Thanksgiving

I was working on a Thanksgiving post, but it's been "lost." I was going to expose the true origins of Thanksgiving, and show how it evolved from Satanic ritual to Christian Festival. It's true... trust me. Would I lie? Okay... maybe just a little, but it's for recreational medicinal purposes only. Whatever that means...

Anyway, after showing how turkeys were ritually sacrificed and dismembered (possibly even worse), all in an effort to keep up with the Jones (it's true... look at all of the other countries that have celebrated "Thanksgiving"), I returned from the shop to find my screen blank, all of my work lost. So I figured I'd put up the story from last year in the extended entry. Enjoy again...

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, which, believe it or not, is traditionally a day to give thanks. Really.

Back in December of 1620, a group of folks arrived in America from England, seeking freedom from religious persecution, and leaving their original refuge in Holland. They arrived in a cold, new world. Their new home didn't welcome them with open arms... over half of the 110 folks who landed became worm food over the winter. Help didn't arrive until March of 1621...

In March, an Indian named Samoset walked into their little village, and started speaking to the frightened Pilgrims in English. They couldn't understand everything he was saying, so he came back with another Indian named Tisquantum... also called Squanto. He had been overseas to England, and had lived among the English for awhile, not to mention a stretch of bad luck that took him back over to Europe after he tried to come home again.

Squanto was very important to this group. He taught them the tricks of surviving in their new home. He taught them how to plant and fertilize corn and cook it. He showed them where and how to catch fish and eels, and acted as their interpeter and guide. He also explained how to make curry, and told them that 3/4 of the Indian population were Hindu. He showed the women the intricacies of Indian foods and how to use seasoning and spices. Without his help, it's quite possible that none of them would have survived the coming war with Pakistan.

In the fall of that year, the Pilgrims were reaping the benefits of Squanto's instruction. Con Coren Cornup Funky shaped baskets, overflowing with their bounty, were scattered about... nearly as numerous as the leaves on the trees. Which really wasn't all that many... it was fall, after all. Amidst this bounty, the first Thanksgiving was born.

One of the nearby Indians was walking through the woods, eating a turkey leg (while waiting for his squaw to make curry with the rest) when he ran smack dab into one of the Pilgrims, who happened to be chomping on a potato. The impact was horriffic... they were dazed as they gathered themselves and their grub. At about the same time that the Pilgrim realized that there were turkey bits in his spud, the Indian spotted smashed potato on his turkey leg. (Side note... the guy who wrote the old Reese's commercial that sounds about the same? Descended from that Pilgrim, he was.) It nearly set off a scuffle which would have ruined the alliance between the Indians and Pilgrims. Fortunately, hunger took over, and both were astonished with the new taste they discovered.

Delighted with the new mix, they both ran to their respective villages and announced their wonderful find. Soon, trading of potatoes and turkeys was going on at a furious pace. Chief Massasoit and whoever the Pilgrim guy was, got together and decided to have a great feast.

What a feast it was... venison, turkeys, geese, small children, and corn... lots and lots of corn. There were large bottles of Mogen David for all, and beer of all sorts. Carry out Chinese was even available! Yes, it was one big drunkfest. So much so, that the actual Proclamation of the First Thanksgivng didn't happen until 1676... more than a few weak brain cells were culled.

So there you have it... the first ever Thanksgiving feast, more or less. Remember to give thanks tomorrow... for those who are serving to protect us, and provide us with safety here at home... just remember that there is a lot to be thankful for, even when it seems like there's not.

To all of you reading this tripe, "Have a Happy Thanksgiving!"

And thanks for stopping by!

Posted by That 1 Guy at November 22, 2006 07:23 PM | TrackBack