January 12, 2007

Fish and Chips

Those of us who know someone in the medical fields, especially ER or doctors' offices, have heard stories. You know... those stories. Seems that some folks like shoving things into places that they ought not really be, and have a bit of a time getting them out. Light bulbs, remotes, hot dogs, flashlights, small livestock... you name it, somebody has seen some strange potential in said object. Heard one the other day that's got me asking a million questions.

A nineteen year old woman goes into the doc's office complaining that she thinks something is growing inside her. Having already had five chillens, she knows it ain't a kid, and she's worried. After examination, it is determined that, yes, she do have something growing inside her, and it ain't a tumor, either. It is a tuber, however... and the damn thing has intertwined itself into places no potato plant should go. She had to undergo a hysterectomy...

What the hell is a spud doing there? Months before, she had inserted it as a birth control device. Never removing it, it sprouted eyes and they started growing throughout her. I had to ask if she was trying to come up with a "Fish and Chips" flavored tater... toss in a malt vinegar douche, and you're set.

But seriously, what is the thought behind a tater as birth control? Do sperm cells racing for eggs get distracted by the potato? "Mmmm... taters." If so, why not wrap a slice of turkey breast around it, so the little guys can have a Thanksgiving feast? Guaranteed that they fall asleep before they can ever do any harm...

Is it just supposed to act like a plug... blocking off the tubes? Why not use a drain plug, with the chain dangling? It'd do the same job, and provide a different sensation... and you could get the damn thing out.

This is assuming that it really happened... but still, what they hell is the thinking behind this? Is there some strange science to it?

Whattya think?

Posted by That 1 Guy at January 12, 2007 08:40 PM | TrackBack

I think it's potathetic!

Not the effect I was going for, huh?

Posted by: Mushy at January 12, 2007 09:27 PM

I may be on the, uh, socially lubricated side... but I can't seem to wrap my brain around the logic behind this. Of all things to use to plug... that area, why a potato?

This smacks of urban legend.

Posted by: Contagion at January 12, 2007 11:24 PM

There for a minute, I was thinking 'wrong hole.'
Then you said Hysterectomy...."ohhh....that hole"

I have no idea.

But there are rumors around here about a furniture guy and a gerbil.

Posted by: Rave at January 12, 2007 11:25 PM

It do... Contagion. It do.

The story is supposedly second hand... literally. But, looking at Snopes, you can find a different version. They haven't claimed one way or another.

Regardless... shovin' stuff... it do boggle.

Posted by: That 1 Guy at January 13, 2007 12:06 AM

Sounds to me like someone just wanted ...ah...a little love...

Posted by: BloodSpite at January 13, 2007 07:57 AM

Uhhh... I cannot even begin to wrap my brain around this - nor do I think I really want to. Good Lord - people can be stupid...

Posted by: Richmond at January 13, 2007 08:40 AM

This is wrong on sooooo many levels...

Posted by: tater at January 15, 2007 07:54 AM

I couldn't get past the nineteen years old and five kids part.

Posted by: Raging Mom at January 15, 2007 08:14 AM

RM? Yeah, I think you just hit on the key of explaining the entire incident....

Posted by: Tammi at January 15, 2007 09:04 AM