Valentine's Lottery

Valentine's Day. Also known as Single's Awareness Day. Many folks believe that this is just a Hallmark holiday, pushed by the greeting card companies. But they are wrong. It's been around for much longer than any card company. Well, except for Habbukuk's Greeting Tablets...

The origins of Valentino's Day can be traced to three or four hundred years before The Dude walked the earth. Ancient Rome celebrated Purification Festivals at this time of year. It is said that willing young women put their names in an urn, and were drawn by lottery by single guys. The resulting couplings were paired for the next year. It was not uncommon for these pairings to lead to marriage.

Christianity absorbed the holiday, and replaced the women's names with the names of Saints. Of course, this didn't last long because folks just weren't getting any. And those that did were locked away... necrophilia wasn't as accepted as it is today. Eventually, the names of women replaced those of the Saints. In England, it was a favorite of Henry the VIII (gee... imagine that), and he decreed in 15mumblemumble that February 14 would be celebrated by England as St. Valentine's Day. And here we are.

However, I believe that this holiday's origins lay before Christianity, before The Dude, and even before the Roman Empire. A sinister holiday it was, and it's traditions are being brought back, ever so slowly. If you look, they nearly scream at you.

The original "lottery" had nothing to do with love or mating. It was about survival. The lucky "winners" were the recipients of many gifts of food and sweets. This lasted for a two week period, and then the winners were gutted and butchered. Hey... folks gotsta eat. Someone had to help them through the long winters. A sign of true love, that...

Anyway, look around and take warning. Does your lover bring you candy? Did they take you out to a restaurant? See? It's coming back...

Happy Valentine's Day, you cannibalistic freaks.

Posted by That 1 Guy at February 14, 2007 08:05 AM | TrackBack