Sic'im

Graumagus, of Frizzensparks, is going through a midlife crisis. However, he’s just too damn busy to concern himself with doing it properly, so he’s leaving it up to us to decide how he celebrates “his downward slide into his permanent dirt nap.� Unfortunately, his rules eliminate many, many, options…

�So here's the deal folks: YOU are going to choose what utterly stupid shit I do to celebrate my downward slide into the permanent dirtnap. My "judges" (see below) will pick the five most creative submissions (posted in the comments to this post) and put up a poll so that you misanthropes get the final say. The deadline for entries is my birthday (5-29-06), the poll will be up from Tuesday 5-30-06 until the following monday. Sentence to be carried out as soon as feasible, photographic evidence posted here on the blog.
Use your twisted imaginations folks, buuuutt... there are a few rules...
1)Must cost less than $100 unless you bastards are willing to cough up the dough for whatever sick shit you inflict on me.
2) Must not be a criminal offense. Sorry folks, I have a family to support and I'm not going to jail and/or getting a permanent criminal record for your amusement.
3) Must not lose me my job (see above).
4) No genital piercings. Self explanitory (and besides, do you really want to see photos of my pasty nads with steel bits through 'em?)
5) Must not get me killed. Remember, the whole idea is that I live another 35 years, remember? Possibly in shame after this is over, but alive nonetheless.
6) Must not end up in divorce. In other words, the conjoined albino midget hookers aren't an option. Sorry guys. I'm sure this will end with me being in trouble (I'll be in trouble after Maranda reads this post) but nothing that's actionable in court, please...
7) No permanent body modification. I'm not getting anymore tats just yet.
8) No eating Lutefisk. Or other horrible poisonous things like scat, urine, eyeballs, etc.
9) No making me dress up like Emma Peel. This woman gets irate when I suggest that. In fact, I'm taking "Grau in drag" off the table as being too horrible to inflict on humanity in general.

Contagion, Harvey, and myself will be the judges responsible for his sentencing.

You don’t have to know the guy to enjoy making him suffer, so get on over there, and add your suggestion to the comments. Remember when you go there… this guy is partially responsible for you having to read this crap here. Make him hurt bad…

Posted by That 1 Guy at May 22, 2006 08:06 AM