December 13, 2004
My Weekend As A Zookeeper
My cousin and his family went to Chi-town for the weekend, and asked me to watch the house and their pets. No problem. I've done it before. But this time was a little different!
They've got a zoo going on. Two Shih Tzus, two cats, a bird, and some fish. Most of these animals just aren't right. The dogs are always looking for contact, and one always has to be right next to you. The cats are worse. They're phsyco. Really. Ok, one isn't so bad, but he's still not right. And the bird, let's just say I hate that thing. One day it's all nice, and the next it will attack you! Thank God it's a small parrot, else I would be missing fingers!
I got there early in the day, played with the dogs, let them out a few times, then when back into town for supper. I didn't stay too long, and went back to my cousins house to stay the night. One of the dogs has to be locked up when no one is around, and I thought I'd be a nice guy and keep him out of the cage. This ended up being a mistake.
I made up a bed on the living room floor, and hit the hay. I went right out, but only for a few minutes. Sam (one of the dogs) is barking and growling at something at one of the windows. I look outside, and there is nothing. I go back to bed for another five minutes, until scenario is repeated. As a matter of fact, this is repeated all night long. Not every five minutes, but the longest I slept was a half hour.
In between barking fits, the other animals had to torment me. One cat crawled onto my side and bedded down. It took a couple of times pushing him off, and finally balling up a blanket for him to crash on, but he finally got the hint, and slept elsewhere. He's the one that isn't so bad. The other kept sticking its face in mine. I kept getting awakened by a cold nose on mine! (I had seafood for supper.) When I eventually moved onto the couch, this cat kept attacking me! I awoke to a galloping sound, and then suddenly there's a kitten slamming into my face!
At one point, I awaken to a pressure on my head. At first, I thought it was the good cat. He's tried to bed down on my head before. Then I realize that this isn't a steady pressure, it's moving. Not thinking (remember, I JUST WOKE UP), I turned my head, right into a dogs ass! Molly is the dog that always has to be touching you. Always rubbing her head on you, or her side (like a cat), or like I so rudely discovered, her ass. About this time, Sam is going into a major league barking fit, and now the bird has to join in with it's racket. I don't think I made it another hour before I gave up. It was starting to get light when I left to come back to my place and get some sleep.
And I get to do this again, for a whole week, in March. Yippeeee!
Do you know what Sam was barking at? His reflection. Idiot dog.
