I Will Return

The regularly scheduled drunken drivel should be back some time on Thursday. Sorry for the inconvenience. Thank you.

Sick of Hurricane Crap

I don't know about you, but I know I've have my share of hurricanes for the season. And of course, I live nowhere near the affected area. I really feel for those that are living through this record season. Yeah, you could say if they don't like it, move. But this isn't a normal year. On a bad year in "Tornado Alley" you could say the same thing.

To all of my blogfamily and those others that are down there, my thoughts are with you. Stay safe!

National Hunting and Fishing Day

Did you know that today is National Hunting and Fishing Day?

Well it is.

Unless that memo was faked.

Makes a Person Wonder

A visit to the hospital has me dealing with some conflicting feelings. Although, I have to say that "happy" would be the one winning right now.

Hit-and-run driver sought

Beloit police are looking for the driver involved in a hit-and-run accident that left an Afton man in critical condition.

The accident happened at about 2 a.m. today on Portland Avenue east of Bluff Street when a motorcycle driven by T1G's friend, 33, of the 3700 block of his street was westbound on Portland followed by a maroon 1998 Buick Century.

According to the accident report, the Buick lost control and slid sideways into the motorcycle.

The driver of the car fled the scene on foot while T1G's friend was flown to Rockford Memorial Hospital where a spokeswoman said he was in critical condition.

The car was known to Beloit officers because officers had attempted to stop the car earlier. The vehicle identification number does not match the plates, officers said.
Taken from the Sept. 17 edition of The Beloit Daily News

Barry (my friend) has many cracked ribs, a cracked vertebra in his neck, broken finger, and had some bleeding on the brain. They had to induce a coma to keep the swelling to a minimum. I talked with my brother Tuesday, and he told me that the doctors had tried to bring Barry out on Monday night, but his brain was too stimulated, so they had to knock him down again. I stopped in on Wednesday, and he was awake. They had just pulled his breathing tube out, so he couldn't talk very loudly.

When I stuck my head in, the nurse chased me out. I wasn't family. But just a minute later, they let me in. I could tell he was aware, so when the nurse made her apology for chasing me out, I told her that it was alright, I just came to see his wife anyway. I turned around, and Barry is back there trying to wave his arms while mouthing "not my friend, not my friend" to her. Seeing that, I knew he was going to be alright. The staff is going to have their hands full with him. I will be making many trips up to see him.

Here's where I get my nasty feelings. Although, I will say, I realize that getting nasty about this isn't going to undo anything.

The story is this: cops start chasing some punk after a "gas and run." Chase him through Beloit, Wi. Call off chase. Worried about safety of public. Short time later, driver loses control and hits Barry. Kid runs off.

The other story: Cops chase punk after gas and run. Don't know how long they chased him, but he was clocked at 80 mph going over a bridge near downtown area. Bridge where they clocked him: 5 blocks from where Barry got smacked. Barry is stopped at an intersection (stop sign). Car slams into him from behind. No skid marks. Bike is launched out from under Barry. Impact is so great, the car rolls over. Punk kicks out rear window and takes off. Cops on scene in minutes. Some say no more than one (min).

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Kinda pisses a person off.

Word of the (?)

Blogging may be a bit sparse over the next couple of days. I'll try to be here, but I can't make any promises. So, this word may have to work for the weekend.

The word, people of blogoshpere, is: Impetus

Example: Long-haired dogs mutter under their breath, when spotting a toddler waddling towards them, "aww, c'mon... don't let impetus."

You can use it properly, or preferrably mutilate the poor little word. Doesn't even have to make sense, just make someone laugh!

Let's see what you've got!

A Question

A question, as posed by a three year old:

Mom, do lawyers burp? I don't think they do, do they?

My nephew may be just like me. bwahahahahahahaha!

My sister passed this along, because it sounded like a question one of Boudicca's boys asked.

Word of the Day

Today's word, people, is too easy. The word: Jerkin.

Example: Jerkin is der same as jer relatives. Yeah, it's lame, but it's worksafe!

You can use it properly, or preferrably mutilate the poor little word. Doesn't even have to make sense, just make someone laugh!

Let's see what you've got!

Safer Eggs On The Way!

A Bucket-o-Bull News Bulletin

The FDA recommended on Monday changes to reduce salmonella infections caused by tainted eggs. The goal is to reduce infections by one third. The agency says approximately 118,000 people each year are sickened by eating improperly cooked eggs contaminated with salmonella, according to this piece by the AP.

"It's just not funny anymore," says M. Brio, spokesman. "It used to be that a few good cases of salmonella poisoning could really bring the house down. But now that too many people are getting fatally ill, well, it's just time to reduce contamination. We've thought long and hard about this, and it's time for a change."

Not everyone is happy about the changes. Mr. B. Adegg, of the International Brotherhood of Contaminators (Local 663): "These moves are going to cost union jobs! We've been contaminating eggs for years, and now, just because a few whiners say that they felt like they were going to die, we are losing work. We will be fighting this, I guarantee it!

There are other options that may be implemented. One plan is to simply reduce the number of eggs produced. "Logic at it's finest," says Brio. "Sure, the ratio of bad to good eggs will be roughly the same, but the actual number of bad eggs will decrease. Brilliant thinking!"

Another plan is to encourage the chickens themselves to lay eggs that are more resistant to contamination. "We've got several options when it comes to this," says Brio. "One idea is to implement fines on the individual hen."

"Another," Brio continues," is to use a motivational program developed by Mr. Reynolds, of Reynolds' Pleasure Land Penguin Ranch. Mr. Reynolds has an extreme variation of the old "put out or get out" school of thought in place. Those birds not giving the desired performance are butchered in front of the other birds. The results are amazing! Bird queue up to deliver outstanding performances! Our thought is that if it works with one type of bird, why not another? Granted, our desired results differ (drastically) from Mr. Reynolds', but hey, results are results!"

More news, as developements continue to hatch.

Word of the Day

Ladies and Gents! Today's word is: Hemiplegia

Example: Hemiplegia, if you pay hem enough.

You can use it properly, or preferrably mutilate the poor little word. Doesn't even have to make sense, just make someone laugh!

Let's see what you've got!

Conscience

Didn't sleep for crap last night. I was tormenting myself trying to figure out if I did the right thing or not. I have been cursed with a conscience that can't, and won't, accept my decisions as right and final.

Last night, after work, I stopped by a gas station to gas up the bike. Filled her up, and start to take off, when a woman comes out of the darkness waving her arms, yelling, "Oh, please help me. Someone, please!" I look around, and check to see that there isn't someone else out there waiting in ambush, and stop. I hate being so damn nice.

She starts telling me that she needs to get to her son. He's dying. She's been walking around and no one will help her. The lady at the gas station won't help her, and she's supposed to be her friend. Will I please help her? Her feet are tired and sore. (She's wearing what used to be dress flats.) No one will help. God will see to it that I'm blessed if I would help her. Her son really needs help, and she has to get to him.

I try to calm her down and make sense out of her gibberish. Doesn't work too well. I ask where her son is at. "He's dying of AIDS, and he's hemorrhaging!" But where is he? "I need to get to him." By now, I'm starting to feel a little worried. I can't keep watching all sides of me, and I don't like it one bit.

"Did you call an ambu..?" "She won't even help me, and she's supposed to be my friend!" (pointing at the station) "Please, sir, help me!" Where was I to take her? Just off of W. State street.

If you were to know Rockford, you would know that W. State is not an area for a white face to be at night. Very bad idea. Especially when you are on a bike that isn't really known for it's stealth qualities. You draw alot of attention. My brother and I rode through there, at night, a couple of years ago, and had some idiot start trying to chase us (on foot) while sceaming pleasantries at us. There are some very good people there, but it's the bad ones that worry you.

I told her that I couldn't do it. She starts crying (without tears) and starts to beg for help. Even though there are no tears, I feel bad. But I still don't feel that this whole thing is a good thing. As a matter of fact, I almost know that it's a bad deal. But I can't help from feeling bad as I tell her that I couldn't do it. She starts to cry even louder (still no tears, oh wait, there is one) and asks again. This time I tell her that I won't do it. She says, "bless you, sir," and limps away.

Even though it felt like a hard slap of guilt, I rode away. But the whole ride home, I'm analyzing things and second guessing myself. It's not that I won't help someone in the middle of the night. I've done it before, and while my head is on a swivel after I stop, I always feel good. It wasn't because she was black, although I had to rethink that a couple of times. Definitely not the case. It all came down to a feeling. Something was not right, although to see this woman, you would never think that she would pull some stunt like that. But then again, that would make it perfect. What killed me was "bless you, sir."

My hope is that if she really needed help, she found it. And I hope that I will be forgiven.

Word of the Day

Today's word (snicker) is stolen from Goldie. Saw this one her site, and started laughing.

The word? Fatidic

I'm not going to show an example. (HAHAHAHA)

You can use it properly, or preferrably mutilate the poor little word. Doesn't even have to make sense, just make someone laugh!

Let's see what you've got!

O'zapft Is!!!

"It's tapped!" Yesterday was the opening of Oktoberfest. Ahhh, sixteen whole days of beer hunting. Someday, when I grow up and get big, I will be there! Just one of my many grown up goals. Anybody want to come along?!

Squab Watch: Day Three

Well, it's official: Squab Watch 2004 is over.

Today, no more little squabs.

Squabs and Pears

8 Squabs (about 1 pound each)

1/4 c Olive oil

Salt and freshly ground -black pepper to taste

4 md Pears, halved

Prepare a very hot barbecue fire, or at the broiler to 550 degrees F. Cut each squab in half; brush halves with olive oil and season with salt and pepper. Grill skin side down for 1 1/2 to 2 minutes, or until skin is crisp but meat is still tender and juicy. Turn squabs and grill 30 seconds longer. When birds are ready to turn, place pear halves on grill (or under the broiler) and heat through, turning once. These birds are wonderful served on a bed of Napa cabbage sauteed with bacon, sliced onions and red wine vinegar.

What A Jackass

I know I should just keep my mouth shut. I'm not good with political crap, although I will spout some ideas sometimes. But I read this article and now I'm pissed.

Look at this picture. Why in the name of all that's holy would you do this to your own child, just to further your political point of view? I think I can understand bringing a child .... no, I can't. You hope to play the "oh, look at the cute little kid holding the Bush/Cheney sticker" angle. If that were all, you wouldn't be so bad, although I tell you right now, I wouldn't like you one bit. But when rabid democrats (and I don't care if the situation were reversed) tear the frickin' sign out of her hands, and you quickly give her a new one, now you've made it clear that your child's safety doesn't matter, as long as you can make a point.

I'm not a violent person, but I would love to kick this guy's ass.Many times over. No joking at all here. No kid needs this bull.

Word of The Weekend

This weekend's word is a salute to Alex and Sally. They gave me a couple of good laughs this week.

The word: Munchkin

No example needed, just let it fly!

You can use it properly, or preferrably mutilate the poor little word. Doesn't even have to make sense, just make someone laugh!

Let's see what you've got!

CBS Guy

Checking in with the Alliance to see some of the other Evil Glenn Haiku, and saw this recommended.

I clicked on the link, and ended up laughing my ass off! The chorus, it just made my day! It's a take on Ra^ther's Memo garbage. You've got to check it out!

Oh, and the blog it's found on: Irreconcilable Musings.

Squab Watch: Day Two

Looking out the window, I see they are still hanging in there. Unbelievable. There are so many cats around here .....

That must be one mean mother there. I have gophers that keep showing up in the yard. Since she's been on the ground, haven't seen a one!

Maybe Cops Are Good To Hit Up

I guess that I should apologize to the brilliant teenage dealer that I mentioned a couple of posts ago. He had the right idea, wrong strategy. Take from, don't sell stuff to the cops.

Saw this yesterday, and once again, just had to shake my head. Yes, they were armed and the cops weren't, but four against forty-six?

Squab Anyone?

We had some high winds and a couple storms come through Wednesday evening. Yesterday, as I was going out the door to work, I noticed something laying on the ground. Thought maybe it was a rabbit that's taken to hanging around, but as I walked up, I realize that it's a bird's nest. Get a little closer, and I see a mourning dove trying to transfer into "evil protective mom" mode. I figured she had some little ones under her, so I walked away. With all the cats roaming this neighbourhood, I didn't figure they'd last long. Today, I look out and see this. I don't know how well you'll be able to see them, but the two little ones are safe and sound. Mom was less than a foot away when I walked out ... never even saw her 'til she took off.

I curious to see how long they last. I'm pulling for them. (at least 'til the squabs have a little more meat to'em!)

Word of The Day

Today's word: prolate.

Example: At forty years of age, (Harvey) it's a good idea to have a prolate exam.

You can use it properly, or preferrably mutilate the poor little word. Doesn't even have to make sense, just make someone laugh!

Let's see what you've got!

A Good Laugh

Stopped by Eric's today, and ended up laughing my ass off at one of his posts. Well, he had me laughing to myself while I was reading it, but the comment by Velociman killed me! Eric is talking about his librarian fetish. I don't know if that's in addition to his squirrel fetish, or if it's a replacement type thing! Check it out!

Sit-izens Arrest

A somewhat different way to detain a burglar. I bet the burglar couldn't weight for the cops to get there.

(dodging tomatoes while running away)

WTF

Caught this, and maybe it's been commented on elsewhere. But it leaves me shaking my head. Mark Hacking is writing a book. What is it? A frickin "how-to?" I shouldn't be so mean. Proceeds will go to the Lori Hacking memorial scholarship fund. WTF??? There wouldn't be a scholarship fund if it weren't for him.

Yeah, yeah, innocent until proven guilty. I just don't understand.

Word of The Day

Today's word, childrens, is Exposition.

Example: Ya better hab a good exposition fer leavin' me at dat bar by m'self.

You can use it properly, or preferrably mutilate the poor little word. Doesn't even have to make sense, just make someone laugh!

Let's see what you've got!

(Keep'em coming, I'm getting some good laughs out of this!)

Back to Grade School

Trying to cheer myself up a bit this evening. Starting to work a bit, mostly by ruining showtunes and whistling strange crap. Got one guy at work to sit and whistle this to himself:

Ta rah rah boom dee ay,
We have no school today,
The teacher passed away,
She died of tooth decay.
We threw her in the bay,
She scared the fish away,
She's never coming out,
She smells like sauerkraut!

I had to smile, listening to him.

I know this isn't the only version of this. Does anyone know any others, that I may torment poor souls working too close to me?

Evil Glenn and His Haiku

Writing assignments;
just one thing I'm not good at.
Takes me too damn long!

Time to do an Alliance assignment. Let's see, assignment for Friday, is ...(sniff, sniff)
SMAAAAASSSHHHHH!!!!! "Good evening, Drunken One!"
Me: "Evil Glenn! You broke my window!"
EG: "You shouldn't keep it so clean... it looked open!"
Me: (plugging nose) "By aw dat's howee, whad ith dat thmell?!"
EG: (eyeing me suspiciously) "Someone called me with a tip about a litter of puppies nearby. Turns out, it was a litter of skunks."
Me: (looking innocent ... or trying to) "Id wadnt bme! I jus mimb my own bidineth."
EG stares at me doubtfully, then asks: "So what is the Alliance up to this week?"
Me: "Oh, jus suppod to wride a haiku ..."
EG: (interrupting) "Curse you."
Me: "Whaaa?!"
EG: "You sneezed, I cursed you!"
Me: "oooohhh....kay. Andyway, I'm spode to wride a ..."
EG: (eyes lighting up) "A song? About me? Ooooh, I love songs about me!"
Me: "No, I ...."
EG: (breaking into a Tiny Tim falsetto, to the tune of"My Favorite Things")

"Murdering hobos,
rid the world of their masses.

Blending up puppies,
to sip from tall glasses.
Razor blades in apples,
each Halloween.
These are a few of my favorite things.

(he starts to robot dance)
Porno for penguins,
and poor robot dancing ...
Me: (unplugging nose to be heard) "NOT A SONG!!"
EG: "No song? What then?"
Me: "A haiku."
EG: "Ohhh, that's what you said when I thought you sneezed. Well, let's see what you've got. (grabs paper off of desk) Dear Abbey, Sometimes I feel.... (looks at me with raised eyebrow) Don't think this is going to be very good! Indeed!"
Me: (snatching paper back) "That's something different. A creative writing assignment or something... yeah. Anyway, I haven't made any progress on the haiku, yet."
EG: "A product of the Grau/Harvey coupling hasn't the wit to come up with a haiku? Your fathers must be disgusted with you!"
Me: "Well, Harvey hasn't blocked me from his site, yet, and Grau still waves from across the parking lot, so they can't be that disgusted."
EG: "Waves, huh? Seriously, watch to see that he's not crossing himself. He does it to me all the time!"
Me:" Anyway, I know I'll come up with something."
EG: "Haikus are eeeaaaaassssyy! I make them up all the time. For example:

Feel the frigid fowl.
It stirs more than just my soul;
Penguins turn me on.

Or another:

Puppy in blender,
Entranced by the swirling mess.
Labrador tastes best!

Yet, another:

The Lord of Darkness,

Has made my blog to prosper.
Thank you, Lawyer God!"

And how's this:

Beating on Frank J.,
I pummel his baby face.
Tell lies about me?!

Me: "Oh, some of your favorite topics. Do you have one about hobos?"
EG: "Er, that one isn't very good, on account I can't stop laughing while thinking about their cute little dying hobo faces. But I'll share what I have.

Ha ha ha ha ha,
I watch the hobo dying,
ha ha ha ha ha.

Muahahahahahaha.... I just love that!"
Me: "Uh, that was lovely ... I guess."
EG: "Say, you wouldn't happen to have a few gallons of tomato juice would you? I've got to get rid of this stench!"
Me: "Nah, no tomato juice, but I've heard holy water works just as well. There's a church right down the road."
EG: "Hey, thanks. I'll give that a .... wait a minute. Nice try witless one! I oughta ..."
Me: "Be going? I've got to write down a couple of thoughts for haikus."
EG: "BAH, you may as well start working on your 'lame excuse for being late!' Maybe you could have your blog sister Boudicca do your homework for you. She seemed to do rather well with her puke-u's. By the way, the limerick from TGOO wasn't too bad, either! Maybe you can get his help!"
Me: "Ok, thanks, I guess, for all of your suggestions. But, I'm really wanting to get back to this assignment. (pulling wooden stake from under desk) I'd like you to leave; I don't want to use force, but I'm prepared to do what I must."
EG: (laughing) "No need for violence, Groggy Guy! I shall leave you. But here's a haiku for your do goody good Alliance, a parting bit of inspiration:

Warmest wishes to,
Members of the Alliance.
You all bugger off!!

Muahahahahahahaha .... "CRAAASSSSSHHHHHH!!!!
Me: "You broke another window! You inconsiderate, flying freak of ...."
EG: "That's lawyer to you! And you really should muddy up those windows!! I look forward to reading your haiku ... sometime next year!!! Heh!"
Me: (thinking to myself) "I think you've given me more than I need to do this."

Word of the Day

While I'm not doing good at coming up with an example, I'll still off up a word for sacrifice.

How ironic. First word I see when opening the dictionary. Today's offering is jocund. Jocund.

Let's see what you can do.

Mr. Upchurch

I don't know what my problem is, but I've been kinda depressed lately. I'm not usually that way. Hell, almost never that way. I have no real idea why I'm that way now, but have been for a couple of weeks. That may be part of what broke me today.

The phone call started it. My cousin called me at work, and asked if I had heard that my old neighbour, Mr. Upchurch, had died. I knew he had been fighting cancer, but hadn't heard anything in a while. I started to ask when the visitation was, but I got beat to it. Call at 7:30 pm, visitation was at 5. Great timing. Funeral tomorrow, rather today now. I thanked him for the call, and hung up. Developed a nagging tear that just hung in the corner of my eye. Tried working, and that did help for awhile, but after a bit, I started to lose track of what I was doing. So, I sat for a minute. Damn tear finally dripped. Got rid of it, and started trying to work again. Yeah, I sound like a baby. A good friend stopped by to give me some crap about something, and I just barely kept from losing it. Damn waterworks were trying to run uncontrollably. Unfortunately, I put him in an awkward spot, while trying to fight off my unwanted guests. Thanks for being cool, Mr. Bagg.

Here's the kicker: my misery was not just about losing an old neighbour. There is so much more to it, but I have a hard time finding the right description. I'm frickin horrible when it comes to sharing. But right now, I feel I have to try. Not for you to understand, but for me. I'm one who usually keeps things inside. For the most part, I'm pretty good at it, but lately, it's a little hard to do. Maybe it's part of what's bumming me. Things eating at me for too long.

My dad died in '76. I was nine. Yep, long time ago, should be over it. Never over it. We were a farming family, and that was how Pa died. I'm not going into that right now. Our neighbours played a huge role in our lives for awhile after Pa was gone. Helped my mom through some hard times. She had four kids, and while, not demons, we weren't angels. Forgive me for rambling. The Upchurch's were across the road. Mr. Upchurch (I can't call him by his given name ... just doesn't seem right) came over quite a bit to help around the farm, until Ma sold off a lot of the animals. I personally don't think he thought that my mom was doing things the right way, but if she asked, he would help. Winters, he plowed out the drive. We had a 1/4 mile drive, and theirs was 1/2 mile. The plow had been bought from some county vehicle by my dad, and fitted to a tractor. After Pa died, Ma gave Mr. Upchurch the plow to keep, as long as our drive was kept clean. Three years later, we moved away.

We still would see the Upchurch's once a year, at the county fair. Every time I saw them, I thought of my dad, and how he and Mr. Upchurch got along. They didn't always think that the other was doing the right thing, but if you needed help, they were there. Neighbours ... the way they are supposed to be. Need help during harvest? If possible, help was lent. Cattle out? They'd be right over. I'll never say that they were the best of friends, but friends they were.

When I saw Mr. Upchurch, I thought of him coming over to help at the harvest bee that was held after my dad's death, even though he had two broken arms. (Farm accident for him, too.) I thought of his nervous offer to buy the farm from my mom. (She wouldn't do it.) I thought of two scared boys watching from the haymow door, while he and my mother were trying to work out a deal for the once new hog feeder, that now had countless holes from a .22. Watching him point out the holes, and seeing the sorrow on my mom's face. He did take the feeder, and gave my mom a reasonable price.

There are so many things that I used to associate with the farm and my dad. And now, I think I realize why this has upset me so. I do mourn Mr. Upchurch. I mourn not a perfect man, but one of the best you could find. But, selfishly, I fear that I mourn "what was" even more. And I mourn for the gates to the past that are being torn down.

I know I haven't uncovered all that is affecting me, but I do feel a little better now. Thanks for listening.

It's Harvey's B-Day!

In case you live under a rock, or are one of my visitors who read no one else, today is my blog fatherHarvey's birthday! He's turning 45!!! The old coot! Make sure, if you haven't already, to stop in and wish him Happy B-Day, or flash him your 'boobies'!

Harvey, the closest thing I can thing can get to your desired boobie shot, would be found here. There's plenty there!

afterthought: Harvey's only turning 38 .... he just looks like he's 45.

Word of the Day

I now present today's word of the day. The word is earwig. Earwig. (Don't ask me, it was on the page I opened to!)

Example: You better use some more hairpins. Earwig is coming loose!

You can use it properly, or preferrably mutilate the poor little word. Doesn't even have to make sense, just make someone laugh!

Let's see what you've got!

Batman Leaves Gotham City!

I wonder if this guy knows Alex and Sally?

My guess is that he was a little late for Sally's costume party.

Word of the Day

The word of the day, folks, is distill. Distill.

Example ( and I know you can do better than this): *singing* "In distill, of da night ...

You can use it properly, or preferrably mutilate the poor little word. Doesn't even have to make sense, just make someone laugh!

Let's see what you've got!

This Week's Fave's: 9/12

Figured that I would check out Mr. Maltby's Breaking Benjamin cd that he lent me, and ended up listening to that for the majority of the week. T1G like very much! I can't say right out that it's now on my "must buy list", but it is a very good album. Good hard rock, with some good old fashioned metal growls dispensed throughout. There are a couple of slower songs on the disc (titled "We Are Not Alone"), though, that seem to grab hold of you: Rain, and Forget It. Forget It; this is probably one of my favorites. The thing is, I haven't been in the mood for this type of song, but it's got me nonetheless. I don't know publishing info or songwriting credits, due to this being a burned copy, but the song sounds alot like the Moody Blues. Not exactly, but the way the singer uses his voice, and the feel of the song ... Moody Blues is the best description I can think of. It doesn't fit the rest of the album, but it also doesn't seem like it is a total misfit either. Other favorites on the disc: So Cold, Break My Fall, Breakdown, and Believe. The music isn't all that complex, but it is damn good!

Reading material isn't anything new; been reading from a collection of Poe. I love this stuff. Some of this stuff is creepy as hell now, I wish I had been able to read this in the period in which he wrote it. Had to have been nightmarish. Probably one of the reasons that he had a hard time making a living. That's just my thought.

Beverage-wise, it was a real treat. I picked up a couple different brews last Monday. They didn't make it past Wednesday. Paulaner makes a double bock called Salvator. (if you click on the link, you'll have to scroll down the page to find the Salvator description) If you don't know what a double bock is, here's a description. Anyway, this is good beer. I opened a pint before sitting down to do my blog reading, and I didn't get but two blogs in before that pint was gone. The next two went down too damn easy. But by then I was getting the giggles. Everything was funny, and it clicked: I was drunk off of those three pints. WTF?! Duh, should read label before swilling like a man dying of thirst. ; 7.5% alcohol. It will definitely sneak up on you. It doesn't have a strong taste, and it goes down really easy. The other brew that I picked up was one that sounds a little strange, but it was excellent. Young's makes a "Double Chocolate Stout." I've had a few beers that are brewed with chocolate malt, but this is the first that also has actual chocolate added to the beer. Sounds strange, yes, I know, but it's uncommonly good. The chocolate taste is there, it's not strong. At all. Matter of fact, I could only taste it a couple of times. And the smell. Every now and then you can detect the scent of chocolate. My mouth is starting to water thinking about it!!

If you recommend any beverages for tasting, I promise I will try my best to check it out. Though I may suffer, I will drink the drink!

Werewolf?

Susie of Practical Penumbra has a quiz to determine what mystical creature you may be. Mine:

You're a werewolf. Werewolves where mutated people
who would transform into wolf-like beings and
would lose control of themselves. Often times
when a little child would go out into fields in
Europe, they would encounter a werewolf and be
eaten. They had charatceristics of their human
selves but where usually hairy with canine like
teeth and strangely shaped heads when they
transformed. They often had bad tempers and
would lose control of their actions very
easily. They were excelent hunters though.
(please rate)

What Mystical Creature Are You? (Pictures)
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Makes me sound like a good/bad guy.

Word of the Weekend

The word for the weekend, is baluster. Baluster.

Example: Tommy and Betty baluster virginity, but Betty's pappy caught them, and knocked Tommy cross-eyed.

Let's see what ya got!

Remembering 9/11

I really wanted to do a post about 9/11. Something that was deep, and feeling. Something that grabbed you, and wouldn't let go. Not happening. I either teeter on the edge of mushy, or fall into the ranks of the pissed off loony. Thankfully, there's Johnny-Oh, blog brother. This is a great post. Though most who read this blog are blog-family, there are a few who aren't. Please check this out. And, thanks again, Johnny-Oh, for vocalizing my thoughts.

Word of the Day

Today's word, boys and girls, is conspectus.

Example: You conspectus to remember everything you said?

You can use it properly, or preferrably mutilate the poor little word. Doesn't even have to make sense, just make someone laugh!

Let's see what you've got!

Short Posts

Yep, short and still chock full of nothing important! 'Puter thing is acting up, so I'm trying not to spend too much time on anything. Don't want to lose it!

Bright Move Doper

This 17 yr old has to feel highly intelligent right now. Of all places to try to make a deal. Tard.

Farewell, Mr. Ball

For those who play, Ernie Ball, dead at 74.

Word Of The Day

At the risk of this being a repeat thanks to the great services of blogspot, I'll try again.

I thought we might be able to have a little fun with a suggestion that I received from chief insulter, Mr. Maltby. I'm going to give a word of the day, and you use it in a sentence. You can use it properly, or preferrably mutilate the poor little word. I'll give the first example after I let you know what this word is: after that, you're on your own.

The word of the day is, assuage. Assuage.

Example: Assuage plant is right around the corner from my house. Damn, it stinks!

Let's see what you've got!!!

Senior Pictures

I was checking out A Large Regular, and came across this link in his miscellaneous post. Check it out. Shows senior pictures, with commentary. My favorite, which had me laughing out loud like an idiot, was this one.

Got me thinking; how bad would this guy rip on my senior picture? The white pants alone deserve a major humiliation!

Ironic

Saw this the other day, and had an idea for a post come to mind. However, GEBIV beat me to it.

While I still think his is better, I decided to post mine anyway. Mainly to see if this ^%#@ing blogger site is working or not. Seems like it won't post comments.

Anyway, without further blabbing, Ladies, and Gentleman, my version of "Ironic," by Alanis Morissette:

And isn't it ironic ... don' ya think?
A little too moronic ... and, yeah, I really do think
It's like pain, shootin' through your leg.
It's a quick ride, in an ambulance.
Ya teach good advice, that you just won't take.
"Now, do as I say, not what I do"

Thank you, thank you!!

Ole Time Bank Robbery

"Give me the money, or I'll poke ya in the eye!"

"Fork it over!"

"This is a stick up!"

"Hay, er, hey, get that money in the bag, right mow, damn, NOW!"

Just a couple of things heard at this grand event.

Aaaawwwwww

Pictures of my nephew, Layne. Cute little dude! He's almost five whole months old!!!

Billboard Salvation

They are there to attract your attention. Big, ugly, and often plastered with stupid sayings, in the hopes that you, Mr. /Mrs./Miss/Ms. Inattentive Driver, will be lured into buying or doing something that you never realized you ever had an urge to buy or do. Big freakin' eyesores they are! Although, I will admit, some can be pretty funny. Like the ones .... wait a minute. I'm drifting!

These damn things never tell the whole truth, if any at all. PFTETOA is rather irritating in their billboard choices. (Yes, I know that's not the proper acronym ... but it should be. Weirdos can't even keep track of all their words.)

But there is one, one that I see every time I need to take hwy 251 up to Rockford. I'm pretty sure that it's an American Lung Association board, but not sure enough to make a large wager.( I'm too busy paying attention to where I'm driving to read signs!) All I know, is that it irritates me, yet makes me laugh a rather evil laugh at times! This sign is an example of only telling the convenient truth. It says something along these lines:

Chances of dying in a car wreck= 6,200:1

Chances of dying from smoking=3:1

Covenient truth, spewed in the hopes of scaring people into quitting smoking. I ask you this:

What, pray tell, are the odds of dying period?

Should be something around 1:1 I would think. Everyone stop living, you're going to die!!!!

Sorry, I just find things amusing.

This Weeks Faves: 9/05

Been a strange feeling week, so favorite tunes are pretty much standard for me. I've been playing alot of Stevie Ray Vaughan; mostly In the Beginning. I just love that album. (I guess that's obvious ... since it is a favorite!) Released in '92, two years after his death, the album is a recording of a broadcast from Austin, Texas, April 1, 1980. It's raw, partially because it's taken from a two-track tape, but it's really incredible to listen to SRV at the beginning of his career. You'd swear that he was already very established. And this was recorded three years before his debut album, "Texas Flood," was released. Truly an outstanding album!
Some of the best tracks: In The Open, Slide Thing, and Shake For Me. There's others, but today anyway, those are my faves. Definitely worth checking out if you haven't already!

While SRV was the mainstay of the week, I spent all day Saturday listening to Rammstein's Mutter, and most of Sunday with Squirrel Nut Zippers' Hot. Two very different, but very good, albums!

Faves on the Rammstein: Links 2 3 4, Ich Will, and Feuer Frei. I got a media sampler when the album came out, and it includes videos for Links, Ich Will, and Sonne. Very cool.

Faves from the Squirrels would include, but are not limited to: Memphis Exorcism, Hell, Bad Businessman, and Got My Own Thing Now. I just love their sound. Reminds me of Sunday's when I was a wee little man, and we'd be listening to music from the 40's on the way to church. Always enjoyed listening to that music!

Occasional commentor and insulter, Mr. Maltby has lent me Breaking Benjamin, so I'm going to check that out this week. Listened to a little, and it's sounds like it's going to be a good one.

On the literary front, I'd finished reading Adams' Long Dark Tea Time Of The Soul, got started on John Sandford's Hidden Prey. If you haven't read any of the Prey series from him, and you like good detective stories, you've got to check them out. I mean it! They aren't whodunnits, but the way he weaves the story just keeps you riveted! This book was hard to put down. Basically, I read it over three days. I do have to say, the ending was just a little lacking. I think that I may know why, but that's for readers to figure out.

I finished that book yesterday (Sunday), so I when I hit the hay last night (around 11:30), I figured I'd start the new Koontz, The Taking. If I said that I put it down at 3:00 this morning (finished), would you believe that it's a good great book?! I will say that there were a couple of spots where I was going to put it down because it started to drop off, but it picked up everytime. He does a great job painting up a scare! I live in an older house that has lots of creaks, snaps, and thuds. I'm used to it. Well, I was. Last night, I swear I jumped out of my hide twice, and startled myself on innumerable occasions! Are you familiar with Stephen King's novella The Mist? The Taking is kind of similar, but it's .... thicker? It's not the right word, but it comes fairly close. A strange silverish rain falls heavily on the world. A harbinger of some very strange things to come. I'm not going to go into the story and possibly ruin it for someone, but it's a good'un!

In the Great Beer Extermination Project, the flavor is still Amber Bock. Damn stuff just keeps reproducing! I'm thinking I may stop and pick up a double bock today. I'll let you know how the hunt goes!

One last note about SRV; August 27 was the fourteenth anniversary of his death. I wish like hell that I had gone to see him that day. He was only forty miles away, but I didn't want to go to the show by myself. Dumb.

Influence of Writing on Speech

I'm terrible at writing or typing. Not so much that I can't do it, I just think everything out way too much. Takes me years to get a couple of paragraphs out! Well, not quite, but let's just say that my average post takes me 45 min. to an hour to write. Almost three hours on my long posts. And while inebriated, I have no idea. (Oh, to those that may think I blog drunk most of the time, not true. Although, it has been brought to my attention that the difference between my sober and influenced posts is very noticable! No idea if that's a good or bad thing!) I can tell you that the only time I post drunk is when I'm not sober!

Ok, I drifted a bit. Part of the reason it takes so damn long to write, is that I'm alway's thinking ahead. Sometimes my hands can't keep up with my thoughts, so I try to be very deliberate with what I'm thinking. If I don't, I end up skipping words, sentences, and, a couple of times now, whole paragraphs! One thing that I do alot of, is, when writing or typing, I will think punctuation. Example would be from the previous sentence: One thing that I do alot of (comma) is (comma)..... Do any of you do that? (say, yes, please!) I don't know when I started doing that, but I've been doing it for many moons now.

Why tell you all that? To tell you about a near slipup earlier this week. With little sleep, I had been sending out e-mails to a couple of friends that I haven't been in touch with for awhile. I was screwing them up quite a bit, but I finally finished. Almost late leaving for work, but I got them out! Anyway, once I got to work, one of my co-workers says, "Hi," to me, and I say, "Hey (com...) uh, what's going on?" I couldn't believe that I actually started to say "comma!" I just broke up laughing! Well, I got laughing so much about it, that I almost did it again when one of my friends came up. However, I caught myself way before actually saying it. So I went to Grau and told him about what I almost done, and then asked him if he had ever done that. The look he gave me before laughing and assuring me that, "No, that's probably just you," was funny as hell! I asked one other, before I decided to stop humiliating myself, and got the same look and laugh! Only the second person tried to give me a hard time about it. So I started talking to him like that: "So (comma) how (apostrophe) s it going (question mark)" He just looked at me, smiled, and said, "you're good at that!" I told him, "That's because it's how I write everything!"

Am I the only one? I doubt it, but there may not be many who do it. Do you?