October 02, 2006

Another Toy

If it's true that sweating is healthy, I've got to be about the healthiest bastard in the southeastern states. Today saw me crawling up into the blast furnace attic, once again. This time, it was to retrieve a dead varmint.

During my first expedition into the black, I discovered that there was a critter making itself at home. Crap, large pellets, lay scattered everywhere. It was decided to offer up a feast for whatever creature this may be. I was thinking squirrel, my aunt thought mouse or rat. Whatever beast it was, it feasted upon our sacrificial offering of Decon.

This morning, my aunt reported a funny smell, but I couldn't smell anything, and we needed to get down to the shop. However, once we walked into the house this evening, there was no doubt that our sacrifice had worked.

I made my ascension into the attic, where the temperature was a cooling 212 degrees. The stench of decay was made strong by the heat... I'd wished it were a bit warmer to bake the meat. I'd have had a nice little roast. Anyway, I gets up there, and set to finding the bastard.

It took quite awhile, and I'd made my way about halfway down the length of the house, past the vents, where I discovered that I had either gotten used to the stench, or I had gone past it. I got myself turned around, and found the corpse within six feet of the attic entrance, half buried by some insulation. My aunt was right... it was a rat, almost a foot long.

I couldn't quite reach it, as it was behind some ductwork (the reason I had missed it earlier), so I got out my knife and slid the point underneath the beast, and slid it's lifeless body towards me. Imagine my suprise when I picked it up, and from the area right where it had been, I see movement. It was a little baby rat.

It was so cute, as it looked at me with it's beady little eyes, that my heart just melted. Here the poor little guy had his mother poisoned, and when she died, he curled up with her body. How Disneyesque. I named him Ratbi, and gingerly removed him from the insulation nest. Of course, it took a few shots with the knife to get him close enough to me, but he was okay... I didn't stab him.

Ratbi looked so sad, I just wanted to help the little guy out. He needed proper care, so I decided to assist him in the best way I knew how... I put the little bastard in an air tight bag with his mama's stinking corpse.

I really think he liked it. As I sealed the bag, he sat back on his haunches, saluted, and I'd almost swear that I faintly heard, "O Jeebus, morituri salutamus te!"

Posted by That 1 Guy at October 2, 2006 10:05 PM | TrackBack

Um, since when did rats only have ONE offspring at a time? I think I see another trip to the attic in your future.

Posted by: Raging Mom at October 3, 2006 05:03 AM

Yeah... I searched for the real nest, but I couldn't find it anywhere. Hopefully, they're already dead. Ratbi was sure out of it.

Posted by: That 1 Guy at October 3, 2006 06:25 AM

rat hunting is supa hot blogworthy business. thanks for the details. heave.

Posted by: shoe at October 3, 2006 06:31 AM

Damn they sure do grow rats big in them parts. Ick!

Posted by: oddybobo at October 3, 2006 06:56 AM

Damn, I wish you would have stabbed him instead of letting him suffocate to death. Stabbing would have been faster, messier yes, but faster.

And you need to quit talking about all this manly stuff. ;-)

Posted by: Alabama Improper at October 3, 2006 07:19 AM

Whew! There for a minute, I thought that you had turned PETA activist on me, and spared the little rat. First, turning into a health nut, and then a PETA person? That would have been the last straw. Glad you're still the T1G I remember. Heheheheh.

Posted by: Jerry at October 3, 2006 08:43 AM

first off, I find this account much more frightening then Erics host...

a stinking rat...and 1 baby which could be sad if they were not such disgusting creatures....

for fucks sake man, you just gave me the heebies

Posted by: Armywifetoddlermom at October 3, 2006 01:59 PM

Ack!! I need to erase all of this from my brain!
::heads off in search of a glass of wine::

Posted by: Richmond at October 3, 2006 02:36 PM


Posted by: Cathy at October 4, 2006 04:49 AM

Aww rats. No Pictures.

Posted by: BloodSpite at October 4, 2006 09:39 AM

Rats? Rats? Dude, first the damned bugs now this. I'm tellin' you right now if I start seein' rats around my house you are in SERIOUS trouble. It's like the damned egyptian plaque with you - you post it and it shows up at my house.

Can you throw a girl a break? How 'bout posting about flowers (save me on fresh flower thursday) or puppies and such. STOP WITH THE DAMNED RODANTS!!!!!

Posted by: Tammi at October 4, 2006 10:59 AM

You're just a bleeding heart humanitarian aren't you?

Posted by: Contagion at October 4, 2006 04:24 PM

.... you still should have crushed the little fucker.....

Posted by: Eric at October 4, 2006 08:07 PM

Remember my rat in the car story and how I told everyone how big the rat was? If you dind't believe me then, I know you do now! Canal rats... blech!

Posted by: Bou at October 4, 2006 09:24 PM

Glad to turn ya on, Shoe. Heheheh...

Oddy, it wasn't the biggest rat I've seen, but it was still pretty good sized. I may have to write about the big rats.

Bama, I would have stabbed the little guy if I didn't run the risk of going through the ceiling... either the knife or me.

Jerry, no worries. I ain't about to turn bleeding heart PETA freak.

Sorry about the heebies, AW. Kinda.

Hope you found a good wine, and that it worked, Richmond.

No, Cathy... it's supposed to elicit an "Aaaaaawwww!" :)

BS, man, if my batteries weren't dead in the camera, and I didn't need to get rid of that stink so badly, I'd have snapped some pics. Especially of Ratbi. What a cute little guy. Dead and cute.

Tammi, I warned you about those bugs a while ago. You've just been lucky and didn't have a door facing the south. As for the rats, did I mention that come the fall, they swarm Stillman? No? Well, they don't. Heheheh...

You know it, Contagion. Ever the humanitarian.

Eric, I didn't exactly crush the little bastard, but the bag did experience a high speed impact or two against the side of the garbage can. All movement inside was done.

Bou, I definitely believed you. Still, I was suprised to see this thing in the attic. You should have heard it running across the ceiling. I would have layed money that it was a large squirrel. Nasty bastards...

Posted by: That 1 Guy at October 5, 2006 07:47 AM

Man... I can't believe you cold cocked a ratbi crack baby... You incosiderate bastard. Wait 'til I tell mom. You're in big trouble brother.

Posted by: RedNeck at October 5, 2006 07:52 PM