May 20, 2005

Thursday, It's Origins

Scholars may tell you that yesterday, Thursday, is named after some Roman god. Jove, or Jupiter. The Latin name for the day was supposedly "dies jovis." Apparently, we are to believe that the name by which it known to us is derived from the Norse counterpart for Jove: Thor. In old English, the day was called Thursdaye, or Thoresday. I'm telling you, that is bull.

Thursday is actually derived from "Tardsday." This is the day in which all of the idiots come out to celebrate by doing as many stupid things as possible. How else does one explain leaving for work 5 minutes earlier than usual, but arriving at work 10 minutes later than normal?

Run into a convenience store to grab some quick breakfast, and a tard will be behind the counter telling a fellow tard all about some animal (I bet it was a rabid cat) getting into their vehicle overnight, and destroying the interior... for five minutes. This could be done quicker, but usually that's saved for Mondays.

On Tardsday, long lines of angry people are an essential part of the celebration. This goes for traffic as well. Tards will line themselves up so that no one may pass, while waving their arms and carrying on as if they are pissed at the gravel truck doing 35 mph. through the country. Yet, they cannot pass, because they are trammelled by the celebratory rules which forbid intelligent activities.

A dead stop in the middle of nowhere is one of the favored rituals. This will usually occur near a curve, just out of view to a non-celebrant. Of course, the long line of traffic will serve as cushion, so that the tard doing the stopping will be able to proceed unmarred. It almost worked on me yesterday, but I'm a little too quick.

However, I did indeed join in the festivities: I was the idiot who pulled directly into the path of an oncoming vehicle without looking. Oh, I thought I looked, but once I realized how close this came to an accident, I knew that I couldn't have. I felt like I fit right in with everyone else! I've never been happier to be a tard.

How did you celebrate the day?

Posted by That 1 Guy at May 20, 2005 06:08 AM | TrackBack