September 04, 2006

Nature

I've written about storms, and the rush they bring, before. Being outside during Mother Nature's light shows is a very powerful thing. While some fear her, she is willing to share some of that power... give us mortals a sampling.

Being down here in the "lightning capitol of the world," I get to watch her in action... alot. And I love it. I try my best to show her proper respect, and don't push my luck with her, but I love being outside as she throws her temper tantrums. Driving during these storms also kicks ass. The other day, not too far from Raymond James Stadium, I had a bolt of lightning hit about a half block away. The hair stood up on my arms, it was so close. The bolt ended up hitting the top of a pole, and burnt the top third. Very cool.

Mother Nature is always letting us feel of her power, giving us chances to get close to her. She is a savage beauty, and there is plenty of beauty in her savagery. It helps to draw us even closer. Get too close, however, and she will turn on you.

RIP, Steve Irwin... you made television worth watching.

August 22, 2006

Stuck Goose

Not sure what triggered it, though I think that writing about the wolf laughing this morning may have done it.

Nevertheless, this song, Mother Goose, has been stuck in my head since then... especially the first verse.

As I did walk by Hampstead Fair
I came upon Mother Goose -- so I turned her loose --
she was screaming.
And a foreign student said to me --
was it really true there are elephants and lions too
in Piccadilly Circus?

Walked down by the bathing pond
to try and catch some sun.
Saw at least a hundred schoolgirls sobbing
into hankerchiefs as one.
I don't believe they knew
I was a schoolboy.

And a bearded lady said to me --
if you start your raving and your misbehaving --
you'll be sorry.
Then the chicken-fancier came to play --
with his long red beard (and his sister's weird:
she drives a lorry).

Laughed down by the putting green --
I popped `em in their holes.
Four and twenty labourers were labouring --
digging up their gold.
I don't believe they knew
that I was Long John Silver.

Saw Johnny Scarecrow make his rounds
in his jet-black mac (which he won't give back) --
stole it from a snow man.

*Lyrics from here.

August 06, 2006

Soft

What a great country we live in! The right to choose is ours...
"My daughter is one of 950 girl scouts urged to get rabies shots? Gee, thanks for the notice, but we'll pass."

In China, the authorities would take your daughter clubbin'.

August 02, 2006

Basil's Bribe

Basil, the new Interview King, is offering a bribe to get more questions.

Seems that this summer, the questions have been dropping off. So Basil is offering a DVD to a lucky someone. Details are to be found here, but essentially, the more questions you ask this month, the greater your chances are to win.

That's cool, because that means if you were to ask Tammi questions (which you can do by clicking here), you could get a DVD. Go to Basil's upcoming interviews and check out the other interviews he's got lined up.

Oh, and while you're at it, submit your questions for me. My interview is at the end of the month.

Ask. Or prepare to be smacked with a lightning bolt...

July 08, 2006

What's So Special About July 9th?

(A conspiratorial Guest Post from Tammi of Tammi's World, with help from Harvey of Bad Example)

Kind of a big day throughout history.

1) July 9, 1810 - Napoleon officially makes Holland part of his empire. Greedy French bastard. But, you do gotta admit, he was probably the last Frenchman with balls.

2) July 9, 1850 - Millard Fillmore becomes the 13th President of the United States. And we have HIM to thank for California. Surfs Up, Dude.

3) July 9, 1967 - Chicago White Sox lose a double header to Minnesota. Hmmm - maybe THAT'S why T1G's such a big Sox fan. You know, that whole underdog thing... and it did take forever for them to actually WIN a World Series.

Famous Births

* July 9, 1819 - Elias Howe, inventor of the sewing machine.

* July 9, 1932 - Donald Rumsfeld, inventor of Kung Fu.

* July 9, 1952 - John Tesh inventor of the factoid, and one of T1G's favorite musicians.

AND... drum roll please...

* July 9, 1967 - That 1 Guy, inventor of Drunken Wisdom!

In honor of this very special day in history - all bloggers should get together to offer suggestions on how T1G can celebrate his 39th birthday. If you have your own blog, feel free to post your suggestions there, then send a trackback to this post and/or leave a permalink in the comments.

Check out the trackbacks & links, but be aware that they're probably not all "safe for work".

Happy Birthday T1G! Enjoy!!!!

June 01, 2006

Just wiping my feet on the welcome mat

Poor T1G, eh? Sweating his 'nads off down in Florida. I feel for the guy, I truly do. So when he asked me if I'd mind stopping in here occasionally to post something, I said "Why, sure!" What the hell, right? I mean, yeah...it's true...I did get the "special treatment" from Big Hand Bertha the TSA agent after T1G suggested that I might be a certain "person of interest". But, hey...I'm not one to hold a grudge. "Let bygones be bygones" is my motto. 'Sides, my sphincter is gradually returning to its normal state, so it's all good.

Anyway, in the spirit of bloggish camaraderie, let me just take the opportunity to assure both T1G and his readership that I will be making every effort to ensure that my contributions here will be of the same high quality that everyone has come to expect from Mister Beer Brains himself.

And, T1G? No worries about getting listed in freakish Google searches, okay? I mean, I'm certainly not going to try seeding your site with phrases like "horny female lemurs" and "Doogie Howser naked". That'd be wrong. So very, very wrong. Rest easy, dude. Your site is in good hands. As I told you, I've stocked my fridge with beer and in the event of an emergency I have a bottle each of vodka and rum. This weekend should be a lot of fun and I look forward to keeping the Beer Brains readers entertained.

Sincerely,
     - Zonker

May 04, 2006

If You Ask It...

It's getting down to the last second, but there is still time to get your questions in.

"Questions? What the hell are you talking about?"

Hell, I'm glad you asked. Army Wife is being interviewed by Basil, and the deadline to submit your questions is this Sunday... May 7th. She's willing to answer ALMOST any of your questions.

To submit your questions, click here.

April 25, 2006

Famous Last Words...

Saw this over at Shoe's (Chou Chope) and Leslie, the Omnibus Driver's...

Your Famous Last Words Will Be:

"So, you're a cannibal."

I probably won't be telling anyone to "eat me" in the near future...

April 04, 2006

Goings On

Yeah, you guessed it.

Not much.

March 16, 2006

Son Of A Bitch!!!

Since the beginnings of blogging, I've heard that you should save your post in Wordpad, or Notepad, before attempting to post it on your actual blog. This ensures that you do not end up "losing" it, should a problem arise. I'm very careful to do this.

However, you also should save your template before making changes. This I do when making major changes, but never when adding a new blogger to the "We've Shared A Flask" category. I've never needed to... until today.

Just a couple of names, and it should have been done. No. For some reason, when I clicked on "Save", after double checking my right side template, the page wouldn't load. No biggie. Right. I've lost my Gottdamned right sidebar!!! Well... most of it, anyway.

Son of a motherless crosseyed monkey raping goat...

March 03, 2006

Ruling The Road

Going to be sporadic posting for a couple of days. Hitting the road for an interview... maybe two.

click for travelling tune
In the meantime, if you haven't already, humor me and sign my map, please.

Oh, and check out this post and the movie it shows, over at Nuggets.

Thanks, Eric, for the diddy.

February 28, 2006

Champ

Saw this video last week, and found it very interesting. The story that goes with it can be found here.

I'm no cryptozoologist, but I do find cryptozoology fascinating. While I know that most of these creatures are nonexistent, I do believe that anything is possible, and that some of these sightings are real... these people saw something out of the ordinary. Whether it's really a monster is doubtful, but something, somewhere, sometime along the line inspired the tales of these creatures. That is the part I find fascinating.

There's more to this earth than we know, or will probably ever know. And that allows for many tales. Hey, it can be a lot of fun just imagining some of these things. Bigfoot, Sasquatch, the Yeti... tales of them go back hundreds of years. Champ and Nessie, also. What started these tales and legends?

Don't know, and in some ways, I don't care... as long as their tales continue on. And hey, if they should happen to prove that some of them really do exist, all the better. I'll have a blast reading about them.

How 'bout you?

February 20, 2006

Tropical Wolf Observations

This weekend saw another very successful blogmeet, this one put together by Laughing Wolf, and dubbed "The Howl on the Prowl." Of course, despite my incredibly busy schedule, I was able to take time off from my non-existent job and attend. Here's some of what you missed...

Friday: I had my gear packed and ready, waiting for Tammi and another blogger and their spouse. I got a phone call. It was very loud, signal breaking, and unintelligible. I was straining both to hear, and to hold the phone away from me at the same time. Whoever it was, was in agony, at least from what I could hear. Amid the choked off screams, I hear what sounded to me like "vasectomy!" I assured them that no one by that name lived here, and promptly hung up the phone.

About five minutes after the mysterious phone call, Bloodspite and his wife pulled up. My ride was finally here! Watching Bloodspite waddle towards the door, I suddenly had a revelation of who may have been behind the call...

Greetings were made, hands shook, and the sob story told. Seemed that even though Bloodspite and his lovely wife had lived in the North a while ago, their time down South has made them forget just what sub-tropic temperatures felt like. * twitch* When they had stopped for fuel in a small town just east of here, Bloodspite had reportedly lost his 'nads to a polar bear, or a blast of cold air, depending on whom you are questioning. Either way, he wasn't ready for our current heat wave... it had definitely been him shrieking over the phone.

Tammi arrived shortly after, and we loaded up the vehicle and set off in our bermudas and tropical shirts.

The drive down to LW's was fairly uneventful, though I did take a little bit of heat for my navigational techniques. Seems that some folks have a hard time putting their faith in someone who tells them that "we just take this road until it looks good, then turn right." *twitch* Oh, they of little faith! Needless to say, we made it there in a safe and timely manner, much to the suprise of the faithless. Heheh... I even heard, "I can't believe it! He's right!" coming from the heathens in back. Of course I was right... it's a fairly common thing.

We arrived at LW's to find Contagion, Ktreva, and LW in the company of two very beautiful women, both of whom looked familiar, but I could only place a name to one... Oddybobo. First time meeting her, but I knew her right away. I got a big hug from her, in the name of Christina, and cast a sidelong glance at the other. I couldn't place her, and being kinda quiet myself (which I don't think she'll ever believe...), I waited until I got outside to ask who she was. *twitch* As soon as I was told, I felt like an idiot, and walked right back into the house and yelled at poor Machelle. I did get a hug from her, so I couldn't have scared her too badly... unless it was just one of those "just play along... he'll go away" type things. Unfortunately, Contagion, not wanting to share the company of the ladies with us latecomers, dragged them all away after a few minutes of visiting.

Bloodspite and I brought out the guitars, and he played and sang, while I beat on the instrument like a cross-eyed chimp. After keeping LW awake for too long, we called it a night.

Saturday: Got up bright and early feeling a tad bit tired. The wind was blowing pretty decent all night, and rattled the door a few times. I'd been sleeping in LW's sanitarium solarium, right next to the door. *twitch* LW had had some problems with folks prowling around, and the first time that door rattled, I was up and behind the door, ready to clock someone, before I foolishly realized that it was only the wind.

I had a brief moment of panic when my nose started to trickle blood. Flashbacks to October's incident in Tennessee had me picturing future blogmeets... "Hey, don't forget that each blogmeet needs a free bleeder! Let's get T1G!!!" (Hey, at least I'd be a regular invitee!) Thankfully, all was well...

We ate an excellent breakfast and headed out to meet the others at the Tippecanoe Battlefield. I met Wes, of Bohdran (Drum) Roll, Please, and his wife, WOW (wife of Wes). Bloodspite, Wes, and their wives, along with LW and myself, took a walk around the battlefield, while the others went inside to escape the blistering heat. About the time that we finished up, Harvey and TNT arrived, so once Tammi took them on a walk and out of sight, we sprinted for the vehicles and left, leaving them to find Wolf Park on their own.

Unfortunately, Harvey managed to find us, and we all went on a tour of the park, with LW guiding the tour. He did very well, and almost sounded like he knew what he was talking about! We got to watch some human/wolf interaction as LW and some others went into the main pack's enclosure. *twitch* As can be seen below, in the upper right of the pic, Harvey proved to be much slower than the others...

Click to Swell
While I'm tossing up pictures, check out this prank photo that we took, just for Bou, who seemed to think that it would be too cold for her to attempt a trip up to join us. (This one, you can't embiggen... protecting the innocent, and those who would pretend to be. *wink*) We were all sweating to death in these winter clothes, just for a joke...

(Left to right: Bloodspite, Wife of Bloodpite, Wes, Machelle, WOW, Tammi, Harvey, Contagion, Oddybobo, TNT, LW, and hidden behind him, Ktreva.)

LW had hooked us up with an incredible snack tray from a local Russian deli, along with some borsch, but after having the blazing sun blasting on us for so long, we needed to head for some shelter and an actual meal, so LW guided us to a small establishment, TC's, for some kickass grub and some much needed Guinness. *twitch* The place reminded me of Fritz's, in that it really didn't look like much more than a cozy neighbourhood bar, but it had excellent food. Hell, I'd rate the chow right up there with the Wooden Nickel's, though, I still have to give an edge to Fritz's staff... and that's saying nothing bad at all of TC's. Their service was excellent, and they were very patient, even when it seemed that no one liked to keep their drinks inside of their glasses...

While the food and drink were excellent, this is about the time the conversations started to really get out of hand. Worst of it was, Pat and Gale, from Wolf Park, had joined us for dinner. I'm not sure that they were there yet when Wes and WOW started talking about loins, and hand breading them, but they had to have heard part of it... it was a very intense conversation, and Ktreva was really into it. I mean, she was right there. "Oooh, look! Butter!!!"

Next thing you know, Ktreva and Wes are discussing what makes soft tails soft, and which ones are spongy. Oddybobo must have really liked what she was hearing, because the next thing I knew, Ktreva had her all wet... least, that's what I heard. I don't know. But she was kinda embarassed...

It was about this time that I decided to try and sneak a pic in against Contagion's wishes. Folks, he and I have been drinkin' together, and he's been called "the Devil" by some of the locals. And I've seen photos of him taken by his "friends"... they all look fine. Especially this one. *twitch* I thought his hesitation was just because of his hair being mussed, but I discovered that it was just that he didn't want ME taking his pic. Me... Jeebus. That's right... when a saintly man, such as myself, takes a picture of a devil, such as my friend, his true visage is exposed. Behold, my fellow patrons, the demon friend, Contagion...

Mind you, there was absolutely no photoshopping of this hideous image.

After we finished our orgy dinner, we headed back to the park for Howl Night. Now I will say that by this time, the temperature had declined to a fairly cool temp. *twitch* (I had to put on a long sleeve t-shirt.) We were discussing sitting in the bleachers piled on top of each other, a mass of humanity huddled together for warmth, with Contagion sitting to one side barking "Don't touch me," at anyone who got too close. (He's strange about that... he's always trying to hug on folks, but wigs out if they touch him.) After the dinner conversations, we decided that perhaps it would not be a very wise thing. Fun, maybe, but definitely not wise.

Pat and a fella named John gave us presentations, explaining about the different howls, and what they meant. When they might be used. *twitch* We howled, and the wolves howled back.

If you ever get a chance to go to something like this, you've got to do it. I've heard them howl before, back in December, but it still raises goosebumps on the arms. And it's not from fear... it's... it's... a feeling of being a part of a much larger thing than you can imagine. I know, it's a lame description, but I doubt anyone there will say anything otherwise...

After howling, we went to Lafayette Brewing Company to kill defenseless beers and shoot the bovine fecal matter. *twitch* We also met up with Jerry, of Back Home Again, who had been unable to attend the previous festivities, but definitely wanted to get in on some of them. Monty Sloan, a nature photographer, joined us as well.

LBC has some pretty good beer. I've had the Black Angus Oatmeal Stout before, and loved it. *twitch* It was still pretty good, but tasted a little different, this time. The East Side Bitter is very good, as was the special edition Poor Richard's Ale, commemorating the 300th anniversary of Benjamin Franklin's birth. The Emancipation Dopplebock was incredible... unfortunately, it was only sold in halves. Their pale ale? Um... well, if you like chewing on orange peels, you'll be in heaven drinking this!

Once the beer drinking got rolling, things declined quickly. Oddybobo, who is by no means shy, does quiet down a bit when drinking. However, that did not stop her from sticking her tongue in a cigar store Indian's ear. I missed the actual act, but I did get a pic of her and the statue both smiling. "The wood is good," said she.

Harvey and TNT sat down on the far end from me, so I couldn't hear exactly what was going on, but I'm pretty sure it was sneaky, as most of their plotting is. I could tell it was of the interrogation type of sneaky, as they had Bloodspite tied to a chair, and everytime he didn't answer one of Harvey's questions, TNT would pummel the everloving piss out of him. No lie. There was a puddle under his chair.

Wes and WOW were still breading loins, and ended up leaving well before everyone else, thus ruining the chance for any of us to tell them to get a room. Heheheheh....

Jerry was probably wondering what the hell he had gotten into, listening to all of the conversations. What with the beavers gnawing on each other, and other strange topics. But I know he couldn't have been clueless... he's been reading some of the family members since finding these two posts. I give the guy props... he walked right in, and up to the right group of folks, without knowing a one of us. LW and Monty were talking with him, as the rest of the table went to hell. Thank gott for quiet and responsible souls, such as Machelle, the Bloodspouse, and myself.

We had Tammi announce that the last time she did it, she got stuck, and it was ugly. *twitch* No one had asked, it just got thrown out there. We also had Bloodspite finally escape and make his way away from Harvey, only to have him and Tammi show us their impression of two beavers gnawing on each other. Meanwhile, Contagion, inspired by Brokeback Mountain, was feeling the love.

I'm thinking that the folks at LBC were more than happy to see us leave.

Aside from finishing up the evening playing guitars at LW's place, our meet was over.

Sunday: There were no doubts about my navigational powers, and I managed to guide the Bloodvehicle safely back home, while impressing the fellow passengers with my meditation. Well, that is until I started snoring....

End result of this meeting? It was an absolute success. I got to meet four new bloggers, and get together with others that I feel totally comfortable around. (Except maybe Harvey...)

Quick hits on each attendee...

Contagion: I really don't like this guy. If it weren't for his wife being a hottie, I wouldn't really speak to him. Okay... I lied. He's a good dude, despite wishing to be otherwise.

Ktreva: A sweetheart that likes to threaten people with kicks to the dick. Really. And she hugged me!

Tammi: Everyone's favorite chatterbox. I can not imagine what one of these meets would be without her! And she hugged me!

Machelle: Quiet... more than me. I heard that she does the same thing I do, sniping conversation, but she's much better at it than I'll ever be. A hottie, too! And she hugged me!

Oddybobo: Just as you'd picture her from her blog, or emails. Also, she likes to drink good beer. And she hugged me!

TNT: Gotta like anybody that can tolerate Harvey. She's either a saint, or a whacko. And she hugged me!

Wes: I'm sorry I hadn't met him sooner, especially since I've had the chances. Good dude who lives too close to Contagion. It shows, somewhat.

WOW: I thought it very cool to watch people, and she was one that I noticed was deeply interested in everyting we saw, both at the battlefield, and at Wolf Park. Very cool. Plus, she and her hubby kept yelling at each other to take their hands off of their loins. Entertaining... but she didn't hug me.

Bloodspite: The guy doesn't live far enough away. Er... I mean, he doesn't live close enough. Yeah. Very good to see him again.

Bloodyspouse: I don't really know why, but she seems to like giving me crap, and lots of it. Which is kinda cool... kinda. Another sweetheart, and while she didn't this time, she hugged me!

Jerry: 'Twas very cool to see someone that would subject themselves to this kind of exposure, without really knowing any of the others. Again, that took big 'nads. Part of blogging is stepping outside of your circles that you are comfortable with... he embodied it this weekend!

Harvey: I never really say much good about the bastard. So I won't this time, either. Nah, really, he's a damn good guy who will pay you big dollars to say that very thing. My blogfather... and he hugged me!

Laughing Wolf: Impressive man. He did an incredible job setting everything up, and was a most gracious host. Went above the call of duty to make sure everything was fine for everybody, without considering it going out of his way. Thanks again, LW.

I know I've said before that if you get the chance to go to one of these events, you should hop on it, so I won't say it again. Oooops... too late.

February 14, 2006

Chopper Complete

Not much time to spend with you all, today. I'm relegated to guerilla posting... maybe for the rest of the week. Hopefully I can spend a bit of time with you all, later.

My youngest brother, R, just finished up his chopper this fall, and he sent me some pics of the finished product. It's lookin' sweet, though you may find it kinda bland. It was built that way on purpose... he built it to sell, and figured that whoever bought it could customize their own paint. As it is, I think it looks pretty damned sharp.

This thing was a blast to work on. My help was minimal, but I did get to work on the frame, and fitting up the tank. I also picked that damn engine up Gott knows how many times. Especially when we were fitting the frame to it. That's a big chunk of metal!

I'd give you some of the specs and components if I knew them all, but I don't. So I won't. But I will tell you that the frame, tank, and fenders are from West Coast Choppers. The shift linkage and fender struts are made from chain welded solid. You can probably see that best in the bottom pic.

Anyway, check it out... (R is the rider, btw.)

Swollerization by Clickeration


Swollerization by Clickeration

Damn, I'm looking forward to riding that thing!

Oh, and in case you thought I forgot, here's the guerilla posting.

February 09, 2006

Undercover

Well, the story had a good beginning. But the ending is a little lacking. Perhaps, we can rewrite it.

New York authorities enlisted the aid of an eight month old kitten in an undercover sting of a fake veterinarian. Really. You can't make this crap up. Well, you could...

In my story, the traitorous kitten sells out the vet, who everyone agrees is a great guy, despite the fact that he's a phony. Getting greedy, the cat goes on to try and shake down some of the less than honest cops. As he starts rolling in the dough, his partner's resentment boils over. Rather than play the cat's game, the partner, a Boston terrier, bides his time and confronts him in a dark alley. When the cat tries to bribe his old partner, the dog chomps down on his grape, crushing it. He then tears the corpse to shreds, and leaves him laying amidst evidence of his blackmail. And everyone lives happily ever after....

That's what happens when cats go undercover....

December 05, 2005

Gone

I heard a friend might need someone to ride shotgun for them, so I'm off.

Bloodspite sounded like he really needed the back up...

Maybe I'll run into some of you in my travels. If not, I'll see ya next week sometime.

The Weekend

Well, that was a very good weekend. At least around here. Contagion and I kicked it off around one on Friday with a trip to Hooters... for the buffalo wings and shrimp, of course. We were also able to partake of some very small glasses of Guinness. A pleasant little excursion.

Friday evening, we ended up meeting at Fritz's, where he got to watch the locos locals in action. He seemed to enjoy himself, as he fit right in with the rest of the patrons. Contrary to popular belief, we were NOT drunk when we decided to leave. We were able to carry ourselves out just fine.

Saturday was a big game... Navy and Army squared off in their annual contest. A couple of my favorite bloggers were tracking the game, so I got a kick out of reading those for a bit. As most already know, Navy ran over Army.

Saturday was also a day of snow... finally.

Yesturdee, was another big game... the Packers vs. Da Bears. I've been told that I'm a closet Bear fan because I didn't wear my Hampton jersey to the bar. So be it. Being a closet fan doesn't change the exhilaration of the Packers surrendering to the Bears. That only topped the day off... I got to spend time with some good friends, drinking good beer. That's almost heaven, flock.

All in all, it was an almost perfect weekend... the only low spot was being informed that a certain spouse, of a certain person, is going to kick me dead in the third leg the next time she sees me. With intent to remove. That's got me a little shook up.

November 29, 2005

An Earful of Pressure

I am what is known to some folks, a sounding board. I don't remember when it started, or how it did, but I always seem to have people telling me personal things. It's because I don't share any of it. I refuse to.

However, I am an empathetic person... sometimes their worries and stresses become mine. I shouldn't do that, but I do.

Tonight was one of those nights, and I'm left feeling...well, I don't know. I wish I didn't know anything about the situation.

Why the hell choose me? I think that perhaps I should feel honored, but at times, I feel intense pressure.

Why in the world do I have to be such a good listener?

November 27, 2005

My Math

a - b = c

If a = air rifle, and b = porch light, then c equals sleep.

November 23, 2005

Art, Art, Let A ....

Army Wife has asked a couple of questions about album art which she'd like your answers to. No, it's not a meme...

1) Most recognizable (by general public) album cover.

Dark Side of the Moon, Pink Floyd

2) Personal favorite album cover.

Hmmm... this one's a toughie, but I can narrow it down to two (at least right now): Piece of Mind, Iron Maiden, or Pleasure to Kill, Kreator.

3) Sexiest Album cover.

Again... two: Lemonade and Brownies, Sugar Ray, and Enema of the State, Blink 182.

4) Top 10 album covers of all time (personal favorites).

In no particular order, because I'm sure there will be plenty more that come to mind, and I'm taking only those that I own:

Wish You Were Here, Pink Floyd
The Truth Hurts, Pro-Pain (this wasn't the original cover... that was removed)
Piece of Mind, Iron Maiden
Hell Awaits, Slayer (there's possible tattoo art to be found)
Pleasure to Kill, Kreator
Lemonade and Brownies, Sugar Ray
Rides Again, James Gang (simplicity)
ElectricLarryland, Butthole Surfers

Ah... I'm going to give up. Those were some of the first that came to mind, but as I'm looking up the links, I'm seeing stuff and thinking "Oh, wait... I like that one a hell of a lot..." There's too many now to sort through...

Head on over, and help her out.

Fer cryin' out loud, at least let her know what you think the most recognizable frickin' cover is...

Where the???

Usually, when I start writing a post, or maybe have a "great" idea for one, I'll open up Wordpad to work it up before transferring my brilliance onto the blog itself. For those great ideas, I usually will paste a url and make a note, or even write just a few words... hoping to kickstart something at a later date. I then save them to my desktop so that they are in plain view, and not forgotten.

Occasionally, they are left there without ever being brought about. They tend to pile up rather quickly around here, so I usually end up cleaning up and deleting all of the posts that I've failed to make work.

I was cleaning them up today, when I noticed one entitled "Cjaps." I thought, "WTF???" I couldn't remember writing that one... so I checked the properties. "Created: Saturday, November 19, 2005, 1:46:22 AM" Oookkaaaaay... that was shortly after I posted about being sick. I decided to check it out, and inside I found a jumbled mess of letters that basically said this:

Heheheh....You know it's been an interesting evening when you make a crack about your friend's mother wearing chaps.... to her. And asking her to bend over in a provacative manner...

At least I'm thinking it was "provocative" and not another word that is similar to photographic.

"When was this," I asked myself. And then it all came back... damn lazy brain cell.

I'd had a drink or two Friday night, with a friend from out of town... everytime he comes home, we end up sipping many drinks. Anyway, we got to talking about bikes, and riding in weather like this... chaps came up. And I apparently opened my mouth.

Now, those that have met me know that I'm a pretty quiet guy... I usually just listen. Add a bit of alcohol, and I'm still fairly quiet, with the occasionaly outburst of profanities. I'm usually a pretty decent lad through most of it.

However, this is the first time that I've forgotten having a conversation, and knowing some of the things that run through my skull while formulating my witty comments... well, let's just say I was worried. But then I realized, I've spoken with them since then... more than once. And they've been laughing and talking about another appearance by Jeebus. So I'm good to go.

I figure that I was either able to display restraint, and keep my piehole shut, or else I was very flattering.

November 22, 2005

Mad Skillz, Yo

I had an interview with Employment Services today. I figured that it was going to be an ass chewing, because I hadn't been timely in all that I'm supposed to do. I'm honest... just not timely.

Well, the main thing that they wanted to do, was to set up my skills match on their site. I had only gotten started... it takes a great deal of time to properly fill it out, and so I had never finished it.

On my own, I had less than one hundred marketable skills. After talking with one counsellor, I had about a hundred and fifty. However, being a veteran, he sent me to the veteran's guy.

Holy crap, people... I've got mad skillz. Ain't no lie. By the time we were done, I had over four hundred and sixty skills that I could use. No, not all were work experience related. Most were things that I had done, and could do, but weren't always job related. But all are things that companies will look for... something that people need to keep in mind when filling out skills lists on job locator sites.

Yes, with these skills, I could be a god... or a lightning rod.

November 03, 2005

Valour IT

From the Project Valour IT site:

Project Valour-IT, in memory of SFC William V. Ziegenfuss, provides voice-controlled software and laptop computers to wounded Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen and Marines recovering from hand and arm injuries or amputations at major military medical centers. Operating laptops by speaking into a microphone, our wounded heroes are able to send and receive messages from friends and loved ones, surf the 'Net, and communicate with buddies still in the field without having to press a key or move a mouse. The experience of CPT Charles "Chuck" Ziegenfuss, a partner in the project who suffered hand wounds while serving in Iraq, illustrates how important this voice-controlled software can be to a wounded servicemember's recovery.

From yesterday (I got a late start) through next Friday, November 11, Veterans' Day, there will be a "friendly" interservice fundraising campaign to see who can raise the most for Valour IT.

The teams are as follows:

The Doggies (Army) are led by Mr. Matty O'Blackfive

The Squids (Navy) are led by Mrs. Smash

The Zoomies (Air Force) are led by Mrs. Greyhawk

Last, and certainly not the least, the Jarheads (Marines) are led by Holly Aho

Choose your team, and donate... to the Marines' team. Heheheh...

To find out more about Valour IT, check out their site.

October 26, 2005

Local Tale

I've been meaning to link this story, but I've been fairly busy lately... not much blogging is being done.

Written by Raging Mom, this post is a story taken from the local headlines, speculations, and rumors.

Check it out...

October 24, 2005

Moron

Samantha Burns has posted the new Moron Of The Week. While this silhouette seems kinda familiar, I haven't a clue. Head on over and give her your guess.

October 22, 2005

What I Need

Found this little meme via Jimbo, who found it at A Secular Franciscan Life. It's simple... all you do is Google "(your name) needs", and see what you come up with. I tried That 1 Guy first, but only came up with a few needs, so I tried my real name. I found it kinda fun, so here's my lists.

That 1 Guy needs help in the soccer game forum.

This would go without sayin'... I don't know squat about soccer, other than you can't use your hands, and "GOOOOOOAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL!!!!!

That 1 Guy needs it.

Okay, I'll admit that I do, but I think everyone needs it. Well, except for my old girlfriends...

That 1 Guy needs to go out for the Olympic hurdle team.

Yeah, right. Maybe after I gain a bunch of flexibility... otherwise, I'm sure to be missing something very precious to me.

That 1 Guy needs to SHUT UP AND...

That'll learn ya to tell me to shut up.

Joe needs a double.

Are we talking drinks, or womens?

Joe needs food badly.

You obviously ain't seen me lately.

Joe needs an editor.

No need to be an asshole about that... it's just a blog.

Joe needs to write the task interface programs that will allow the devices to properly communicate with the SRMS service and vice-versa.

WTF??? Is this even written in English?

Joe needs some time off.

Yes. Yes, I do. Just not for too long. That savings account is starting to dwindle.

Joe needs your support and your donation of $25, $50 or up to $1,000 for your assistance to help us rebuild Northeast Ohio and the 13th Congressional District.

Perfect. Strike everything after "assistance," and insert "in keeping his savings account from running out."

Try it... you'll probably find some funny stuff. Meanwhile, I'm off to see about setting up a PayPal button...

October 20, 2005

Plans

The big plan for myself yesterday was to catch lunch at Fritz's, and then head off to enjoy the colors of fall. We're supposed to get rain tomorrow, and through the weekend... I'm afraid that the leaves will be driven from the trees. Anyway, it didn't work out the way I intended.

I went into the pub, ordered my chow, and then started visiting with the bartender's father. Next thing you know, there's another beer in front of me. This happened with great regularity, and I no longer felt it safe to ride the bike. After a few more, I felt the same about taking the car. So I just camped out, watching stupid movies, and, later, the Astros earn their way to a meeting with the White Sox in the World Series.

Today, the plan is not much different. I'm going back to bed after posting this, then I'll get up and pull the air conditioners out, put up most of the storm windows, grab some chow, and go view the colors. That's the plan... I'm flexible, though. Whatever happens, happens. It's an incredibly hard life to lead. Sounds a little like someone else we all know...

Or not.

October 17, 2005

Moron

Samantha Burns has put up the new Moron of the Week. Head on over and tell us who it is...

Oh, and if you haven't heard, the White Sox are going to the World series!

October 15, 2005

Not Really A Choice

I told a friend over a month ago that I would go up to Wisconsin and help pull out his pier and boatlifts. Last night, I was offered a ticket to the Bears-Vikequeen game. Hmmmm....what to do? What to do?

I'm still going up to the lake... Damnit.

The Steps At Lowden

How many steps are next to the statue at Lowden State Park? Public servant that I am, I sacrificed myself for your knowledge. Twice. (I thought I lost count in between all the gasps for air, and muttered, "Holy shit"s.) The answer, my friends, is 202 steps. At least, that's what I came up with both times that I remembered to count. I could have done it all in just one trip down and back up if I'd have thought about it!

I've gotta soak these softball sized knots out of my calves.

October 14, 2005

Today's Assignment

Good morning! This is a personal day for me, so this may be the last post of the day... unless I'm in the proper frame of mind this evening. I'd like to ask you to do two things for me during this day:

First, make sure you stop over at Straight White Guy, and wish Eric a Happy Birthday! Hope you have a good one, Bro!

And second, drink with me to Eric, and my Pa.

Thank you, that is all.

Peace out.

October 11, 2005

Godly

Well, the Jeebus thing rolls on... I've got people volunteering to be apostles, now. Heheh....

Not to mention a couple of posts by Raging Mom, describing her meeting with me. Part One, Part Two, and Part Three. Funny stuff.

Perhaps later on, I'll explain my job as Restroom Cop.

Drunks are so much fun... at least, that's what they tell me.

October 08, 2005

The Ball Bash

Once again, it's that time... It's time for the 27^th annual Turkey Testicle Festival, in Byron, Illinois. Just a few miles from me.

Bikers and onlookers will gather to drink, dance, and ingest the satchel stones of turkeys. While I may go over, I won't be chomping on nads. I will say, however, that I have tried them, and deep fried jewels are not that bad... I just won't add them to my "favorites" list.

While it may seem a bit odd, this emasculating event is actually... well... a ball.

October 07, 2005

Assassin? Me?

Borrowed from Yabu, of Bad, Bad Juju

You are an assassin.
That means you are a professional and do your
job without mixing any emotions in it. In your
life you have probably been hurt many times and
have gotten some mental scars. This results in
you being distant from people. Though many
think that you are evil, you are not. What you
really are is a person, trying to forget your
pain and past. You are the person who never
seems to care and that is why being an assassin
fits you good. At least, that's what people
think. Even if you don't care that much for
your victims, you still have the ability to
care and to generally feel. It is not lost,
just a little forgotten. In crowds you tend to
not get to noticed, and dress in black or other
discrete colours. You don't like being in the
spotlight and wish people would just leave you
alone. But once you do get close to someone you
have a hard time letting go and get real down
if you loose him/her.

Main weapon: Sniper
Quote: "The walls we build around
us to keep out the sadness also keep out the
joy" -Jim Rohn
Facial expression: Narrowed eyes


What Type of Killer Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Funny how accurate some of these quizzes are. Ooops... I didn't say that.

The Winnah

Neener, neener, neeeeeeener...

Guess what, my fellow patrons?! I won the Moron of The Week contest, over at Samantha Burn's establishment! The prize is linkage, and untold fame and fortune. How much? I don't know... it's untold.

You'll be able to say you knew me back when I was just a drooling idiot!

What's it really about? Sam posts a picture, a silhouette, and you guess who the moron is. Obviously, it's going to be someone who's recently made news with an idiotic statement or life. She posts the silhouette on Monday, with the correct answer on Friday.

Make sure you check it out!

October 04, 2005

Some People's Mornings

Heheheh.... Sounds like Bloodspite had a great morning.

Was your's much better?

The Happy Procrastinator

It was eighty frickin' plus... again. My yard is in serious need of cutting, but ain't no way I'm going out there in that heat. I'll melt. So after much deliberation, and a touch of starvation (thanks to Phin), I sat down and applied my logic.

72^o and dry is more comfortable than 80+^o in humid hell..... check.

Beer tastes much better than grass clippings.... most times, check.

A trip to Fritz's was just the ticket. Hot beef sammidges with mashed potatos and gravy, a couple of beers, and I'd be home. Started watching baseball, with the Cards biting their nails in a 8-5 victory over the Padres. Next up was the battle of the Sox... Boston and Chicago. So I replanted myself, and watched the game.

So a two hour lunch becomes a six hour event... so what? I've done better... by eight hours. But here I sit, safely at home, very minor buzz, happy as hell. My Sox won, beating Boston by the score of 14-2. My belly is full of filet rolled in garlic and pepper, cooked medium rare, and a couple extree beers. Life is good... but the grass still needs cutting.

Oh, well... that's why Gott invented tomorrow. Right?

September 30, 2005

The Chill of Fall

The chill in the air.... most excellent.

I had to get up this morning, because I was shivering, and put a second blanket on the bed. It was 56^o in the house! Almost time to shut the windows.

Yes, I could have turned off the fan, and that may have helped. But then, being an incredibly light sleeper, I'd hear all the outside noises. Not to mention the footsteps.

September 29, 2005

The Entertainer

There are times that I get a kick out of making people laugh at work, whether it's something strange I say, or do. And then there are times that I'd rather not be the reason for the smiles and laughter. Tonight was one of the latter.

I was talking with the boss, and he mentioned the amount that our owner wants for the company. I looked at him, and asked him if he was going to buy it. He said he needed more investors. I mentioned that I'd be willing to break my piggy bank as long as one of our first acts as the new owners was to fire a woman I refer to as "The Hag." He didn't find that amusing.

Now, I don't truly hate her... but I'm not that far off, either. I won't go into all of the reasons why, but she's a woman that I will not speak with unless spoken to directly... and then, only in monosyllablic answers. She isn't worth my precious soundwaves. Anyway, when I referred to her as a hag, he looked at me and told me it wasn't very nice. "This I know," I told him, "but it's true."

He started in with some spiel about how god (Allah) will get even with those who do bad things, or spread bad things about others. It is not up to us to try to right wrongs. He was referring to the woman, but also facetiously directing it at me.

He tells me this as I'm working on trying to loosen a socket head screw with a T handle allan wrench. Damn thing was very tight, so I really leaned into it... and then it broke loose, sending the wrench spinning.

I've failed to mention that it was a waist level. Well, I'm mentioning it now. Wrench made contact with satchel, and to my knees I went. I thought I was going to puke... and all I could do was laugh like an idiot!

Boss looked at me, and said, "So what kind of person do you think "P" is, now?" I let him know that even though my future kids may now be stuck running around with dents in their heads, she was still a bitch. He was grinning. Next thing you know, I've got people coming up to me asking what I thought of "P" as a person. What jokers...

I guess it's true that everyone loves a good shot to the nuts... as long as it's someone else's satchel getting smacked. I made everyone's evening.

Sadistic bastards.

September 27, 2005

So's You Know

Just so you all are aware: Blogging is going to be at strange hours this week. I'm trying to stay off the phone during the day, so any blather will be posted during the evenings. Except for this, of course. And my visits will be much like the drunken ex showing up in the middle of the night looking for a piece...

Hoping to hear from somebody sometime soon about this job thingie.

Oh, and as to the destination I mentioned below? Eric had it pegged. I was going to try to make it down to Helen, GA, then work my way over to Missouri/Arkansas area... maybe visit a few others. Planned to leave work early on Friday, and make my way down.

This was before I realized that I am still in desperate need of a front tire. I probably shouldn't have ridden on it down to Eric's back in July, but it was really bad on the trip home. Good now for only short day trips. Anyway, I won't be able to get the tire on this week, so that's out. At least for now.

Leave the doors unlocked... I'll see you tonight.

September 25, 2005

No Booze, Just Spirits

This morning, perusing those that I've drank with, I found this piece from Blackfive. It provides a video link about how soldiers are dealing with a little something extra during Operation Katrina. I found it very cool. I've mentioned before that I believe.

I also believe that I visited Matty's site shortly after my ride last night. I don't really remember stopping by, but evidence shows that I did.

What do you think of the clip... besides it's too short?

September 23, 2005

Job Countdown

7 days and a wake up.

All that's left 'til my job is free of me, and I'm free of my job.

Good things are out there...

September 22, 2005

Fall Fest

Anyone in this area (Stillman Valley, Illinois, and surrounding towns) who wants to hook up for a beer this weekend, I'll buy (least the first one). A full blown blog meet will not work... too many people. That's why the late invite.

Fritz's Saturday pork roast starts at 5, and goes until it's gone. Sometimes that's only a couple of hours. Get there early.

The parade Sunday starts at 1, with a street dance following. My advice? Screw the parade, sit your ass in Fritz's and camp out. Once the parade's done, it's hard to find a seat inside.

Drop me a line... email is in upper right corner.

September 20, 2005

Misfits in Manhattan

Stopped by the Straight White Guy's place to see how his trip went, and lo and behold... a post comes to mind! He mentioned how Secret Service and other enforcement officials were swarming the area. And it reminded me of my first and only time to the Big Apple.

A friend and I were sent to New Jersey to do a job at a papermill... we stayed in Saddlebrook, probably about 10 miles from NYC. Being the quality workers that we are, the job was finished up early. We decided to head to Manhattan.

We arrived to find traffic crawling... a snail may have very well been able to keep pace with us. Tiring of trying to get any further into the city, we located a parking ramp, and ditched the car. Heheh... we ended up walking past some of the cars that had been in front of us. We found out later that a large panel of glass had fallen off of a building, and traffic had been re-routed. Only part of the mess.

We walked around looking like tourists... both of us looked a little rough compared to some of our companions walking the sidewalks. And we noticed that sections of streets had been cordoned off. At the time, we were near the Waldorf Astoria, and Steve, ever the bashful one, walked up to the doorman and asked what was up.

"President Clinton is in town, and his wife is, too. They've got two seperate motorcades ... they're Christmas shopping." Steve looked at him, all concerned, and said, "The President? I've got to get the hell out of here!" and took off, leaving me to catch up.

When I caught up, he was grinning like an idiot. Until the two fellows in the long green trenchcoats and earpieces started following close behind. I was nervous as hell, but Steve just started talking his usual bull, and after about five minutes, the tails dropped off. I was relieved.

But did that keep his mouth shut? Nope. After getting something to eat, and stopping by the Harley shop, we started making our way back towards the parking garage. A group of cops were moving barricades. Steve walks up to a particularly grumpy one, and asks what's going on... like he didn't know. It was funny, but the cop let loose with a tirade about how one motorcade can be trouble, but TWO, and the fallen window? A madhouse. So Steve has to goad the guy a little more, and gets him to really get to griping, then decides he'll add to it by calling the President a selfish son of a bitch.

My gut knotted up. I was certain that we were going to get detained. And while it may have been something to brag about as an old man, I didn't really feel like getting grilled because of my friend's comments. Thankfully, the cop laughed and agreed in a very round about way. Another cop nearby nodded his assent.

I was never so happy to get out of there... cool town, but in the company of a crazy friend, not a good place to hang out!

You ever been there?

September 19, 2005

Listen Up, Landlubbers...

Aaaarrrrr, ye scurvy dogs! "Talk Like A Pirate Day" be here! Get yer Polly on yer shoulder, and annoy and amuse yer fellow sea dogs!

September 15, 2005

Nada

Heheh... nothing. Abso-frickin-lutely nothing. My mind is blank. Empty. Without useful thought. I've been staring at my computer, hoping that words will appear. I'm thinking one of us is broken.

What a day to guest blog elsewhere... I can't even blog on my own. And for some reason, I don't really feel that I should put up one of my old posts there.

Methinks I'm going to imbibe this evening... stir the old creative juices.

Guest Blogging

I have commandeered assumed the chair of the Ambassador over at Straight White Guy. Stop on by.

September 14, 2005

Twins

A story about a badass named George Stark popped into my head after I read this piece about a 7 month old boy having a fetus removed from his abdomen. Immediately, I thought of The Dark Half, where a boy who has killer headaches has surgery done to remove a tumor... an eye and teeth from his twin. The boy grows up to become a writer, and his twin comes back to life in a very bad way.

Hopefully, this kid doesn't grow up to be a writer.

Harvey's Birthday

Harvey, of Bad Example, is celebrating a Birthday today. He gave one simple request, boobs, but I'm not going to do it. I bought the bastard beer, and if you do things right, beer can lead to breastages. 'Course maybe I could supply him with a guide. But no provacative breasts.

Be happy with the beer, and Happy Birthday, Harvey!

June 30, 2004

Check

Check one, two. Check,check, one, two. Sibilence, sibilence.