June 24, 2005

And Another Meme

Tammi tagged me with another meme. It's a little late, but I got it done. Finally.

Five Thing Society At Large Enjoys, But That I, For The Most Part, Just Don't Get..."

1. Cell phones- Though I can sometimes understand why others want them, they're not for me. I hate talking on the phone (though a couple of you may think otherwise. It's just 'cause I like you... feel honored, or cursed). I also hate listening to some of the incredibly intelligent conversations that you hear from cell phone holders. And it's not eavesdropping when they are practically yelling into the phone, "Hey! What's up? Where you at? What you doing? Not much here... just eating a burrito. Oh, hang on... another call.... Hello? Hey! Nothin'. Just eatin' a burrito. And talkin' to so and so. Yep, on the other line. 'Kay. Hey, so and so, other dumb ass said to say Hi! Not much. Eating a burrito I guess." I'm drifting a bit.

If I hate talking on the phone, why would I want to make a constant companion out of something I hate? My ventures out should be time away from phone calls.

2. "The Lean"- You know, the "in" thing among male drivers. Lean way over on the console so your head is dead center of the car, while draping your left arm over the twelve o'clock postition. This way, when you hit a bump, your car will lurch all over the road in a "cool" manner. Couple "the Lean" with talking on a cell phone, and you've arrived! The Ultimate in "Cool!"

These cool people are the inspiration behind a bill that I'm trying to draft, that makes it legal to drag them from their vehicles and kick them in the head, whenever they swerve onto the shoulder, and give those behind them a "gravel bath." No sponsors, yet, but I'm trying.

3. Disposable Marriages- "Wow... we've been married for a whole year, and we need to call it quits. Too many irreconcilable differences." These are the people who will say next year, "Oh, we're great friends, we just couldn't be married!" while hanging out with their exes. Marriage can take work, while divorce is too easy. While I'm not against divorce, I don't believe it should be an early, or easy, consideration. Of course, this comes from a never married single guy. Take it for what it's worth.

4. Reality Shows- Especially celebrity shows. "Looky! This is our life... cool ain't it?!" They just keep getting worse, too. By next year, I'm looking for "A Deeper Look: Celebrity Colonoscopy." We all know who they are. We don't need to know every detail of their lives, or every word that they say. Unless of course, someone would happen to see that Jennifer Anniston (or maybe Selma Hayek) told People magazine, in answer to a question about love interests, "Well, there's this guy, That 1 Guy, whose blog I've been reading. He's very talented, and he's a stud, too! I saw some pictures, and just fell in love!" You see that, PLEASE call, write, e-mail... whatever!

5. Death as a scare tactic- "If you don't stop smoking, you'll die! If you don't stop drinking, you'll die!" Raise your hands and scream with me: "We're all gonna die!" Everyone dies. Dead. Even Jesus got wacked. 'Course, he was resurrected, but you've got to be dead in order for that to happen. If you read the Bible, only Elijah never died, and that was because he was yoiked from this earth. Yeah, I know, I've griped about it before, but everytime I see that billboard, it sets me off.

Stop because you want to improve your health, or the quality of your life. You stop doing something simply because the fear of death persuades you, and Death's bony hand will reach out and bitchslap you, regardlessly.

* Guy S from Snugg Harbor has weighed in. (In case you don't follow trackbacks.)

Posted by That 1 Guy at June 24, 2005 07:12 AM | TrackBack