February 23, 2006

RR Blogging

WARNING: While this post is typical of me, it isn't typical of this blog. It coud be a bit TMI for some...

I shouldna oughta done it, but I finally gave in, and picked myself up a laptop. Just a basic machine, nothing fancy. I kid myself and say that if I end up getting a field service type-job, I'll need the machine for typing and sending reports. What a joke... it's probably going to be used for blogging more than anything else. I think we all know that.

I was reading the other day about how mobile computers are changing the way and where of business. Folks are taking their laptops into the shitter with them so they lose no time at all. Multi-tasking as it were. I'd provide a link, but as of right now, I'm not exactly in the best spot to get a signal. See, I decided to put this new toy to the test... you, my friends, are essentially sitting in the can with me while I'm shitting and typing. Have a seat on the edge of the tub, and we'll check this out together.

Whoa... hang on... here's a signal! Cool... now maybe I can find that link. Crap... the signal's locked. Okay, we'll stick to the typing and other for right now.

Holy crap, that was a nasty fart! Can you smell it? Those au gratin taters ain't smelling so tasty today, but that could be because of the combination of all the other things I et. Heheheh... I won't go into great detail, but I promise not to flush until you can check it out and take a guess as to what chow yesterday was.

Alright... despite all the fiber I had yesterday, things aren't moving along too well. I don't know if it's a bit of stage fright, trying to pinch one off in front of you folks, or what, but trying to push with this computer on my lap ain't working very well. Hold on...

Okay, that tears it. Trying to rock a turd out and still keep the damn laptop open is an exercise in futility... the damn thing's going on the floor until I'm done. I will keep my promise, and let you check it out when I'm done, though.

Turn your head while I take care of the paperwork, would ya? Thanks. Modesty you know.

Looking at the finished products, I'd have to say that both the post, and the fecal masterpiece stink. But at least the bowlful has color... the corn stands out well against the dark blue of the Powerade. So take a look, if you wish, and guess what all I had yesterday...

As far as the post, or working with a laptop while you're taking a crap, I'm thinking that all you're going to end up with is crap. Quite literally and figuratively. I'm not a guy who can sit on the can for long periods of time. You crap and go. The stench of a nasty dump cannot be conducive to clear thinking, and the longer you wallow in it, the more clouded your thinking is going to be.

And unless they start putting laptop trays in the shitter... hey... it's my idea, and it's patented... back off... it's a little too awkward. At least, that's my experience. I'm not going to risk trashing my laptop, just so that ...n Smith can get those quotes emailed to him while I'm baking brownies. What's three minutes?

My fellow patrons, I'm sorry if this post disappointed you, or perhaps put you in a place you'd rather not be, but hey, you clicked on the extended entry. I will guarantee you, however, that this is the last post I will type while on the throne of this pub. See, the stench and awkwardness are but a small part of what bugs me. I'm a bit of a techno tard, so I'm not exactly sure about how all this wireless stuff works, but I do have one consideration that has me very reluctant to do this again.

Fried cajones. I'm afraid that my nuts are going to be hard boiled by deadly wireless rays, stupid as that sounds.

Posted by That 1 Guy at February 23, 2006 11:47 AM

For shits sake man....I hope your Momma doesn't read this......

btw, get a web cam for the next round....

Posted by: armywifetoddlermom at February 23, 2006 12:54 PM

Some people read in the shitter, other's write, just be sure you aren't writting in what's floatin and it's all good.

Posted by: oddybobo at February 23, 2006 01:26 PM

Or writing WITH what's floatin...

p.s. You Sir are hilarious!

Posted by: Sarah at February 23, 2006 01:51 PM

I thought I was being clever by writing from the hospital room. But putting together a phrase while dropping a deuce...now that is simply inspirational.

Have fun at the WiFi Free Zones!

Posted by: Jerry at February 23, 2006 02:03 PM

LOL!!*shaking head* That is just not right! Ya know this is the first thing I read today so now it is going to be stuck in my brain all day.

Posted by: azindiandoll at February 23, 2006 03:47 PM

This does not surprise me at all.

Posted by: Contagion at February 23, 2006 04:48 PM

You know, I read this just before I dashed out to go to Parent/Teacher conferences.... I had such a hard time keeping my "stern mom game face" on through it all... lol! :)

Posted by: Richmond at February 23, 2006 05:28 PM

Very colorful post...oh, and so's the floater :)

Posted by: ktreva at February 23, 2006 08:50 PM

erm on the fried cajones bit... a study conducted showed that using ya lap top does cause reduced sperm motility (or impotence of u wanna use that word!).. so type on but might wanna consider the risks of bloggin shittin!
have a nice day

Posted by: g at February 24, 2006 01:54 AM

You're right. I clicked on the extended entry despite the warning, proving beyond peradventure that I am a douchebag.

Posted by: Jim - PRS at February 24, 2006 03:48 AM

Good Gracious... I can see my kids doing this as they get older... I must hide my laptop now!

Posted by: vw bug at February 24, 2006 09:03 AM

And for those who just couldn't get the visual from the words, the picture:


Posted by: Ogre at February 24, 2006 10:21 AM

You don't have a laptop, you've got a craptop. I was tryin' to comment on this from a treo whilst at the titty bar, but I'm all thumbs on that bastard and somehow I wiped out my prose.

Did you swallow any chewin' gum yesterday?

Posted by: RedNeck at February 24, 2006 07:03 PM

T1G - May I suggest an upgrade?


Posted by: Harvey at February 26, 2006 10:28 AM