July 01, 2005


Golf is a suck ass game. I do like to spend a little bit of time trying to play it, but I hate it nonetheless. I went out today, and out of many strokes, and many throws instead of strokes, I hit one good shot. One frickin' killer drive that would have Tiger fillin' his drawers if I were on the same course as him. "Why don't you hit it like that all of the time," was the question asked. All I could come up with was some crap about trying to keep my mortal appearance intact.

After today, I've figured a couple of things out about golf, and how it appeals to different types of players.

The Pro: Loves to play golf because it allows him to travel the world over, and make mega ching. Where else can you make so frickin much money playing a game, besides baseball, and football, and hockey, and.... hell, it's a game, and you make money. What's not to like about that? Also, there is an added plus in the dating Swedish models department. These guys are happy because they never have to spend their Sundays watching golf on TV.

The Amateur: Loves to play the game because it brings about a sense of achievement. They always concentrate on being good enough to make it to the pros. Golf is a serious game to them, but it can be fun. These guys are happy that they get the chance to watch golf on TV.

The Beginner: Learning this fine game can bring so much happiness. One great shot will keep them happy and willing to play for the whole year. A bad shot, or twenty, doesn't seem to bring them down, as long as they can get par on at least one hole. These guys also love to spend Sunday watching golf, pretending to know all about bludgeon club selection, wind direction, and the slope of each green. Wankers.

The Hacker: Doesn't really give a rip about how well he plays, as long as he can hit a good shot or two. More concerned with the fun he's having, and the people he's golfing with. Beer is his/her Gatorade, and giving his fellow golfers as much hell as he can is his/her relaxation. Carts are crashed, balls run over, balls thrown at each other, and loud catcalls are the order of the day. Wouldn't watch golf on TV unless you paid him professional golfer's wages.

Read these very carefully, and see if you can determine what type of golfer I may be.

Posted by That 1 Guy at July 1, 2005 10:51 PM | TrackBack