to stretch out the sore calves from the day before. That was a brilliant move. Friday evening, Contagion and I set out to alleviate the Guinness overstock at Hooters. We finished up at his local watering hole, and I ended up crashing at his place. I slept well, but fast, waking only a couple of times, once to a vicious attack from his (actually, Ktreva's) cat. I woke up feeling a little shakey, but not too awful. Just weak. After watching a couple episodes of Spongebob, and having a quick breakfast, I headed home to catch at least 15 winks.
As soon as I entered my house, I had a feeling of "I know I'm supposed to be doing something, but I can't remember what." It quickly became, "I'm supposed to be somewhere..." I was focused on hitting the hay, when the phone rang. It was a friend, asking when I was going to head over to help build their deck. Aha! I told them to give me about forty five minutes or so, and I'd be right over.
I got there, and found that they had the frame of the deck finished (no, I wasn't that late), with about the only thing left being the deck boards and railings. Easy. I love doing this stuff anyway, but when it's at this stage, it's all gravy. Usually.
I was still feeling weak, and while walking on the joists, my legs began to shake... Add the constant squatting and standing, and my legs became worthless. Heh... when I tried to drop down to the ground between the joists, I ended up going through a lot faster than planned when my legs gave out. Got a pretty nice mark from that, even catching myself. I was lucky... my friend's grandfather stepped on a wrong board, and dropped through. He was a mass of scrapes and bruises. As a matter of fact, as I was leaving (after only a few hours), I heard he was being taken to the ER. Hopefully all is well with him. That's a tough old guy, and to have him suggest making that trip is not a good sign.
Contagion and Ktreva had come down to visit Tammi, so I ran over there to mooch some steaks. Sproingtagion had brought along some beer to try, so we went out on the stoop, and gave it a shot. Let me give you a tip, if I may: DO NOT TRY CAMO SILVER ICE HIGH GRAVITY LAGER!!! Trust Contagion and me. And if you don't, go ahead and Google it. Read the reviews. Not many are as nice as mine. "Swill made by evil people" is one phrase that I remember.
This stuff gives off a warning when you first open it... it stinks. Badly. Very badly. The first sip makes you shudder, but after that, you only have to worry about puking. High gravity, my ass... the stuff just seems to begging to be launched. I will say, by the time you hit the bottom of the can, it was tasting good, but that's only because you knew that the experience was about to be over.
Why would someone drink that? Well, because it's 9% alcohol, folks think it's a good quick drunk. When Contagion picked it up, he had hopes, but he knew that it most likely going to suck. You should always try new things, though, right? Yeah, but I'll tell you, it'll be a while before I do something like that again... not that today's pain has anything to do with that. It doesn't.
That can be chalked up to my incredible brightness...
April 11, 2006
I drink beer, but I appreciate booze of all kinds... I'm an equal opportunity imbiber. I've even been known to toss out a bit extra when it comes to cost. Hey, if it's worth it, it's worth it.
But a "g" for a mint julep? Mr. Bingley, from Coalition of the Swilling, beat me by a couple lengths in posting about these "special" drinks. Made with mint from Morocco, ice from the Arctic Circle, and sugar from the South Pacific, Mr. Bingley says, "Now if only the stirrers had been used to club seals, it would be perfect."
Well, we may have a money maker here... if we can use splinters from my souvenirs of my clubbin' days. Ah... those were good times... oh... anyway, we've got about 25 days 'til the race... I think I can carve two or more a day, and sell them for the low low everyday price of $200 each. The proceeds of course going to a very good cause... trust me.
And while it's not like the good old days, you can club seals here.
April 10, 2006
I posted the image meme a short time ago, tagging the victims with this e-mail:
"I haven't been doing very good at keeping up with blogs, so I've decided to make up for it by punishing you guys with a meme. Heheheh...Believe it or not, I've had four answer, and, while not discounting Yabu or Alex and their answers... yet, anyway... I figure that I owe drinks to the following:
I'd say that you don't really have to do it, but I won't. Do it, or no drinks when we meet...
Peace out, peeps, and take care."
Now I've just got to get together with them... I can remedy one of them very soon. And if you don't drink, that's cool... I'll point and laugh while drinking your beer. But I will buy ya whatever you want. Within reason. Very little reason.
April 03, 2006
Want to head to Munich, Germany, for Oktoberfest?
March 26, 2006
A Beer Prayer
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Ye will be drunk,
(I will be drunk),
At home as I am in the tavern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not to incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.
For thine is the beer,
The bitter and the lager,
Forever and ever,
H/T to Tammi
March 23, 2006
It's Thursday, normally a quiet and sedate evening at Fritz's. Italian beef, and a couple of cold sandwiches, sometimes a pot pie or shepherds pie on the menu. Euchre players show, but they are allowed into the restaurant area to play quietly amongst themselves. Some are damn good peeps... I'll usually buy for a table, and they for me.
Tonight, my bar has been invaded by nametag wearing strangers, most of whom have never been to Fritz's. I've been run off.
'Tis a sin...
BTW, in case you think I've perished, I know I'm years behind on my emails, and nearly as far in my blogging. Please bear with me... or bare with me, if you wish. I promise, though tomorrow never actually comes, I'll have a post for you then.
March 01, 2006
A Scottish distillery is going to revive a 184 proof whisky... "purely for fun." Bruichladdich distillery has decided to revive a recipe for a spirit known in the Gaelic language as usquebaugh-baul, or "perilous water of life."
"Purely for fun... perilous water of life..." Yeah, sounds like a blast. "Ha, hah! He's going into convulsions!!!" "Ah shit... he's in a coma..."
I've gotta order me some o' dat...
February 27, 2006
One night, long ago, I took my underage brothers (I was underage myself) out drinking with some of the folks with whom I used to work. R didn't really drink, but the Perfect One and I did. Turned out to be a total mess...
The Perfect One kept drinking shots of 100 proof peppermint schnapps (Rumple Minze), and announcing to everyone at the table that, "Germans don't get drunk." Even as he leaned into the table, tipping it so that two women on the other side had to counterbalance it, he kept up this mantra. Germans may not get drunk, but they do get shit-faced.
I ended up cradling him in my arms, and carrying him out to his Jeep, where he was dumped into the back, sprawled all over. Worrying about being a little smashed myself, I took the backroads home.
As we made our way closer to home, I noticed that the Jeep seemed to be developing a problem... a certain clanging and ringing that occurred everytime we turned a corner. Soon, it was happening on every corner, and every bump we hit. After R did some investigating, we discovered that the pinging was only the Perfect One's skull bouncing off of his roll bar. Needless to say, I started swerving alot.
Anyway, we arrived home only to discover that my mother was there... she wasn't supposed to be. So we drove around, trying to figure out a way to get Mr. Perfect into the house. After a few trips around the block, we decided to eat on it, and stopped to pick up a burger. The Perfect One regained consciousness long enough to hammer down a burger, then went back to the Jeep to "rest" some more.
Fortunately, the next trip around the block revealed that Ma was no longer around, so we pulled in, and got TPO into the house, where he wobbled, stumbled, and ran down the steps and into the wall in the basement. We got him into bed, and had started to make our way back upstairs, when we heard the choking.
TPO sleeps like a vampire... insists on sleeping on his back, with his hands usually crossed over his chest. Seriously. Well, this isn't good if you are going to yak up booze. By the time we got into the room, he was already turning blue. I got him turned on his side, got him breathing decently, and R and I started cleaning up wretched smelling hurl. Having drank some peppermint myself, I had a hard time keeping from contributing to the puddle.
After cleaning up, and making sure that he lay on his side, R and I went out of the room to escape the stench. We weren't too sure if we should leave him or not, so we stayed downstairs talking and trying to come up with a story to keep Ma from coming down. A short time later, we heard choking again.
Sure enough, TPO was once again on his back, turning blue. This time I turned him on his side, and made R clean up the mess... I was sure that I would lose it. We stayed in there for a long while, and everything seemed okay, so we made our way back out of the room.
About half hour later, I stuck my head in to check on him. He was still on his side, but he had started the cough indicative of another hurling episode. I managed to wake him up, get him on his feet, and steer him towards the can. After I lined him up with the toilet, he turned his head, said "Thanks, Man," and puked all over my bare feet. All I could do was laugh... it was that or puke, myself.
One of the things that I remember most from this was the lettuce that had been on his burger. After a stint in the gut, it was a most unpleasant shade of nasty... dark green, like spinach, with black somethings... it looked like leeches on spinach. Definitely left an impression.
Why bring this up? I don't know... I started to write about the weekend, and got sidetracked with a natural calling. When I looked down, I realized that the Bibb lettuce that I had on my burger yesterday looks much the same. I needed to share.
I'm sorry, but you'll have to wait a bit for the weekend story...
February 22, 2006
Ozzy r Me
I was sent a link to a site to help determine the number of drinks you have consumed and how much those drinks have run you.
I ended up being called Ozzy Osbourne, and told I've spent over 260 g's on pints.
Consult the Drink-o-meter, and let me know how you rate...
H/T to AZindiandoll
February 19, 2006
There are times in our lives when a decision to commit must be made. No more "samplings."
I've been tossing this one around for quite awhile, and after watching folks this weekend, and weighing other factors in my life, I've decided that the time has come for myself as well. The choice has been made. I have decided that I will no longer just sample. Nope.
I've decided to drink.
February 02, 2006
Somedays, it seems like you just can't make any headway. Trying to make your way up an incline, it begins to rain, and before you know it, you've slid past your starting point. It can be frustrating and more than a bit disheartening.
I'll never say that my life sucks... not truly. I may make jokes along that line, but I don't believe it. I try my damnedest to find humor in things, succeeding most of the time. Sometimes the little things make all the difference.
It was another weird vibe day here at the pub of the Drunken. Can't say what was weird about it, but it definitely was a strange one. All day, everywhere.
Then I got home and found that one of the delivery trucks had been there. A small box was sitting there, outside the door, addressed to me (of course). Inside, two bottles of brew.
Cheers, SilentWarrior! You truly rock!
January 20, 2006
What Type Of Drunk Are You?
Anybody who knows me, knows that this is a bunch of bull. I hate liars. When I first read this, I punched a hole in the wall, I was so upset. I've calmed down now, and I'd like to take whoever wrote that quiz out drinking.
And then pummel the lyin' bastard...
Because I've heard that beer is good... and it's stuck in my head.
I've had enough? NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
December 04, 2005
Hey Der, Bloggers
New sputterings below
Okay, folks. Very impromptu... short notice... out of the blue.... whatever. An idea has come up, and I'm going to need numbers, solid numbers, so I can line things up, or shoot them down.
Sunday, January 8, 2006. Fritz's Wooden Nickel, Stillman Valley, Illinois. Normally closed on Sundays, I CAN GET THE BAR. Northern Illinois, Southern Wisconsin, Eastern Iowa, Western Indiana... doesn't matter where you're from, if you're interested, let me know, either in the comments, or by dropping me an email. I'll work up directions if this works.
Time is probably going to be around noonish, unless I get too many suggestions to go later. Grub? Yes. Cost per person is going to be between 10 and 14 bucks. That's chow and gratuity. Drinks? Not included, but of course they'll be available. What's for chow? That is to be determined. Let me know what you like for meats, I'll talk to Fritz and set something up. Most likely, this is going to be just a buffet.
This could be very interesting... a mob of bloggers descending upon my quiet little town. I may be forced to leave afterwards.
I'm going to leave this up until next Sunday. If you're interested, LET ME KNOW. If not enough are interested, I'll pull the plug. Plus, I'll know that you bastards don't like me... and I won't forget.
December 02, 2005
Shopping And Saving The World
Christmas shopping... I hate it, usually. But I've got to say that today's venture was quite the success. I felt good about the day in general.
What all did I purchase? Not a gott damn thing. Nope. Nothing. Well.... I lied. A Hooter's calendar was purchased as a gift. For me. So nothing actually was bought for my loved ones.
However, I deem it a success, as Contagion and I managed to alleviate a temporary overstock of Guinness in a certain local eatery. (Like you need to guess...) We were the heroes of the day, saving countless lives from the swirling rivers of Guinness. We might even make the paper tomorrow.
Then on the way home, I popped in a CD that my bro-in-law, The Knuckle Dragger, gave me. I was serenaded by Steve Souza, Gary Holt, Rick Hunolt, Jack Gibson, and Tom Hunting... Tempo Of The Damned, indeed. My fricking thumb is just starting to regain flexibility after I beat the everloving piss out of it playing air guitar on my steering wheel. Exodus still rocks, my peeps.
A good day it was, and it ain't over, yet.
Wow... I can' still type.
November 28, 2005
Rain, Roofs, and Bre'fus
One of the things I've been asking the landlord about, since I moved in five years ago, was installing a rain gutter over my door. The roof slants that way, and in a downpour, you're walking through a sheet of water. Even in a light rain, the water has a way of finding it's way down your neck... and in a November rain, that sucks. I won't even begin to describe fumbling drunkenly with your keys on a rainy November night...
Anyway, I took my car to the garage today to have some work done, and, since it's only three blocks away, I refused the offerred ride home. I stopped by the gas station and picked up a healthy breakfast of taquitos, and made my way home. Glancing at the sky, I knew I better hurry. It's been raining off and on this morning.
I managed to avoid most of the rain... it was a light sprinkle by the time I hit the back door. But I had locked the door out of habit, so I was stuck trying to locate my house key. Hah... I got my key and unlocked the door, just in time to feel a stream of water hit my hand. Actually, it hit my hand after running over my taquito.
I was a little pissed... I mean, it's been five years of asking, sure, I guess that's good enough reason to be upset. But my taquito getting soaked... with water that's been running over a surface where birds shit, and nasty ass squirrels frolic, not to mention the gallons of bee killer I've used. That's enough to ruin a day. Then I started thinking about how many times I had brushed sand and dirt off of grub as a Marine. Hey, food is food until you don't eat it. That's when it becomes trash.
So I cowboyed up, forced the visions of piles of starling dropping's and diseased squirrels from my mind, and finished off the ruined taquito. I couldn't taste anything out of the ordinary, but just to be sure, I rinsed my mouth out with a mouthful of bourbon, and chased it with a coke. Hoping to insure total safety, I repeated the process.
Wow... now that's a breakfast! I can't go job hunting today, but it wasn't a bad way to get rolling.
October 24, 2005
Why Alcohol Should Be Served At Work
This was sent to me by a cousin... he thought it would fit nicely in this place.
| -- GUINNESS -- | ||'""|"" \__,_
| _____________ l ||__|__|___|)
|(@(@)""""""""**|(@)(@)* * *|(@)
16 REASONS WHY ALCOHOL SHOULD BE SERVED AT WORK...
1. It's an incentive to show up.
2. It leads to more honest communications.
3. It reduces complaints about low pay.
4. Employees tell management what they think, not what they want to hear.
5. It encourages car pooling.
6.. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care.
7. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
8. It makes fellow employees look better.
9. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
10. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
11. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
12. Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the bar.
13. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.
14. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break.
15. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.
16. Sitting "Bare @ss" on the copy machine will no longer be seen as "gross."
Take a beer and send the truck to all of your friends!!!!!!
October 20, 2005
It was mistakenly pointed out today that I'm stubborn... especially when it comes to admitting that I'm wrong. This is so far from the truth...
You see, I am right most of the time, but I also know that, while I can be godlike when drinking, there are times when I am wrong. And this I freely admit. No one is always right, and some of us are rarely wrong.
However, when/if I'm wrong, I will correctly inform you of my wrongness... thus making me right. After all, it's only right to admit that you are wrong.
Keep this in mind folks,
That Right Guy
October 17, 2005
I was over at Nugget's and he's got a great story about him and his mates dressing up as school girls, attracting firemen, and trying to ditch them by running into a pub... however, it wasn't just any old pub. No, no, it wasn't on a whim, but if you want to know, go over there and read! And while you're there, make sure you read alot. The guy is a great writer, and some of his fiction pieces are incredible.
While not quite as funny, 'least not to me, this story came to mind while reading of his adventures.
My brother and I graduated from bootcamp in '92. We went home on leave, and flew back in... the night before our orders said for us to report to MCT (Marine Combat Training... a month long extension of boot camp, it is, with liberty on the weekends.) There were about twenty guys from our platoon standing around the airport when we got there, and a discussion began.
While some of the guys from our series were already up at Pendleton checking in, most of us wanted to savor every bit of our leave. After checking train and bus schedules, it was decided that we would spend the evening in San Diego partying, and head off to Pendleton in the morning. I'm not sure who asked, but a senior Marine (a corporal, if I remember right) was quick to provide us with the name of a fine establishment. The ex-Navy guy driving the shuttle whole heartedly agreed that this was definitely the place to stay. So we picked up our gear, and headed off to party.
We got checked in, and some guys ran downtown to grab some grub. Some of us headed straight to the hotel bar to help eliminate their overstock of dangerous alcoholic beverages. It was a pretty great time, and no one noticed at first that we didn't quite fit in. That came much later.
My bro R and I were some of those occupying the bar at first, but we headed out to grab some chow. When we got back to the bar, it was pretty obvious that they were a little uncomfortable with all the of the Marines in the place. We just figured that they were afraid that we might start some drunken trouble, so we decided that we would keep an eye out for any potential trouble, and try to head it off. Some of the guys did get a little rowdy, so I got a few of them together, and the next thing you knew, we were playing tackle football out in the street.
Meanwhile, inside, R is sitting at the bar watching the horny guys of the platoon pawing all over the only lady in the place. He looked again, and sure enough, she was the only one in the whole place. About this time the bartender walked over to R and started up a conversation with him. He looked at all the Marines rather nervously, and then asked, "If you don't mind my asking, why would a bunch of Marines choose to stay in a gay hotel?" R just looked at him incredulously, and then busted up in nervous laughter. Luckily, everyone else found the humor in it, also. We'd all had a pretty good time until this revelation...
I learn from my mistakes... I never ran with a pack of "boots" again, and I never asked a senior Marine anything while on leave or liberty. I also decided that if an establishment is named after a pink, long legged bird, it's probably a good chance that it's very open to alternatives.
October 04, 2005
Day four of being addressed as "Jeebus", or "Jesus Joe..."
Still wondering what all I spouted off the other night.... curiosity is killin' me.
October 02, 2005
It's a strong possiblity that you may have had one too many, and gotten a teensie bit out of hand the night before, when:
You walk into Fritz's, and someone yells, "Get 'Jeebus' a beer!"
You ask someone a question, and they answer by addressing you, "Lord and Saviour."
There is serious discussion about the installation of lightning rods on the bar's roof....
Ashamed? No.... I'm frickin' proud. Heheheh...
September 26, 2005
In The Dog House
My liver is pissed at me over this weekend.
Pissed, I tell you.
September 25, 2005
What' the hell makes us do some fo the shit we do? Normally I don't do anything out of theordinary... believe it or not. Byt evert biw abd then, I pulll something brilliant. Like going for a ride an the bike, when I had to walk hone 'cuz I was too tipsy to begin with.
Why does one do that? Methinlks that once one partakes of the nectar, one thinks they become a god. Hell, with sake, I KNOW I'm a god. Don't enven jack with me. I'll lightning bolt your sorry ass.
Anyway, I never ride drunk. Okay, once or twice. Seriousky. For some stupid reason , tonight, after I staggererd my way home, I decicded to hop on ye olde bike. As I rode over the rainbow Bridge to Valhalla, I knew that I had not been thinking. Nay... I'd been drinking. Not smart, but I had a few bkigging posts run through this empty skull. They were incredible... opening the gates of soul and imagination. But alas, the cool evening breeze drove all brilliance that was suppposed to flow unto thee to flow into Stillman's creek.
Do you really feel that godlike when you'ree trashed? Sometimes I thinik so. Jesus and I call each other "J" when we're hanging out. I'ts all cool. Hell, HE'S cool... tonight alone he pulles two troopers off my hind quarrters. On two seperate instances. J kicks ass... I owe him a few.
Don't know what I'm typin g now, nor do I care. Just wish that I could have sharerd those awesomw posts.... you'd have loved them. And possibly had your life changed. Or not.
Go ahead... criticize. I deserve it, and I know it. But keep in mind, shoul I be lit up by the grace of sake, and you critiquew me... let's just say walking pillar of cinders.
I'm just sayin'.
September 24, 2005
Drynk... hacked yp,
Tgat is akk.
September 22, 2005
Okay, it may be wrong, but it's also damn funny. You've probably already seen it, but what the heck... I just saw it yesterday.
That's a happy man there.
*H/T to Raging Mom
September 17, 2005
It's Here! It's Here!
Today at noon (5 am CT), Munich mayor Christian Ude will tap the first barrel of beer, and officially open Oktoberfest with the announcement, "O'zapft Is!!!" (It's tapped!)
I think I'm setting the alarm, slamming a dopplebock, and going back to bed.
For a little history about the World's biggest fair, click here.
Seriously, within five years... I'm there.
September 19, 2004
"It's tapped!" Yesterday was the opening of Oktoberfest. Ahhh, sixteen whole days of beer hunting. Someday, when I grow up and get big, I will be there! Just one of my many grown up goals. Anybody want to come along?!