Fish and Chips

Those of us who know someone in the medical fields, especially ER or doctors' offices, have heard stories. You know... those stories. Seems that some folks like shoving things into places that they ought not really be, and have a bit of a time getting them out. Light bulbs, remotes, hot dogs, flashlights, small livestock... you name it, somebody has seen some strange potential in said object. Heard one the other day that's got me asking a million questions.

A nineteen year old woman goes into the doc's office complaining that she thinks something is growing inside her. Having already had five chillens, she knows it ain't a kid, and she's worried. After examination, it is determined that, yes, she do have something growing inside her, and it ain't a tumor, either. It is a tuber, however... and the damn thing has intertwined itself into places no potato plant should go. She had to undergo a hysterectomy...

What the hell is a spud doing there? Months before, she had inserted it as a birth control device. Never removing it, it sprouted eyes and they started growing throughout her. I had to ask if she was trying to come up with a "Fish and Chips" flavored tater... toss in a malt vinegar douche, and you're set.

But seriously, what is the thought behind a tater as birth control? Do sperm cells racing for eggs get distracted by the potato? "Mmmm... taters." If so, why not wrap a slice of turkey breast around it, so the little guys can have a Thanksgiving feast? Guaranteed that they fall asleep before they can ever do any harm...

Is it just supposed to act like a plug... blocking off the tubes? Why not use a drain plug, with the chain dangling? It'd do the same job, and provide a different sensation... and you could get the damn thing out.

This is assuming that it really happened... but still, what they hell is the thinking behind this? Is there some strange science to it?

Whattya think?

Posted by That 1 Guy at January 12, 2007 08:40 PM | TrackBack