November 23, 2005

The First Thanksgiving... Sort Of

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, which, believe it or not, is traditionally a day to give thanks. Really.

Back in December of 1620, a group of folks arrived in America from England, seeking freedom from religious persecution, and leaving their original refuge in Holland. They arrived in a cold, new world. Their new home didn't welcome them with open arms... over half of the 110 folks who landed became worm food over the winter. Help didn't arrive until March of 1621...

In March, an Indian named Samoset walked into their little village, and started speaking to the frightened Pilgrims in English. They couldn't understand everything he was saying, so he came back with another Indian named Tisquantum... also called Squanto. He had been overseas to England, and had lived among the English for awhile, not to mention a stretch of bad luck that took him back over to Europe after he tried to come home again.

Squanto was very important to this group. He taught them the tricks of surviving in their new home. He taught them how to plant and fertilize corn and cook it. He showed them where and how to catch fish and eels, and acted as their interpeter and guide. He also explained how to make curry, and told them that 3/4 of the Indian population were Hindu. He showed the women the intricacies of Indian foods and how to use seasoning and spices. Without his help, it's quite possible that none of them would have survived the coming war with Pakistan.

In the fall of that year, the Pilgrims were reaping the benefits of Squanto's instruction. Con Coren Cornup Funky shaped baskets, overflowing with their bounty, were scattered about... nearly as numerous as the leaves on the trees. Which really wasn't all that many... it was fall, after all. Amidst this bounty, the first Thanksgiving was born.

One of the nearby Indians was walking through the woods, eating a turkey leg (while waiting for his squaw to make curry with the rest) when he ran smack dab into one of the Pilgrims, who happened to be chomping on a potato. The impact was horriffic... they were dazed as they gathered themselves and their grub. At about the same time that the Pilgrim realized that there were turkey bits in his spud, the Indian spotted smashed potato on his turkey leg. (Side note... the guy who wrote the old Reese's commercial that sounds about the same? Descended from that Pilgrim, he was.) It nearly set off a scuffle which would have ruined the alliance between the Indians and Pilgrims. Fortunately, hunger took over, and both were astonished with the new taste they discovered.

Delighted with the new mix, they both ran to their respective villages and announced their wonderful find. Soon, trading of potatoes and turkeys was going on at a furious pace. Chief Massasoit and whoever the Pilgrim guy was, got together and decided to have a great feast.

What a feast it was... venison, turkeys, geese, small children, and corn... lots and lots of corn. There were large bottles of Mogen David for all, and beer of all sorts. Carry out Chinese was even available! Yes, it was one big drunkfest. So much so, that the actual Proclamation of the First Thanksgivng didn't happen until 1676... more than a few weak brain cells were culled.

So there you have it... the first ever Thanksgiving feast, more or less. Remember to give thanks tomorrow... for those who are serving to protect us, and provide us with safety here at home... just remember that there is a lot to be thankful for, even when it seems like there's not.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Posted by That 1 Guy at November 23, 2005 05:50 PM

I LOVED that commercial!!!

But this...this is just wrong. On so many levels. Wrong wrong wrong FUNNY as Hell, but wrong.


Posted by: Tammi at November 23, 2005 06:19 PM

And here I wasted all that money on that expensive history degree, and apparently it was all lies.

Thank you. Thank you for clarifying it all for me.

Bless you.

Posted by: RSM at November 23, 2005 07:06 PM

Happy Thanksgiving!

; )

Posted by: Chrissy at November 24, 2005 08:09 AM

There are some historical inaccuracies in this story. Other then that highly amusing.

Posted by: Contagion at November 24, 2005 08:55 AM

Happy Thanksgiving T1G!!

Posted by: ktreva at November 24, 2005 10:57 AM

Happy Thanksgiving!

Posted by: vw bug at November 24, 2005 11:06 AM

That's the bestest Thanksgiving tale ever!

Have a great Thanksgiving, T1G!

Posted by: zonker at November 24, 2005 11:56 AM

Good one!

Happy Thanksgiving T1G! Eat and drink tons!

Posted by: Sissy at November 24, 2005 12:41 PM

Happy Thanksgiving!

Hunh. I am wondering if the boys heard this version in school. Perhaps I should print it out so they can share it with their class NEXT year...

Posted by: Bou at November 24, 2005 06:32 PM

Happy Thanksgiving!! Gobble Gobble!!

Posted by: talulazephyr at November 24, 2005 09:13 PM