September 28, 2006

On Hold

Customer Service Rep: Hello. This is Steve, how may I help you? Uh huh... Oh, yes... I see. Okay, if you could give me your account number, I'll pull your information. Okay, let me read that back to you. 1234 567 8901 234. Is this correct? Okay... please hold while I access your account.

Steve leans back in his chair, and checks his fingernails. Seeing that they've gotten a little too long for a professional look, he opens his top drawer, extracts his clippers, and begins trimming. When finished, he picks up the phone again.

I'm terribly sorry, sir... our computer system is a bit slow today. Please bear with us...
Thanks for holding...

Steve grins to himself, and begins humming. "Mmmm Mmmmm Mmmm Mmmmm.... Mmmm Mmmmm Mmmmm Mmmm... Once there was this girl... who... wouldn't go acclaim and do the whirly dirly doo... Hey, Brian! Hey, man... do you know how that song goes? You know, that Dumb Crash Testers song."
Brian looks at him for a second, then realization hits him. "Oh, you mean the Crash Test Dummies song, Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm?"
Steve: "Yeah, man. I don't know what comes after 'Whirly dirly doo.'"
Brian: "Whirly dirly doo? What the hell song are you singing?"
Steve sings it to him, Brian busts up laughing, then says, "Dude, you've got to be King Tard. That part of the song goes something like,
'Once there was this girl who
Wouldn't go and change with the girls in the change room
But when they finally made her
They saw birthmarks all over her body
She couldn't quite explain it
They'd always just been there

Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm
Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm.'

Heheheh... Whirly Dirly Doo.. what a frickin' moron!"

Steve grins sheepishly and then says, "Hey, I only listen to music... not lyrics. Hang on a second... I've got a call on hold."
Brian looks back at his cubicle. "Dude, so do I. It's been twenty minutes. I better get back to them."
Steve nods, then picks up the phone again.

Sir, are you sure you gave me the correct account number? I can't seem to find your account. Could you read that to me again?
Ah... 234... I'm sorry sir, I kept trying to enter 233. Heheheh... please hold while I try to access you account again. Thanks

Steve goes online, and starts playing this game. After another wasted fifteen minutes, he pulls up the account, and then picks up the phone again.

Okay, sir. I need to verify your information. Can I have your social, street address, and date of birth?
Thank you. Please hold while I verify...

"Hey, Brian... c'mere! Hahahah... this guy is getting pissed! Listen, and I'll take him off hold for a second..."
Brian listens, grins, and then says, "Is it even possible for one to do that to themselves? Damn... I swear I heard teeth breaking! You've got him good. You think he'll hang up?"
"Nah... I've got him where I want him. He hangs up, and he's got to go through this all over again..."

Steve shows Brian his high score on the game he'd been playing, and finally says, "Here we go... time to piss this guy off some more."

He picks up the phone....

Yeah... I'd lay money that this really goes on in some of these Customer Service Phone Centers. The bastards.

I guess I don't need to tell you folks how I've been spending the week...

Posted by That 1 Guy at September 28, 2006 04:15 PM | TrackBack

At least they were speaking American English.

Posted by: drc at September 28, 2006 02:37 PM

Damn - drc beat me to it.

Stop Clicking!! Stop Clicking!!!


Posted by: Tammi at September 28, 2006 04:16 PM

Working at a few call centers in my time, the mean and nasty ones got put on hold a lot.

The nice ones got chatted up and flirted with, but then again I was helping dealership mechanics, so we flirted alot.

The real nasty ones got "accidentally" disconnected, several times.

Posted by: Quality Weenie at September 28, 2006 05:02 PM

I always ask where they are located, and more often than not, the ones that speak really good English are in India or somewhere else overseas...

What a world.

Posted by: WitNit at September 29, 2006 10:21 AM

Ugh. I *hate* that!

Posted by: Richmond at September 29, 2006 01:22 PM

.. just another one of life's trials, man... but still, Steve and Brian need to be beaten....

Posted by: Eric at September 30, 2006 06:43 AM

No comment... I work in a call center.

Posted by: Contagion at October 2, 2006 03:38 PM